"I Like You"

The words kept replaying in your head as you walked down the street, the small click clack of your shoes colliding with the cement created a steady rhythm. What was your answer? You thought back to that moment. What would you have said?  If his phone hadn’t rang, if he didn’t have to leave that day, what would you have said? Your mind was occupied only with his words.

"I Like You."

The deep saturated colors of the sunset stained the sky. It was almost dusk. You weren’t originally planning to go to the studio today, but your legs felt restless. It was Sunday and the streets were almost empty as the owners of the stores lining the street locked up and headed home. You quickened your pace, hoping to get to the building before the security guard locked the entrance. As you approached the building, you noticed a figure standing in front of the glass doors. Yixing? You felt your stomach clench nervously. You found yourself unable to behave normally around him after the kiss a few weeks ago. Every time your eyes met, if even for a moment, your lungs would cease to breathe and your heart would pound so loud you could have sworn the entire block heard it. It had gotten to a point at which you had begun avoiding him.

As you drew closer, the figure came into focus. It wasn’t him. It was a girl, around your age. She was petite and thin, almost abnormally so. Her hair fell in long blond curls down her shoulder as she turned to you, a grin planted on her face. When she realized you weren’t the person she was expecting, the smile immediately fell, contorting her features into a grimace. “Who are you?” she demanded

You stood there blankly. “Uhm- I practice here. Who are you?”

She folded her arms over her laced blouse. “Eunhee. You said you practice here? In the dance studio?”

Before you could answer she interrogated, “How long have you been dancing here then? Probably just the last week right? I heard no one comes here, so why would you even know about it?”

You clenched your jaw. This girl seemed to have no sense of respect. What was she doing here anyways? You took a burdened breath before answering, “I’ve been coming here for almost five years. Why-“

Once again, she cut you off, “Five years?! You’re not lying are you?” She looked you up and down, “You don’t look like you are. Then that means you must know Lay oppa right? Can you introduce me to him?”

Lay oppa? If she’d never met him why was she referring to him so informally? “Who is Lay?”

She scoffed, clearly shocked at your idiocy. “Who is he? Lay oppa, the trainee from SM. He was spotted here, going into that building one week ago by someone on the fancafe. I’ve been waiting here all day and I haven’t seen anyone under 40 going into that building till you came along. I was almost beginning to think that user was lying. Plus that stupid security guard won’t let me go in without permission from the owner so I can’t even find out. But you just said yourself there’s a dance studio in there right? So it’s not a lie, oppa really comes here. Right?”

Trainee from SM? Was she a fan of Yixing’s then? How could she talk about him like that? Saying he was “spotted” as if she were hunting for some kind of animal. But he already had fans! Although she wasn’t the most friendly, you couldn’t help but feel a bit excited upon realizing. The girl cleared obnoxiously and looked at you expectantly. You were at a loss for words. What should you say? Would it be okay to tell her he practiced here?

"Sorry. I haven’t seen anyone like that around here. There’s only one or two people that come here to practice anyways, and none of them are training for anything." You chuckled softly. As you spoke you pushed the door open,  thankful the guard hadn’t locked it yet, and bowed goodbye to the girl. Before you could hear her nag again, you scurried to the elevator, nodding to the guard at the counter. As you entered the small cubicle, you pressed down on the silver "24" and waited for the doors to close. Did you do the right thing by lying to her? Would Yixing be mad? She was a fan after all, and you weren’t exactly at your most mannerable. You fiddled with the zipper on your dufflebag. Yixing would understand. You hadn’t meant any harm, he would know that. You smiled as your mind dwelled on him. It may have been awkward after the kiss, but you were still friends, and you couldn’t wait to tell him there was a fan waiting outside the studio for him. Would he be happy? You hoped so.

You looked up to the bright glowing numbers above the elevator door. 19, 20, 21… The numbers increased slowly. You pictured Yixing in your mind, standing in front of that large window, dancing above the Seoul skyline. You felt a pang of guilt for avoiding him. It wasn’t right of you to cower away from him, when he’d mustered up so much courage to say those three words to you. You owed him the courtesy of returning such courage. He was, after all, still your friend.

23. 24.

The elevator stopped steadily, the small ding ringing through the metal walls. You took a deep breath. You had decided; you wouldn’t avoid him any longer. Even if you weren’t sure of your answer just yet, you wouldn’t hide it any longer. Besides, you were eager to see the look on his face when he found out about his growing fanclub.

You stepped out of the elevator, a small smile on your face as you anticipated speaking with him properly after so long. You walked up to the door of the private studio and slid the door open.

"Yixing-ah you won’t believe what I-"

As the door slid into it’s slot, you stood facing an empty studio. The stereo was off and the room had a faint scent of wax. No one had been in here since the janitor last night. You entered the room and dropped your dufflebag on the floor beside the wall. Slowly, you approached the stereo. There was no mp3 player connected. Yixing often, if not always, forgot his iPod in the dock. Had he not been here the night before either then? Or perhaps he’d been here earlier today and taken it? But he’d never come much earlier than sunset. You approached the window. The sky was still illuminated with the shades of the sleepy sun. It hadn’t even set yet. Perhaps he would come later tonight. You sighed and walked back to your dufflebag, pulling out your own Ipod. You skimmed through the playlist before choosing an appropriate song. You turned to face the mirror, waiting for the music to reach the right pace. Your singular image stared back at you through the mirror, leaving you with an uneasy feeling of lonliness. You shifted your body to face the window instead, as the music began to pick up. Despite the sound of the melody encompassing the studio, a stifling silence burdened the atmosphere. You danced for an hour or so before the heaviness in the air became too much. You turned off the music and dropped to the floor, your limbs stretched out as you stared at the ceiling. The sun had set a while ago, leaving only the cold flourescents to illuminate the studio. It was strange, the room had never felt this bare before. Is this what you were to expect once Yixing returned to China? You closed your eyes and tried to imagine him beside you, the warmth of his body radiating against yours, the sound of his laugh echoing throughout the room as he teased you for being so worked up. For a moment, you could almost hear it…

 You opened your eyes groggily. Had you fallen asleep? You sighed and sat up, checking the time on the clock by the door. 2:33. You rubbed your eyes and searched the room. It was empty. If he hadn’t shown up by now, he wasn’t coming at all. You pushed yourself up and walked to the stereo, picking up your player and striding towards your dufflebag. You bent down to put it away, when you heard the familar sound of the door opening. You shot your head up.

"Yixing?" you breathed in anticipation.

The door opened fully, showing the face of the janitor looking in curiously. “What are you doing here so late? It’s dangerous for a girl to be out at this time alone.”

You stared for a moment, processing who it was, before nodding. “Jwesonghamnida. I fell asleep.”

He looked at you, expressionless. “Poor girl, you shouldn’t work yourself too much. Get home and get some rest. And be careful outside.”

You bowed, “Yes, ahjusshi.”

He nodded in return as you exited the room.

**********

Yixing didn’t show up the next day. Or the day after. Or the day after. Every day, you would enter the studio holding your breath, hoping to see him there, waiting for you. Yet every day, you would be left disappointed. Each time you were met with the empty studio, you would place your bag by the door, and play the stereo. You never danced for more than an hour or two, before getting tired of it. You would then wait, at least till midnight, before collecting your belongings and returning home. You’d continued in this fashion for almost a week, without hearing anything from Yixing.

Eunhee, however, remained steadfast in her convictions. Just like you, she would be there every day when you arrived, her hair perfectly curled, her dress perfectly fitted, waiting for her Lay oppa to make an appearance. Usually, you would walk by her without much fuss, but occasionally, she would whine to you, insisting on being allowed inside as your guest. Luckily, the security guard dismissed the idea. Despite your loneliness, you would never want her, or anyone else for that matter, to join you in the studio. It was your secret. Yours and Yixing’s.

As time went by in this manner, you eventually lost track of how long you’d been waiting for Yixing. You stood in the elevator patiently hoping, with little actual hope, that he might be there  today. Of course, when you reached the 24th floor and entered the studio, it was barren, just as it had been the last few days. Or had it been weeks? It had felt like eons. You sighed as you dropped your bag by the door, dragging your feet across to waxed floors to the stereo. The dock was empty. You placed your player inside, choosing a song at random. As you stood at the center of the studio, waiting for the right note to jump in, you felt exhausted. The clothes on your back felt as if they were sewn from stone, burdening your shoulders with a heavy weight. You let out another sigh as you turned off the music. You wouldn’t dance today. Instead, you sat cross legged by the large window, leaning your head against the glass. It was another rainy day. The sky was black by now, tinged with gray clouds. The occasional lightening would strike, illuminating the tall skyscrapers, before darkness would once again engulf the city. Transparent drops of rain fell onto the glass, dripping down slowly. You traced the pattern of the water with your finger as you recalled the day you’d met Yixing. It was raining then too. You remembered how he’d walked into the studio, dripping wet, how he’d spoken so shyly at first, how he’d held onto your shirt to keep you from leaving. Your lips curved into a soft smile. You hadn’t realized till now just how much you’d missed him. Did he leave for good? What if he was already in China? Couldn’t he have told you first? Or perhaps you’d hurt him some how? Was it your silence that had hurt him? You thought back to that day in the studio again, your cheeks flushing cherry red as you recalled the way his lips fit perfectly against yours, the way they curved as he said those words “I like you.” You could still hear his voice as he whispered, crystal clear in your head. You closed your eyes and listened to the pitter patter of the rain. You conjured up an image of him beside you, running his cool fingers through your hair, joking with you for being so lazy when he was gone. It couldn’t have been normal, the way you could so easily hear his voice beside you, but you dismissed thoughts of insanity as the gentle voice lulled you to sleep. For now, it was fine.

A shuffling sound awoke you. Your eyelids fluttered for a moment as they adjusted to the lights. You were lying on your side, facing the window. It was still raining. You shifted slightly and felt  something on you. What was it? You looked down to find a thick knit sweater laid over your shoulder. The faint smell of cologne hugged the fabric. You knew this scent.

”_____-ah? Are you awake?”

You sat up quickly and turned to face the studio. There he stood, clad in a white undershirt, his chestnut hair slightly unruly from the rain, looking at you in  concern.

"Yixing-ah!" You cried as you stood up and ran towards him. You wrapped your arms around his neck, embracing him tightly. You heard a laugh escape his lips as you pressed your head against his chest. Your cheeks tinged with redness as you felt his firm arms wrap themselves around you, his chin resting on your head. Despite your lack of air, you remained inside his embrace, closing your eyes and relishing in the warmth of his body, the softness of his skin, the pure existence of Yixing. Your imagination was nothing compared to this. The realness of those arms resting contentedly around your waist was unimaginable. The warmth of his breath as he sighed against your hair was inconceivable. The deep and steady heart beat you felt against your cheek could never be replaced by a mere memory.You pulled away from his chest and looked up at him, your cheeks burning crimson as you met your gaze with his.

"Are you okay?" he asked, the slight tone of worry tainting his voice.

Before you could stop yourself, you pressed your lips against his. Your arms slid slowly down, till the palms of your hands rested on his shoulders. As your lips seperated, you remained a breath away, waiting for him to say something. In that split second, a thousand thoughts ran through your mind; Was he upset? Had he taken back those words he’d said to you? Had he never meant them in the first place? Before you could open your mouth, Yixing’s lips found yours again. Your heart began to pound, tasting the sweet flavor as he kissed you tenderly.  It felt as if at that moment, you were exactly where you were meant to be in the world. You never wanted it to end. Yet, just as your knees began to weaken, and your lungs begged for air, he pulled away. He rested his forehead against yours, breathing a laugh. You felt your heart swell upon hearing that endearing sound. You wanted him to know how much you missed him. You wanted him to know how much you loved his laugh, and his smile, and his forgetfulness, and the way he always bit his lip when he was nervous. Even then, he was doing it.

"Yixing-ah." you said, the traces of a smile itching your lips. What was your answer? You thought back to that moment. What would you have said?  If his phone hadn’t rang, if he didn’t have to leave that day, what would you have said?

"I like you too."