kyumin. G. a little angst cuz I feel so. Sungmin’s POV. not beta-ed.

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It’s enough. Sometimes I told myself so. As usual, though, I won’t be able to do it. To leave you, I just can’t. Everytime I decided to stop torturing myself by loving you, you would do unpredictable things that left me hoping again, dreaming again.

Your lingering touch, a hand around my shoulder that was seemingly friendly but with a hint of possesiveness; your stolen glances, when I look around only to catch your eyes for a split second before you turned your head to another direction; your surprising attention, when I thought no one cared, you caught me off guard with a gentle pat on my back.

Those little things… make me feel so loved, make me feel special. Those were moments I treasured the most, moments where I could delude myself into thinking that I’m the only special person for you.

The sad thing was that I felt I was not special, felt ignored more often than not.

You were so caring to everyone. You hugged other people all the time, but rarely me, and never me in public, not anymore. You praised other people all the time, but not me. You were so intimate with the others, while I should be content with your hand holding mine occasionally at the end of some shows.

It would still be bearable for me if you hadn’t always show such a forced, even annoyed, expression everytime I initiate a fanservice with you. Are you embarrased of me? Aren’t I someone you could be proud of?

I’m sure you know about how I feel for you. I made it clear everytime I mention you in my conversations with the others. I’m sure it shows in my eyes everytime I look at you.

At times, I thought that you only cared for me because you knew I loved you, that I would do anything for you. Were you taking me for granted? Just a convenience for you? A helpful roomate and a wine-drinking companion when your other friends couldn’t make it due to their busy schedules?

I’d like to believe that I was just being paranoid, that those precious moments were true and that you really do love me too. I can only hope you’ll make it clear to me and to everybody else just how much I mean to you. I can only hope you really meant your rare words of affections when there were only the two of us in our shared room, when you thought I was already asleep.

The only thing I can do now is to keep hoping you won’t leave me because after all these years, I guess I have to accept the fact that I could never stop loving you.

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END

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a/n: this is..I don’t know. KyuMin makes me feel a rollercoaster of emotion each and everytime. Haha.