_{Because it’s my heart that’s not working. I can’t send you like this, why?} → Hoya

Birds seem free, but they aren’t. Their wings only take them so far; they are prisoners of earth. Reaching for the stars is not something a bird can wish for. An invisible cage, visible to no one and yet only the bird acutely knows its limitations. No bird is truly free, it is a question of how big his cage really is.

Stay here, I’ll keep requesting it, I’ll do better,
I’ll give you more, because I still can’t send you off

The food she had cooked was just the same as ever, good. The soup warmed up his insides, negating the biting cold. She tried to speak to him once more, he was not entirely sure of what to say. “The meal was delicious,” he managed to cut in, before she continued any further in her feeble attempt to make small talk; before getting up from the table. “I’m tired, I’ll head to bed early. Good night.”

Perhaps he could have mentioned that her earrings were nice, they suited her. Or maybe it would’ve done well to tell her that she looked better with her hair down. And yet, the words froze at the tip of his tongue, every time he looked at her. There was always a sadness lingering beneath her gaze. It was not all his fault, and yet Hoya was acutely aware of the role he had played in bringing on this change within her – a happy woman turned into a sad one, simply put. How could frivolous compliments do anything, at that point?

I can only hold my breath and watch you
I can only do that because I feel that you’ll shatter

“I’m leaving.”
“Hmm.”

And what else could he say? ‘Don’t go?’ He had done nothing to be in a position to ask her that. ‘Please stay.’ What would she have to stay for? For him? No, this wouldn’t be right. To ruin one’s own life was one thing, but to ruin the life of another was a crime, on its own right. ‘Don’t leave me.’ Pitiful. She deserved to leave him, leave behind all the bad memories. He wished he could do the same, the moments when he block out the sounds of his mother sobbing while he was doing his homework, the realisation that father never returned home that night because he was with another woman…inerasable. He couldn’t let the same happen for her, could he?

Lee Howon had never very expressive of his true emotions, and he had never regretted it. After all, the stoic nature of a gentleman is most crucial and yet all at once, he wished he could express. His anguish, his discomfort, his regret, his admittance that yes, he had messed up. Badly. Father never loved Mother, a marriage was a pact of convenience and love was to be found elsewhere - that was what he had believed. He was wrong, though, oh so wrong. It had taken him too long to realise; it was more like an epiphany - love wasn't found in the arms of the woman he was with, love had left with his wife, who had chanced upon them.

The only chance of amendment was also lost, as it slipped away with his wife’s naïve hopes. The sadness he once saw in her eyes was gone, filled with something he couldn’t pinpoint. Was it determination, for something better? – he didn’t know, it wasn’t something he was acquainted with. Or perhaps...it was the absence, the lack of any hope – that was something he couldn’t recognise, either. It is hard to distinguish something you see every day in yourself, after all.

Hoya couldn’t do anything to hold her back, because he had done nothing to keep her in the first place.

You need to be there for it to be paradise
This is paradise where I locked you up against your will

 ❀ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ❀

A/N: There's...really nothing I can say here. Listening to 'Paradise' always gives me angsty feels, and maybe Hoya was the outlet this time...?