So Min

“Why are you up so early? I thought you came back late last night.” Mom bent down to pick up the bracket of a fluorescent light starter that had slipped out of her hands. She then placed two thin copper strips and swiftly secured them into the bracket with a plier.

“I was early, before 11pm. You were sleeping like a log.” I picked a bracket from a big sack and a plier, and then followed the same procedure that Mom did before throwing the assembled part into another sack. Remembering the incident last night, my immediate thought was to consult Mom, “Mom, how did you feel when Pa confessed his feelings for you?”

Mom looked momentarily blanked out when she heard my question. I thought she looked somewhat sad on recovering some memories, and I had almost never seen her like this. I had no idea what those were but I detested myself for causing her any unhappiness. I placed my hands on hers, “Mom, it’s ok if you don’t want to talk about it. It’s just a passing thought.”

Mom shook her head from left to right, as if awakened suddenly from deep thoughts, “So Min. I’m alright.” She placed her other hand on mine. “It’s so long ago. I could barely remember. I guessed I must have felt very happy then.” She sighed melancholically.

“What does it mean if you don’t feel happy about it? What if you feel stressed or pressured?” I probed further.

“Maybe, it’s because…” Mom held my hands tighter and a crafty smile started to form on her lips. “So Min, you naughty girl! You have suitors, haven’t you?” Then, she let go of my hands to cover her giggles.

“MOM! Don’t laugh!” I scolded.

“Ahaha! I’m just puzzled who would be interested in a squid head like you! He must be blind or has hyperopia” She started to laugh harder.

“I’m not joking, Mom!”

“I’m not either!” She laughed so hard now that I could not resist laughing with her.

This is what I loved about Mom. She could easily turn a solemn situation into a lightening one.

After we calmed down, she touched my head lovingly, “So, my little Squid Head. Tell me what happened.”

I rattled on about my first meeting with Geun Suk sunbae, how he had helped me at work and the daily breakfast, his teasings and finally, his confession indirectly through his friend last night.

Meanwhile, Mom listened attentively with no interception. She finally spoke slowly as though weighing her words carefully, “My dear, you were not ready. You will be when you love him enough and are willing to take the risk” She held one of my hand in hers and caressed my brownish hair. “Why not give yourself some time to think about what you want to tell him if he asks again?” She moved my hand she was holding to her heart. “When you are ready to love someone, you could feel it here.”

“How do you know when you love someone?” I asked, clueless.

She looked up thoughtfully as if attempting to recall how was it to love, “When you love someone, your heart beats for him. You battle with your own pride and dignity, and it will leave you feeling insecure. But through it all, your heart will smile from the warmth and tenderness of loving him.

Loving someone does not mean that you need to be happy, yet you are willing to give your all to him so that he will be. Sometimes, you may have to leave him so that he will be happy….” Mom’s voice slowly trailed off and she released my hand at the same time. Looking down, she said near to a whisper, “The soup is boiling. I’ll turn it off.”  

I watched her as she retreated into the kitchen. I could not comprehend the kind of love that Mom had experienced. She appeared scarred from it, but she did not lament that she had loved. Though Mom’s love story may not be that of happily ever after, I could feel that Mom had never regretted loving her lover.

How would my love story be, I wondered…