Yunho put two hands on Jaejoong's shoulders and pushed him against the wall. He did it gently; he didn't want to hurt him, and it wouldn't be good to have any of the backstage staff think they were actually fighting. Most of them were obligated not to spread rumors about the idols they worked with, but judging by the things he'd read on forums previously, things were bound to leak anyways. The last thing he wanted to read online was a headline that said something like “Yunjae Backstage Lover's Spat?”

“Yunho?” Jaejoong blinked up at him. He didn't look ashamed or worried at all about what he might have done wrong. In fact, he had a flushed and hopeful look on his face as if he wanted Yunho to punish him in front of everyone. Yunho felt his resolve wavering for a minute-- if Jaejoong was okay with it, why not?-- but quickly shook his head and hardened his gaze.

“What did you think you were doing out there?” he demanded, though he kept his voice low so only Jaejoong could hear him. There were a few stage hands here and there, and though they seemed occupied, he wasn't going to take his chances.

“Going off the script?” Jaejoong tilted his head and bit his lips, going for some sort of innocent-but-y look that might have worked if Yunho was in a slightly better mood at the moment.

“Oh, it said that in the script? That little bit about Yunho sometimes doesn't see me as a man? And I somehow missed reading it?”

“Oh, that.” Jaejoong lowered his eyes, thinking of an excuse to pacify him. “Was it that bad?”

“How do you expect me to respond when you go and say that in front of all those people without warning me first?”

“Mmm... wasn't it just a bit of a fanservice ad-lib? To all of them, at least?” He grinned suddenly and looked up again. “And it's not like it was a lie...”

“Hey! Since when have I seen you as a woman?”

“I could have meant in it in a 'he does things to me that are usually done to a woman' sense.”

Yunho grit his teeth. “The point is, you can't go around saying that on television! People will pick up on it!”

“And most of them will treat it as a joke, won't they?” Jaejoong leaned forward so their noses were almost touching. “No matter what we say, only the people who want to believe it actually do.”

“They may now, but it's not going to be like that forever. Do you really want to find out what stories they'll come up with if they do figure it out?”

Jaejoong's smile faded and he shook his head. “I get it. But it's the only way I can be acknowledged by you openly. And the fans like it, so we won't get in trouble...”

“For now. We're walking a line here, and if we cross it-”

“I know!” Jaejoong interrupted him, his lip jutting out. “Fine, next time, I'll give you a warning. God, is it really so easy for you to hide it? I feel like I'm dying when I look at you sometimes, and even though I know everyone can see it, it's not like I can always help it.”

“I'm trying to protect you here! And if keeping quiet and pretending in public will keep you from having a scandal, then yeah, I'll keep hiding it just fine.”

“Ahh, you really are a cool guy.” Jaejoong leaned forward even more and pressed his lips against Yunho's ear. “But here you are backstage pushing me up against a wall and being close to me like this. We could start a scandal right here, right now if you don't control yourself.”

Yunho took a deep breath and clenched his fists. “Then we'll just have to go to your dressing room where I can scold you properly.”

“Next time they ask me if I have a complaint about you, I'll have to say our leader enjoys punishing us a little bit too much.”

“Not 'us.' Only you.” He grabbed Jaejoong's hand and pulled him further backstage to their changing rooms. “And we all know who the one who enjoys this the most is, don't we?”

0o0

Yunho prided himself on his ability to hide their relationship much better than Jaejoong did. Anything he let slip could be construed as keeping the fan service alive or simply being a caring leader. If Jaejoong got a little to much out of line, he was excellent at acting a bit put off as if he didn't know what the heck Jaejoong was talking about, usually because he was surprised by the random lines that sometimes popped out of Jaejoong's mouth. The overwhelming need to have their relationship acknowledged in some little way seemed to have a much bigger effect on Jaejoong than it did on Yunho, when it came down to it.

Still, Yunho was beginning to wonder how he had mustered up all that blankness previously. Their variety today was an eating-based one where they were blindfolded and told to guess what was on their plates by taste alone, which had gone well up until the point where Jaejoong and (naturally) Changmin were able to move onto the game's “finals,” allowing Yoochun, Junsu, and Yunho to remove their blindfolds. Yunho's eyes were immediately drawn to Jaejoong's face. The black cloth covering his eyes made it all too easy to focus on his lips, which were naturally red and curved in a way that was enticing to the point where you wanted to kiss them. Maybe that was just his memories of pressing against those very same lips talking, but he felt himself getting a bit hot around the collar as he looked at him. Could you tell just by looking at Jaejoong's mouth that he'd kissed there just that morning and given them a gentle nibble in a moment of weakness over how tasty they'd looked?

“Okay, this one will be a bit of a challenge,” the host said, pulling out a bowl of strawberries and a smaller bowl filled with some sort of white cream. “What we're going to put on this food is designed to disguise other flavors and in most cases confuse the taste buds. Will they still be able to guess?”

The host offered the strawberry to Changmin using chopsticks so he wouldn't be able to feel the texture with his hands. Changmin tilted his head and considered for a moment as the host popped the second strawberry into Jaejoong's mouth. Jaejoong's lips wrapped around it, pulling it in, and bit of the cream got smeared on the corner of his mouth in the process. Was this some kind of joke? The show was rated approved for twelve year olds, but Jaejoong looked like he was acting out a freaking ography in front of everyone, and everyone but some of the female audience members were completely fine with it. It hadn't looked that y when Changmin had done it, had it? He felt liked his eyes were glued to Jaejoong's mouth as he chewed it slowly and then pursed his lips into an “o” as he puzzled the flavor out.

“Is there something on Hero's face, U-Know?” one of the female hosts asked. They were always the first to realize when they weren't being looked at properly and someone else was being favored over them. “You've got a concerned look on your face.”

“Er... it's just that he has a bit of...” He reached out and rubbed the cream off of Jaejoong's lips, flushing slightly. “Right there.”

The girls in the audience squealed appreciatively and Yoochun smirked as Yunho quickly backed off. Oh, crap...

When Yunho checked the forums later, there was plenty to read about him in the comments. Did you see how he was looking at Jaejoong-oppa? Like he wanted to eat him up! and Oh my gosh, what if he had the cream off his fingers after he wiped it off! and Awww, they missed out on a whipped cream kiss!!!

“I thought I was better at this,” Yunho muttered, shutting his laptop off. “Next time...”

0o0

Next time was a comedy variety. And they hadn't been there for more than ten minutes when someone asked for a y dance demonstration to the new Wonder Girls single.

Yunho sighed in relief. They would pick Junsu, of course. Junsu's had a considerable fan following, and the hosts wouldn't miss the chance to bank on that for their sketch. Or maybe they'd ask him, since he was the lead dancer. That would be fine. He approached those dances from a technical standpoint, and when he did them, they didn't look as sensual as the original version. It wasn't as good for variety, but it wouldn't make Jaejoong do anything embarrassing at least.

“So I was thinking of a certain member who would be the best at this,” the host said, clearly eying Junsu's . Thank god, I don't have to watch Jaejoong try to do it, thank god.

Yoochun's hand suddenly shot up. “Hero knows that dance,” he said loudly. “He does a really good cover of it!”

“Does he? Is that right? Should we let Hero give it a shot?”

Park Yoochun, I am so going to kill you when we get home.

Jaejoong got to his feet, pretending to be all embarrassed about the idea of dancing in front of everyone. “You sure you want me to do it? I may be no good.” But now Junsu had joined Yoochun in raving about how good he was at it, and the audience was already bursting with excitement. Changmin, who was properly being quiet, was now officially Yunho's favorite groupmate.

As soon as the first lines came out of the studio's speakers, Jaejoong was in motion, copying the moves they had seen so many times in the music video. Why did girl groups have to so many hip and movements? The audience was getting the frontal view of the dance, but everyone sitting behind Jaejoong has a close up view of his incredibly nice backside. It may not have been on the exact level of Junsu's, but Yunho was more than a little bit biased towards it for reasons of his own...

He couldn't keep watching and keep his sanity at the same time. He squinted his eyes a little so his vision was slightly glazed and looked at a point slightly past Jaejoong's swaying form so it still looked like he was still paying attention. He couldn't be like the hosts and fellow members clapping and laughing at Jaejoong's show. Of course, he was just making himself look suspicious by not reacting, so he forced a smile as he stared off in the distance. Why were they making this so difficult for him?

When he got back to the dorm, he immediately his laptop after hitting Yoochun and Junsu upside the head in punishment. The forums were already abuzz with comments. Was something wrong with Yunho-oppa during Jaejoong-oppa's performance? Omo, you could definitely see him getting tense when Yoochun-oppa said Jaejoong-oppa knew the dance. He probably didn't know what to do with Jaejoong-oppa shaking it right in front of his face kekekeke. Good job controlling yourself, Yunho-oppa!

Yunho slammed his laptop down and covered his face with his hands and let out a low groan. What the hell was happening to him?

“Hyung?” Changmin peeked his head in. “Are you alive?”

“I don't know anymore.” He looked up briefly. “Hey, Changmin-ah?”

“Yeah?”

“Go ahead and eat all of Yoochun's food in the fridge.”

“...seriously?”

“Yeah, go on ahead.”

“...okay?” He smiled. “Thanks, hyung!”

“Just be good, okay?”

“Uh... sure...”

Changmin returned to the kitchen, giving him a half-grateful, half-baffled look before leaving, and Yunho buried his face his hands once again and tried to pull himself together before he dug himself down deeper.

0o0

His next schedule was on his own, so he was pretty sure it would go well, without further incident. The host was a female, and she seemed more interested in asking about any romance stuff that didn't have to do with Jaejoong, so it was mainly centered on repeating the answers he was used to giving about his love life before he happened to fall in love with his groupmate and crossed a point of no return.

“So, I was recently watching your Banjun dramas,” the host said, her eyes brightening. “You had the privilege of working together with Hong Soohyun in 'Tokyo Holiday,' right?”

“Yes. She's a very talented actress, so it was exciting to get to work with her at that stage in our career.” Yunho went on about that for awhile, though he felt it bit confused as to why it had been brought up in the first place. The dramas had been recorded awhile ago, and they'd already talked about them plenty on other shows when they'd first come out. What was the point of going over it again and again?

“And you had a very interesting romantic interest in 'Dangerous Love,' which I'm sure everyone here remembers.” The audience cheered. “Hero Jaejoong?”

“Ah...” Yunho cleared his throat. “Yes. That was our most popular.”

“It must have been weird for you to act out that sort of storyline alongside one of your groupmates. You've mentioned before that you two were awkward with each other for awhile afterwards...?”

“Yes, yes.” Seriously, do I have to talk about this?

“I'm sure you would have preferred another co-star like Soohyun instead,” the host said with a laugh. “If you could have acted with a female actress in 'Dangerous Love,' who would you have done it with?”

Yunho stared at her blankly. Wasn't the point of that story about dealing with love between members? Wouldn't having some random female co-star completely defeat what their storyline was about? And did this person even understand what that silly drama had wound up meaning for the two of them? Even with the cameras surrounding him, so many things had clicked as he'd acted out a romance with Jaejoong. Holding him in his arms, seeing his palpable nervousness, seeing himself reflected back in Jaejoong's eyes, feeling how his heart had pounded throughout all of their lines. If they hadn't done that together, he wasn't sure if he would have realized he was in love with Jaejoong in the first place, so even though they had embarrassing memories of filming, they were precious to him in so many ways. Their awkwardness around each other had forced them to confront their feelings, and if it hadn't been for that, he couldn't imagine himself being even half as happy as he was now.

Still, he racked his brain. He had to say something. What was the name of that actress who was his ideal type again? For some reason, he couldn't pull it out of his head anymore. His thoughts were tangled up, and he was stumbling for an answer and if he didn't say something now, wouldn't everyone know what he was holding back?

“I don't think I would have changed it,” Yunho blurted out before he realized what he was saying. “I mean, acting with a close friend like Jaejoong was also special to me. There may have been challenges for us, but in the end we became closer, and that was important to me. I'm happy those memories are with Jaejoong, who I spend so much time with, rather than with someone I may never have worked with again.”

The host looked surprised, and she shuffled around her cue cards as she collected herself and praised him for being such a good leader. But he wasn't being a good one, he realized. What had he been doing scolding Jaejoong who had always wanted so badly to be acknowledged, when here he was acknowledging him on his own, even when he'd been asked to do the opposite.

It was hard to be in love with someone and have to bury it over with lies; he saw that now. It was so very hard. He was happy to lie for the most part, because he didn't know how to be honest and protect Jaejoong from the consequences of it at the same time. It was their own happiness they were gambling with, and to preserve that happiness, they had to be liars. It was how it needed to be, but it gave him a moment of sadness that no matter what he had to say about Jaejoong and their so called dangerous love, so many people would just smile, call him an affectionate leader, and move on without even considering for once that he was speaking the complete and honest truth.

0o0

“Jaejoong,” Yunho called out when he got home. No one answered back. He popped his head into the kitchen, but the only thing to see there was a series of passive aggressive notes from Changmin and Yoochun about Minnie eating all of his food. Junsu was in the main room watching TV, and the bedrooms were empty.

He at last found Jaejoong in the music room, his ears covered by a huge pair of headphones, and his fingers absently picking out notes on the keyboard. He looked up when Yunho walked in, pulling off his headphones and setting them down. “How did your schedule go?”

Instead of answering him properly, Yunho looped his arms around Jaejoong from the back and held him closely. This was so much better than having to feign indifference, but it was still difficult all the same. The more he touched him, the more he wanted to never let go, no matter where they were or who was watching. This person was his. Why couldn't he simply say that and have done with it? It wasn't like he was ashamed or disappointed in himself for going down a different path, but to stay on the stage they had made for themselves, they couldn't be completely free. It wasn't possible to have every single little thing they wanted, so it had to be enough that they at least had this.

“I'm sorry,” Yunho whispered into Jaejoong's ear. “It's difficult for me, too. Really difficult. Being able to keep this hidden.”

Jajeoong reached back and pressed a hand against Yunho's cheek. “I'm glad that it's not just me.”

“We're going to have to get better at this.”

“Do we? You know, there was this one time I was at an individual schedule, and when they asked who my ideal type was, I said it was you completely seriously. Then I looked at the articles about it the next day, and either they didn't mention it at all, or they all said I was 'joking.' Only our fans believed it.”

“They have a bad habit of noticing everything. And if that's what gets us one day, I'm going to remember that I told you to be more careful.”

“Fine!” Jaejoong tipped his head back, exposing his beautiful red lips. He arched his neck, bringing himself closer, and Yunho responded naturally by leaning down and kissing him. It felt so beautiful to have this kind of openness and connection. It couldn't be all the time, but the fact that they could have it now was still something precious to him.

“I love you,” Jaejoong said softly when they'd broken apart. “Just as long as you know that, and always have faith in just that, everything else isn't as important.”

“I will,” Yunho said, placing his pointer finger over Jaejoong's mouth. “It's our little secret.”

Thanks for reading, everybody :D