Vengeance

Vengeance|Introduction

 “It’s not you. It’s me.”

I’ve heard and read this line a thousand times before, on TVs, movies, novels, but not once did I expect that I’d personally hear it someday, as I stood in front of him, the guy that I thought I’d spend my whole life with.

“Chae Rin-ah, let’s end this.” he said to me as I stared at him dumbfounded, as the words that I never wanted to hear, that I thought that I’ll never hear from him, escaped to his lips.

“There’s another girl. Right?” I said.

“Yes.” he answered, lowering his gaze “I’m sorry.”

I knew right then that I was a fool to ask that question, when I knew that the answer will be like piercing my heart with a knife over and over again until it can’t bleed anymore, and upon hearing it, the tears that I’m trying hard to suppress just found their way out, I tried to stop them because I don’t want him to see me cry, I don’t want to make myself look so weak and helpless, but they just kept on falling.

“Chae Rin- ah…” he said.

 “I loved you… but being with you now is just going to be a big joke for the both of us. I don’t feel the same towards you anymore. I’m sorry Chae Rin- ah. I… I don’t want to make you cry, I don’t want to hurt you, and you know that, I’m sorry.”

I just stared at him as he said those words, with the tears clouding my vision.

 “Just… go.”

 That was all I could say, I was speechless, wordless, flabbergasted.

“Chae- Rin-ah…”

“Just go.” and with that, he turned his back at me and walked away, then looked at me again for a pithy moment, but I held myself and never stared at him back.

When he was gone, I screamed. I screamed out the pain that I held when I was standing in front of him and cried over and over again, until I have no voice to shout and tears to let go.

That break up nearly messed up my life, I wasn’t eating, I wasn’t going to work, my house and myself was a total wreck, until I realized that this isn’t me. This isn’t Lee Chae Rin. I was never weak, I stood up and looked at myself in the mirror after three weeks of being in disarray, I never looked so pathetic, inhaling deeply, I started to fix myself and from that day on, I started living again.

 It still hurts, yes, but I don’t let it show, I don’t let them know.

If I only knew that that wasn’t just going to be the first and last time that he’s going to shatter me apart.

 If I only knew that no matter how hard I try to mend myself, I’ll never be whole again.