still a little bit of angst.

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“I’m sorry Hyung, I love you.”

The words I whisper to you every night after you fall asleep. I hope you hear it in your dreams. I hope it’s enough for now to keep you from leaving me.

Who am I kidding. I want to stop being a coward, Hyung. I want to yell it to the world, that you are mine and mine alone. I want everyone to know who this heart belongs to. But I’m not strong enough to do that now. Not ready to face the judging stares, not ready to disappoint our parents, not ready to be so openly different than what they expect of me.

I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. Sometimes I just can’t help but to touch you, keep you close to me, even in front of thousands of eyes. Though more often than not, I am scared to show my feelings, afraid I won’t be able to control my actions and that it would bring us down, the whole of our group.

I wish I could be as strong as you are. As ready as you are. I’m sorry Hyung, I really love you, but I’m not strong enough.

It was some sort of a silent understanding between us. It shows in your eyes everytime you look at me. I can feel it in the warmth of your hands. I know you know how much I love you. But I guess it’s not enough to keep you from feeling insecure. I only have myself to blame.

Don’t leave me Hyung. I need you to be strong for the both of us. For now, just for now. Because now I am not strong enough. Not yet. Soon.

I’m sorry Hyung. Please don’t give up on me. Please keep loving me, because I won’t stop loving you. Even in this silence and uncertainty, I won’t stop loving you.
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end
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a/n:
la la la..