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Sehun's Diary#1
Dear Diary,
Guess what?
I’m a trainee at SM Entertainment! Yay! How exciting is this? I know I’m just a kid and I have so much to learn but I hope people will take care of me. Also, the food is free haha! what? I like to eat. Anyway, today I met the hyungs that I’ll be working with today….
Junmyeon hyung, he’s really kind and caring. He took care of me today and he was the first to approach me when I was introduced to the others. Chanyeol hyung and Baekhyun hyung are both noisy and really energetic, I didn’t get bored when they were around and mind you, I get bored easily. Kyungsoo hyung on the other hand is the opposite of Chanyeol hyung and Baekhyun hyung, he’s really quiet and seems to be in his own little world. His eyes are really big, I could get lost when looking straight at them, but I talked to him a few times and he seems nice.
The one I am closest to right now is Jongin. He’s the same age as I am but he was born in January, he’s a great dancer. I hope to be a good dancer as well since I love to dance. But the entertainment said that they will also teach me how to rap. I hope I don’t get tongue-tied. Haha!
We started to train today and I found out that there are six more members that I will be meeting tomorrow. I don’t know why not now but it’s okay. I hope I’ll be friends with them. I wonder who they’ll be?
-SH
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#2
Dear Diary,
Today, I met this kid named Lu Han. He looks like a girl. He looks small and petite. Turns out he was older than me. O_____O That actually shocked me, I thought he was younger! But that aside, he’s nice. I like him. Also, he’s Chinese, he’s been living in Korea for five years though so he’s actually kinda fluent.
The other hyungs are Yifan hyung or Kris hyung, Minseok hyung, then there’s Yixing hyung or Lay hyung, Jongdae hyung and Tao. I don’t call Tao hyung because he’s only one year older than me, he looks really scary though because of his glaring and slanting eyes, but turns out, he’s such a scaredy cat.
Anyway, Luhan hyung asked the silliest question when he saw me. He asked: “do you like bubble tea?” I was taken aback, not because I thought it was weird, but because…. I ACTUALLY LOVE BUBBLE TEA!!! My favorite flavor is chocolate, I just love that drink! It’s really addicting. So when Luhan hyung asked and I nodded, his eyes sparkled and he smiled very widely which I found really cute haha!
He took me out to a bubble tea store after practice and I found out that he liked Taro. It was fun being with Luhan hyung. I hope we get along.
-SH
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#3
Dear Diary,
Jongin and I went out today, it was fun but I missed Luhan hyung. He’s been hanging around Minseok hyung all day. Minseok hyung is the eldest hyung, he’s the same age as Luhan hyung but he’s older in months. And just like Luhan hyung, Minseok hyung doesn’t look like the eldest, he’s also quite chubby and looks like a little hamster.
I found out today that there will be two groups for our group of twelve, we’ll be divided by six and it’s kinda sad since Luhan hyung is in the other group. Though they did say we’ll be promoting as one on the first months.
Anyway, Jongin and I just went to the arcade after practice since it ended earlier than usual, it was just us two but it was fun. But I missed Luhan hyung. It was little boring without him.
-SH
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#20
Dear Diary,
WAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! >A<
Sorry for being like this but when was the last time I wrote here!? It’s been almost a year or two?! I’m really busy with the training and all because guess what!?
Today is our debut stage with MAMA! I’m really excited! But I’m also a bit nervous, I mean, I’ve never performed on stage with so many people before, I hope they’ll like us, I hope they’ll appreciate our hard work and support us in many other things to come.
Though I don’t have many lines, I’ll work hard to pursue my dream.
-SH
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#31
Dear Diary,
Luhan hyung will be away from me starting today, he will promote in China cause like I said, we’re divided into two and he belongs in EXO-M while I am in EXO-K since I’m Korean and he’s Chinese. Though Chen hyung (this is Jongdae hyung’s stage name) and Xiumin hyung (Minseok hyung’s stage name) belong in M as well, it was because they both fit the image of Chinese men and also, I think Chen hyung volunteered to be in M.
I wished I volunteered as well. I don’t want Luhan hyung to go. Who will take care of me now? Sure Suho hyung (Junmyeon hyung’s stage name) takes care of everyone including me since I’m the youngest, it’s still different with Luhan hyung.
Who will greet me every day in the practice room with “Good Morning Sehunnie!” ? Who will talk to me when I am bored? Who will go out with me to drink bubble tea even if it’s almost 3AM? Who will encourage me to do my best in training and dancing?
The other hyungs do that, but it’s very different when it comes to Luhan hyung.
This …
-SH
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#39
Dear Diary,
I’m dead tired. We’ve been moving here and there, showing up in music shows and award ceremonies. I knew I’d be faced with this difficulty when I signed a contract so I have to bear with the pain my body is feeling. Though Kai (Jongin’s stage name) is much more in pain than I am since he exerts too much effort in dancing, he’s a real dance machine and I am proud to be his friend.
I wanted to go drink bubble tea today since it’s like my stress reliever but I didn’t want to go alone. I suddenly remembered Luhan hyung. I wonder how he’s doing in China? I don’t really have any news about the M group since we’re really busy with our schedules.
LUHAN HYUNG… I MISS YOU
-SH
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#43
Dear Diary,
LUHAN HYUNG IS HOME!! well, actually, all of M is home. we’re all staying in one dorm room. It’s actually quite chaotic but it’s fine with me. I prefer it this way. I am not the type to talk much but I love it when Baekhyun hyung, Chanyeol hyung and Chen hyung talk so loudly about almost everything.
We all ate outside, courtesy of Suho hyung haha! it was fun to be reunited with our other half. It really feels incomplete when we’re not twelve on stage, or even in the dorm. Luhan hyung and I talked and spent the day together, we even dragged the others with us to drink bubble tea after dinner HAHA!
Since Luhan hyung is part of the eldest line, they couldn’t say no. I heard Kai mumble something to D.O hyung (Kyungsoo hyung’s stage name) that I was Luhan hyung’s favorite dongsaeng that’s why he can’t say no to me. I actually felt my heart skip a beat at that. It feels good to know that I am Luhan hyung’s favorite.
-SH
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#47
Dear Diary,
Ahhh… when was the last time I wrote here? It’s been a while. EXO is on hiatus, we’re preparing for a comeback soon. I hope fans will like this comeback and love us even more. We haven’t heard the proposed title track yet but I bet it’s awesome!
That aside, I’m going to open up an issue about something controversial, or confidential…. Whatever. It’s complicated but I kind of find it cute. How weird am I?
But seriously, I found about this couple pairing the fans have been doing. I have heard it a few times before and I didn’t really pay attention to it. The fans are pairing me up with Luhan hyung! And they call us HunHan! Haha! it’s really cute for me. Hun and Han… it’s as if, our names are made for each other or something.
Eyyyyy… why am I being cheesy like this? This is so weird.
-SH
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#50
Dear Diary,
GUESS WHAT!?
THIS COMEBACK WE HAVE WILL FEATURE ALL OF US!! IN ONE SONG!! NO K OR M!! BUT US 12!! What did the fans call it? OT12?? Or something like that…
This really exciting cause it means we won’t have to separate! All of us hates it when we promote separately, we really feel incomplete.
Anyway, I’m really happy!! Haha! isn’t it obvious!?
-SH
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#59
Dear Diary,
:( I don’t know why but…. Luhan hyung seems to distance himself from me. Did I do something wrong? I don’t remember saying anything to him. I don’t remember forgetting a special occasion like his birthday. I don’t remember doing anything that will make him mad. Why is he avoiding me?
Yesterday we were talking in the dorm, we were all just laughing and all that but Luhan hyung always stays and sits away from me, whenever I would look at him he would look away and then he’d talk to the other members and act as if I’m invisible.
It hurts.
-SH
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#62
Dear Diary,
I don’t know anymore. Does hyung hate me? I try to talk to him but he just nods or replies simply then he’ll quickly change topics then calls for someone else to join in the conversation, making it harder for me to talk to him.
He’s avoiding me isn’t he? But why?
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#65
Dear Diary,
I see. So that’s why. I didn’t exactly hear it from Luhan hyung, I heard it from Xiumin hyung. I now know the reason why Luhan hyung is distancing himself.
He hates HunHan.
Well, hate is a big word but more like, he doesn’t like the idea. I don’t know why but it hurts, it’s like I was stabbed with a fork or something. I like HunHan it’s cute, whenever I see something about HunHan I feel all giddy inside since I see the moments I share with my favorite hyung, with the hyung that I love.
But I guess that’s just me huh?
-SH
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#67
Dear Diary,
So our title song is called WOLF. It’s like a beauty and beast type where a werewolf (us) falls in love with a human. We started practicing a week ago and I like the choreography, Luhan hyung and I are at the ending part where we come out of caves made by the members and strike a pose to complete the wolf head ^_____________^ this is good. Maybe I can talk to him more with this.
Luhan hyung HAS been pushing me away, he’s always with Xiumin hyung now but I’m not going to let that get to me, he’s my hyung, he’s my favorite hyung and I miss him, I miss his company, I miss his attention that is only for me.
I intend to rebuild our relationship again and I hope it works. Wish me luck!
-SH
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#70
Dear Diary,
They colored my hair like a rainbow. I actually asked the stylist noona to do this haha! It’s better that Kai’s since he has cornrows. Good luck with that bro :D
Anyway, I may not admit it on air but I look cute with my new hair, it’s fancy. Luhan hyung’s hair is red, it suits him, it’s cute. Though he thinks he’s manly, I doubt it haha! I’m kidding, he might kill me.
Speaking of Luhan hyung, it seems like my plan is working! He’s slowly starting to open up to me again! We started going on our regular bubble tea trips and he can talk to me again without feeling awkward at all or calling someone else to join the conversation.
[pats myself on the back] good job Oh Sehun. Well done.
-SH
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#75
Dear Diary,
IT’S COMEBACK DAY!!!
I am excited. I don’t show it on the outside since I have developed that chic, stoic faced maknae image, but I’m really happy about this I fell like Chanyeol hyung whenever he’s watching his 2NE1 videos on his laptop.
I just passed by to say that. I’m too tired to say anything else. Good night!
-SH
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#78
Dear Diary,
Today at a music show, Chen hyung interviewed me and asked me to do aegyo. I don’t really like doing aegyo when on cam but since I am the maknae I do it anyway. So I didn’t want to do the aegyo thing today but Luhan hyung appeared out of nowhere and forced me to do it.
I actually think Luhan hyung and I are back to normal. I hope it stays that way ^____^
-SH
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#80
Dear Diary,
How long has it been since I wrote here?
We went to a radio show with Ryeowook sunbae today and I don’t really know why I cried when he asked to give a message. I don’t know, it just feels like the hyungs are fighting most of the time during training, I know we’re all tired and exhausted that’s why sometimes we reach our limits and get ticked off. We sort it out after some time so it’s all good, but I hope it won’t happen often.
Also, the message in the radio was mainly for Luhan hyung :( I feel like we’re drifting apart again and this makes me sad. Am I over thinking? Maybe I am but who can blame me when I am used to him being there by my side whenever I needed him? Who can blame me when he’s the most important person to me right now and he’s purposely staying away from me again?
-SH
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#85
Dear Diary,
We went to China today and we went to Happy Camp. We played different games including this game where we dressed up in little chicken suits and we chase each other around. I don’t remember what it’s called but it was fun.
I actually have a mixed set of emotions right now. Before the game, there was this part where we needed to pick another member to sit with us on chairs. If the chair is fake, you will fall and go to team B, if the chair is real then you’ll go to team A. A member will stand in the middle with their back turned and the other members who wants to sit together with the said member will raise their hand.
I got caught hitting on a real chair so I was asked to come up and pick a partner among those who raised their hands. And guess what? Luhan hyung raised his hand! I was really happy then and I wanted to pick him! I really do want to pick him and all the fans were screaming HunHan!
But then I remembered, Luhan hyung doesn’t like HunHan and he feels awkward with it. What if he starts to distance himself again? In my previous entry it was starting once again, I don’t want it to get worse, so even if I wanted to pick him…. I didn’t. It’s not like I didn’t want to be with Kai, Kai is my best friend and even if we fell down we had fun. And I needed to consider what Luhan hyung would think so I didn’t choose him.
That decision actually was alright since he was in Team A and I was the representative in Team B, I get to chase him around the place, I was originally tasked to catch Chanyeol hyung but they switched places. It was fun!
Though, in the punishment thing for the losers (WE WON OF COURSE) I felt a little pain when Luhan hyung carried Xiumin hyung to do the squats. I don’t know why…. But I felt that way….
Can I sigh? I’m actually sighing right now…. Oh nevermind….
-SH
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#90
Dear Diary,
I’m scared. It’s happening again. Luhan hyung is distancing himself again. What did I do this time? I even considered his feeling about that pairing so I don’t make any sudden moves that will make the fans misunderstand but I seem to have made it worse?
What do I do? I don’t want him to say away. I LIKE HIM OKAY?
-SH
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#97
Dear Diary,
We’re preparing for another comeback! It’s called GROWL and it’s like a continuation of WOLF. It has a catchy tone and we’ll be performing as twelve again! No K and no M! just EXO, just the way we like it. Though the choreography is very hard since I’m in the middle and do this crotch grabbing thing.
P.S. I am still worried about my situation with Luhan hyung, hope we can sort it out soon, he doesn’t talk to me anymore
-SH
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#100
Dear Diary,
WE WON WITH WOLF ON MUSIC BANK!! O________O I feel like D.O hyung! Hahaha! How crazy is this? My 100th entry turns out to be very special haha! Another thing, Luhan hyung held my hand today. It felt so warm, I felt so warm. And fuzzy, and weird. I really do like Luhan hyung, maybe more than just a hyung but it’s too soon to say.
I don’t even know if I want to say.
P.S. Suho hyung looks weird when he cries -______________-
-SH
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#103
Dear Diary,
[insert deep sigh and frustrated groan] Luhan hyung did held my hand a few days back but that was the end of our interaction. EVER. He’s avoiding me like the plague again, he’s not talking to me. He’s avoiding me on purpose, even Kai noticed it!
Why do you do this to me Luhan hyung? What did I ever do to you? Why?
-SH
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#110
Dear Diary,
I am starting to get used to the fact that Luhan hyung is not talking to me anymore. I feel so empty but all my efforts to talk to him are just thrown in the trash every time I do act upon it. I’m tired of it. I’m sick of making efforts that won’t be appreciated. I want to quit but I don’t want to quit. I want to bring back time, bring back the days when he and I weren’t awkward, when he and I were close as glue and no one has to worry about what others would think.
But… is this the end? Luhan hyung and I, our relationship with each toher will never be the same anymore. Is this it? :(
-SH
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#112
Dear Diary,
Been a few months since I last wrote here. We’re really busy and when I get home all I wanna do is drop on my bed and sleep. Growl is a big hit, I’m glad. We’ve been recognized all around the world and won so many awards.
Luhan hyung and I? We’re on different worlds now, we have completely drifted apart. I spend my time with Tao and Kai and he’s with Xiumin hyung most of the time. it hurts to see him having the same fun he used to have with me with someone else. I enjoy my time with Kai and Tao since we’re maknaes, but it’s not the same.
-SH
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#140
Dear Diary,
We’re going to Japan today to meet the fans. I’m a little excited and I think I’ll be spending my birthday day. I hope everything goes well. I don’t really speak Japanese well unlike Baekhyun hyung who can study a new language in a flash, but I’ll do my best.
We’re also preparing for another comeback AND!! A concert. How exciting is that?
-SH
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#141
Dear Diary,
I CANT EXPLAIN HOW HAPPY I AM RIGHT NOW!!! I WANT TO SCREAM BUT EVERYONE IS ALSEEP!!! I AM AGGRESSIVELY WRITING THIS DOWN AT THE MOMENT!! AAAAAAAAA!!!
I feel so stupid and childish but I feel really really really happy today!! Luhan hyung planned my birthday!! YES!!! HE DID!!!
He arranged a surprise for me! He was the mastermind behind it all and I don’t know…. I felt complete, he started to talk to me again, he approached me, he laughed with me, he played with me.This is what I wanted, this relationship with Luhan hyung where we can be close like before and enjoy our time together. When I blew the candles I wished for good health, more love from fans to EXO and…
Luhan hyung and I to be together like the old times again. I hope my wishes come true.
-SH
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#145
Dear Diary,
I really do like Luhan hyung, he makes me very happy, he makes me laugh, he makes me smile, he makes me feel very different things that I have never felt towards anyone before. I feel lost without him, I feel empty when he’s not around. He completes my day. I hope things will never ever change. I hope we can stay this way.
Dear Luhan hyung,
I know you’ll never see this but I want you to know…. You’re my favorite person in the whole wide world. 我愛你.
-SH
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Like I have said, this is just a longer version of the tweet fic that I had made last month.
The End.
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