Chapter 11

Eighteen years

Taehyung’s most dreaded season came again. And it seemed harsher and crueler that year.

The eighteen year old placed his free hand on the knob to Jungkook’s room. In his other hand was a basket of fruits. His mom had advised him to bring some apples and other fruits to the sick boy before school. So even if he didn’t want to go, he had to.

Taehyung wondered when he began to stop wanting to see his adorable boyfriend. Oh yeah, he thought weakly, looking at the door knob. The day when Jungkook threw the sushi plush at him during one of his panic attacks and refused to see him after that.

In reality, he didn’t want to not meet the younger. But since even his father advised him to give the boy some space, he didn’t have a choice.

Jungkook didn’t bother turning even though his ears registered the clicking of the door knob. He simply stared out the window, with an empty look on his stunningly flawless face.

“Hi, Jungkook,” Taehyung said weakly. But the sick male sat on the bed with a shawl over his shoulders, his eyes never leaving the window. “I brought some fruits for you. I’ll ask Jin hyung to cut them for you later, alright?” There was no reply, not even a small reaction from the seated boy.

“I’m off to school now. So I’ll see you later okay? Keep yourself warm.” Taehyung said with closed eyes. Please, he pleaded mentally. Please get better, Kookie-ah.

Namjoon and Hoseok looked at the empty seat beside their desks. Taehyung was late, again.

Jin looked at Taehyung walk past him with slump shoulders and a depressing aura. Of course, no one could blame him. And no one did. But it was equally heartbreaking to see a young man act like that.

“Are you going to school?” Jin asked, already knowing the answer judging from the pink haired male’s uniform. “Mmm,” Taehyung nodded and bowed low to Jin before walking away again.

“Jungkook?” Jin opened the door. He saw the boy fiddling with one of the red apples on the table beside the bed. At least he was making movements now.

The past few weeks had been hard on everyone. After Jungkook’s date with Taehyung, his fever suddenly shot up to the extent of him vomiting out blood. He never had proper rest and always ended up with panic attacks. Too often, the ailment led to him spacing out and forgetting everything of the world except his pain and suffering.

One could say that Jungkook’s declining health had an even worse effect on Taehyung. Taehyung never stopped blaming himself for letting Jungkook be out in the rain on their date. His adorable grin disappeared completely with his appetite and not even his parents could manage to get him to feel better.

Jungkook looked up to Jin and handed him the apple. His movements were slow and sluggish. Jin sat down beside Jungkook and slowly took it from his hand. “Do you want me to peel it?” he asked. Jungkook gave a slow, emotionless nod.

Jin recalled the day Jungkook got so sick that he could barely remember anyone from the orphanage and Taehyung was no exception. It was exactly two week ago. It was exactly two weeks ago that Jungkook’s childlike giggles receded completely. It was two weeks ago that Mrs. Kim stopped smiling whole heartedly. It was two weeks ago that Mr. Kim seemed more stressed out and tired. It was two weeks ago that the orphanage’s happiness declined by a great deal. And it was two weeks ago that Taehyung’s handsome face lost all life and his eyes never ceased swelling.

The stress and pain caused him to forget everything, Jin understood that. But that didn’t help anything.

There were times when Jungkook remembered only Taehyung and no one else. Oh, how Taehyung’s eyes lit up during those hours. Other times, Jungkook would get faint memories of Jin, Mr. and Mrs. Kim and the other children in the orphanage. But during most times, Jungkook retreated to his bed whole day and stared out the window. He rarely touched his drawing pad anymore and very seldom would he play with the paper airplanes that Taehyung had made long ago.

Retracting from a sudden pain on his thumb, Jin rushed his finger to his mouth. Well, that was what you got for spacing out in the middle of peeling a fruit with a very sharp knife.

Jungkook stared at the hyung’s reaction. He couldn’t help but feel familiar at the sight.

Noticing Jungkook’s stare, Jin answered that it helped from blood clotting and further infection. Jungkook nodded with a clueless look on his face.

Later that afternoon, Mrs. Kim dropped by to check up on Jungkook. She was a little pleased with the results. “You cold seems to have vanished completely, Jungkook,” she said and wrote something on her clipboard. Jungkook just stared out the window lazily while hugging his knees.

Mrs. Kim noticed the boy and sat down beside him. “Do you want to go out?” she asked. That caught his attention. “There’ll be snow everywhere soon. You want to see that, don’t you?” Jungkook’s face lit up by a 0.1 percent.

“Okay,” Mrs. Kim said with a tender smile on her lips. “You can go out later with Taehyung. If you’re lucky, maybe you can catch the first snow.” Mrs. Kim reached out for Jungkook’s cold face. “But you have to promise to get better soon, okay?” she continued. Jungkook nodded, his lips parting to say something. But the words never came.

“Did you know, watching the first snow with someone you love makes your love eternal? I learnt that from Taehyung’s dad. It’s cheesy right?” Mrs. Kim smiled. Unknowingly, Jungkook’s face too twitched into a tiny, almost invisible smile.

Jungkook’s smile faltered to see Mrs. Kim’s eyes growing teary. But he still didn’t make any noticeable reaction.

Please don’t die, she pleaded with all her heart. You’ve brought so much happiness to us. So please, Jungkook.

Before leaving, Mrs. Kim asked if he would want freshly baked cookies with milk to warm up. Jungkook smiled a little wider this time and nodded. “Okay. I’ll bake you some. It’ll be our little secret,” she winked and left the room.

Jungkook clutched his stomach. He was hungry. Maybe that was why his stomach suddenly did a somersault when he heard the word “Cookies”.

“Jungkook?” Taehyung called out slowly and pushed in the door. But Jungkook was asleep. Taehyung looked at the clock as he placed down the tray which contained plate of chocolate chip cookies and two glasses of warm milk.

4:00 p.m.

Taehyung noticed the lock of hair covering the younger male’s eyes so he sat beside the bed and removed it. He smiled a little at the sight of Jungkook’s flickering eyelids. His face seemed to welcome the small smile with open arms as he felt his whole body become ten times lighter.

Then a soft whisper followed from the sleeping male’s lips. “Hyung?”

Jungkook opened his eyes lazily. His eyebrows furrowed due to the light but he rubbed his laziness away. Now that his vision was clear, he saw his beloved hyung seated beside him on his bed.

“I brought milk and cookies,” Taehyung said, careful not to upset the waking boy. Jungkook blinked multiple times. “Taetae hyung.” His face broke into a delightful smile which, Taehyung swore, shamed angels.

Taehyung handed the glass of milk to Jungkook carefully. “Careful,” he advised. “It’s a little hot.” Jungkook nodded with a grateful smile. “Let’s go out after this, okay?” Taehyung said recalling his mother’s words. She had advised him to take Jungkook out because he was probably bored of staying in his room for two whole weeks.

“You’ve been cooped up for way too long. You need fresh air,” he said as Jungkook stuffed down the cookies. Taehyung’s face broke into a smile. Kookie does love cookies.

Jungkook grinned to see his breath fog up. But his face got covered by his red woolen muffler so the grin went unseen by Taehyung. But Taehyung didn’t need to see Jungkook’s face to know that he was having fun.

The pair decided to stand under their tree that day. Taehyung asked, “Are you cold?” He was scared that the boy might get sick again if he got even a little cold. But Jungkook shook his head, that adorable smile never leaving his face.

Satisfied at the reaction (and the amount of clothes Jungkook was wearing), Taehyung visibly relaxed a little. He breathed out heavily earning Jungkook’s attention.

“Hyung is a dragon,” Jungkook said with a twinkle in those diamond-like eyes referring to the visible breath. Taehyung broke into laughter. Jungkook was just so innocent sometimes.

Taehyung felt bad for ruining the moment but his saddening thoughts came rushing back again. Jungkook’s condition was not improving. If at all, Taehyung felt that Jungkook was getting worse by the day. His heart throbbed at the thought.

Damn it, Taehyung, he scolded himself. Stop being an emotional wreck. Jungkook is here, isn’t he? He’s fine now, isn’t he? Taehyung hadn’t noticed that he was having a mental debate with himself. You love him, right? He asked himself and also felt himself nodding. Then tell him.

His gaze shifted to the younger and slightly shorter male only to find him staring back with owlish eyes. “I’m sorry, did I space out?” Jungkook only replied with a freaked out nod. Taehyung smiled and apologized again.

A few moments of comfortable silence passed during which Taehyung receded to cleaning the place under the tree. Even though it was dry and bare, it was still ‘their’ tree. So he couldn’t help but have an OCD behavior towards it thus the collection of the dried crispy leaves and placing it in a neat pile. Meanwhile, Jungkook just stood there, looking up at the cloud laden sky, waiting for a possible snowflake.

Disappointment dripped in Jungkook’s face when Taehyung said that it was getting late and that they should go in. But he had no strength left to continue. So he only agreed silently.

“Wait a second,” Taehyung said, noticing that Jungkook’s muffler was sliding off his shoulder. He came closer to him, his hand reaching for the piece of clothing but his eyes never leaving the younger’s. There was childish disappointment in his eyes which didn’t go unnoticed.

“What’s wrong, Kookie-ah?” Taehyung asked. “You don’t seem happy.” Jungkook turned a little brighter around the cheeks. He really wanted to see the first snow with Taehyung. As silly and cheesy as it sounded, Jungkook wanted to believe Mrs. Kim regarding the thing about watching the first snow with a loved one. But it was getting late. And Jungkook knew that his strength was slowly vanishing.

Right at that moment, a small white piece of frozen water glided down from the sky and landed on Jungkook’s nose. It melted immediately at the warmth but both Jungkook and Taehyung were quick enough to catch it.

Taehyung looked up. “It’s snowing,” he stated. His words didn’t have much of a hidden meaning but Jungkook wasn’t paying attention. The younger turned to the sky and saw millions of tiny miracles falling from it. To him, snowflakes were beautiful little marvels that brought happiness and excitement. And Mrs. Kim’s story added more magic to them. Snowflakes weren’t just boring sciences which were formed due to freezing of water in the clouds anymore.

Taehyung had no idea what Jungkook was so excited about but he reasoned that it was due to the snow. The sight of the snow probably made him happy after days of being stuck inside that stuffy room. So he let the boy have his moment with the tiny crystallized droplets of water.

Unknown to the boy who was hopelessly in love with him, Jungkook continued to smile contentedly under the red piece of clothing on his neck. They experienced it. The first snow. This meant that they would continue to love each other forever, didn’t it?

“Did you have fun today?” Taehyung whispered. The two boys lay on the bed with the lights on. They faced each other and while Taehyung made the occasional conservation, Jungkook listened and nodded or shook his head in reply.

Jungkook nodded, his eyes shining.

Taehyung closed his eyes with a dumb smile on his face. Seeing Jungkook like this was more than enough for now. “I’m glad you liked it. When you get better, we’ll go out again, okay?” Another nod.

Jungkook’s mind caught the “When you get better” part. He also recalled the lovely woman from before whom he recognized as Taehyung’s mother say something like “You have to get better soon”.

“Hyung?” Jungkook whispered after a moment of silence.

“Hmmm?”

Jungkook fiddled with Taehyung’s shirt collar for some time. If Taehyung had his eyes opened, he would’ve seen the tears in the younger male’s eyes. But the tears came so suddenly that not even Jungkook recalled them ever forming.

“Kookie loves Taetae hyung,” he said with a crack in his husky soft voice. Taehyung’s eyes shot open to hear the sudden loss of joy in the voice. He saw that the younger had begun to cry silently without his knowledge. What was happening?

“What’s wrong, Kookie-ah? Why are you crying?” Taehyung asked while trying to calm him. But Jungkook didn’t answer.

“Kookie wants to stay with hyung forever,” Jungkook continued, his voice becoming a little louder. Taehyung was more than confused. Why was Jungkook saying this all of a sudden? “Pabo, what are you talking about?” he asked, pulling Jungkook into his arms. He kissed the blubbering boy’s head and shushed him. “Kookie-ah, please stop crying.”

If Jungkook could, he would explain everything and stop confusing Taehyung. He could tell Taehyung the reason behind his tears. He could tell Taehyung that he was crying because he had a feeling that he wasn’t going to get better. He could tell Taehyung how much it hurt when he got those heart and panic attacks. He could tell how much his body ached whenever he did anything anymore.

If Jungkook could, he could tell thank Taehyung for being so kind towards him. He could thank Taehyung for loving him. He could tell Taehyung how much he loved him and ask the elder to continue loving him even though it was extremely selfish. He could tell Taehyung about how happy he was to have met Taehyung.

But he couldn’t. He couldn’t understand why he was crying at that moment. He couldn’t understand why his body ached everytime he moved. He couldn’t understand why he couldn’t speak like Taehyung hyung or Jin hyung. He couldn’t understand why he often lost control of his body movements and ended up exhausted every time he had one of those phases.

Jungkook couldn’t understand why his heart would thunder against his chest whenever Taehyung smiled. He couldn’t understand why he wanted Taehyung by his side always.

And because he couldn’t understand anything that was happening to him, he cried.

“Jungkook?” Taehyung asked. “Kookie is sorry,” Jungkook said, still hiccupping a little. Taehyung laughed at the adorable sight of Jungkook’s unknowing pout. “Why are you sorry? You’ve been nothing but incredible the whole time,” he asked and wiped the remaining of Jungkook’s tears. Jungkook slowly calmed down and snuggled deeper into Taehyung’s chest. About ten minutes passed in total silence by until Jungkook made squirmed a little in his sleep.

“I don’t want to die,” he whispered unconsciously. Taehyung froze.

It was the first time that Jungkook used the first form of speech. That was the first time that Jungkook referred himself as “I” and not “Kookie.” That was the first time Jungkook spoke a full standard sentence. So why did it have to be such a depressing and gloomy one?

The familiar sting rushed back to Taehyung’s eyes. No, not now, Taehyung urged himself and hugged Jungkook tighter.

“You’re not dying,” Taehyung said with a melancholy smile. “You’re can’t die yet, Jeon Jungkook. Don’t you remember? You agreed to get better. You agreed that if you got better, you’d become an artist. And after becoming one, you said you’d marry me and we would live together. So you’re not going to die, Jungkook. Not yet.” Being a person who had cried thousands of times, Taehyung had learnt to control his tears from falling too fast. So he continued to hold the boy in his strong arms and cried silently.

Taehyung wasn’t the type of person to believe in Christmas miracles. He was rational and logical. He never expected the impossible. He always had the opinion that miracles weren’t true so Christmas miracles weren’t any exception.

But his thoughts on Christmas miracles flung out the window when he got a call from Uncle Park that year’s Christmas morning.

Picking up the call calmly, he readied himself to wish his uncle a “Merry Christmas” but he didn’t get the chance to say a word.

“Taehyung,” his uncle blabbed out as soon as he picked up the phone. “We’ve found a donor. And it’s a 90 percent match!”

The boy on the end of the speaker stopped breathing altogether. His hands began shaking his ears began to ring. His uncle continued to speak but the words just weren’t registering in his head anymore. Because all that mattered to him now was that they had found a heart for Jungkook.

Author's note:

So, the end is coming nearer and nearer... Which reminds me...

I'm planning to write other fanfics after this one is complete (A oneshot, preferably) but i'm not very sure which one i should write first...

So, the options are...

1) A HUNHAN fic (It's on the angst level) (One shot)

2) A Yoonmin fic (again, angst-y) (One shot)

Any recommendations???

Also, thanks to all readers for sticking around so far. I assure you, the end will be satisfying (even though there will be mixed emotions, I'm hoping)

EXO, BTS Hwaiting!!!!