This morning had been beautiful as the sun shone through the slits of the opened curtains, there was no denying, but Kris could not hide the growing feeling of anxiety as he awoke on his bed. There was no schedule today, he was sure, and the members were allowed to have fun until they had practice again that afternoon, along with heading back to Seoul for their upcoming concert. He sighed as he ran his fingers through his knotted hair. It was black now, although unnatural. The members were still sound asleep, as he made his way out of the bedroom into the bathroom. He took time making himself look as presentable as possible. He sighed once again as he stepped foot out of their dorm, skipping breakfast because he had no will to eat. Kris texted his manager informing of his leave and assuring his return before practice as he stepped into the taxi; putting strength into every step he took.

The scenery outside flicked through his vision as he stared through the glass of the running vehicle. He hesitated on whether it was the right thing to do; if this was really his final conclusion. He groaned softly as his head fell back on the leather seat of the taxi, hands gripping tightly on the yellow envelop resting on his lap. Kris closed his eyes, letting the tranquillity flow through his body to calm his clashing thoughts. The taxi came to a slow halt in front of a cafeteria, and he had to stare at it for a while before stepping out and paying for the expenses. “Wait!” the driver called, rolling down the window as Kris’ heavy step took him closer to the store. “Can I have your autograph?”

A sad smile, plastered across Kris’ moisturised lips before a dry chuckle was heard. “Trust me; it would be of no great use.”

The driver raised an eyebrow in confusion but only shrugged and drove off. Kris turned around and proceeded his steps towards the small restaurant. He stopped as his eyes fell on a little boy with a cup of bubble tea in his hands, nipping on the straw as he watched his brother hand the money to the owner of the stand. Kris’ thought drifted towards Sehun as he watched the brothers interact. Our members, lets rely on each other, let’s not fight and I hope we can last to the end happily. I love you. He forced himself to look away as he pushed into the cafeteria. His eyes scanned the place for the familiar face, and once he caught sight of the man, Kris bowed respectfully.

“It seems like you made up your mind. Are you sure about your decision?” The man asked as he looked through the papers in the yellow envelop which were properly filled out and signed.

Kris thought about it for a while, as the man sat, drinking his cup of coffee, still flicking through the pages. Sensing that Kris had no answers, he continued questioning, “So have you eaten breakfast yet?”

Shaking his head, and shoving his hands into the pockets of his coat, Kris answered. “No Mr. Choi. I’m not hungry.”

“Then I guess that settles it then. I’ll bring this back with me to Korea, and hand it into the court. But you’ll have to come soon so we can further proceed into this matter. Your flight is tonight, am I correct?” Mr Choi stood up, tucking the files into his suitcase.

“Yes. Thank you again, for helping me with the case.” Kris bowed and shook his hands with the man.

Mr Choi took it considerately and smiled as he patted the young man on the back. “No worries, it’s my job as a lawyer.”

After the lawyer had left, Kris stayed a while longer. He ordered a small warm beverage and started looking through his phone, shoving his earphones into his ear, blocking out the sounds of chatter that reiterated through the room. His fingers glided across to the YouTube app and unconsciously he had clicked on one of the many debut performances of the group. He watched one after another, savouring the nostalgic feeling that filled the very core of the pit of his stomach. His smile became sadder with every video, but he continued to watch, his eyes refuting to leave the screen. He couldn’t believe that it had been almost three years already. Feeling that he had stayed in the store for too long, Kris stood to leave, his drink left untouched. He walked through the streets.

“Hey mum. It’s me Kris.” He said through the phone as he walked down the grey pavement, legs kicking every stone that came in the way.

“Oh Kris, how are you? I miss you so much. I saw your comeback stage. My son definitely looks the best.” She giggled.

Kris chuckled, a little bluer than he planned, “Thanks mum.” A pause “Oh, mum… I need to tell you something.”

“What is it dear?”

“I’m coming home soon.” He informed, sitting down on a park bench.

He heard her laugh through the receiver and he couldn’t help but smile to himself. “That’s great Kris. I’ll tell the family. How long are you staying for this time?”

“Yeah it is great, but mum I’ll talk to you a bit later. I have a schedule soon.” He lied in order to avoid the last question.

“Oh okay. If you say so. Bye now. I love you.”

“I love you too mum.” And he hung up without another spoken word. He knew he should have told her the truth, but Kris wanted to settle the issue quietly first before telling his parents.

Kris looked around, trying to see where he had ended up. Not familiar with the streets around the area, he tried to trace back the steps he had taken before. The sun had risen a little higher, and the weather had become a little warmer as Kris took long strides down the road, across small food stalls. His attention caught on to the sound of frying and sizzling nearby and his head shot around hastily, trying to pick up what store it came from. Fried chicken was the last on his mind, but something in his head had told him to walk nearer. His thoughts ran back to the group’s first reality show and he remembered the time in their earliest episode which had them chewing on drumstick after drumstick to win the title of ‘Chicken Mania’. The lump sticking at his throat made it hard for him to breathe, but he smiled nonetheless.

Kai, the group’s main dancer, was whom he had been thinking of standing at this particular store. Shaking his head, Kris continued to stroll down the street to lure his mind out of thinking about s, however unsuccessfully he noticed a kung-fu panda toy sitting behind a glass window and he couldn’t do anything but scoff.

Feeling guilty, he ran down the street, dodging people along the way. He had known what he did wasn’t completely right, but he needed people to understand him. To know that he didn’t do it out of his own selfishness. He really does need help. He is only human.

Kris stopped as he bumped into a small little girl, her hands holding a pororo toy. She looked up at him, eyes filled with great perplexity, and Kris does nothing but apologise over and over again. That was when he noticed that he wasn’t just apologising to the girl, but deep down he was saying it to the members; his brothers. “I’m sorry” he uttered, “I’m so sorry.”

Kris booked a hotel that afternoon. As he rested on the bed, his feelings splattered all over the place, Kris flipped on the television. Despite the sound escaping from the screen, he felt that the room was too quiet. He looked at his phone, only to realise the many missed calls and numerous messages from s asking of his whereabouts and when he would be coming back. Turning it off, Kris laid on the pillow only to let himself fall into a deep slumber, trying to rid of the guilty feeling swimming in his chest.

He didn’t know how long he had been sleeping but when Kris woke up, he couldn’t prevent the rising feeling of worry as he crept closer to turn his phone back on. For a minute, which felt like eons away, Kris’ heart stopped beating. He had the news page and he hadn’t expected to see what he was now looking at. One after another he read the articles, still not comprehending what was happening. “No” He whispered quietly. “This wasn’t supposed to happen.” He bit back his tears. “It was supposed to be settled quietly.” Eyebrows furrowed, he slammed the phone onto the bed, making it bounce onto the carpeted floor. There was a sudden ring as the piece of technology flashed in the distance. The manager was calling but Kris didn’t pick up. Not now. He wasn’t ready.

Taking a step into the shower, Kris ignored the continuous calls being sent to his phone. One after another – if it wasn’t calls, then it was texts.

Back at the Exo-M dorm, everything was quiet. Rather than shouting and screaming for explanations, the members kept their mouth shut as they sat together in the dance practice room. Their breathing was uneven, some out of frustration, others out of pure shock. They had expected this to happen, but not this early, not especially during their promotion, that was a fact. The dance instructor had been called out of the room by the manager and the members had no will to keep practicing after hearing what had happened.

The youngest member Tao spoke up first, “What do we do now hyung? What happens to Kris? Will he actually leave?”

“Tao, we don’t know the full story yet. We just have to wait for further notices.” Xiumin said, taking authority as the eldest, keeping himself as composed as possible. “Has anyone tried to contact him yet?”

“Yeah, we all did, but he’s not picking up or replying to any messages.” Luhan stated, as he joined the circle after trying to call once again, exhaling in frustration.

Exo-K wasn’t doing well either. They were in disbelief and shock, but their eyes showed more understanding than ever before. They knew why Kris had done it, because they too had discussed this issue before with the company but it had only gone unhandled. Although disheartened, the members continued to practice because they still had a schedule that afternoon;a pre-recording on a music show.

Not long later, the news had been confirmed, which sparked fans to question members after members on social networking sites about the current issue. Chaos was written in every lingering beat as the sound of the clicking clock seemed to tick louder than the music playing in the practice room, although it was on maximum. Concentration was lost, moves were muddled up and conversations were incoherent. No one could keep their sane, and so they had stopped everything.

While Exo-M packed to return to Korea, the other half had been preparing for the show. It was clear that the tension was evident between every member, wanting to avoid the topic as much as possible. After posting a question mark on Instagram to show the fans that Sehun was as confused as anyone out there, he went on with the recording. No-one cracked a smile that afternoon. Even if they did, it was never sincere. The laughs were forced in front of cameras, and there was an absent of joyful interactions.

“Suho, you’ll represent the members on stage today. They won’t be coming up with you.” One of the staff had said after the recording.

“What do you mean it will only be me?” The leader asked with complete bafflement.

The staff patted him on the back, giving him a slight smile that seemed more to be of a sneer, “It’s for the effect Suho. Everything is for the effect.”

Suho stood dumbfounded at the situation. He had no way out of this, even if he pleaded for all members to be on stage with him, he knew circumstances will not allow him. He raked a hand through his hair, and groaned in infuriation.

That night, as he walked onto the stage, feeling as lonely as a single dandelion in a field of yellow daisies, Suho thought of the members. He thought of Kris, and all the times they had spent together. He was angry, that was not a lie. The feeling of betrayal laced through his exposed skin and hollow eyes. They had won that night, but Suho didn’t feel like a winner. His speech ended with their famous motto “We are one.” Because truly they are one. And without one they would become nothing but mere individuals, like little specks of dandelions that had been blown away by a gust of wind. He tried to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall down his powdered face as he danced the encore stage alone.

Kris had cancelled his flight back to Korea once the news of the contract termination and lawsuit filing had been out. He hadn’t eaten anything for the whole day, but his stomach had denied all food. He had watched the group’s performance and listened to Suho’s winning speech, and he had felt nothing but guilt, yet he could not face them. At this time, Exo-M had boarded the plane. Kris had sat on the sofa, re-writing text after text to find the right words to explain the situation to the members, but no matter what, no words were right enough to calm the condition.

It wasn’t long after where Exo-M arrived at the dorm in Korea, settling in with Exo-K. Everyone sat in the living room, quiet and still as the members who had just arrived from their plane trip dumped their bags on the floor without a thought of putting them away. Being the only leader now, Suho gathered everyone together and asked Luhan to give one last try in contacting Kris. They waited patiently although there was definitely nervousness coated in their lacklustre eyes. As Luhan placed the phone to his ears, his heartbeat escalated waiting for someone to pick up, because every member needed assurance. The ringing came to a stop, and he had expected the line to inform him that no-one had picked up his call. But he was taken back as he heard Kris’ tired voice on the other end.

“Luhan, please listen.” Kris said, sadness engulfing every strand of his shaky voice. “Let me explain myself first.”

“Kris. What were you thinking? Where are you? How could you do this? To us? How?” Luhan waved at the members, gesturing that he needed to speak to Kris alone, and the members unanimously agreed.

“Luhan, listen please. I’m sorry. I’m truly very sorry. I didn’t mean for it to go out of hand. This was supposed to be handled privately. I don’t know how the news got out, but I have my reasons. Trust me.”

Irritated, Luhan clenched his teeth together, to keep his voice from screaming out at his leader, “Well, you could have at least told us. We could have been prepared when the news broke out. You can’t just disappear for the whole day then let us know through the media. That isn’t right Kris. What happened to sticking together? But why now out of all times? Couldn’t you have waited till the end of promotion? Kris, you’re our leader, what would Suho do? What would we do?”

“I’m so sorry. Please, tell the members to understand.”

Luhan lashed out; there was no holding back anymore. “Understand?! There are limits Kris. We understand, but have you ever thought about how we would feel?! We’re in the middle of promoting; we only just made our comeback for god sake! Maybe the company has treated us badly, but what would come of us Kris?! You basically betrayed us. Is that what a leader should do?”

Tears fell silently down Kris’ cheek as he allowed the words to sink in, “Please tell the members I’m sorry, I’ll see you soon… But Luhan remember something before I hang up. I did not abandon EXO. I would never. I just need some time.” And just like that the call ended, with unanswered questions and sorrowful apologise.

Luhan walked back into the living room, chucking his phone hard on the nearby couch as the members watched him with hopeful eyes, waiting for an explanation. He slumped down next to Xiumin, head leaning on the elder’s shoulder. Luhan waited for the members to start questioning him, but no-one spoke, and that was when he realised that the members were expecting him to start instead. “Kris, Kris, he…” A choke. “He apologised.”

“And? Is that it?” Suho spoke up.

“No, he also said that he would never abandon us. I lashed out at him. He sounded really sad. Guys what do we do?” Luhan said, voice quivering like a vibrant music string that was stretched from the mountain peak to the sky.

“Hyung, Kris will return right? He won’t leave us, will he?” Tao looked around expectantly.

Right now the news had gone viral, and Suho was sure that the managers were going to do something about it. They had practice in an hour, so he wasn’t sure on what they can do. He was angry, yet relieved that someone had finally stood up to the company’s regulations. But he also felt betrayed and tired. Emotions after emotions were piling up and he didn’t know what to do. Chen had been the quietest among the members since the news had erupted and he had sensed Suho’s puzzlement. Reaching out to clasp the leader’s hand, he nodded with reassurance. Maybe things won’t turn out the way they wanted to, but everyone believed that if they fought together then something good might come out of it.

The drive to the dance studio felt longer than usual. They were clear to why it was like this. Even Chanyeol and Baekhyun, the usual group clowns, had made no move to start a conversation or bring up any jokes. It was a little too quiet and a slight bit awkward even. No-one knew what to say to lighten up the mood, so the whole ride was only accompanied by silence, and a few ruffles when a member shifted in their seats.

Practice hadn’t felt right that night, it felt empty. A little too quiet like the ride to the studio. It wasn’t easy, they knew. There was always that one gap missing, and sometimes a member would forget a few steps as they stared at the spot for too long. Their practice was however interrupted by a few staffs that came in without notice. Exo stopped rehearsing as they stood in a line to bow at the people standing at the door.

“Everyone, pull out your phones.” They motioned to Exo, hands holding little plastic baskets.

“Is something the matter Mr. Park?” Suho stepped up with a questioning gaze.

The staff scorned as he stopped in front of the leader, scanning him up and down. “Nice speech today. But let’s push that aside, I am sure you guys have heard the news about Kris. We need your phones.”

“What for?” The leader asked politely, trying not to trigger any bad reactions.

“The effect Suho. Everything we do is for the effect. Now come along, hand it in.” Mr. Park pressured, his eyes filled with malice.

Everyone hesitantly placed their devices into the basket, sensing that something would happen once they placed it in. But once it was Baekhyun’s turn he refused strongly. He had lied that he had left it in their dorms, earning him a smack on his face by the manager. Kyungsoo, not liking what was happening stood up to defend Baekhyun, only to be hit with the same force. Jongin ran to cradle , but the manager had taken hold of Baekhyun and wrestled him to search for his phone. “Leave me alone.” Baekhyun screamed, while the members try to help him up. The manager stood to leave after the unsuccessful try and slammed the door on his way.  The members flinched and hurriedly huddled around Baekhyun as the boy shivered at the sudden aggressive action.

Jongin had hugged Kyungsoo tightly in his arm, as they sat back in a circle. A heavy sigh left one of the member’s lips as he talked out of annoyance “Look what Kris has caused!”

“We shouldn’t blame him; you know he has his reasons.” Another member stated.

“Are you being serious now? It’s his entire fault, can’t you guys see that?” And another member joined in.

And soon the room was filled with arguments jumping from one person to another with Tao sobbing quietly next to Luhan, burying his face in the other’s arm. Luhan patted him but continued to speak through the bickering. Suho couldn’t handle the noise any longer. His brain was throbbing against his skull. “Enough guys! Enough!” He screamed over the top of the group. Everyone stopped and looked at Suho, his eyes b with tears as his right hand held his forehead. They fell silent and avoided making eye contact with each other, staring at the floor as though if they didn’t it would run away from them.

“Are we really going to do this right now? Is this what we want? Are we really going to fight over this matter?” He paused, in his salty stream with a heavy inhale. “At a time like this we need to stick together. Fighting won’t do anything good. No matter what, we need to support Kris. He needs it right now, and we need each other’s also. We need to be strong for our fans. We have to show them that our brotherhood is stronger than any force out there. Kris is alone right now; he probably needs much more support than anyone else. I’m assuming the fans have already made some assumptions of what is happening. To be sure about what the staff is doing, Luhan could you please find a trustworthy assistant in the company and ask them to lend their laptop. Send out a message to the fans. Although we, ourselves don’t know what will happen, I’m sure they need a lot of reassurance. I’m sure we are all shocked with the sudden news, but right now, it’s best if we try, really try to keep calm.”

Everything seemed to be on pause for a moment as the members listened to each and every one of the leader’s words. They smiled sadly, as tears streamed down their bare face. Standing up, they huddled together, hugging one another tightly and chanted their motto between sobs. “We are one, EXO”

“And we will always be.” Sehun muttered as they left the room to head back to their dorm.

That night the weather was colder than usual, Baekhyun knew very well so as he stood on the balcony of the dorm, savouring the alone time. He took out his phone from his pocket, and stared at his contacts list, contemplating if he should call Kris. His fingers glided across old photos of the group, and he couldn’t help but let his thoughts wonder back to good times they had together. It had only been since this morning that they heard of the news, yet it felt like it has been a very long time since they were smiling next to each other.

“Hey Kris.” Baekhyun didn’t even know when he had dialled Kris’ number, but he was glad to hear his leader’s voice again.

“Baekhyun, hi. Um… Is there something wrong? Are the members –” Kris replied a little awkwardly.

“No, the members are okay. But our phones have been confiscated, I had to hide mine.” A small chuckle left Baekhyun’s lips, as he pressed the record button on his phone.

“Baekhyun, I know many of the members are angry at me. It’s understandable. But if ever I do not –”

“Kris, you can’t say that. There is no denying that we were angry, but we support you Kris. We’ll be here. I’m sure they will renew you’re contract. You will come back and continue being our leader. Please, you can’t just leave us like that.”

“No Baekhyun, listen to me, I said if. If ever I am not able to continue this journey with you guys, I just want you to know that, we are one and always will be. I want you guys to hold strong and be there for each other. Listen to Suho more often, hear him out. Sometimes he needs people to listen to him. And although there will only be 11 members occupying the stage by then, I want you guys to do it happily, and you never know maybe then you’ll spot me in the middle of the crowd with a big smile on my face, holding up a light stick, while chanting with the rest of the fans. This road may have been my choice from the start, but maybe this is not where my story continues, and I really need you guys to understand that. But no matter where I am, I’ll be cheering EXO on… Baekhyun, just remember one thing for me. Stay healthy and love one another happily. Make the journey worthwhile. EXO saranghaja. See you soon Baekhyun, thank you for standing by me. Thank the members for me too.”

Tears unconsciously ran down both their cheeks, and a minute of silence was shared in the bitter moment of reality. A sniff was heard from Baekhyun before he spoke up again, “I miss you Duizhang.”

“Yeah I miss you too. I’ll see you soon Baekhyun, I need some rest.”

“Soon.” Baekhyun said before he hung up. He sat down on a bench and let the light wind twirl around his body. His eyes closed for a moment before it was disturbed by the scattering footsteps. He turned around and smiled as he saw all members standing in a line greeting him with the same expression. They strolled slowly, closer to Baekhyun, clustering around the bench, some eyes were swollen from too much crying and others filled with melancholy.

“Were you just talking to Kris?” Suho asked.

“Yeah, I recorded the conversation if you want to listen to it.” Baekhyun told, holding the device in his hands, shaking it in front of the members. They sat together on the balcony as they prepared themselves for what they were going to hear. Their hearts beated widely, but they tried to keep a smile on their faces.

“Alright, let’s listen.” Baekhyun said as he tapped on the play button. As Kris’ voice filled the ruffling air, everyone huddled a little closer, hugged a little tighter and breathed a little longer. They cried again that day, together soundlessly in the dark of night. When the recording ended, the members were still once again. No one spoke a word as they stared into the starry sky.

Today we will sleep with a heavy heart, hoping that tomorrow will be a better day. If not then the day after. Darkness is in our eyes, but that would only light up the sky. You may not be with us today, but we do hope we’ll be sharing the sight of the same stars.

Author's note:

I started this when I heard of the news, but because it's my first fanfic I do apologise as it is not that great. The events that happen in this story isn't real and has mostly been based off rumours and my internal imagination. Enjoy.

*Image is also not mine.

Recommended song: Maybe Tommorow by Ryeowook