quick note

Please listen to the song while reading.

You will get into the flow of the story when listening.

*This isn't any virus, so please feel free to click on it*

–  Baby Don't Cry by EXO-K  –

Thanks!

The autumn leaves rustled as I made my way to school. A few day passed after Luhan's death. The news broke out like lightning in school. The whole school was going haywire. The students were all talking about it.

A rumor said that I killed him. Who even made these kinds of malicious rumors. I'm gonna get my hands on this so-called 'humans', if they are even called as one. I was being avoided in school and I had no one to talk to, so I just stayed at my seat, reading a novel or just doze off. 

My mood has gotten bad after Luhan died. How I wish to see him again. Everyday, I would stop by his cemetry to give him a flower or just clean his graveyard. I would whisper to him.

"I miss you, Luhan. When will you come back to me?"

No, there's no answer. 

I went home right after going to the cemetery. I was feeling very depressed after Luhan died. I have no one to talk to, to play with, to smile at. Ugh, why among all victims must Luhan die? He doesn't deserve that ending. I should be the one, who deserves to die, not him.

I think I have a crush on him. But who am I kidding? It's too late, he's dead. And it's impossible to date the dead. I'll just have to keep that to myself. If only he can be immortal. If only he has immortality. Stop fantasizing Hwayoung! Ugh. I slapped myself. When will I halt at these thoughts.. I really miss you, Luhan.

I lied down on my bed, flipping around. I think too much, no seriously. I decided to pile me up with something to do. I cleaned up my room and stumbled across an instant film on the floor. I picked it up and looked closely. There's me and some other classmates. We were playing Ddakji that time.

What caught my eye in the instant film was the boy I laughed with most. 

​Luhan

I just couldn't get my thoughts away from him. Every second, everything around me resembles me of Luhan. Is Luhan that powerful? Someone call the physicologist please. 

I lied on my bed while I looked at it. Those memories. If only I can time travel.

*Ding Dong*

The doorbell rang. I mustered up my spirit and went downstairs. I looked through the peephole to see who it was. The figure looked familiar, he looks like the guy from the.. err... Hospital! Yeah, the hospital. It was Dr. Kim. He was holding white letter and a sling bag. Did he come here to tell me something? 

I opened the door to welcome him in.

"Annyeonghasaeyo, Dr Kim. How may I help you?" I said while I headed to the kitchen to get a drink for him.

"Wait. I'm just stopping by to give you something, you don't need to do that. Are you perhaps, Miss Hwayoung? Luhan's friend? I think we talked last time in the hospital."

I halted my steps and turned back to the door.

"Yes, I am. Uhmm.. you don't have to address me with that name."

"Annyeonghasaeyo, I'll just get straight to the point now."

He gave me the letter that was in his hands. 

"He wanted to give you this. I saw it under his blanket when I was operating him during his seconds infront of death's door.

".. Luhan?"

​"I thought he wanted to give you this."

I grabbed it. I had to hold my tears until the doctor went away.

"I-Is there anything else?"

"Perhaps not."

"Have a safe trip back home, Dr Kim."

I waved to him and said our farewells. I closed the door and went back to my room.

It was heart wrenching for me. It was as if my heart was slowly tearing apart. Luhan wrote me a letter. I've never gotten a letter since I was born. I was happy, that the first letter that I've received was from Luhan, my friend.

I carefully opened the sealed letter. 

"How have you been, Hwayoung? When you're reading this letter, I'm already dead. I wish I could be by your side right now. But it's not going to happen. Because my life ended in this way. Don't blame yourself. It's not your fault. God wanted to end my life like this, just let it be. Don't even dare to even think about committing suicide. Live your life to the fullest. I understand, but just listen to me for once, neh?

I wanted to tell you this since a long time ago.. But I couldn't, because I'm afraid. So, I'll tell you now.. I-I love you. Since I met you. Since I first talked to you. Since the first day of our friendship. Since we were best friends.

I wanted to bring you to a garden during the car accident. But faith doesn't want me too. Faith wanted us to separate. I hoped you can move on. I know I'm not unique. There are other guys out there that deserve you better than I do. However, I wanted you to know that I love you through this letter.

Before that incident happened, I really thought we could be together. Do you remember the times when we played Ddakji? You held my hands.Those were the moments I cherished most. I want you to stay alive because I know I can't. I saved it for you, and you must use it. Use it to the fullest.

You'll always be my flower. Your name says so, [ 花 – Hwa ] And I'll be your deer [ 鹿 – Lu ]. I'll be your deer that runs around your garden of flowers, even when we're in different universes now.

Please treat this letter as your rose. I couldn't get you one last time, sorry. The rose that symbolizes love. I hope that you can feel my affection in writing this. Because I worked hard. Please do the things I've requested but if it's possible, please do everything. Thank you, Hwayoung. Please remember me even when you grow old.

Eat a lot, sleep well and I hope you a better life. I'm sure you can do well without me. Thank you for everything. And.. I love you.

From the bottom of my heart, Luhan."

I felt like my heart had been ripped out. 

Suddenly there was an aura of grey around me. It was a mist that wouldn't rise. A state of depression that I couldn't see myself through. 

I felt a terrible weight on my shoulders. It was as if a giant boulder was laid on me and I couldn't straighten up or catch my breath entirely. 

A single tear rolled down my cheek..

The sudden, deep pain in my heart was so bad, I felt like my whole world had come crashing down on me, and I collapsed to my knees, sobbing in my distress.

I put the letter closet to my chest, while my tears continued to flow down. I felt no wisp of relief, as my mind drifts further into the abyss of sorrow. It felt as if something had reached in, tore my heart from my chest, threw it on the ground stepped on it then put it back. The pain was so deep, so agonizing, so intense. My tears dropped on the letter, whilst I water my rose.

Luhan, I need you. But it still won't come true. I'm sorry I should've said these three words earlier..

I love you.

author's note

This is the end of my fanfic!

I especially liked this fanfic because it has more emotion. I've have experienced depression a lot of times –even now– because of pressure given from my parents or siblings. I chose not to argue with these things because I know that it's not worth it. Yes, I have cried a lot of times when writing this. That's my vulnerable side. I have cried a lot. Tears of sadness. But not infront of my parents of siblings though, or else they'll ask. This chapter of Hwayoung probably describes a small part of me but not much, not the romance and all, only her emotions. How I wish to be a fictional character right now.

But back to the topic now! As an author of this fanfic myself, I TRULY SHIP HWAHAN / HANYOUNG /  HWALU or whatever, if you have a better ship name of Luhan and Hwayoung, please put it in the comments below! 

Oh yeah, if you have read it, can you please tell me in the comments if it's good or bad? Please rate it! [?/10] Your points are much appreciated. It's okay if your points that are given to me are low, I just want to know. I won't get mad, so please feel free to rate it! You may also leave your reviews, thoughts, advises in the comment section!

I definitely love my readers, subscribers, commentors and voters! You guys ROOCK.

I bet you all now know what Luhan's and. Hwayoung's name meant and why I chose them right? Haha.

Thank you for everything! And sorry if I update too slow.. As I said earlier, I'm pressured and I'm piled up with a lot of homework.

"Meeting You" is going to have a hiatus, or I'm gonna delete it.. Sorry, I just can't think of anything. I'm having a writer's block and this blocking is going to be loooong. I'll make my decision and I'll tell you all through my wall, kay ;)

P/S sorry if the author's note was too long.