(a/n: This one I wouldn't deem necessary for an M rating but there is a bit of heavy subject matter in the middle.  Nothing too terrible but I figured I'd mention.)

                Quite frankly, dying would have been much easier than having to find a new reason to live when Bom had already lost so much.  The long avoided and subconsciously feared conversation she had with Seunghyun tore all her illusions and misconceptions to shreds, leaving her with no solid ground to stand on.  With the burden of her extensive failures hanging over her head, death felt like her only recourse and was still much too achievable if given half a chance.  It was a fact Seunghyun was obviously more than aware of which was why his was the first presence she recognized when she came around after trying to kill herself.

                “Good morning,” his deep, recognizable voice rumbled at her side as Bom’s eyes fluttered open.

                She turned her head as if to face him and let her hands feel around carefully before she responded.  By the feel of it, she was in a bed and her stomach had been patched up, though it was still very tender to the touch.  The clothes she wore were not her own but, unless she was more out of it than she thought, they were also alone in a room together again.  “Morning,” she finally responded in a whisper, not exactly sure how she was supposed to feel after failing to kill herself as well.  It appeared that she couldn’t do much of anything right lately.

                “How are you feeling?” Seunghyun asked with the creaking of a chair before footsteps brought him close.  The knee-jerk reaction was still present to yank her hand away when he laid his palm atop the back of hers but Bom controlled it this time and forced herself to remain still.

                “Alive.”  It was the most positive answer she could offer when she felt she should be dead.

                “Good,” he smiled in response, the action evident in his voice while he squeezed her hand gently.  She listened to him as he settled on the ground beside the bed, declining to sit on the cushioned surface.  “You’ve been sleeping since yesterday morning,” he explained, allowing his other hand to rest lightly on her shoulder.

                Bom swallowed at the explanation and took a breath.  Only a day.  Years ago, she would have known what to say to him at any given time.  Now… suitable words failed her almost entirely.  “Seunghyun,” she murmured, not sure what she wanted to say or ask.

                He stilled beside her and didn’t interrupt but when she remained quiet, Seunghyun asked her a question instead, his tone hesitant and unsure.  “Did you mean what you said yesterday?”

                For a moment, she didn’t know what he was referring to.  So many words had been said already.  It was impossible to guess what he meant.  “About what?” she asked, feeling his slight frown at the need for clarification.  Frustratingly, his mute disappointment bothered her.

                “Do you still love me?” he responded quietly.

                Bom dropped her eyes and blinked as she worried her torn lip.  She had meant it as a goodbye but that didn’t make it any less true.  As much as she wanted to deny it, like she had been doing since she left, lies had no place between them anymore.  “Yes,” she finally admitted in a shallow whisper, the answer barely slipping past her lips.  She couldn’t see his response but the relief and joy that must have suffused his face then was almost palpable and she found it confusing.  “Why do you believe in me so much?” she asked in a tight voice, completely baffled by his actions.  Not only had he not been trying to kill her all these years, as she half-suspected, but he’d in fact been waiting for her to come home in her own time.  Long after she had given up on both of them, he had never given up on her.

                He took a moment to think about the answer and braved her possible reaction to run his fingertips across her forehead, tracing strands of hair out of her face.  She closed her eyes and took a shaky breath at the sensation, the loving memory that came with it painful to endure.  “Because you survived something I’m not sure I would have,” he finally admitted, curling his fingers into her hand.

                She laughed weakly at the praise and turned her head.  “If I had paid the price to begin with, a lot of people would still be alive right now,” she reminded him, her own voice weak and filled with regret.

                “Hey,” Seunghyun chided gently, exerting pressure on her hand.  “You can’t bring hindsight here.  It doesn’t belong, remember?”  Bom scoffed at his logic and closed her eyes tighter.  She knew he understood she was listening though.  “I was so afraid of losing you,” he admitted at last, when the silence became too much.  “But I never imagined what they would ask in repayment.  Or what the cost of that would be.”

                Mutely, Bom worked her jaw, wincing when her bottom lip stung from where she’d bit into it the other day.  With a frown, she finally spoke, “After everything that has happened.  Was it worth it?”  She was gratified when he didn’t answer immediately.  It meant more than an automatic response to a difficult question.

                Seunghyun clucked his tongue as he mulled it over.  “To be honest, I wasn’t sure initially.  I never wanted any of this for you,” he sighed, resting his fingertips near her eyes to indicate her loss of sight.  “And I regret this-” his hand moved to rest atop her abdomen carefully, “-more than words can ever say.”  Reflexively, Bom moved her free hand to rest it atop Seunghyun’s and her lips.  “When you left, I couldn’t follow you then.  I was grieving myself.”

                “I really never meant-”

                “I know.  I never blamed you for Chaerin’s death.  Not really,” he promised in a quiet voice.

                “I did,” Bom whispered in response, turning her head away from him.  “I still do.”  After all, it had been her hand that stabbed the young woman who had only been trying to protect them both.  Even when her brother didn’t visit Bom when she was first recovering, Chaerin had been by her side almost unfailingly.  Just like her family and friends had been.  There was nothing Bom could do to reverse time and stop the blind strike that felled the young woman, so when she fled, her purpose had become two fold: become skilled enough to take vengeance on Seunghyun for the hurt he inflicted upon her and to repay Chaerin for her sacrifice by helping those who could not help themselves.  At least that was what she told herself all this time.

                “I blamed myself,” Seunghyun surprised her by admitting, a trembling tenseness in his hand letting her know he was being completely honest with her now.  Slowly, Bom turned to focus his direction again, a confused furrow in her forehead.  “Had I simply done what I was supposed to, you wouldn’t have failed.  I wouldn’t have had to face you.  And none of those events would have happened in the aftermath.  Not by our hands,” he whispered softly.

                Bom’s bottom lip trembled as she felt tears encroaching.  His words should have made her feel vindicated; that in blaming him as well, she had been correct.  All she could feel though was pain.  She thought she’d been strong all these years in the path she’d chosen, but she was wrong.  Here was the man she’d fallen in love with growing up.  The strong, devoted friend and lover who was able to face everything head on.  So caught up in her own guilt and grief, she’d abandoned him as well…  “I’m so stupid,” she cried softly, her blind eyes staring up at the ceiling while tears trailed down her face.

                “No, Bom,” he murmured with a sad smile.  “You’ve only lost your way,” he promised tenderly, the backs of his fingers gently running against her cheek.  “Please,” he pleaded beside her, his other hand holding tight to her hand.  “Let me help you find your way back.”

                It was too much right now.  Bom turned her head and bit her lip again, reopening the wound as she took a shaky breath.  She didn’t want to be found.  Not yet.  Swallowing around the painful lump in , she reminded him, “You didn’t answer my question.”  Forcing herself to look back in his direction, she repeated, “Was it worth it?”

                Seunghyun moved his hand to rest a warm palm against the side of her head and sighed.  “Yes.”

                A part of her expected the answer but that didn’t mean she understood it, nor was she ready to accept it.  Whimpering softly, Bom turned away from Seunghyun, curling up so that he couldn’t see the troubled emotions on her face or the tears that continued to fall.  Of all the ways she envisioned returning home, this was not one of them.

                For several long moments, she was aware of him remaining where he was, just watching her.  Their conversation had ended for the moment and they both knew it, but he didn’t want to leave her side.  In the heavy air after their words, the chair was apparently too far away but neither did he touch her again, though she knew he wanted to.  At last, he took a quiet breath and stood up to wander back to his post, leaving her to her thoughts but not alone.

                No.  That first day after she woke, she was given no amount of privacy for if Seunghyun wasn’t keeping an eye on her, one of her friends from long ago was.  And while Seunghyun was content to leave her in silence as she walked through her thoughts, Dara, Taeyang, Daesung, and Jiyong all felt it necessary to bring her up to speed on what she’d missed out on while she was gone.

                They all admitted to being angry with her at first too, after she fled.  Everyone had liked Chaerin after all, and it was difficult for them to understand how such a tragedy could happen, but they healed in time with Seunghyun.  Or at least came to accept what had happened.  Now, they were just sad for Bom, and glad that she was back.  They filled the silence with stories and words to make her happy, but all it did was drive her further and further into self pity and loathing.

                She wanted them to still be angry with her.  It would have hurt less than their pity.  She wanted them to blame her for Chaerin’s death and to wish her ill for all the years she’d wasted.  That way, she could have agreed with them and felt ersely better for it.  But they didn’t.  None of them.  The only one that might was Seungri and he was coming nowhere near her; not that she could blame him.  He’d lost everything too, because of her.  His family… his position… his honor…  Even if he did visit her, Bom knew she wouldn’t be able to face him either.

                Her only positive thoughts centered on Minji and wondering what the young woman was going to do.  No one else spoke of her or the child she carried, so Bom knew that Seunghyun had not revealed her secret yet.  As such, she wasn’t going to enlighten them either.  She simply listened as her friends – now that was an odd thought – chattered in her ear.  Maybe they talked so she wouldn’t be able to think by herself for it certainly worked.

                It was almost a relief when night fell and it was deemed time for the majority of the village to quiet down for rest.  Her dinner was simple and light and though Seunghyun fed her himself, so that she couldn’t get her hands on any of the eating utensils, the silence between them was… awkward but acceptable.

                “I’ll be right here if you need me,” Seunghyun murmured in a soft voice, his hand resting lightly upon her shoulder as she turned away from him again.  She didn’t want to need him again; not like how she had back then.  He didn’t take offense though and simply drifted to his chair nearby to keep a quiet vigil over her.

                Bom forced her mind to empty so that she might find rest herself.  To what end, she didn’t know for the next day held no purpose for her, but everyone else seemed to expect it.  And it wasn’t like Seunghyun was just going to go away.  When sleep finally found her, she was ready for it, but Bom could never have prepared herself for the dreams that followed.

                Buried memories had been uncovered and demons she had never really faced reared their vicious heads.  In vivid detail, faceless figures pointed accusatory fingers at her in the wake of her failure.  In lieu of the executioner’s sword, Bom found herself guided by iron-like hands past her intended fate to a pit that reeked of despair and agony.  No!  She opened to scream but no sound came out as the word echoed only in her mind.

                Heedless of her cries, she was tossed into the pit, falling and falling and falling until at last the ground caught her in its hard and unforgiving embrace.  The physical pain she felt was nothing in comparison to the stab of emotion that ripped through her when she looked up to see Seunghyun facing off against her in perfect detail.  He was twelve years younger, wearing a seamless mask to hide his emotions she wouldn’t know much it pained him to stand there against her.  Even in her memory, he looked immaculate with deep brown eyes and short black hair above a timeless face that often smiled, though that expression was nowhere to be found here.

                His jaw clenched as he threw her sword to her and drew his blade while he waited.  Bom watched it skitter to a halt in front of her and loathed reaching out to take it, knowing full well how this was going to end.  That didn’t keep her hand from extending to clasp the hilt tightly, or her form from pushing off the ground to stand up.  Her mind cried out in furious denial of everything while her body acted of its own volition, drawing her katana to face Seunghyun: her friend, her lover, the soon to be slayer of their unborn child.

                No! Bom screamed again in her mind while her body rushed forward so they could fight.  Oh how they fought that day.  Too much emotion bottled up and restrained and too little control between their desperate desires to not hurt each other.  And Bom tried so hard, but Seunghyun had always been the better fighter, despite being three years her junior.  It had been no contest and those looming, faceless figures circled around the perimeter of the pit watching them knew as much.

                She lost her sword somewhere in the middle of the fight, the blade ripped from her hand by a well time disarm, and still, she pressed on, using her scabbard as her only weapon instead.  Seunghyun could not drop his sword under their watchful eyes so he only used his scabbard to attack her, the hard metal more punishing against unprotected flesh but less dangerous than the keen edge of the blade.  Or so he believed.  This time, Bom saw as much in his eyes as he landed blow after blow, trying to pull them where he could.  He wished she would go down so he could stop this… wished she would simply give up and just accept defeat, but that was not in either of them to do.

                The blow to her head caught her off guard and sent her to the ground, consumed by pain and utterly disoriented.  Stupidly, she tried to get back to her feet while her vision dimmed and wavered with the sound of blood roaring in her ears.  What was she trying to prove so desperately back then?  Did she really just want to beat him?  Or show him that she wasn’t a complete failure?  Why?!

                Stay down, he begged her, his voice breaking at her stubborn determination.  Maybe it was pride…  Bom wasn’t sure, but when she didn’t listen, the fight continued, though the battle was already lost.  Not a soul questioned it, except Bom who denied the outcome with every fiber in her being.  Why?  She no longer knew the answer, if she ever really had, but the blows continued and his voice kept begging for her to stop… to simply accept her defeat.

                And she did.  Eventually.  When her body failed her entirely and her mind no longer had the ability to command it to do anything more.  She had already been going blind then.  The memory was fuzzy and skewed, tainted by a sheen of red over her sight, but she looked down and for once, saw her form in stark detail.  Blood everywhere.  It drenched her lower body and pooled on the ground beneath her, giving her an ocean to drown in, and she knew exactly what it meant.

                “NO!”  The scream that emerged this time was visceral and raw, ripping through the fabric of her dreams and into reality as she sat up in bed and howled her loss.

                “Bom!” Seunghyun called as he was startled out of a light doze, bridging the distance between them impossibly fast before he gathered her in his arms and clutched her to his chest.

                “My baby!” Bom keened, her fingers clawing desperately at her long empty womb, ripping the bindings covering her wound in the process, though she barely felt it.  “I lost my baby!” she screamed, caught in the overwhelming emotions contained in the dream.

                “Easy, easy,” Seunghyun soothed into her ear as he rocked her in his arms and tried to get her to calm down.  When blood started to seep through her bandages, a note of panic infused his voice as he cried out for help again.  “I’m here,” he promised her over and over as Bom finally turned to sob against his chest, crooking her fingers into his clothes instead of her own.  “I’m not going anywhere.”

                It was the first of many such dreams Bom would experience as she recovered.  In some, she relived attacking Seunghyun in the fight that claimed Chaerin’s life, only she watched it unfold as an outsider, unable to act or speak but observing the scene in its grisly and tragic detail.  Her mind could piece together enough of how it would have looked to make sense in her head.  In others, she was running forever from her home, hounded by shadows of her own making that ripped at her back with unforgiving claws.  In a mercifully rare few, Bom watched her family take their lives in front of her only to rise again and chase her down; their dead eyes haunted her relentlessly as bloody, crooked fingers reached out to grab her, demanding she take their place.

                The only good thing that came about was after that first night, she no longer wanted to kill herself.  Instead, the thought was replaced by an empty sort of numbness that aded her being.  As the days progressed, her body healed, when she didn’t reopen the wound in the wake of another terrifying nightmare.  After a couple evenings of questionable sleep, Seunghyun finally insisted upon sharing the bed with Bom, though he remained completely on top of the covers.

                “So even when you’re sleeping, you will know that you’re not alone anymore,” he assured her, determined to not be swayed.

                She glared his general direction and finally acquiesced.  It couldn’t hurt after all.  Ironically enough, and irritatingly so, it helped.  Her nightmares continued but they lacked the crushing intensity they had first begun with.  Little by little, Bom also began to rediscover her home as Seunghyun and her friends started to take her on walks through the village.  Her brother continued to avoid her like a leper and Minji acknowledged her from afar, but at least the villagers were generally content to just accept she was back.  The old order from her time before had mostly been replaced or passed on and those that hadn’t felt little need to speak with Bom.  They didn’t like or dislike her, mostly, since the person she was now, was not the one that had left them before.

                Bom was still unable to face the graves of her family or Chaerin though and the mere thought filled her with such despair and guilt that tears threatened every time she contemplated trying.  Seunghyun didn’t push her, nor did any of the others, and he was as good as his word.  There was not a day that he didn’t spend at least some time in her company, which she still didn’t know how to feel about it.  Hesitant, yes.  Uncertain, yes.  Unworthy… definitely.  There was still so much left unsaid between them and neither had spoken of their feelings for the other verbally, though there was no doubting what either felt.

                The hardest part for Bom really was that she no longer had a target to drive her forward.  For years, her motivation to continue had been hating Seunghyun and what he’d done to her.  Or trying to blindly buy herself out of feeling guilty by doing as much good as she could while she avoided her home.  It had been so long since she had actually lived for herself, she wasn’t sure she remembered how.  And even if she did remember, how was she ever going to at last atone for all the hurt and misunderstandings she had caused?

                It was enough to make her contemplate the serenity of death again, though that all changed when she received a surprise visitor while she was still staying with Seunghyun.  Her own home no longer existed as she knew it and Seungri had simply been taken in by another family of the clan when she originally left, giving her nowhere else to go anyway.

                She heard someone stop by before Daesung moved to see who it was.  Seunghyun was out making the rounds of the village and continuing to smooth over her presence among the people.  It wasn’t seamless but the majority were willing to give her a chance.  Holding onto the bamboo practice rod as she continued her footwork, Bom froze and dropped the weapon without a second thought when she heard her guest, new fears developing in light of old memories.

                “Bom?” the young woman asked hesitantly, her voice uncertain.

                “Minji?” the swordswoman asked incredulously, hardly daring to believe she was here.

                “Ne,” Minji answered quietly, taking a step closer.  “I didn’t mean to startle you,” she added as a way of asking about the dropped weapon.

                Bom shook her head and allowed a tentative smile to creep onto her face.  “You’re fine,” she urged immediately, bending down to retrieve the rod so she could set it to the side and out of reach, suddenly very nervous.  She could feel Minji’s eyes on her and Bom paused a couple feet from the wall as she looked the young woman’s direction.  “It’s good to hear you,” she nodded sincerely, clasping her hands in front of her.

                “I uh…  I wasn’t sure how you felt about me,” Minji admitted, shifting in place.  Bom nodded in understanding and she drifted to the bed nearby as she waited for her guest to continue.  There was more she had to say.  “It was easy to volunteer if it would help Seungri.  You know?” she asked, the sound slightly distorted, like she was chewing on her lip.

                “I do know,” Bom agreed softly, maintaining her soft, encouraging smile.  “How is he?” she asked uncertainly.  The others would let her know off and on but he himself refused to come by to see her.

                “He’s… good,” she answered carefully.  Considering he was still forsaken, it was a tough answer but he was as well as couple be expected.  “Confused I think,” she unexpectedly added, catching Bom’s attention.

                “Oh?” Bom murmured questionably.

                Minji hummed in agreement and paused as she debated whether to speak or not.  “He’s been spending a lot of time with Seunghyun lately.  When he’s not with you of course,” she added quickly, a hint of amusement in her voice.  “I think he’s with him now, actually.”

                “That’s good,” the blind woman smiled, glad he was talking to someone at least.

                “He only told me recently, but…” she trailed off, obviously unsure about her next words.  “The night you had your first nightmare.  He heard you,” Minji explained in a small voice and it was easy to envision the woman wringing her hands in front of her.             Bom’s stomach dropped and she blinked in stunned surprise.  He’d heard her?  The thought made her surprisingly uneasy.  “He didn’t want you to know he was there.”

                Bom took a shaky breath at the revelation and nodded in tacit agreement.  She wouldn’t have wanted to be seen either.  “And?” she asked, worrying her bottom lip now.

                “He’s trying to understand,” Minji murmured as she took another step closer, slowly bridging the distance between them.  “He really doesn’t know what to say to you.”

                She gave a shaky laugh in response and exhaled, “He’s not the only one.”

                Her footsteps drew near and then the bed dipped as Minji settled beside her, close enough to know she was right there but far enough that they weren’t touching.  “For years he hated you after you left.  And it was easy for me to hate someone I barely remembered myself, because he hurt so much.”  Bom covered with her hand and tried to fight the tears that pricked her eyes while she nodded.  “He never knew you were pregnant either.”

                Bom choked on the sob that followed and bit back the ones that wanted to as well so she could actually look at Minji, her expression desperately hopeful.

                “I am,” Minji whispered happily in response to the unspoken query in Bom’s face.  “Seungri’s going to be a father,” she admitted thickly as emotions threatened to make her cry.  “He’s so excited too,” she breathed fervently.

                There were no amount of words that could adequately describe the sheer joy Bom felt at Minji’s announcement and overflowing tears were her only answer.  She covered with both hands and cried happily as her body shook.  She was surprised and gratified when Minji grabbed one of her hands and held it close between both of hers.

                “Thank you-” she breathed, shifting her grip so that she could press Bom’s hand to her stomach, “-for showing me.”

                Rather unsuccessfully, Bom tried to control her continued tears but all she managed to do was nod, a lot, and swallow thickly while she absorbed that information.  She was going to have a niece or nephew and at that moment, there wasn’t a better feeling in the world.  “Thank you, Minji,” she finally gasped around her tears, trying so hard to look right at the young woman so she would know exactly how she felt.  Minji pressed her hands on top of Bom’s and hummed in approval.

                The news gave her something that Bom hadn’t even realized she’d lost: hope.  While she knew it was more than just having another target to live for, Bom also knew she couldn’t let it be that way anymore.  It had blinded her in more ways than one the last time she tried.  Seunghyun was also quick to remind her of that fact.

                “I’m glad she decided to keep the child, Bom.  I really am,” Seunghyun murmured as he clasped her hand in one of his, maintaining contact between them lightly.  “But what are you going to do about it now?”

                Bom frowned at the question but paused before she answered.  “I’m going to help them.  And help take care of the child with them.”

                Seunghyun’s tone was gentle when he reminded her, “You haven’t spoken to Seungri at all since you’ve returned.”

                “I’m aware,” she responded unhappily.  “I intend to talk to him soon,” she explained determinedly.

                “For the child’s sake or your own?” Seunghyun pressed, tightening his fingers slightly on her hand, a hint of worry in his voice.

                Bom closed her eyes at the question and took a slow, deep breath.  She knew what he was asking and he was right.  “For me,” she whispered quietly, the utterance as much to inform him as to convince herself it was something she needed to do.  Mutely, she reached across her body to grip her arm with her free hand as she began to realize the magnitude of the task ahead of her if she chose that path.

                Her brother was still forsaken and she was almost as good as one herself.  In order to be even remotely worthy of respect again, Bom would have to carve it out for herself first.  And somehow, she would have to find a way to restore her brother’s honor as well, since she had been responsible for him losing it in the first place.  Only then would she be someone that Seungri’s child might be able to look up to, and that wasn’t guaranteed considering just how much she really needed to atone for.  Given the turmoil of her thoughts, it wasn’t a surprise when the conflict appeared on her face.

                “Hey,” Seunghyun murmured soothingly as he cradled her cheek in his palm.  For a second, she debated pulling away and then exhaled as she leaned into the contact with her eyes still closed.  “I’m still here if you need help.  Or anything for that matter,” he assured her with a light chuckle.

                Bom nodded as she took a breath and opened her eyes at last.  “I think right now… I need to speak to my brother.”

                “Alright,” Seunghyun murmured, caressing her cheek with his thumb.  “I’ll set something up, ne?”

                “Thank you,” Bom smiled, giving his other hand another squeeze.

                Unnervingly, that was how Bom found herself in front of Seungri nearly three weeks after she’d returned and over twelve years after she had inadvertently abandoned him as well.  There was a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach and her heart wouldn’t slow down to save her life as she tentatively waved at him from the doorstep when he opened the door.  “Hi,” she murmured uncertainly as she felt his eyes on her.

                “Hi,” he responded guardedly, the wariness evident in his tone.  Just because he’d agreed to the meeting didn’t mean he was eager to see where it went.

                They stood in fairly uncomfortable silence until Bom finally asked, “May I come in?”  She really didn’t know what she was going to do if he said no but-

                “Ne.”  She heard him turn away and walk off before he called over his shoulder, “Don’t forget your shoes.”

                Off-kilter, Bom kicked the soft slippers off and meekly followed him inside, pausing to close the door behind her as she felt her way through the rest of the house.  She didn’t know what to expect since it was her first time here but her brother didn’t seem inclined to be helpful just now.  Well, she’d dealt with more hostile environments without her sight before so she should be able to navigate an innocuous couple of rooms.  The subtle hint of cedar wood lingering in the air made her smile.  Unless Seunghyun had been by earlier and the cinnamon had simply faded already, then Seungri favored the scent as well.

                Eventually, she made her way into the visiting room and nodded to herself when she heard Seungri shifting about.  “Tea?” he asked in a monotone voice.

                “Please,” she answered with a hint more inflection.  Bom waited for him to return before she tried to find a seat, opting to follow his lead and… there was one more thing she needed to do.

                When he came back with the smell of black tea following him, he murmured, “Have a seat.”  At the sound of cups rattling lightly on the surface of the table, Bom got down on her knees and touched her forehead to the ground in the deepest bow she could manage.  “Bom…” Seungri exhaled uncertainly, clearly caught off guard by her act.

                “I’m sorry,” she stated firmly, knowing it was something she should have told him much sooner than now, but it was the best she could do.  “For everything.”

                He took a deep breath and scratched at his head, the sound of his nails loud against his scalp.  When she made no move to stand up, he finally huffed, “Would you get off the floor already?  It’s… dirty,” he mumbled lamely before shuffling over to take a seat.

                “Thank you,” Bom hid her smile, simply glad to hear her name and something other than anger in his voice.  The floor was hardly dirty at all but it was an easy way for them both to save face without seeming to give ground in their tentative standoff.  She felt her way towards the table and then sat on the ground before him, daintily picking up the tea to sip at him while she received an impression of annoyance with her.  “And thank you for agreeing to speak with me,” she conceded, taking a sip of the warm brew.

                He grunted in response, the sound accompanied by the scrape of ceramic on wood as he picked his tea up as well.  “I never thought I would see you again,” he finally admitted, his confusion and frustration evident.  She nodded acknowledgement of his words and he didn’t seem to know how to respond to that either.  “You’ve been as good as dead to me since you left.”

                Bom winced at the statement and pursed her lips together.  “Seungri,” she murmured, flinching when he grumbled in disgruntlement.  He didn’t like her saying his name to him and she didn’t know what else to call him, so she went on anyway, “I never meant to hurt you.”  It was funny how she had never meant to hurt anybody, except maybe Seunghyun back then, and yet it was all she had managed to do instead.

                “Yeah, well you did,” he muttered flatly, taking another sip before he set the cup down angrily and sat back in his chair.

                “I really am sorry,” she murmured earnestly, clasping the cup in both hands as the glass started to become uncomfortably warm.

                “You broke our family,” he reminded her cuttingly, making her wince again.

                “I know,” Bom admitted with her head ducked low, brows creased in quiet pain.

                “Why did you come back?” he finally asked when neither knew what else to add, a note of honesty curiosity and subtle anger seeping in.

                Revenge would have been her first answer originally.  It was what she had told herself for years, despite the fact that she had never actually gotten even close to making that happen.  Guilt wasn’t right either since it was exactly what had driven her away time and time again.  Really, it boiled down to one person and one person only.  “Seunghyun.”

                Seungri snorted softly at her answer and she bowed her shoulders further.  “He mentioned you were having a hard time coming back on your own.  I don’t know if that was sensible or just plain pathetic,” he scoffed in harsh humor.

                Oh that hurt.  It wasn’t even like he was wrong either.  Bom swallowed the lump that formed in and took a quiet breath.  She had known this wasn’t going to be easy when she asked for it.  “I was wrong,” she murmured softly, setting the cup down on the table with care.  “About a lot of things that I can’t change.”

                “No.  You can’t change the past,” he tacitly agreed, confirming once again that he’d been speaking with Seunghyun of late.  She’d borrowed the phrase from him often enough herself.

                “You’re right,” she exhaled, picking her head up to look his direction.  “And I know there’s probably not much that I can do to fix things,” Bom added, wincing at his rebuttal.

                “You can’t.”  She closed her eyes and took a slow, calming breath.  How exactly did one make up for abandoning her family to die in her stead, leaving her youngest brother forsaken?  Desperately, she tried to find some sort of answer or promise she could offer him in lieu of it but looked up in surprise as he spoke first.  “You can’t, but…”  She held her breath to hear what he had to say.  “It might be interesting to see you try.”

                The concession was a crumb and nothing more, with a large chance of failure regardless, but Bom was ecstatic for the possibility.  She slid back far enough so that she could bow her forehead to the floor again as she whispered, “Thank you.”

                He grumbled incoherently under his breath and muttered, “Would you stop doing that?”  Hiding her smile, Bom sat up and folded her hands in her lap, wondering if the conversation was over for the time being.  Even if it was, she had made more progress than she could have hoped.  “You should probably be going now,” Seungri urged after a moment as he gathered the tea cups and took them away.

                “Right,” Bom murmured simply, rising to her feet, her chest just a little bit lighter now than when she’d stepped inside.  “I’ll just let myself out,” she called, lingering until she heard a quiet grunt of agreement from the back.  Better than nothing.  Carefully, she backtracked and stopped at the threshold to put her shoes back on.

                Just as she was about to open the door, she heard, “Bom.”

                Turning back to face the direction of her brother, she murmured, “Ne?”

                He was silent for a few seconds, leaving her hanging about if he was going to finish or not.  “Prove me wrong,” he challenged gruffly, saying no more before he walked off, leaving Bom to her thoughts.

                The blind swordswoman couldn’t help but smile at his final words.  She eased the door open and stepped outside, turning her face up to the canopied sky.  Very well.  If that was what she needed to do in order to have her brother back, then so be it.  But damn if she didn’t have a long journey ahead of her.  At least she had found a possible path to walk forward on.

                With her final burned bridge marginally patched, Bom was at last able to visit the graves of the family members who had forfeited their lives for her dishonor.  An apology was too little too late, but it was all she could give them.  She had been forbidden from offering her life in penance for the loss of others since one more death could not atone for all the damage she had caused.  An entire lifetime might not be enough to find a way to make up for it either, but she had a chance now.

                “No more living a false life,” she promised Chaerin as she knelt before her grave last.  “No more running,” she added, reaching down to rest her palm atop the grassy surface.  “No more lies.”

                It was ironic that even though she was blind, Bom had often felt she could see things more clearly than most other people.  She had been both right and wrong in that.  Yes, she was more aware of her surroundings than the common man: she could hear the nuances of life everywhere; could feel textures and small delineations in patterns that another wouldn’t think twice about; could sort out smells that simply faded into the background for most people; and personally discovered a new world of layered tastes in her food.  And yet… she was naively blinded by the false beliefs and lies she told herself over and over again.

                Before things had been laid bare before her, she could talk herself into believing anything she needed to in order to hold onto her hate… her anger… her need for revenge.  Hundreds of conversations with herself only served to make her more blind to the truth she hadn’t wanted to see.  Because it was easier to place the blame on someone else than accept that she had been wrong.  And look where that got her…  She’d been taking the easy path for years now and it was time to change that.

                “Seunghyun,” she called as she sat upright and turned her head back towards where he was waiting for her.

                “Ne?”

                “I’m ready,” she smiled, reaching her hand out to him.  Ready for him to help her; ready to try and move on; ready to actually live her life.  As he took her hand and pulled her up, she took a step forward to voluntarily place her head against his chest, curling her hands to rest lightly over his ribs at the same time.

                “I’m glad,” he murmured softly while he wrapped his arms around her and held tight as he pressed his cheek to the top of her head.

                It wasn’t going to be easy by any means.  Living for the right reasons.  Atoning.  Not giving up.  But like Seungri had done, she could go on as well.  The gift of continued life gave her a chance to be where it meant the most: home.  Right here with the people she cared about.  Besides, she had friends to bother her, a brother to prove wrong, a niece or nephew to become a better role model for, and a partner who had never given up on her, even when she gave up on herself.

                Sliding her arms around his torso, she sighed in contentment and whispered, “Me too.”  Because if he could find a way to atone and forgive himself for what he had done to them both… then so could she.  Some day.

(a/n: And done!  XD  A five chapter max means this one is a bit longer than the others but I managed to get to everything I meant to!  Huzzah!  So I thank you so very much for reading and I hope you've enjoyed.  If there are any questions I didn't answer, please feel free to ask and have a great day!  <3)