Chapter 9

Seventeen years

Taehyung didn’t always hate winter. In fact he used to love winter. There were many reasons for his love for the particular season. For one, his birthday fell in mid winter. And he liked Christmas. And he loved the snow. But everything changed after he met Jungkook.

Jungkook was sensitive to the cold. If the temperature of the weather dropped even by a little and Jungkook was caught off guard, he would get sick really easily. And his terminal illness would worsen leading to him to suffer more. So Taehyung began disliking winter because it impaired Jungkook’s health.

It was three days after Christmas. Taehyung sat on a chair beside Jungkook’s bed and observed Jungkook near the window, counting the snowflakes that got stuck on the glass. Jin was also in the room, watching a movie on the television. Initially, all three of them decided to spend the day watching movies but eventually Jungkook got bored and since Taehyung had already seen the movie that Jin had picked, he resorted to observing Jungkook.

The oldest was a little too absorbed in the movie to notice his surroundings so he didn’t react when Jungkook returned to the bed and cuddled with his sushi plush. Taehyung saw this and offered to wrap Jungkook up with the covers. Once again, Jungkook returned to watching the movie while Taehyung watched Jungkook watch the movie.

The scene ed to the end when the main female character accepter the male’s proposal on the edge of a beautiful cliff (in the orange sunset). The story was silly. At least that was what Taehyung thought. How could the red haired girl accept the marriage proposal of a guy she barely knew and met just a few days back? That too while on her way to propose to her long time boyfriend? It seemed a little silly but seeing Jin and Jungkook’s absorbed reaction in the movie made him keep the opinions to himself. At least, he tried to cheer himself up, the scenery is amazing. And they have a happy ending by sealing it with a sweet kiss if not overly clichéd.

“Taetae hyung,” Jungkook suddenly called out as the credits rolled. Jin turned. Taehyung gave a deep yet soft “hmmm?” Taehyung’s eyes scanned through the actors’ names as he sipped on a cup of hot chocolate. Ah, he thought on seeing the real name of the female character, I thought I’d seen her before. Who knew she played Giselle in ‘Enchanted’? Well now that I look closer, there’s not much…

“Why… why do people kiss?”

Taehyung choked on the drink and barely managed to keep the drink from spilling. He looked at Jin expecting an answer. But Jin looked equally clueless. “Hey,” he said, shrugging his shoulders, “He asked you. Not me.”

Why DID people kiss? Well considering the current generation, people kiss to flirt or get into bed with each other. There was no way in hell Taehyung was going to say that to Jungkook and taint his poor innocent mind. And besides, Jin would fillet him alive if he said that.

So recalling his original thoughts on kissing when he was a child, he answered with a tender smile towards the younger. “Kookie-ah, people kiss because they love each other and want to marry each other and live together forever,” Taehyung replied, seeming pleased that he didn’t have to taint anyone’s ears. Jin gave him a smirking if not proud smile.

Deep in thought, Jungkook asked again, “So… you can only kiss… one person?” He held out his index finger in front of Taehyung. By now Jin had stood up and was making his way to the bathroom. Not quite, Taehyung wanted to say but he refrained himself from doing so. “Yes,” he replied simply expecting a simple “Oh”.

What he didn’t expect was the next question. “Has…has hyung… kissed…” Jungkook’s voice slowly began to lower in volume. Taehyung raised his eyebrows and saw Jungkook’s fingers fiddling with his red muffler.

“No,” he said, “I haven’t.” Jungkook began to light up. “In fact,” he teased, “I’m waiting to kiss you.” With this, he made kissing faces towards Jungkook. The younger cringed but laughed. “Hyung,” he pouted and hid his face in the yellow and white sushi plush.

11: 07 p.m.

The clock read.

30 December.

The calendar read.

Taehyung tossed and turned in his bed. He had a good birthday that year. Receiving lots of love and messages from his friends and family made him more than happy. But he wasn’t satisfied.

It wasn’t that he wanted Jungkook to wish him a happy birthday. Besides, Jungkook did wish him that morning; with Jin and the other children he met. So what was bothering him now?

He sat up on his bed ruffling his hair. Then, even in the dark, his eyes caught sight of a very shabbily made red paper plane. His mind immediately knew what he wanted at that moment. And that was Jeon Jungkook. Slipping on a black hoodie over his head, he quietly made his way to the door and closed the door behind him.

Jungkook hadn’t fallen asleep yet because he slept loads that afternoon. So when he heard his door knock in the middle of the night, he didn’t think of ghosts or monsters that would normally be in the mind of other children. He was happy to open to it.

To his surprise, he saw a clump of pink hair waddle across him, making his way to the bed lazily.

“Hy… Hyung,” he muttered out, his voice raising a pitch higher. It came to his notice that the older was in his pajamas.

Taehyung mumbled out, “mmmm.” Jungkook closed the door and walked up to him. Shaking the boy in the bed, he asked him what he was doing in a stuttering voice.

“Kookie-ah,” Taehyung said without opening his eyes. Suddenly, Jungkook felt himself being pulled down to the bed beside Taehyung.

“Hyung,” he whispered, his face beginning to become hot again.

“Sleep with me tonight,” Taehyung simply said and positioned himself to the pillow, dragging Jungkook along with him. Jungkook only whimpered and kept quiet. Finding the most comfortable position, Taehyung let out a long “mmmm” and snuggled his nose into Jungkook’s hair.

“Hyung,” Jungkook whispered again. But there was no reply. Carefully feeling the bed for the covers, he wrapped themselves up and decided to let the hyung do what he wanted. Mostly because he didn’t really mind it as well.

Jungkook listened to the clock tick by. But his eyelids weren’t getting any heavier. So he whispered for his hyung again. Still no reply.

Pushing Taehyung’s chest away cautiously, he looked up to Taehyung’s face. Still sleeping.

He wriggled like a worm up to Taehyung’s face and poked the elder’s cheeks. Jungkook giggled silently to see that Taehyung was pouting in his sleep. “Hyung,” he whispered again and poked the cheeks again. Realizing that there would be no reaction whatsoever, he pulled in close to Taehyung’s face.

Taehyung’s reason for why people kissed was still fresh in Jungkook’s mind. “Because they love each other and want to marry each other and live together.” Taehyung had said. Jungkook looked lovingly at Taehyung. His heart kind of understood what it meant. But his mind didn’t correspond with his heart.

But one thing was for sure. Jungkook wanted to be with Taehyung forever.

So, closing his eyes, he leaned in and gave a peck on Taehyung’s lips. He wasn’t expecting anything because he had no idea how kisses worked but he didn’t expect his heart to skip a little. It felt a little like one of his panic attacks but this wasn’t scary nor was it painful. He liked the feeling of Taehyung’s lips. They were soft. And warm. And a little sweet.

Wanting to feel it again, Jungkook kissed him once more, this time, lasting a little longer than the previous. He smiled at the similar feeling and pulled away. To his utter shock and embarrassment, he found Taehyung’s eyes wide open, looking a little confused, if not surprised.

“Jeon Jungkook,” he called out. Jungkook quickly turned away and hid his face in the covers. Gosh, why did it suddenly get so hot?

Taehyung let out an astonished smile. Did Jungkook just kiss him?

Wrapping his arms on Jungkook’s waist, he asked, “Jeon Jungkook, do you love me?” His explanation on why people kissed also plopped in his head right at that moment.

When Jungkook didn’t reply, he nuzzled into the back of Jungkook’s neck. Why did he always smell like milk and raspberries? “Jeon Jungkook,” he called again, “Answer hyung.”

Forcing Jungkook to turn towards him, he looked at the cowering boy. “Look at me, Kookie,” he said softly. Jungkook looked up and saw Taehyung’s warm and loving eyes. “Answer me honestly, Jungkook,” Taehyung smiled. “Why did you do that?”

Feeling his face heat up again, Jungkook recoiled to hiding in Taehyung’s chest. “Kookie…lo…lov…” Jungkook felt shy saying it. Nothing besides those words were in his mind. But his failing lips didn’t permit him to say them.

“Jungkook,” Taehyung called out again in his deep yet warm voice. “Do you love me?” Jungkook cowered deeper but nodded sheepishly.

And Taehyung felt like the happiest person in the world. He wanted to cry of the happiness but he had to make sure again. “Do you want to be with me forever, Jungkook? Do you want to marry me?” he asked, his excitement increasing by the second. Jungkook nodded again, still not showing his face.

Taehyung decided to hold his tears. He wanted to hear it again. “Jungkook, do you love me?” Jungkook replied in a shaky tone, “Ye…” Taehyung didn’t give him time to complete the word. He hugged Jungkook tightly, swearing never to let go.

“Hyung,” Taehyung heard Jungkook’s muffled speech. “Does hyung…” he said but Taehyung already knew what he was going to ask. “Hyung loves you too, Kookie. He loves you so much.”Saying so, he kissed Jungkook’s hair.

Taehyung let the tears fall as he smiled and breathed in Jungkook’s scent. This was the best birthday gift he had gotten so far. The bicycle he got for his eighth birthday was nothing compared to this. Maybe winter wasn’t the worst season after all.

It was two weeks after New Years. Taehyung sat on the chair beside Jungkook’s bed and watched the fragile male sleeping so soundly. Considering his calm and even breaths at the moment, no one would have believed that he had a panic attack just the other day.

Taehyung’s gaze shifted from the sleeping male to the window and saw a blue sedan outside. It belonged to Jungkook’s doctor, Taehyung knew. That car was at the clinic way too often. He then turned to the clock. It was one o’clock already. His parents would still be talking to the doctor about Jungkook’s results.

Praying that the results would be fine, Taehyung reached for Jungkook’s hand. It was cold.

Feeling the sudden warmth, Jungkook cringed a little in his sleep. “It’s okay,” Taehyung whispered. “Don’t wake up yet. Get some rest.” Jungkook let out a deep breath and continued his slumber.

That evening, as Taehyung packed up the art supplies on Jungkook’s table, he heard Jin call his name from outside. “Could you go call your mom? I’m a little busy right now and Yongmin ssi needs a new supply of cough syrup.”

Taehyung replied with an okay and continued to clean Jungkook’s table. Jungkook stood beside Taehyung, waiting for his hyung to finish cleaning up.

“Taehyung,” Jin called again.

“I’m going,” he said but turned to Jungkook. “What are you looking at, honey?” he teased. Jungkook felt the blush creep up his face again and looked away. Stealthily leaning into Jungkook till their foreheads touched, Taehyung stated the obvious, “You’re so beautiful, Kookie-ah.” Jungkook blushed harder but turned to the boy holding his waist.

“Can I kiss you?” Taehyung asked with a sly grin on his face. Jungkook nodded sheepishly. They were too close to back out now.

“Yah, Kim Taehyung!” Jin called out in a shrill voice. Taehyung stopped mid way from kissing the boy and sighed. Jungkook pouted a little.

“Fine,” he said exasperatedly, and gave a quick peck on Jungkook’s lips. “I’ll be back in a sec,” Taehyung promised and walked out of the room, cursing Jin as he passed him in the hallway.

Taehyung decided not to call out for his mom out loud in fear that she might be sleeping because she had a late night last night. So he tiptoed up the stairs only to find the door to his parents’ room slightly ajar.

“Mo…” he began to call out when he heard his father’s voice, low and unclear. But Taehyung could make out some words. They were saying something about Jungkook. Were they talking about the previous day’s results?

His mother’s voice was clearer. And Taehyung heard clearly when his mom said, “What do you mean he can survive only three more years?”

Taehyung stopped breathing altogether.

Mr. Kim replied with a lot of grief in his heart. “You also read the report, dear. You know exactly what it means. Without a transplant, Jungkook won’t be able to survive even three years.”

“So then let’s get him the transplant,” his wife said blatantly. Clearly her emotions were taking over logic at the moment. “You know why he can’t have the surgery, dear. At least, not yet.”

Taehyung recalled the reason. Jungkook was still too young and fragile. The surgery could prove to be equally harmful as not having the surgery. Then he heard his mother crying.

“It’s not fair,” she said and Mr. Kim hugged her tightly. “I promise I’ll do whatever I can to save him. Just let him get a little stronger.” Mrs. Kim wiped her tears and took a deep breath. “When should we tell Taehyung?” she asked all of a sudden. In truth she didn’t want to tell her son at all. It would only result in more heartache for the boy and as a mom, Mrs. Kim didn’t want that. So she half hoped that her husband would say that they wouldn’t tell him. But on the other hand, she knew that there was something going on between her son and the lovable yet sick boy so he had a right to know.

“I don’t know,” Mr. Kim replied and hugged his wife even tighter. “I don’t know.”

Taehyung ran out the door. He didn’t care that the wind was making his face numb. He didn’t care if he turned people right then and there. All he cared about was Jungkook. And Jungkook was dying.

He ran to a secluded area near the garden. Since the winds were howling, he cried loudly and let the tears fall as they liked. He had to cry all his tears now or else Jungkook would see them. And the last thing he wanted to do was to let Jungkook see him cry. Because if he saw him crying, he would also start crying and Taehyung couldn’t have that. Taehyung didn’t want to spoil Jungkook’s pure and innocent face with tears.

“How are you feeling, Jungkook?” Mrs. Kim placed his palm on the boy’s forehead. Jungkook just grinned and replied, “Fine.” “Good,” Mrs. Kim said, “That’s good.” And with that Jungkook went back to sketching a flower on his drawing pad.

Then the door opened slowly. Both the occupants of the room turned to see blue looking Taehyung. He seemed lifeless but he was trying to hide it, his mother could tell. His eyes only lit up when Jungkook called him and ran up to him.

“Hey,” Taehyung managed a small smile. “What were you drawing? Lemme see,” he said and went to sit down before Jungkook’s table. “Wow,” he commented blankly, “That’s really pretty.” Jungkook didn’t notice the tired eyes so he continued to grin at the elder with all his heart.

“Hey mom,” Taehyung said while ruffling Jungkook’s hair. His mother turned to him. “Can I sleep here again tonight? Please?” he asked, not in the mood to hear a no. Mrs. Kim didn’t have the heart to say no. She noticed Taehyung’s slightly swollen eyes. His lips were pale and sickly. And his hair was a mess too. “Okay, Tae-ah. Just keep yourselves warm.”

Mrs. Kim went out the room and walked up to Jin the minute she saw him. “Hi, Jin. Did you give Yongmin his cough syrup for today?” she asked. Jin looked surprised, “Oh! The supply ran out so I told Taehyung to inform you. Didn’t Taehyung say anything to you?” Mrs. Kim’s heart began to pound. “When did you tell him?

 Jin replied while thinking back, “About an hour ago. Why?”

Taking quick steps back to Jungkook’s door, she prayed and hoped that Taehyung hadn’t heard the conversation she had with his father. Just not yet, Tae-ah, she thought. Please just let me be the one to explain it to you properly.

Taehyung hugged Jungkook’s back and they swayed to the inaudible music in their heads. It was his idea; to swing slowly at random as if they were waltzing to a melodious love song. And thank god Jungkook played along or else it would’ve felt stiff and awkward.

By the time Taehyung hugged Jungkook suddenly form the back, the latter sensed that something was wrong with his favorite hyung. But Taehyung didn’t say anything. So he didn’t ask.

But when Taehyung sniffled, Jungkook tried. “Hyu…”

“Shhh,” Taehyung shushed him and stopped him from turning. “Your back’s warm, Kookie-ah. Just let me stay like this for a few more minutes.” Jungkook eventually gave in and allowed the elder to rest his head on his shoulder from the back. But he couldn’t help feel a little depressed to be with his hyung at that moment.

“I love you, Jeon Jungkook,” Taehyung suddenly said, his voice cracking. His eyes were getting teary again but Taehyung was thankful that Jungkook couldn’t see him. Because he looked really miserable and pitiful with his blood shot eyes and red nose and not to mention the dark, colorless lips.

“And I’ll do whatever I can to help you get better, okay? In return, you just have to do two things for me okay?” he said. “Taetae hyung,” Jungkook began worriedly but Taehyung cut him off.

“Promise to stay strong for me. That’s one,” he said, cuddling deeper into Jungkook’s back. Jungkook was clueless of what his hyung was talking about but he agreed and nodded silently. “And second,” Taehyung said, his deep and mellow voice cracking again. “Please continue to love me. I know I’m being selfish but please…”

Jungkook pouted. Now he really didn’t know what Taehyung was talking about. Because why wouldn’t he continue to love his hyung? Taehyung was the only one who helped him get through so many things. Taehyung was the person who taught him how to smile at anything and everything. Taehyung was the one who taught him how to make beautiful paper planes. Taehyung was the one who always kept him entertained. Taehyung was the one who always loved him and never left him. Taehyung was the one who made him feel loved and accepted.

So why would he ever stop loving his beloved Taehyung? Jungkook didn’t have a proper idea of what love was but he was a little certain that what he was feeling towards Taehyung – the rapid beating of his heart, the nervousness and  excitement that came when they were near each other, the warm and giddy feeling he felt when the older kissed him – was something related to love. He had seen Mr. and Mrs. Kim being very sweet towards each other. He remembered scenes of his parents where they kissed at times and his mom would giggle nervously whenever his dad said that he treasured her or loved her.

Unable to explain all his thoughts into words, he simply stuttered out a few words. But those were the words Taehyung needed the most.

“Kookie and… Taetae hyung love each other very, very much.”

He was unaware that the boy behind him was silently crying. He was unaware that this sentence made Taehyung so happy that it was bad for Taehyung’s own heart. But he just said it out because he felt like saying it. And because he couldn’t say anything else even if he tried.

By the time Mrs. Kim reached the door, she saw a glance of her son holding Jungkook adoringly from the back. They were swaying to nonexistent music and both of them seemed happy until Taehyung began to cry from the back. But Jungkook seemed to be clueless about it.

Overhearing what they were talking about in soft voices, she slid to the floor with her back up against the wall. Trying her best to let her cries go unheard, she covered with her hands and let the tears flow endlessly. It was hard, trying to cry like that. And right at that moment she felt what her son was feeling.

Taehyung breathed in Jungkook’s scent again. He could never get enough of it. Not even after all that time. But Jungkook let out a tiny cough after which a chain of gruff ones followed.

He took in a deep breath and advised Jungkook to get on the bed while he covered him up with the sheets. It was starting again. Jungkook’s sufferings. And by now, Taehyung was sure about one thing. He really disliked the winter.

A/N:

Yeah... I'm sure you'll beign to hate me after reading this chapter. Well, I don't blame you... I hate myself too. How could I let Jungkook...  ugh, I can't even...? But...

meh... *Shrugging shoulders*

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