Jung Soojung                 l                  Oh Sehun

The first time Sehun met her was when he was in middle school. 13? If he remembers correctly. A beauty like her shone even without the makeup that women prided over so much, she was pretty, a beacon of light in the busy schooling life he led. Two more years before it was time to apply for a high school that was able to secure him a place in the prestigious Pyongyang University of Science and Technology. 

His father was a man of great dreams and those very dreams he placed the burden onto the shoulders of his eldest son to achieve them. Which explains why in between those times before the electricity got cut off Sehun would always have his books placed beneath the dim 40 watt light bulb, poring over those concepts that he learnt in class that very day. He hated every moment of it. While people his age could be out playing with a makeshift ball made of mud and straw, he had to stay in every afternoon after school. 4pm was the latest he had to be back home or the leather belt that was more often used for discipline than to actually hold up a pair of loose pants would strike his skin. One, Two, Three, Four...

-//-

Over the years he had grown numb to the pain but obeyed his stern father nonetheless. Confucianism spoke of being filial to one's parents and he did not want to do otherwise so all these years the mundane routine continued on. And on, and on. Family bloodline was the most important factor in North Korean society, people would rather give up their conscience and lose whatever humanity they have within them than to risk dropping down the social caste that was so ingrained in people's daily lives. For what reason people thought so highly of this system, he could not figure it out. It was an unquestioning society, ask and the next thing you might have your head on the ground together with the rest of your kin, so he kept his mouth shut. 

Shut up and work hard was his motto.

All until he saw that beautiful girl, the only blemish to her otherwise lovely features was the frown and scowl she wore. That very feature of her was what drew Sehun in, a few questions asked from his friends got him her name. Jung Soojung, they said. A pretty girl but her father is under the "hostile class", mix with her and you may fall from where you are right now, they warned. 

The next time Sehun saw her was outside the movie theaters pulling at her lovely curls with frustration at not being able to secure movie tickets. He had one in his hand and he could sell it to her, or even give it to her. He needed time to think rationally and he took a little too long for that.

Later, Sehun would blame it on his many years of keeping his mouth shut that it has become a habit, even at the most important moment he had clammed his mouth tight. 

-//-

Two years was what he needed to finally crack and ask his friend to set him up with her. A little chat maybe near the public outhouse where the prying eyes of neighbors would be away from them. The whole period of two weeks he was crossing his fingers that she would accept his request, why would such a pretty lady agree to meeting a boy that she has never noticed before? It was such a relief when two weeks later, under the flickering light of the lamppost he truly met Jung Soojung (seeing her along hallways and at movie theaters do not count) or the first time. The shy girl that stood in front of him was so different from the girl he first saw with that spirited temper and liveliness to her which was frankly quite shocking. Awkward aptly described the first few minutes of their stroll under the moonlight until he made some remark about her shoelaces or something along those lines, letting loose her true nature that he had come to admire and accidentally letting out a chuckle.

"Now what is so funny Mr Oh? I just met you and here you are mocking me. Not very gentlemanly i would say." the familiar scowl crossed her face once more and Sehun could only reply "nothing" with the hint of a smile on his lips. The remaining time they had left together before people suspected something was up was spent trying to dodge Soojung's punches, all the while making sure to stay within the shadows of the night. 

Thus began the routine of secret outings together past midnight and for once Sehun did not curse the country's lack of electricity supply.

-//-

How they spent those times together was relatively simple, it consisted of Sehun sneaking out of his house, taking care to conceal himself within the shadows (by then the electricity was being cut even more frequently than before) and waiting for Soojung at the outhouse for her to come along. Those times were especially exciting for two teenagers that were seeking adventures within their heavily controlled country and the secret midnight rendezvous was perfect for them. There was always something appealing about the forbidden. 

On those nights they would stroll down the dark pavements to a grass patch away from those blocks of houses that consisted of spying neighbors where their conversations would not be heavily scrutinized with only the stars in the night sky listening in on their conversations. What do two youngsters talk about? School, classmates, hobbies, ambitions, anything really and it was those times where Soojung spoke on her ambitions that he fell in love with. The burning passion that was in her eyes when she spoke on her ambitions, she wanted to be a surgeon, studying in Pyongyang had been her dream from the start and with her grades she knew that she would be able to qualify for a good high school. Sehun was less idealistic-- he knew that with Soojung's status she would never be able to make it into a high school let alone a prestigious university in the capital but he did not want to dash her dreams away. It was this spark she had that made his daily routine more bearable. A few more hours before you can meet Soojung he always reminded himself. Soojung kept him from the urge to retaliate against his father's strikes against his back, against the unfairness of this system they lived in, against the fact that why of all people did Soojung have to be born in a caste that stumped her future? He knew a ton of people that belonged into the "core class" with no real goals in life and lived merely because their parents wanted them to secure a job in the Party but nothing else. He had always loved Kim Il-Sung but now he was doubting the governance of the country even more.

-//-

15 January 1995

The first embrace he ever shared with Soojung. It was like any other normal stroll they had, taking note to hold hands only after they passed the last block of units, just that Soojung seemed unnaturally quiet. Only when they reached the grass patch did Soojung allow herself to break down in front of Sehun and ignoring the fact that they were supposed to remain chaste before marriage, tightly embraced him. Those tears stained through the thin white shirt that Sehun had worn and stung his heart so badly.

Why can't I get in? I did everything right Sehun, I really did. Do you know how hard I tried? How badly I wanted this? Sehun why can't I be like you? Does class really matter? I thought our country was fair. It's communist for God's sake!

All the while as Soojung was saying these words she was pounding against Sehun's back as she hugged him but all Sehun could do was place her head lightly against his chest and soothe her back. He wanted to say that everything would be alright, that she could try to appeal for an admission but those lies were unable to be formed by his lips. In those 16 years of his life, he had never felt more helpless and vulnerable. Who was he to think that he could do well and serve a country if he could not even give his girlfriend what she wanted? What right did he have to call himself her boyfriend, to be able to have this stunning lady to himself when he was so useless? 

-//-

Years later, Sehun would qualify to serve in the Party as an engineer while Soojung would serve as a seamstress in the local factory. Life was busy but they would always manage to find time to seek each other out at the same familiar grass patch except now it was no longer a lush green but rather just a caked up brown patch. They did not mind that fact so long as they had each other and just like old times, they would lie down on the ground staring up into the endless universe, hand in hand, wondering what life might be like outside the barbed wire. Would they  be free to marry, express their love for each other, kiss openly? They could only imagine the future they could share, the children they would raise, the house they would have. For now, they were content with the stars bearing witness to their love.

-//- 

They had their secret (unofficial) wedding on that same brown patch with the stars and moon as their wedding officiator instead of the sickeningly smiley statue of Kim Il-Sung (they liked to think that they were unconventional) with dried straw instead of silver bands as wedding rings. As an afterthought, Sehun wished they had gotten something more permanent. 

-//-

It started off as any other normal day, save for the fact that it was their 3rd month wedding anniversary. Like what they had done for the past 8 years, Sehun waited in the shadows near the outhouse for his lovely lady. His mother was getting increasingly naggy forcing him to meet various suitors that would boost his standing within the Party and time and time again he would reject. The excuse for today was that he needed to discuss work with his superiors. As the short hand of his watch slowly crept towards the number 2, he sensed that there was something wrong. The wildflowers that he had gathered in a bunch were starting to droop.  By the time the short hand reached 6 with the rooster signaling a new day, Sehun consoles himself that it's ok, Soojung probably was busy.

-//-

Three weeks passed and still there was no news of Soojung. Rumor has it that the whole Jung family suddenly disappeared in the middle of the night without a sound. Was it the government that hauled them away? People think not for the Jungs rarely said or did anything that might put them in harm's way. Was it that they had just moved out? But houses were assigned by the government, having money was not enough to grant you a house, you needed permission. 

They came to the conclusion that the Jungs had defected. Though it was never uttered out loud for fear of being implicated, people knew deep down that it was the only possibility. Sehun refused to believe those silly rumors. Uneducated talk, he would say to himself and shake his head at their stupidity. Four weeks into the last encounter he had with Soojung and he was still convincing himself that. 

Soojung was a wise girl, she wouldn't leave just like that, things out there are uncertain and unsafe. Soojung would care. Soojung would not leave, not without him. 

It took a year of no news before Sehun finally convinced himself that Soojung was really gone for good, if she was lucky she would be on the other side now. It hurt so,so bad, the cut down his chest was so raw and fresh that throbbed really hard. Just when he thought the wound was closing up, an image of her smiling with the glint in her eyes was enough to reopen that chest of memories he swore he buried. They had everything planned out but it was not to be, deep down he blames her for not informing him of her escape plans, that she didn't trust him enough to know that he would never say anything that would bring harm onto her, that he would have done anything to leave this place with her. If leaving was what made her happy, Sehun would leave as well because he loved her so, so much. Too much he thinks. 

He wonders if she ever loved him as much as he loved her. 

-//-

A hunched figure, illuminated by the moonlight passes by the many blocks, finally reaching that plot of land. He takes out a single straw ring from his weathered pocket before laying it down on the ground, together with a tiny silver band. 

"My last act of stupidity and rashness, Soojung. I'm sorry this came a little too late but here is the ring I never got to slip onto your finger. How are you Soojung? Is life treating you well? I'm fine here and although I blamed you at the start for leaving me behind, I love you with all of my heart and soul and have always wished you the best. Here is to us Jung Soojung, my best friend, my girlfriend, my wife. I love you."

-//-

A/N: GOSH this is the longest I have ever typed in one sitting, please excuse any mistakes here and there for grammar. In case you guys are wondering, this fic is largely based off the book "Nothing To Envy" and you guys should really check it out, it's a really good read. Comments please? :)