Overthinking is my biggest fear. It's something that constantly bothers me and leaves me scared or in panic. I overthink so much that it puts me in a bad mood, and when I'm in a bad mood, all I do is continue to wonder why I feel that way. I sit on the edge of my bed and stare at nothing, with thoughts jumbling through my mind and I decide which ones to throw out and which ones to keep.

Nothing can be wrong and nothing can be out of place. Everything has to be in order and it has to be done the first time around, and every other time it won't end up as perfect as it would have before.

I'm a perfectionist. And it's the worst thing I could be.

People make it sound like it's a good thing, and they say, "But perfectionists always get everything done!"

I don't.

"Perfectionists are always neat!"

I'm not.

"Perfectionists are never wrong!"

I always am.

Maybe that's my problem, I make mistake after mistake but I can never seem to learn from them. Even if I try as hard as I can at something, something will always go wrong and something will always backfire and explode in my face.

I guess it's a good thing when you get back up and continue to try at something...but when you constantly mess up all you can really do is get frustrated with yourself. 

The thought of not being able to do something right never leaves me. I'll continue to try and finish what I started, but once I fail the first time, every time after that is useless. By the time I complete it, the thought of being a failure sits in my heart and mind, and before I know it, the anger i feel attaches to my soul. I never mean to be angry; I'm just not sure how to make it go away.

I'm not perfect.