A/N - It's been such a long time that I'm sure this all over the place nad to be all honest I'm sort of scared.  But I hope it's okay and not too many mistakes.

And I wanted to mention that the time stated before every part/section is the time since Daehyun and Youngjae got back together (after the cafeteria scene that is).

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Question Marks

Everything begins with a question mark.

It starts as a mild wondering rivaling a child’s innocent curiosity until it expands throughout the years into the kind of uncertainty or desire you cannot run away from. It’s intricate and consuming.

When was the last time you answered a question?

Some people would like to believe that nothing was left unanswered in their lives. After all, period sounded roughly three kinds of ways neater on a piece of paper than anything else, it shows determination and professionalism. A closure sort of. Furthermore, they would like to imagine that a long life could answer anything as experience and sensibility spoke over what’s daring and new.

However, it’s a concealed fact that life’s never closed.

No matter how one looked at it or thought of it as cruel the world would always be open.

Did you know that people have the tendency to think in questions?

Some were deep while others were less profound.

Why is the sky blue?

Did I lock the door?

Who am I?

Does this shirt look good on me?

Then they live by striving to find answers, they could be right or they could be wrong. They only needed to be satisfied and have the void within them filled and find momentary peace from all the confusion until they have to answer another and live for another.

When was the last time you looked back at a heart in query?

If the sun is shining, you’ll wonder if it’s hot outside.

If someone looks at you in the eye longer than necessary, you’ll question his motives.

If you’re treated unfairly, you’d want to seek justice.

If you’re happy, you’ll ask how long it’s going to last.

It might be daunting, to think that your days are based on How? When? Who? Why? and Where?

What is this? What is that?

But answers are found within human actions.

And those are unpredictable.

You will always know what you are searching for but you will never know what you’ll find.

It’s frustrating yet exciting at the same time.

Walk out the door and find out how the sun glazes on your skin

Approach a stranger and trust the feeling in your bones

Raise your voice and see where it leads you

Live life to its fullest and count the years

It all ends with a question mark.

And a question mark can change everything.

--*--*--*--

Yoo Youngjae was the one who never pushed himself to find any answers.

He made them up himself.

Or he used to.

In his silence and distance from everyone else he would form a hypothesis based on the little things he knew and reasoned and then he would try to prove it right or wrong. Then once proven it’d be pushed aside to never be brought forward again.

It was his thing.

The safest option and the simplest way to achieve calmness without having to consider those around him was to create it all in his head. He never needed anyone, and they surely never bothered with him.

What he found had from a long time back been based on solely him and his young judgment.

However, that was until he encountered questions proven too complex for him, or anyone for that matter to comprehend. Youngjae had felt overwhelmed, borderline to suffocation. He was no longer able to draft the answers since everything was suddenly too grand and too stifling to store inside his limited self.

All of a sudden he was in need of help.

He needed someone.

Admittedly, it had hit him hard but it was a change he gradually accepted.

Because the more he tried to resist and the harder he tried to forget the deeper he seemed to fall.

Yoo Youngjae only needed one, but not just anyone.

Jung Daehyun

whose lips were too big, eyes too bright, voice too loud and who made everything feel a bit too real.

There was no part of Daehyun that wasn’t too much but at the same time there was no part of Daehyun that Youngjae didn’t glance upon fondly.

Beautiful

that’s what they were.

And that’s where the questions got unfathomable.

--*--*--*--

8 months

the way….

If, Youngjae thought, if he wanted to move from one point to another he would consider either to walk or to run. That’s two options. And there were certainly many more than just two. But those were the ones that came to him naturally.

He wasn’t much of an ‘outside the box’ thinker and often chose a more logical approach to every matter. He could appear confident, arrogant even when textbooks were available and he could follow them to the tee. But take that away from him, give him something with no exact formula to solve and he’d instantly crumble to an anxious mess laboring very little faith in everyone, including himself.

There’s this thing he pondered on like a habit almost. A lingering worry.

Jung Daehyun.

Sometimes there were wall around them, sometimes there walls between them and sometimes there were walls just around him. That would be when Youngjae couldn’t help but stare at the blocks raised to isolate him from the outside world. It was his very own breathing space, a place where he could be lost in his own thoughts. However, no one wants to be lost forever and the wall would eventually turn to nothing but an obstacle. Something that kept him from moving on, facing whatever.

If, Youngjae thought, if he wanted to break free …

he be left with the thought of

How?

---

It’s Saturday morning, 10 o’clock last time Youngjae checked and hurled back into a ball under the warmth underneath his blankets. He wasn’t sleeping, but rather resting with his eyes closed and in the sunny yet chilly morning it somehow felt like he was alone against everything in existence. Nothing was good enough to pull him out of his self-made darkness where something told him he should care but he simply didn’t.

But it didn’t take much long before the door creaked open to for the second time intrude on his reveries. He was wallowing in his own warmth when the door clicked in a way that implied it had been treated right while returning to its original position. Light feet moved soundlessly on the wooden floor in full knowledge of where it creaked and where it didn’t. Youngjae didn’t have to turn around to know who it was, not when there was only one person who would think of sauntering into his personal space unannounced.

And a faint smile tugged at the corners of Youngjae’s lips.

Because even if he’d complain about it on most days, there were also days the other’s mannerism hit a chord or two.

A tiny skip on the toes here and there and Youngjae could picture Daehyun trying to maintain his balance while taking off his socks.  Then there was some rustling and Youngjae grimaced, Jung Daehyun was probably dumping all his things everywhere again, creating a medley of chaos that was nowhere near organized despite having been told off too many times.

It didn’t take long for Youngjae’s cover to be lifted and for a stream of cold air to brush against his lower back where his shirt had ridden up and skin was exposed. Unconsciously, he shifted towards the wall to make space once the mattress dipped under the weight of another person.

The duvet closed over Daehyun as he made himself comfortable. The sigh leaving his mouth sounded way too content for the place not to be his own home.

Youngjae shivered when cold feet touched his, but he didn’t pull away.

And they stayed like that.

He realized he must have turned over during the time he apparently fell asleep when his line of sight became full of a very peaceful-looking Daehyun whose chest rose and fell at an even pace.

It wasn’t particularly an enthralling picture, Youngjae thought. After all, who didn’t sleep like this at night? Who didn’t dream like this? However, the closed eyes, the slightly open mouth and the way Daehyun’s nose twitched from time to time had a certain charm to them that undeniably made warmth expand behind Youngjae’s ribcage and pulled him out from wherever he was to get a little bit closer.

It took him a moment to register that he was all of a sudden staring straight into deep brown eyes. He blinked and tried to recall when Daehyun had shifted to lie on his side or when he first got wrapped in the other’s arms. The gaze locked with his turned soft, laced with the kind of fondness that made him weak. Incoherent and light-headed.

Everything he hated to be and yet somehow he was okay with it.

They were close, not far from noses touching.

His eyes wandered over the arch of lashes contouring Daehyun’s chocolate brown orbs, across his cheek, his nose, paused at the mole under his right eye and then stopped at his lips.

Fleshy and moist.

And then like a sort of hunger, he yearned for a kiss.

His breath hitched when the full lips before him curved into a familiar smirk.

Smug and knowing.

Youngjae shook his head and made sure Daehyun saw it when he rolled his eyes.

He wanted to turn over, because a smug Daehyun was an overbearing Daehyun, but the hand that came to rest on his cheek made him stay.

It wasn’t a kiss.

More like a smile pressed against his lips.

Sweet and tender.

Youngjae pulled back and offered shy smile of his own before he leaned back in to place small kisses along Daehyun’s mouth.

Sometimes there were wall around them, sometimes there walls between them and sometimes there were walls just around him.

 But then there was the way…

How there was someone not afraid to find him

How his walls gave in to the right comfort 

How his name was called with no words

and he’d jump a little higher.

--*--*--*--

4 months

the time…

You all heard it before ‘there’s a time for everything’, one particular moment that was right for one specific thing.

Youngjae would say he was a careful person, one who constantly strived to do the right thing, say the right word and be true to himself. But there were times he would get too cautious, and while he hesitated the ‘right moment’ passed before his eyes. Idle and wasted.

How did one figure out the time? If there really was a time for every little thing, then how did one know? Especially regarding the person who held all his concerns,

Jung Daehyun

There was a time to move forward, there was a time to voice ones feelings and there was a time to be strong.

And Youngjae wanted to figure them all out.

So then…

When?

---

They barely made it through the doors when it was announced the train off to the next station. Elders and teenagers alike turned to look at them disapprovingly, and in turn Youngjae pointedly glared at Daehyun. It had been his idea after all, to make a run through to the subway in the downpour.

“Not that bad?” Youngjae hissed. “Just harmless rain you said?” He blinked and tried to get the water away from his eyes. He would’ve tried to wipe everything off on Daehyun if it weren’t for the fact that they were both equally soaked.

The school uniform clung to him like second skin and he imagined his body squeaked funnily every time he moved.

Daehyun grinned. “But this is harmless!” he exclaimed and shook his head vigorously; drying his hair and at the same time putting stains on about every person nearby.

Youngjae didn’t get it at all; he was freezing and completely sure that they were going to catch a cold. Obviously, Daehyun didn’t care as much for doing what’s right at right moments. He smacked Daehyun’s hand that was wanted to run through his hair and moved away, refusing to see the pout on the other’s face.

He couldn’t tell if it was him who cared too much or if it was Daehyun who was too ignorant. They swayed back and forth, pushed one side to the other to let people through. The thin layer of cotton of his shirt clung to his body gradually stealing degree after degree of his heat and he shivered.

“Are you alright?” Daehyun’s deep rumble rang in his ears as long fingers wrapped around his wrist.

Youngjae was annoyed but his demeanor softened once he lifted his gaze and met Daehyun’s. Because he knew that look too well and he’d never have the heart enough to turn away from it.

He saw the concern in Daehyun’s eyes and the longing to reach out to hold him — to comfort him whenever he looked like he needed it.

He grew aware of the touch on him, etched on his skin it burned. In Daehyun’s eyes there was a smile along with faint lines of tiredness and guilt. He’s holding back. Affections and concerns beyond considered causalities where meant to be held back until the right time. The expression on Daehyun’s face was apologetic, but it was only a matter of time before he too would be shivering in his skin. Youngjae smiled faintly and found anchor in Daehyun’s feathery touch, in the way the other’s forefinger brushed again the back of his hand. Up and down it went, drawing soothing patterns until Daehyun finally hooked two fingers into his hand with no intention to let go.

Youngjae might still be cold…

… but he was also so gone over the person leaning close to him.

“I suppose I’ll live.”

---

Youngjae swiped his hand over the mirror and his reflection appeared from underneath the layer of steam. A light flush adorned his cheeks, a result from the shower Daehyun had pushed him to take the moment they stepped through the front door.

He turned his face from one side to the other and for no reason started to think of what he actually saw. He had those days, where he’d feel slightly self-conscious. Where his skin would look too pale and the dark rings under his eyes too apparent. But then he would just wave it off. He forgot about it to the faint tune of Daehyun’s whistles on the other side of the wall, a mediocre pop-song unintentionally remixed into something with that kind of extra.

And Youngjae smiled.   

Daehyun was sitting on the bed, by the edge and casually flipping through his phone. His hair was still wet from the shower across the hall and dripped to create dark spots on the red fabric of the shirt he had randomly thrown on. The device was put away upon hearing Youngjae making his way over and his breath caught somewhere along the line.

He stopped right before Daehyun as his hands twitched, wanting cover the eyes focused on him in order to not forget himself. Because this was Daehyun, always so generous and unguarded. 

And a fool.

Entralling, but a fool nonetheless.

He took the towel he was still holding and put it round Daehyun’s head, mindfully catching the droplets falling off the dark strands. Then with small ruffles and tugs, his fingers dug into Daehyun’s hair, drying it. The gesture earned him a contented sigh followed by a wide grin. Cool hands came to rest just above Youngjae’s hipbones, pulling him further into the natural warmth radiating from the dark eyed person he was staring down at.

Youngjae’s lips curved into a faint smile as he scratched Daehyun lightly behind the ears.

Daehyun hummed, his eyes fluttered and instinctively, his hands moved to lock on Youngjae’s lower back pulling him into a tight embrace. He buried his nose in Youngjae’s abdomen and inhaled deeply.

A lump formed in Youngjae’s throat, one he forcibly swallowed to be left all dry and breathless. He let the damp towel fall to the floor and then brushed the strands covering Daehyun’s eyes to the side.

“You are looking at me like that again.” Youngjae said when he met the open and bright orbs staring up at him.

‘Like I’m this sort of amazing person despite the flaws you know that I have.’

“I can’t help it.” Daehyun grinned as his gaze flickered over Youngjae’s face. “This is how I see you.”

And that’s it.

Heat pooled down the pit of Youngjae stomach, gradually spiraling its way up and he forced himself too look away.

It’s too much, overwhelming even…

People say that the heart flutters when it knows.

And Youngjae’s did. With tiny wings spread open it lifted, it flew – but it was heavy.

The deeper he allowed himself to love the heavier he got.

Daehyun sensing the tension in Youngjae’s limbs drew back slightly. “What’s wrong?”

A lot. There was a lot of things Youngjae wanted – desperately wanted to be right.

He wanted to just accept and never worry.

So then when? When was the time for that?

“Do you-“ his hands came to rest on Daehyun’s shoulders, gripping them tightly. “Do you think this is the right time to be in love?”

Something passed through Daehyun’s eyes, a momentary shift of his own questions before they regained their focus.

There was a sigh, a long and breathy one when slender fingers found their way under the hem of his shirt, dug into his sides and tugged at him. Youngjae followed, he straddled Daehyun’s lap and let the other pull his face down until their foreheads were pressed together.

“Maybe it’s not…” he started, his eyes never leaving Youngjae’s. “But we can try to make it right.” He tilted his head to press a chaste kiss on Youngjae’s lips, lingering only slightly. “This is our time” he whispered “and I love you so much.”

And he remembered to breathe.

The wings flapping against his insides were not tearing at the sensitive flesh due to the weight on them. Instead of struggling just to stray above a bottomless pit they brushed teasingly between his ribs like feathers. The sensation washed through him and tickled soft and quiet laughter to escape between his lips.

Just like that.

Simple and clear.

Youngjae placed a tender kiss on Daehyun’s eyelid and then pulled back to take in the broad smile slowly forming on his lips.

He wrapped his arms around Daehyun’s neck, rested his head on the broad shoulders and felt incredibly at ease.

There’s a time…

When he could let go and know that he would be fine

When they were willing to learn how to be brave

When hearts breathed in tandem

and it’d be enough.

--*--*--*--

1 month

the person…

Youngjae could think of one particular sentence: ‘You are your own person’.

And he’d dissect it to the core in search for its level of truth.

Because was he really? His own person that is…

There’s a list, everybody had one in the back of their heads. A list of people they have encountered and remembered. It’s sort of a wonder though, just like everyone was unique so was their color-coded lists ranged from the douche to the sweetheart, the hated to the loved.

We all had one, there was no exception.

Youngjae knew full well who he was labeled as in about everyone’s ordered system and the word clang with enmity. It didn’t have to, but it did. Sometimes there was a strange twinge of jealousy which was not openly voiced but Youngjae could tell from the heated glares coming his way from his classmates. Half of them believed he aced without effort, he was undeserving of being on top because he didn’t even try.  The other half however bet he spent sleepless nights doing nothing but memorizing facts and formulas. So they all envied him either for his brain or for his determination.

And they determinedly looked down on him because they were certain he fell short in every other area.

He was a nobody.

‘Who you are’ was meant to expand, definitions were supposed to cover all from bad to good until you felt content.

Shaped and whole.

And while Youngjae trusted he was on a good path and would never stray — it had hurt.

The reflection in the eyes that were not his own told him the things he wasn’t worth of.

He forbade himself to care and at most times, he didn’t.  

But that didn’t mean he didn’t feel wronged.

It was like standing in front wall of glass about to shatter, while he was prepared for the pieces to cut through skin, he’d still bleed. And while he’s strong enough to stand up, the wounds would heal over broken glass leaving them to tear at his muscles every time he made a twist or turn.

Youngjae would admit that he was a little bit cracked. Complete but undeniably fractured.

But then there was Daehyun

Jung Daehyun

Who insisted he was somebody.

And Youngjae couldn’t help but question…

Who?

---

It has never been about ‘who you are’

Youngjae sat on the cold concrete floor of the rooftop and brought his knees to his chest. His lips parted, nostrils flared and he breathed. Tried to. His hands dug into his kneecaps to prevent them from shaking but they wouldn’t and his body, wherever invisible ached. His breathing was rugged and harsh, taking in whatever but it wasn’t enough. It was never enough.

It was almost like a panic attack, except for it wasn’t.

Because Youngjae would never do that. He would never allow the panic take over him.

He wouldn’t lose himself and he wouldn’t fall to the ground.

He drew his feet closer to his body and stared over the open space.

Their words tore under his skin, their glares burned on his back and the discreet humiliation slowly drowned him.

A sigh escaped his lips as he blinked away the tears caused by the wind.

It was his only comfort, to know that at least the tears where not his own.

He had until the bell to pull himself together. And he would, he most certainly would.

Because…

Because he was still Yoo Youngjae.

And it was never about ‘who you are’…

People didn’t treat him according to who he was… they treat him based on who he was to them.

So he was going to be fine.

He just needed to breathe.

---

Youngjae felt the phone buzz in his pocket and gripped the pencil tighter between his fingers. He would like to think that it was due to the inconvenience of being in class. But the truth was he didn’t want to face the concerned looks he could sense being aimed his way. The ones that knew what he was going through but at the same time not. Not really, not in the same way.

Somehow he thought he could deal with it simply by ignoring everything and hoping that Daehyun would eventually look the other way.

But knowing Daehyun, it was the last thing the other would ever do.

People scattered in different directions after the bell rung for the last time of the day. Daehyun and Youngjae fell into each other’s steps, not out of habit or custom but more like a nature. They just did. Silence stretched along their steps and that itself was odd along with the building distance between them. And Youngjae wasn’t completely unaware. He knew he was the cause of it. They’ve barely gotten halfway to the subway station when Daehyun suddenly stopped, his feet halted with a loud stomp on the pavement. His were eyes focused, hardened with determination but yet they where soft in a way that grasped onto Youngjae’s deflecting gaze when he spun around a few feet ahead.

“What?” Youngjae asked when they didn’t do anything but stare at each other.

Daehyun shoved his hands in his pockets. “What happened?” His eyes fell onto the ground, looking far more unsettled than he was just moments ago. “Or are you going to keep things from me again? Close yourself up and push me out? Youngjae-ah, I can tell now you know, when you are hurt… so why won’t you just tell me.”

Youngjae mouth opened and closed, he wanted to ask why Daehyun sounded the way he did.

Sad and frustrated.

But the words went right back down his throat and stayed. At his silence the line over Daehyun’s shoulders tensed in a way that pulled at the knot in Youngjae’s stomach. “Fine. Whatever. I don’t care.” Daehyun shrugged in what Youngjae could only see as resignation.

He didn’t realize until then how much it would feel like a punch against his chest and how it would knock the air out of his lungs. Slow and gradual.

‘Breathe’ he told himself and by the way Daehyun was instantly right in front of him and gently touching his face he must have said it out loud.

Brown eyes, lighter than usual in the sunlight searched for his. “I’m sorry.” Daehyun said and sounding so genuine Youngjae’s eyes widened and stared because there was nothing for Daehyun to be sorry for.

There wasn’t any right or wrong to this particular ordeal, just a gigantic open space of ‘in between’.

So Youngjae wanted to ask: ‘what are you apologizing for?’ but at the same time, it wasn’t what he truly wanted to know…

“Who am I to you?”

The question made Daehyun’s eyes blink in surprise and then narrow slightly in confusion. “Isn’t it obvious? I—“

“Just think about it.” Youngjae quickly interrupted. “Whoever I am… to you. Just think if it’s going to be enough.”

---

Youngjae could feel the faint change in the air. The movie credits rolled and the closing track floated around like twiddles, blatant and angry, catching their full attention for the first time since the movie started.

His bones were stiff when he eventually got up from his end of the couch to pull the DVD out, the music vanished around its peak and the screen turned to black by a push of a button. Youngjae turned around and looked at Daehyun who seem entirely focused on his sock clad feet resting on the table. 

Youngjae returned and decidedly took a seat closer to Daehyun. Their arms brushed. Pressed up close to one another and Youngjae shifted slightly to let his weight lean on Daehyun’s side.

He laced their hands together.

“How does it feel to have people wanting to be you?” Youngjae asked suddenly. “That’s who you were to others you know… sort of admired. A part of you must have liked it.” His eyes fell on their joined hands. “And now… really, you could have it so much better.”

The grip around his hands tightened. “Is that what they said to you?”

‘Yes. They spit on my face and told me to think of who I am – who am I to bring you down with me….’

“I thought about it.” Daehyun said in time with the Youngjae’s rushing pulse, anchoring him just before he would drift into dark flashbacks. “And—well…” he chuckled “You are my best friend. But sometimes I also hate you.” Daehyun turned his head to look at Youngjae. “You the smartest person I’ve ever met, but then I can’t think of you without thinking of you as an idiot. You are mature with childish tendencies. You are the one I know the best but sometimes you turn around like a stranger.” He tilted his head until they were barely inches apart and his voice turned quiet and soft, “You are the one I care about and I know you care about me too.” Daehyun put his hand on the back of Youngjae neck and smiled shyly. “And on top of all that I’m crazy about you… it’s enough.” He dug his fingers in Youngjae’s hair and looked right into his eyes. “It’s enough because I really don’t know who else you can be.”

Youngjae couldn’t in detail tell what happened next, because one moment he looking at Daehyun and the next he was kissing him as if it was the last thing he would ever do. It was neither sweet nor gentle. It was them trying to put in every little thing in one moment; they didn’t stop to think whether it was too much but simply gave. They gave and they took. Youngjae opened his mouth when he felt Daehyun tongue ran over his bottom lip and moaned at the contrast between the softness of Daehyun’s lips and fiery heat behind his touch.

They broke apart and Youngjae watched how red kissed lips formed a wide grin and followed.

There’s a person…

Who was good

Who is great

Who will be the greatest

for you.

And he breathed.

--*--*--*--

1 year 2 months

the reason…

There’s one question more asked than others, not because it was any easier to voice or less complex to form but because its answer had all the potential to reveal something more. Facts and secrets alike. It was tool of the human curiosity and one’s instinct to search for truth. Answer it well and you’d have a believer, answer it poorly and you’d have a confused mind. Sometimes it was about trivial things such as the reason for your choice of coffee or the reason for the color of your socks. And sometimes it clung with what’s deep and profound, like the reason for one’s surfacing emotions or the reason for the hidden ones.

Youngjae was one of those people who knew his reasons yet he liked to keep on asking. Perhaps it was in case the answer changed or simply because it was nice to have a reminder of where’s his heart stood. It wasn’t easy, nobody had it easy. He wasn’t saying everyone had it equally hard just that they all were to or had faced different kinds of difficulties. None of them alike though all of them relatable.

And this was his. This was all about him. Him and…

 Jung Daehyun

Yoo Youngjae was the boy lost within questions and Jung Daehyun the one with the right and wrong answers.

And somehow, it worked.

It always did.

And one could only ask

Why?

---

Youngjae thought it wasn’t about what liked and what they didn’t. That it was rather one of those things that shouldn’t matter, because ‘acceptance’ was sort already included in the ordeal. He got that they were different.

Different and arguably alike at the same time.

Sometimes Daehyun would say unbelievable thing, things Youngjae himself never even thought of uttering for various obvious reasons. However, he knew he could tell the other that. Just like how Daehyun would know it’s not an expectation for him to change. Then there was the way Daehyun chewed with his mouth open and the occasional sound of ‘tsch tsch’ as the food turned unrecognizable. It was distracting to say the least and had been from the very start.

“Do you have to?” Youngjae would say the times after he witnessed rice flying across the table.

And Daehyun being Daehyun would reply, “What?” with a raised brow and bring another spoonful to his mouth. Overfull and distracting.

Then there’s always the way Daehyun talked while eating that made Youngjae want to take a calming breath. Beyond tempted to take his spoon and tap the back of it against Daehyun’s lips because he felt he had been triggered to do so.

When he offered a glare he’d get a smirk in return.

It never seemed to stop him though, from taking his napkin and reach across the table to wipe the smudge off the corner of the other’s mouth.

Daehyun would grin back at him.

Broad and content.

Because Daehyun’s ridiculous.

And he might have found it a bit endearing as well.

A tiny bit.

---

They broke up on a Thursday standing between buzzing people and empty rails.

It was a mutual agreement where neither of them had changed, but whatever between them had.

The final year of high school parted them into different directions. Youngjae couldn’t figure out what he wanted and therefore focused on excelling in everything. He wanted to get on the broadest path possible while Daehyun wanted to take time figuring out his.

Youngjae wanted all the answers at the very moment but Daehyun was only human and could only give them one at the time. Yes, time turned into an issue and they coped with silence which only grew whenever they met along with occupied minds and different interests.

What was supposed to come to them naturally didn’t seem as anymore.

Therefore on a Thursday, underground just minutes before their train arrived Youngjae had said:

“Let’s not do this anymore.”

And Daehyun had understood.

“Okay,” he said.

And that’s it.

---

They broke up on a Thursday and it lasted the entire train ride home.

Because Daehyun’s an idiot and Youngjae wasn’t much better himself.

“It’s for the best, isn’t it?” Youngjae couldn’t help but ask once they were out and just about to turn to different exits.

Daehyun shrugged and looked down at his shoes, seeming almost timid amongst the dispersing strangers around them, “If you say so.”

Youngjae’s fists clenched, “I’m trying to do what I think is right here, Daehyun.” Like always. “If you think I’m being stupid then this is the right time for you to snap at me.”

Because the emptiness that followed was so far from feeling right.

“Why?” Daehyun lifted his head to look straight at Youngjae, “Why did you break up with me?”

Youngjae’s gaze flickered as he the words clogged in his throat. Because that’s what he thought Daehyun wanted? What he thought they needed?

“Why did you agree?” he asked instead unconsciously making way to the passing people by moving to the side.

“Because you didn’t ask me.” Daehyun followed Youngjae with tiny sidesteps until they were pressed to the wall. “I thought it was already decided,” he said quietly and offered a small smile.

And Youngjae stumbled even while he was standing still because relationships were hard and consuming and every bit of confusing at the same time. He couldn’t for the sake of himself figure out why people bothered…

“So it’s a ‘not okay’?” he asked warily, biting his lips.

“Depends.” Daehyun shrugged and moved closer until Youngjae fell forward, forehead pressing into his shoulder. “Are you breaking up with me?”

The words tickled Youngjae’s ear, making him twist his fingers into Daehyun’s shirt, holding it. “No.” He could feel the flush on his cheeks.

He was embarrassed to say the least and a little bit out of place.

But the chuckle against his temple calmed him in ways he’d temporarily forgotten.

“Good. Cause you nearly broke me there.”

---

On a Sunday afternoon they gathered both families and told the reason…

Why they bothered

Why they cared

Why they’re beautiful

still.

--*--*--*--

1 day

the place…

One question had more uncertain answers than most. Why is that, one might wonder? And it was simple, logical even – because nothing was ever known for sure. In our ever changing surroundings one can only make a prediction of the things yet to come.

Thus the answers were only as sure as the questions could get.

And Youngjae would keep on asking because one needs to know…

Jung Daehyun

And one needs to be hopeful…

Where?

‘Where is this going?’

--*--*--*--

Youngjae went through the main hall, rounded the corner after the school‘s storage room, avoided the bin he’d run into too many times and passed the swinging door that hid the stairs leading to the rooftop. He climbed the steps absentmindedly, thinking of where Daehyun had managed to disappear to the moment the bell rung.

He thought maybe he should be surprised to finally find Daehyun on the highest floor crouched by the door, entirely too focused and muttering to himself. But strangely enough — he wasn’t.

“What are you doing?” he asked and took the last step. He hadn’t expected the surprised yelp and could only raise an eyebrow at the display of clumsiness that was Jung Daehyun falling onto his back.

Something rolled across the space between them to finally stop by Youngjae’s feet and his eyes narrowed at it.

“Daehyun, don’t tell me you were doodling on the door,” he sighed and bent down to pick up the black marker.

The asked boy hastily straightened up and brushed the dirt off his uniform. “Course not, I was just… eh…something?” he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly and moved to block Youngjae’s view when he tried to get a closer look.

But it was too late, he had already seen it and he really, seriously didn’t know what to do with it…

“You …” Youngjae said and fixed Daehyun with a glare, “…wrote our names.”

Daehyun’s eyes widened as his lips tried to form an innocent smile. “Yes? But it looks great doesn’t it? See,” he hurriedly tried to defend himself when Youngjae groaned loudly.

Youngjae darted forward, threw the marker at the other’s chest and crouched down to inspect the damage. He rubbed at it, the ‘Daehyun & Youngjae’ to see if it would come off.

“You know, most people would find it romantic,” Daehyun muttered behind him.

“Where you got that from is beyond me,” he spun around to face Daehyun. “You can’t just… do this” he groaned and gestured at the door with his good hand.

“I thought the same, you know.” Daehyun said while turning the marker in his hand. “I thought how we couldn’t do it and how it would be different compared to all the other names on it. But then I just didn’t want it to be like that.”

He sighed and asked quietly: “Like what?” taken aback by the sudden change in Daehyun’s voice, its vulnerability.

Daehyun shrugged, smiling faintly. “You can’t be this. You can’t do that. Period.” He held Youngjae’s eyes and moved forward. “I mean… aren’t we chasing something here? And if we think that we can’t then it will just end there, won’t it?

The words played repeatedly in his head:

‘aren’t we chasing something here?’

and he just stood there staring at the boy before him.

The one whose lips were too big, eyes too bright, voice too loud and who made everything feel a bit too real.

People had the tendency to think in questions, and then they lived to chase the answers. That’s how they moved forward and stayed hopeful for the blurry image of the future to turn into something … better.

Yoo Youngjae was 17 and he was in love.

And he just … really wanted it to be better.

“So how mad are you?” Daehyun asked and scratched the back of his head.

“Enough,” Youngjae sighed, “How am I supposed to deal with you?” He fell back to lean against the door and then somehow he couldn’t help but let his lips tug into a faint smile. “Maybe I should just go wherever you're going,” he said softly, more to himself than anyone.

Not that it mattered because Daehyun was a breath away from Youngjae in an instance, pressing their lips together in a chaste kiss before he whispered, “Yeah?” his smile almost blindingly beautiful. “So where are we going?”

Youngjae took Daehyun’s hand in his and squeezed it gently, “Where, indeed?”

Where we were

Where we are now

Where we will be

Anywhere.

Because the world is always open – like a question mark that will never cease to change.

All you have to do is ask.

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Hi again ^^

I was surprised this got so many votes and subscribers once I got back and I can only pray this did not turn out disappointing.

It's been a very long time since I wrote anything so any critics are mostly welcome ^^ I'll try to take it in and perhaps make an edit in the near future.

I'm sure I even made up my own words somewhere...

With that being said, I still hope you enjoyed it to some extent

And HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! May 2015 bring you lots of joy and fortune <3

With lots of love,

Ivy