If there was one thing Daehyun hated about himself, from the past to even the present, it was how he was always the coward.

Or at least the one backing out.

As he repeated the words in his mind, "What are you doing? Did you eat?" - he could only close his eyes in disappointment. Was this the best he could do?

Daehyun sighed as he stared at the words on his screen, still glaringly bright in his gaze, and felt his fingers numb. A part of him prayed that he could experience this the easy way; and allthough he knew that it was his fault and that he could never take the easy way out, he still hoped in some way that the bell of the cafe might ring just in time as the door would open and he would look up to see the younger standing there, perhaps with a smile adorning his face.

But that wouldn't happen, he told himself so as he took a piece of the cheesecake he had ordered ages ago a little too roughly and clumsily. He gnawed at the soft feeling inside his cheeks as he pondered in thought. 

All he had to do was type in the words and ask how the boy's day was, if he had eaten, if he was alright. Maybe then, Youngjae would tell him he was okay and ask the same question. But what if the younger wouldn't answer? Daehyun hated to admit it, but the terrible butterflies were filling his stomach much more than the cheesecake.

Mindlessly, he swept his finger along the screen, not exactly looking, because he didn't want to think so much anymore: just setting his eyes mindlessly on characters, not words, especially not sentences. Yet somehow, as if he was drawn automatically to them, he came across his group of conversations with the younger, and he could only stare at the group of conversations. That is, until he was struck with a sudden thump in his chest, and he was able to open them back to his mind.

Before he knew it, countless text messages, images, and even video calls splattered across the screen - and the nervousness rode over him again.

It was actually written and drawn here, each one of them - most of their days together: when they’d ask if they could go to class together, if they had free periods, where to meet, and if they could walk home to the bus stop together. If they could have some lunch or some dinner, whether it was in school or not; or even if they felt like going to school. Anything about school.

‘How was your exam Daehyun-hyung?’

‘How was free period?’

‘How was detention?’

The other time when he was up to perform in school and apparently didn't tell the younger soon enough. He smiled at the thought and chewed the inside of his cheek sheepishly.

‘How was the practice? Are you excited?’ The younger thought he was just having his usual rehearsal, but was shocked to find out that he was packing on extra hours for a special show.

‘Why didn’t you tell me sooner? You’re going to perform for the Arts Festival? That’s so cool.’

‘Do you think I could perform with you?’

Daehyun smiled.

‘Maybe next time then?’

‘Sure,’ God bless him because he hadn’t been so fearful then.

Past these came simpler greetings too, small talk and all those things that would have spelled boredom yet for them, told of their friendship instead. Daehyun kept reading.

‘How are you now?’

‘Did you sleep well?’

‘Did you get home now, Daehyun-ah?’

‘What are you doing? Did you eat?’

He stared at the message and felt a smile well up on his lips. Some dismay furrowed his brows a little while after though and he put his phone down back on the desk as a form of surrender.

God must have been telling him to hurry, giving him signs and reminders and little pushes to make his best effort.  He picked up another piece of his cheesecake and took it into his mouth, hurrying a little as he decided he would take a break.

A break? From all this wondering about young things that he shouldn't have been worrying about, yeah, he thought. As he swallowed down the food, he failed to swallow down some other thoughts, though, because as if on cue, he's reminded of one place that might allow him to rest his heart the most - and ironically, allow him to possibly rekindle the courage he's been wasting time to get. He would go back to the park by the school: an open ground for visitors and students alike, and one that he and Youngjae usually frequented.

With a little bit more courage, he managed to wrap himself up and prepare for his leave. It happened rather quickly: after finishing the last of his cake, he kept his phone in the pocket of his long jacket and stowed his tray back onto the waste counter. He rubbed his hands together, as if to warm them up and ready himself, and placed them into his pockets as he made his way out of the café. Just like that, somehow, the seconds added up a lot easier.

Somehow, he was encouraged by the idea that he would go back to that park. Although he perfectly understood the risk that he might see Youngjae there, he hadn't been so lucky anyway as of late, so he dismissed such a possibility as soon as he considered it. Anyway, he thought, he could always turn away and make himself unnoticed; he could act unsuspicious, cool, and unaffected - pretend he hadn't seen the younger there - and he would be alright. Somehow, he trusted himself enough for this kind of thing, keeping a year or so of experience with him given all the times he had to hide exactly how warm the younger made him feel. Upon walking past the corner with the bus stop into view, he was shaken out of his trail of thought as he suddenly felt how familiar the entire scene was, not to mention, how automatically he had made his way there.

Just like before.

When he reached the shed, he made it just in time with a good few people waiting. As pleasant as the early morning was, the sun wasn’t too hot and the wind was cool against his skin, and it brought a light of hope in his head. He had a small smile fixed on his lips as he looked around to observe his surroundings and the same old street, the same old pavement, the same old walls, and the same old usual faces. Everything felt like it was going according to plan - or no-plan - as everything just really seemed pleasant and right in his gut, and it gave him this sense of strength to shower over the nervousness that was hiding deep inside.

He felt light footsteps edge beside him and as he shifted to his right to make space, he made the same habit of looking at who might be staying with him. When his eyes fell onto those of a familiar almond shape and chocolate shade, his jaw was on its way to dropping as he heard the next words.

“Daehyun-hyung?”

It wasn’t intentional but his heart had missed a beat terribly, and he found himself staring at who was a mere memory haunting him for these past few days.His eyes searched the younger’s for recognition, he hoped for a little bit more of an intimate grasp, and it took a couple of blinks for himself before he managed to speak.

He couldn't help it, but it all sounded like a croak, “Youngjae-ah.”

Author's Note:

HOORAY FOR CHAPTER 1!!

Before I begin, I want to say that I am terribly sorry to you guys who subscribed because this took so long to get out. I honestly wanted to post a new chapter before a week after the Prologue, but I always ended up losing time for this. :( But anyway, this was the first chapter, and basically my first chapter of a chaptered fic haha? Thank you for reading/subscribing and all your comments are absolutely appreciated! ; u ;

P.S: Trivia~ The "What are you doing? Did you eat?" part is an actual line from Only U (by Secret), which Youngjae actually commentates (as the guest voice saying the line for the song). :D

P.S again: If you noticed some changes then yes, I probably edited it. - u -

♥