Baekhyun was lying in his bed, staring up at the ceiling. Sounds of Chanyeol's deep breaths and little sniffs filled the room. It was comforting, since the tall male made these sounds every night and he knew it would be silent once the younger fell asleep. Baekhyun couldn't sleep however, not even when the loud breaths had turned silent. He kept getting bothered by his thoughts, thoughts involving a certain friend. At first he'd thought he just really appreciated Chanyeol as a friend. But right now, as he was thinking, it dawned on him. Normal friends didn't feel like this. He'd been pushing the thought away, seeing it as impossible. He was famous now, he was supposed to marry a pretty girl in the future and have kids and kiss her on the cheek after coming home from work. He was supposed to want that. But he didn't. He wanted to spend his Friday nights gaming with Chanyeol or cuddling with him when they were tired, he wanted to feel strong arms holding him, instead of his arms holding a woman. He didn't want to live like that, have that future, a future involving a woman. He wanted a guy, but he only really realized that now. He was tired of denying it to himself. He was tired of pushing the thoughts away. He was tired of the confusion, the pain, the distance his doubts were creating between him and his love for Chanyeol. He wanted to love Chanyeol with all his heart, even if Chanyeol never knew. He just wanted to accept himself.

The position he was in now, famous, internationally famous even, it didn't allow him to be free like that. It was simply impossible, it was not an option for him. If he hadn't been famous, he could have secretly visited Itaewon once in a while to go clubbing and search for love. But he was here, in a dorm with 12 boys that would not in any way accept his uality, who'd tell him to ignore those feelings and try to like girls. They might be like brothers, but this could ruin their careers, all of theirs.

He had felt free of doubt for a beautiful moment, but now he felt more imprisoned than before. He could have had strong hands on his hips now as he danced deep into the night, but here he was, lying in his bed alone with lack of sleep and a hungry stomach because of his diet. He'd always dreamed of being famous, but never had he expected himself to dream of being normal. Normal life would've been so much easier... He would find a boyfriend at some point, they would kiss, go on dates, even go to a love-hotel for their first time together... But he was in EXO, it simply wasn't an option for him now. No relationships, no kisses, nothing. He'd have to suffer alone, couldn't tell anyone. He felt a hot tear slip from the corner of his eye into his hairline. After the first, more followed. Suddenly he couldn't keep it in anymore. He was... gay. He was totally an utterly gay. He was an outcast and didn't deserve those fans, they loved him and he preferred boys over all of them.

He felt a stabbing pain in his chest as he began to feel horribly guilty. Guilty because his brothers had to live with such a person like him, guilty because he would never ever love the fans back in the way they loved him, guilty because he wouldn't really be happy marrying his future wife and he knew that if he married a woman he'd never really feel happy. He’d always feel guilty.
He'd feel guilty when kissing her for the first time, when proposing to her, when standing at the altar and wishing for a guy to show up, when having and imagining strong arms and flat chest underneath him, when having children and having to lie to such young and bright people about loving his wife, he'd feel so god damn guilty when sitting with his wife at a cafe and not being able to keep his eyes off the guy a few tables away and ending up slipping him his number just to see what would happen.

'Oh God...' he choked out. He couldn't keep the sobbing at bay. He couldn't handle it any longer. 'Oh god...' he said again, tears streaming down his face one after another as he choked loudly. 'I...' He couldn't say it. He wanted to, but... He could, yes he could. Chanyeol and everyone else was asleep. He could say it out loud, if only to himself. 'I'm gay.' He felt his chest implode, he needed to escape, he needed to let it out, everything, it was killing him slowly and painfully. 'I think I love you. Oh god...' It stayed silent for a second as he let that thought sink in. Then he let out a choked sob. 'Yeol I... I love you... I love you so much.' He sobbed louder, drowning in his despair as he curled himself into a small, shaking ball of misery. 'I'm sorry. I'm disgusting. I'm a disgrace. I'm sorry, I'm so ing sorry.' He gripped his pillow in his fists and pulled it down to hug it tightly. 'I'll try to ignore it, I'll will it away, I promise. I'm so sorry for feeling this way, I'll end it. I promise I will.'

Suddenly he felt his mattress dip next to him and he felt a warm body settle beside him. The next moment strong arms were around him, pulling him closer. Baekhyun sobbed. Then he heard Chanyeol's voice softly and gently, without any hate or disgust. 'Don't be sorry, don't you dare stop loving me, because... Because I love you too, Baek. So ing much.' And he felt Chanyeol's warm lips place a comforting kiss on his shoulder. Baekhyun knew it wasn't real, he was probably just imagining stuff. But he'd take it, he needed the comfort right now, the acceptance.
‘Thank you.’ He whispered back before he peacefully drifted off to sleep.

When he woke up next morning, Chanyeol was next to him, holding him close in his strong arms and his lips still attached to Baekhyun's shoulder. Slowly he let it sink in. Last night really happened... He confessed to Chanyeol and he'd said he loved him too.
And even though he probably looked like a total wreck right now, he turned around and kissed him until he was awake and smiling back at him.