“Okay, I’m going now – how do I look?”

“Amazing, as always.”

“You’re not even looking.”

“I don’t have to.”

Pain flashed through him briefly, but he ignored it, grumbling and crossing the room to the boy tapping away on his laptop. In one flowing movement, he snapped the lid of the computer shut and then slipped his fingers under the other’s chin, jerking it up to meet their eyes.

“Yah – I’m working!”

“Why are you doing work at home?” Baekhyun asked whiningly as Chanyeol pushed his hand away, opening his laptop up again.

“Because you’re going out,” Chanyeol shrugged. “And I have nothing else to do.”

Baekhyun sighed, reaching for the younger’s hand. “Then come with me. You’re way better at guitar than I am.” Chanyeol just shook his head. “Fine, then, jerk. I don’t need you anyway.” The younger raised an eyebrow and waved at him without looking up, and Baekhyun pouted. “At least tell me I look good.”

Heaving a sigh, Chanyeol glanced up at him and looked him over slowly. Without a word, he pushed his laptop aside onto the couch and gestured for Baekhyun to come closer. Finally. Baekhyun leaned down and received a long kiss, making him smile when he pulled away. Chanyeol reached up and ruffled his hair, making Baekhyun whine again, but the other just laughed.

“You look very good,” Chanyeol assured him. “Though I’m not sure who you’re trying to impress over there.”

“My boyfriend, obviously,” Baekhyun winked. “The guy who pays me for my services.” Chanyeol just rolled his eyes. “But really, maybe everyone’s too drunk to care, but they still want someone good-looking on stage.”

“So why do they keep giving you gigs?”

“You shush.”

“Get going, before you’re late,” Chanyeol told him, and Baekhyun went in for another quick kiss before heading to the door, slipping on shoes and grabbing Chanyeol’s guitar case. “Love you. Have fun.”

“I will,” Baekhyun called as he went. “Love you too!”

He walked down the hallway to the staircase, leaving his apartment and Chanyeol behind for the next few hours. This was how his Friday nights (and some other nights) always were, and had been for the past year or two. Even before he and Chanyeol had moved in to the apartment together, back when they were still in university, Baekhyun had been singing at a local downtown bar on Fridays and whenever the owner felt like booking him in (aka, nights he couldn’t have filled by someone else). Chanyeol had come to every show at first, but after they graduated and he got a job (which happened pretty fast), he wasn’t able to come so much. Though he only worked weekdays at his technical engineering job, he was usually pretty tired by the end of the day, or liked to work at home sometimes (though Baekhyun didn’t really like it, and wouldn’t allow it when he was around. When Baekhyun wasn’t working and they were both home together, he wanted to spend time with Chanyeol).

It was less than a month before his twenty-second birthday, and there wasn’t much he could complain about; he had a home with the person he loved, he was out of school forever. He worked at a restaurant as a waiter, which wasn’t the best thing, but Chanyeol made enough money at his work to make up for it. His nights at the bar singing were going well, and he had attracted the attention of some people. If he was lucky, he might even get a contract with someone (though he wasn’t sure he actually wanted to go into the entertainment business; that meant being separated from Chanyeol, which wasn’t really something he was willing to give up). But whatever, he was happy and healthy and not struggling financially and, yeah, things were pretty good. Except…

Maybe it was nothing. Baekhyun couldn’t help being paranoid, even now. Every little thing scared him. Whenever he got a stomachache, chest burn, even when he would sleep with Chanyeol and run out of breath. It worried him, because even if he had been cleared years ago, he didn’t think he was safe. Which was silly, of course. He was just causing himself unnecessary stress when he could be enjoying his life free of any health problems and problems in general. He never even talked about it, not even to Chanyeol; it was supposed to be a thing of the past. But… For the past three months or so, Baekhyun had started to feel… he was noticing things. A cough that came and went, and his breath coming shorter when he would go up the stairs or sing a song too many. Little things, but he thought they were happening more lately. At first, he’d figured it was a cold, but when no other symptoms showed, he brushed it off. He didn’t want to overreact, bring things back that weren’t even there anymore…

A week ago, Baekhyun experienced a shooting pain in his chest. It only lasted for a second, but it had happened again, a few times since. However, it wasn’t near where he’d felt it before – just below his ribs; it was further up on his chest, on the right side. So he figured, it couldn’t be. After a couple more times of it occurring, he changed his mind. If it got worse, if it happened more frequently or lasted longer, he would go to the doctor and have it checked out. And it hadn’t gotten any worse. It was probably nothing, just some injury from Chanyeol being too rough or something. That had happened before.

Baekhyun made it to the bar twenty minutes early, and began practicing and doing a mic-check. He wasn’t sure how the guitar was so out of tune when he’d just used it the week before, but he guessed that Chanyeol was probably at home crying right now. (Chanyeol had serious telepathy with his guitar, and if one string was off he knew. The thing was actually his baby.) After cranking the strings back to their right tuning, he strummed and sang under his breath, feeling eyes on him. He wasn’t nervous; performing in front of half-attentive crowds didn’t bother him at all. But he kind of found himself wishing Chanyeol was there tonight. Baekhyun always loved the younger’s support by means of over-enthusiastic cheering and yelling and buying Baekhyun many drinks. (He only did all of this so Baekhyun would sleep with him rather than complaining he was too tired for anything.)

An hour, a few songs, and a polite refusal of a drink some friendly girls offered to buy him later, Baekhyun was feeling right at home. He began his next song, no one particularly paying him attention. A few lines in, he was shocked with a ripple of pain in his chest, but it was gone nearly as soon as it came. Trying not to get panicked, he kept singing, but at the end of the chorus he broke out into coughing, reigniting the pain. Cringing, he just carried on. However, he ended up cutting the last verse of the song because he kept having to cough, and then he excused himself to go to the washroom.

Once away from everyone, he took a drink of water from the tap, hoping to calm the coughing. The pain had lessened significantly, but still stung dully. He focused on taking deep breaths, staring at himself in the mirror and trying to keep himself calm. Don’t get all freaked out, he told himself. It’s just a cough. No need to panic yet. A moment passed from his last cough, and he nodded to himself in attempt to shrug off his paranoia. Yet as he moved to head back out to the bar, the coughing renewed itself, doubling him over as agony wrenched through him. What the hell is this? He held onto the sink, gasping for air as coughs broke out of him, until he knew something was wrong because he was tasting copper and it wasn’t stopping.

By the time someone came in and found him he was on his hands and knees, blood spattered on the floor in front of him, panting for air and feeling dizzy. The coughing had stopped, but tears streamed down his cheeks as he weakly pleaded for help. In twenty minutes, there was an ambulance outside the bar and Baekhyun was apologizing to the owner for having to leave early, still crying because he knew what happened next.

He had messaged Chanyeol to meet him at the hospital, and was just being situated on a bed when the boy came in. Chanyeol rushed over to him, but Baekhyun just asked him not to make a scene, do what the nurses told him and just wait until they knew what was going on. As Baekhyun explained what had happened to him to a doctor, Chanyeol sat back, looking horrified.

They spent the night there, Baekhyun having multiple tests run on him, Chanyeol being forced to stay in the waiting room for the most part. When they next saw each other, it was just a lot of crying, and then Baekhyun’s parents were there and crying too. They didn’t even have the results but they all knew anyway.

“I’m sorry,” Baekhyun told them all in a whisper. “I didn’t want this to happen.”

It was so much worse this time. Multiple surgeries, endless chemotherapy. It lasted for over a year, but within the first couple of weeks Baekhyun began feeling suicidal. He was ready to give up, because he couldn’t do this again, because even if he made it through this time, he would never stop being afraid after this. Not when it wasn’t supposed to come back and it did. He would never feel safe again.

He had several screaming matches with Chanyeol, and it made him feel sick. Chanyeol would never let him stop trying, just the same as before, and he refused to let Baekhyun even suggest anything otherwise. Sometimes Baekhyun would pull out his IV and oxygen when no one was around, but he always got caught, and when Chanyeol found out he would yell at Baekhyun. They were both just scared. There were days when they would fight and Chanyeol would leave and not come back for days, while Baekhyun would be trapped in his bed, left to cry and try to stop everything that was keeping him alive. Once he gave him a concussion after bashing his head against the wall repeatedly until he passed out, but it was useless. Apparently, if the hospital – if Chanyeol – wanted him alive, he wasn’t dying.

But, as good as Chanyeol was at convincing Baekhyun he hated him, he never left. Not for good. He would come back and kneel at Baekhyun's bedside and apologize endlessly, and then kiss him and promise things were going to get better.

After celebrating his second birthday in a room in the hospital, Baekhyun was a bit more doubtful. By that second birthday, though, things were looking up. The doctors thought Baekhyun was clear from all the cancer that had plagued him. For now, Baekhyun had said. Despite having been there for a year, Baekhyun tried to improve his attitude anyway. Things had been better, and he had been taken off watch for suicide attempts. He’d begun his recovery process, getting out for some fresh air now and then, trying to get back to normal. Within another month, he was allowed to leave the hospital.

Going home was strange. It didn’t feel like home at all; it felt strange, and foreign. He had only been in this place for a few months, and then been gone for a year, and he didn’t even think it was the same place anymore. It looked like he wasn’t the only one who hadn’t been here in forever. It was messy – beyond messy, things were broken and shattered everywhere, but everything was layered with dust. It looked like a tornado had ripped through and the place had been left to let nature take over.

“What the hell happened here?” Baekhyun asked as he looked through. He was only answered by silence, and he turned back to see Chanyeol staring at him. “Chanyeol?”

“I’m sorry Baek,” he whispered. “I – I was afraid you weren’t coming back.”

Baekhyun stopped, eyes scanning around in shock as he realized what Chanyeol was saying. He felt himself growing a bit dizzy, and reached to hold onto the wall.

“Baek!” Chanyeol’s arms were around his waist, holding him up. “Are you okay?”

Baekhyun was just shaking his head. “No, I’m fine. Just… surprised.” He turned, staring up at the younger, whose eyes were dark. Chanyeol didn’t let go of him, and Baekhyun wrapped his arms around him in return. “I’m sorry, for…” He didn’t know what to apologize for. For living, or not wanting to? For having cancer again, and making Chanyeol go through it with him for the second time in his life? For constantly destroying their relationship, whatever that was, with his problems and selfishness? Really – what hadn’t he done wrong?

“Don’t,” Chanyeol breathed against his hair, squeezing him lightly. “I haven’t been here for a while, I forgot about the mess.”

“Where were you, then?”

“My parents, mostly. When I wasn’t at work,” Chanyeol answered softly, sounding embarrassed. “It just… got hard to come back here when you weren’t…”

“I’m sorry,” Baekhyun repeated, and he held on tighter, feeling like he might fall over. “I’m here now. Let’s clean up, okay?” He felt Chanyeol nod, but neither let go for a while, just standing there and taking each other in. It had been hard to appreciate Chanyeol when he was in the hospital, Baekhyun realized. When he’d felt like dying, and when everything he did might set the younger off, might start a fight. Now, that seemed to be over.

Eventually they pulled apart, and started putting their broken home back together. Baekhyun found a lot of beer bottles and other types of alcohol bottles in the sink, in the recycling, in the – everywhere. He tried not to blame himself, but it was hard. Chanyeol promised he hadn’t touched alcohol in a month, but Baekhyun couldn’t even imagine the year he’d been abusing it.

He had to rest a few times, but eventually the apartment no longer looked abandoned, instead looking like someone actually cared for it. When they were done, they sat on the couch, Baekhyun leaning on Chanyeol’s shoulder. To his surprise, Chanyeol pushed him away gently after a moment, turning to face him with very anxious features.

“I have to tell you something…” he began, and Baekhyun’s stomach dropped. His throat closed up in fearful anticipation, and he waited for whatever bomb the younger was about to drop, expecting the worst. “Before you just come back and settle in with me like everything’s okay and the past year wasn’t a living hell for both of us, you need to know what I’ve done.”

Baekhyun couldn’t speak, so he just listened. Chanyeol told him the extent of just how bad his drinking had become, which was fine. He promised that was better now, that everything he’d done was regretted and in the past and he didn’t want to go back to any of it. But Chanyeol wasn’t this worried about drinking, and Baekhyun knew it. He told Baekhyun that there had been a few nights when he’d gone out and gotten drunk, and when he’d tried to hook up with some strangers. Baekhyun didn’t want him to go on, didn’t want to hear anything beyond that, but he continued anyway. Chanyeol had never been able to bring anyone home, but a few of the times he’d gone to their homes.

And yet, he’d never been able to go all the way with any of them. By the time any of them would undress, Chanyeol would realize how wrong it was, and how much he couldn’t do it. They weren’t Baekhyun. Still, Chanyeol insisted on apologizing for ever even thinking of trying, and for trying to try with people who weren’t him, even if he never could. But if Baekhyun had felt sick when Chanyeol first started talking, he was so painfully relieved hearing that the younger had never been successful with anyone else. The idea of him kissing others churned acid jealousy in Baekhyun, but it was so much better than finding out that Chanyeol was moving on from him.

“You aren’t going to leave me, right?” Baekhyun asked him quietly. “There wasn’t someone – anyone who changed your mind? Someone you can’t stop thinking about, or wish you had had with?”

“No,” Chanyeol promised. “I felt so – disgusted, being in bed with anyone else. It was just so wrong and dirty and… I just couldn’t. If it’s not you, I don’t want it, I guess. I guess I’m kind of pathetic.”

“That’s okay.” Baekhyun wiped at his eyes and pulled Chanyeol in to hug him again, since the boy’s self-esteem was shot at the moment. “You keep being pathetic and stay with me, I won’t ever complain.”

“Promise?”

Baekhyun smiled. “I promise.”

“Aren’t you mad?” Chanyeol asked him. “I tried to cheat on you. I’m a ty… soulmate.”

“I’m not mad,” Baekhyun assured him, although his heart was feeling pretty heavy. He wanted to forget this whole year. “I was trying to kill myself, of course you wouldn’t want to be with me.” Chanyeol tried to protest, but Baekhyun went on over him. “I’d be more upset if you’d actually gone through with it, even once.”

“More upset,” Chanyeol stated.

“Well, it scares me to think I might not be good enough for you anymore.” It was more than just a fear; it was the worst thought Baekhyun’s mind could conjure. “I don’t want you to be with someone else. But I have no rights over you,” he pointed out, and as much as he hated that, he knew it was true. “It’s not like we’re in a relationship. You’re not mine and off limits to everyone else.”

“We are in a relationship,” Chanyeol argued, pulling back to stare at him sternly. “Even if I don’t call you my boyfriend, we’re still together. And I want to be off limits – I want you off limits. You are mine. But I feel like I’ve messed it all up now; I went against us-”

“Yes, you did, but so did I, okay?” Baekhyun bit his lip. “Let’s just – cross out the past year, call it even. You spent the last year begging me to get better and take care of myself, and I just tried to destroy myself.” I wanted to kill myself. I tried to. I still feel like a mess sometimes. That was a bit more damaging to their relationship. “Meanwhile, I never even said you couldn’t hook up with other people – although I’m going to ask you now to please not ever do that, because it would literally break my heart. Please don’t be with anyone else.” The words choked their way out, and he blinked back more tears. “I – I know you… you’ve had to – put up with my for, what, eighteen years? And we’ve never even had with anyone but each other, and it – it’s not fair for me not to ever let you see what it might be like with someone else, but, please…”

Chanyeol’s thumbs rubbed under his eyes as he cupped the smaller’s face between his hands. His eyes held Baekhyun’s gaze urgently. “Baek, you don’t have to ask that. I’ve only got you, and that will never change.”

Baekhyun gave him a teary smile. “Good, you’re still cheesy.” Chanyeol stuck his tongue out and the pair smiled at each other, then he lay back, pulling Baekhyun down with him.

“Let’s just stay here forever,” the younger sighed. “Where nothing can hurt us.”

“All the food is in the kitchen,” Baekhyun noted in amusement.

“Let’s move the fridge beside the couch and stay here forever.” Baekhyun laughed, closing his eyes as the boy rubbed his back comfortingly and kissed his hair. Maybe each other was all they knew, but that was all they needed anyway, and nothing was going to change that.

“Okay, Chanyeol.”

“

That night they both went to bed happy that they were finally back in their own bed, together, and things were okay for today. Baekhyun was trying to tell himself that now – that it was okay today, and he would worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. He tried not to think about things that had happened in the past year, particularly things about Chanyeol seeking out others to fulfill his desires with, because that was painful. It made him feel guilty but also scared that Chanyeol might continue the practice even with Baekhyun home now, until he just left altogether. It was hard to doubt Chanyeol like this, especially when the younger had assured him nothing had really happened, and he’d never wanted anyone else anyway. But Baekhyun doubted him – or rather, he doubted himself and his ability to keep Chanyeol in love with him now.

All of these thoughts fueled his mind with fear as he drifted into sleep, and that fear converted into dreams that he sunk into, unable to wake up from as he was tormented by images of Chanyeol with someone else, Chanyeol leaving him… He started talking in his sleep, begging, crying, loud enough to wake Chanyeol beside him.

“Baekhyun?” he mumbled incoherently as the older continued to whine.

“Please – don’t leave me… don’t… no, don’t go – Chanyeol-”

Chanyeol sat up and rubbed at his eyes, looking down at Baekhyun in confusion. “I’m not going anywhere, what are you talking about?” Baekhyun began crying, growing more desperate and tortured, begging Chanyeol, eyes remaining closed. He latched onto the boy’s arm, too afraid to let him go.

“Chanyeol…” He grew louder, drawing Chanyeol out of his sleepiness, and finally Chanyeol realized what was happening; the boy was having a nightmare.

“Hey, Baek – wake up,” he told him softly, kneeling beside him and shaking his shoulder gently. “You’re dreaming. Wake up…”

“Please, stay… ‘Yeol… I’m sorry – don’t – please just – no, no… Don’t go-” Chanyeol shook him harder, pulling up so he was sitting, and Baekhyun gasped, eyes flying open. He was still disoriented, and grabbed tighter onto Chanyeol. “Chanyeol! Don’t leave me!”

“I’m not leaving, Baekhyun, calm down,” Chanyeol hushed him. “It’s okay, I’m here, I’m not going away…” Baekhyun burst into tears, and Chanyeol pulled him into his lap to hold on to him and pet his hair. “I won’t leave you, Baek, I promise…”

“I don’t w-want you to go,” Baekhyun sobbed into his shoulder, wrapping his arms tightly around the younger’s neck and holding on for dear life. His body was wracking, breath catching sharply in his throat and tears streaming down his cheeks to his neck and Chanyeol’s shirt. Chanyeol cooed, promising he wasn’t going to go anywhere, holding the other and swaying gently, trying to calm him. Baekhyun just kept crying, and eventually Chanyeol tried to lay him back down, to which Baekhyun buried his face in his pillow and continued on, saying something about Chanyeol leaving again. The younger lay down beside him, brushing his fingers along his spine soothingly for at least an hour until Baekhyun was all cried out.

Baekhyun rolled onto his side to look at Chanyeol, eyes very red and puffy. “You’re not going to go, are you?” he whispered, words coming out broken. Chanyeol shook his head.

“I won’t.” His own voice cracked, and he was trying not to cry anymore too. (Having watched the love of his life fall apart because of him had taken its toll on Chanyeol.) “Please believe me, Baek. There’s no one in the world I want but you. I’m not leaving.”

“I’m sorry,” Baekhyun croaked softly. “Just – what you told me…” He reached his hand out for Chanyeol’s, and the younger took it firmly.

“Don’t apologize, it’s okay Baek. I never should have done that… I won’t again, I swear. I love you. I only love you, Baek…”

Baekhyun curled in close to him, sniffling. “I know. I love you too. There’ll never be anyone else, ‘Yeol…”

“

Alright, so Baekhyun had genuinely believed there would never be another human in his life that he would care about the way he did about Chanyeol, besides Chanyeol. At no point in his life had he ever considered the possibility that that could ever change.

He certainly didn’t think he would fall in love, again. And with a girl, too.

To be fair, he wasn’t the only one who had his heart captured. Chanyeol found himself in the same situation. It was even over the same girl. But neither of them was mad about it. In fact, they were more than happy to share.

It didn’t take Baekhyun very long to regain his faith in Chanyeol, because he knew Chanyeol loved him to death the same way he loved Chanyeol, and they had a lot going on in their lives but it was never enough to get between them, despite how tough everything seemed to be. Maybe there was a little while where Baekhyun had thought he deserved to be cheated on for dragging Chanyeol into his hell for the second time, but that self-pitying passed as he was reabsorbed in their gross love for one another. And so their lives went on, and they returned to sort-of-normal. Except they were back to counting down the five years – well, Chanyeol counted; Baekhyun couldn’t bother anymore. He was supposed to have been cancer free, and it had come back. Another five years didn’t mean anything this time.

Three years passed relatively calmly, but their lives changed again one day in early autumn when Baekhyun found a place while walking around town one day and he realized there was something in his life that he wanted. And once he decided on it, there was no way he wouldn’t get it.

Two minutes was the amount of time it took him to make up his mind. Two months was the amount of time to took him to convince Chanyeol to agree with him. But finally, in mid-November, Chanyeol caved and went on the trip back to the building Baekhyun had seen, to get him what he wanted.

A child. A family of his own that he could have with Chanyeol. Something Baekhyun had always dreamed of having. Raising and taking care of a kid he could call his own, even if it wasn’t biologically. And maybe Chanyeol was unsure and anxious about the idea, but Baekhyun knew he wanted it too. They had never really sat down and talked about it, but it had been mentioned in passing throughout the years of their relationship, and now seemed like a good time. At least, it wasn’t a bad time. Baekhyun wanted to be a young parent, and twenty-six was a good age, he thought. They were long done school, there was nothing holding them back. Why not?

(Chanyeol could argue that it would be difficult financially, and they had to be physically and mentally prepared for this too, and it wasn’t something they could back out of if it turned out it was too early or they didn’t want it after all. But Baekhyun was very firm in what he wanted, and there was no turning back for him. He did ask Chanyeol if he didn’t want a child, and Chanyeol admitted he wasn’t sure he was ready for it, but he would at least go with Baekhyun to the orphanage, and that was good enough for the older.)

They entered the orphanage, the place filled with the sound of children chattering and playing. It wasn’t a very big place, and was easy enough to navigate, the pair finding their way to the front desk easily and seeing a door leading to where the noise seemed to be coming from. At the desk was a girl, younger than them by at least a couple of years, softly rounded and cute-faced, long hair up in a ponytail. She smiled and greeted them cheerfully.

“I’m Aeri; how can I help you?” she asked. Baekhyun felt Chanyeol’s eyes on him, undoubtedly thinking the same thing – what were they supposed to say? Hi, we want a child. First of all, despite the legal debate around the gay subject that was happening, many places still weren’t gay-accepting. Second, they couldn’t just walk in and take a kid, could they? There would be a lot of work involved, if they even could convince this girl to let them adopt. She was young, however, and their generation was more open about the whole gay thing, but Baekhyun had a feeling she didn’t own the building. It was likely her parents’ place that she just worked at.

“Could we – are we allowed to go in?” Baekhyun asked hesitantly.

“Of course!” Aeri replied happily. “I can show you around if you want.”

“Sure, thanks.” That had been pretty easy. Baekhyun wanted to take Chanyeol’s hand as they were led into the next room, but he was, for the first time in their relationship, worried about what others would think of them. Still, he stayed close enough to the younger that their arms could brush as they walked.

The children’s room was filled with single beds and cribs, and at the back was a large space containing many kids and toys. Most of the kids seemed to be in this area, though a few were playing together on beds, a couple younger ones laying or sleeping in their cribs. Immediately, Baekhyun could feel his mood lifting at the sight of all the little kids. They headed to the back of the room and Baekhyun quickly became immersed in saying hello to everyone and watching them play. Chanyeol joined too, and soon the pair had children crawling all over them, vying for their attention. The girl, Aeri, seemed to realize she wasn’t needed.

“I’ll be around if you guys need me,” she told them. She stayed in the room, tending to whoever she came across, and letting Baekhyun and Chanyeol play.

The two were there for half an hour just sitting and playing with everyone. Eventually, Baekhyun got up, noticing Aeri hovering over one of the cribs. He moved over to join her, catching sight of a sleeping baby curled up, pacifier in its mouth. He was a bit awestruck for a moment.

“Is it a girl or a boy?” he asked quietly, not wanting to wake the baby up.

“A girl,” Aeri replied. “Do you want to hold her?”

“Will it wake her?”

“Probably, but it’s okay,” Aeri shrugged. “She’s pretty calm. Barely ever cries; but she makes up for it with her whining.” Aeri looked down at the girl with amusement, and then reached in and picked her up in her arms, before passing her on to Baekhyun. Baekhyun took her carefully, feeling nervous as he tried to get a safe and comfortable hold of the child.

“Oh gosh, I haven’t held a baby in a long time,” he said worriedly. The baby’s eyes opened, looking up at him, and she squirmed a little before staying still and just staring at him. “Hi, baby,” he whispered warmly, sending a smile her way. He turned to look in the play area, calling Chanyeol. “’Yeol, come here!”

Chanyeol glanced up, laughing at a kid who was climbing on his back and noticing Baekhyun and the baby he was holding. Chanyeol came over quickly, eyes slightly wide and looking a bit dazed.

“Isn’t she pretty?” Baekhyun asked him when he was close enough.

“Why are you such a natural at this?” Chanyeol mumbled, reaching out to pet the girl’s hair lightly. Baekhyun just shrugged. “Can I try holding her?” Baekhyun offered the girl and a second later she was in Chanyeol’s hold, though her eyes were still on Baekhyun. When she finally looked up at Chanyeol, her hand reached up to pat his face and he laughed. At that, her pacifier popped out of , and Chanyeol bit his lip, anticipating the worst.

But she didn’t cry. She gave a laugh of her own, and then took hold of Chanyeol’s ear, tugging on it and making him wince.

“She’s smart,” Baekhyun laughed. He asked Aeri, “What’s her name?”

“Park Jieun.”

“Oh, she’s a Park too, ‘Yeol,” Baekhyun said. “You must be her dad.” Chanyeol was trying to tilt his head away from Jieun’s tiny hands as she continued attacking his face and giggling. Soon he was returning her to Baekhyun.

“I always make kids cry,” he said. “I don’t want her to start.” But Jieun just kept smiling as Baekhyun took her back in his arms, and the trio began talking about her. Baekhyun and Chanyeol asked many questions (more Baekhyun than Chanyeol) about her, and Aeri answered everything she could. Jieun was eight months old; she slept surprisingly well and ate a lot, she didn’t cry often and got along with seemingly everyone, and she was very happy almost all the time.

“Are you two looking to adopt together, then?” Aeri wondered as she watched Baekhyun rocking Jieun slowly and Chanyeol giving her her pacifier again. The baby’s eyes were growing heavy, but Baekhyun didn’t want to put her down.

“Yes,” Chanyeol answered, and Aeri nodded.

“Well, as much as I’d hate to see her go, I think Jieun would be really good with you two.” Baekhyun raised an eyebrow at the girl, but she just nodded again. “I know a good match when I see one, I’ve been here since I was a kid, watching my mom work and give the kids up. There are want-to-be parents who come in and get hooked onto one of the kids, and soon enough they’re leaving with them. You two are the same way. I think Jieunnie might have a home.”

Baekhyun couldn’t take his eyes of the nodding-off baby cradled in his arms. She couldn’t have been more than fifteen pounds, but he thought she was weightless, like she was just another part of himself. And he knew it was her; she was the one he wanted as his child. In just those few moments, he’d fallen in love with this baby, just the way a parent would the first time they held their own child.

Eventually, Baekhyun and Chanyeol left the orphanage, Baekhyun talking non-stop about Jieun on their way home. “She’s the one, ‘Yeol,” he said certainly. “I know it.” Then he glanced up at the younger, knowing this wasn’t a decision he was allowed to make on his own (even if he already had). “What about you? Can you picture us as a family?”

Chanyeol gave a small smile. “I think you two looked perfect together,” he agreed. “I’m not sure about me, though.”

“She liked you,” Baekhyun assured him. “I’m pretty sure she liked you more than she liked me. She played with you, and you made her laugh and smile and everything. I held her and she just fell asleep.”

“It seems like she trusts you,” Chanyeol said. “She felt safe with you. It’s like you were her mom.”

“Well there we go,” Baekhyun returned excitedly. “I’m her mom and you’re her dad. We’re a family; it’s perfect.”

“Do you think so?” Chanyeol wondered, and Baekhyun could hear a streak of hopefulness in his voice. He nodded surely, and Chanyeol’s smile finally came out fully. “Maybe we should have her then.”

“Do you really want to do this?” Baekhyun asked him, holding his gaze firmly. “I mean, it’s a kid, ‘Yeol. Our whole lives are gonna change, and… It’s big, Chanyeol, this is big.”

“I know,” Chanyeol nodded. “I’ve told you that many times. And – it’s scary, but parents are always scared. We can’t prepare ourselves for this, and we don’t know what we’re doing. But I know how bad you want this, and just because of that I want it too. I knew it was gonna happen one day,” he added. “And no matter how long we wait, I’ll never be ready. After seeing all those kids today, and you with all those kids… It’s crazy, but that’s all we’ve ever known anyway, right?”

Baekhyun took his hand. “We can do this.” And Chanyeol leaned down and kissed his cheek.

“I know we can.”

“

However decided they were on the first day they met Park Jieun was not enough to sway the very homophobic mother of Aeri’s. When the pair returned to the orphanage and Aeri’s mom was there, she was immediately disapproving, saying she wouldn’t give a child away to the gay couple. Despite this, Baekhyun went back many, many times, and Jieun was always there and he would always stay with her, talk to her and entertain her and hold her and love her. He fell so in love with her that she was all he could think about, and still he wasn’t allowed to have her for his own. No matter how much he tried to persuade Aeri’s mother, or how much Aeri helped, or how perfect a parent he always was with the baby and even Aeri’s mom could see it, she denied him. But Baekhyun never stopped going.

At home, they began preparing for a child, even if they were making no progress in adopting one. They converted their small office room into a bedroom for a child, buying a tiny twin bed and plain but cute green blankets for it. They bought toys and kid books and all sorts of things, like an expecting couple. But months went by, and Christmas passed, then New Years, and Jieun’s first birthday and even Baekhyun’s birthday, and still the girl wasn’t adopted and still their home remained occupied by only two.

When Baekhyun would go to the orphanage now, Jieun recognized him and was as excited to see him as he was to see her. She held her cradle’s railing and bounced her legs, squealing whenever he walked through the door, and it made Baekhyun feel like crying because it was so unfair that he couldn’t take her home.

Of course, everyone else had become used to his frequent showings, Aeri the most. She expected him to come every day (not that he did), and when he did she loved to watch him interacting with Jieun, and hated to see him go every time without her. Yet her mother wasn’t budging on her opinions, and Aeri knew Baekhyun was never going to get his child if things kept up like this.

So at last, she took things into her own hands. She began preparing the paperwork for Baekhyun without telling her mom, giving him everything he needed and telling him to bring it back to her when he was done. He was back within a week, still in disbelief that she was actually doing this for him. Another week and she had finished filing everything for him, and a couple more weeks and it was all cleared. Finally, after seven months, Baekhyun was allowed to leave the building for the last time, Park Jieun in his arms.

Chanyeol picked him up with his mom in his parents’ car, and she didn’t have a car seat but Baekhyun just sat in the back holding Jieun, and Chanyeol’s mom turned her blinking lights on and drove very slowly to their apartment. When they were home and settled in, she went back out to buy diapers and a few other things they needed, leaving the new parents alone with their child.

When they entered the place, Baekhyun said, “Look, Jieunnie, this is your new home,” and she made a squeak, likely not understanding but happy anyway. Baekhyun carried her through, bouncing her slightly in his arms, eyes watering a bit in sheer joy. He showed her the kitchen, explaining that all the food was there, and his and Chanyeol’s room, and the bathroom, and her room, filled with toys that were all for her. There, he sat on the bed with her while she lay down and stared around. Chanyeol sat down on the end of the bed beside him, watching the girl with a soft smile on his face. After a moment, he caught her eye and she sat up and crawled over to him.

“Hey, kiddo,” he said as he welcomed her into his arms.

“Jieun, can you say ‘daddy’?” Baekhyun asked her, and her eyes moved to look at him, attention caught. “Say ‘daddy’.”

“Daddy,” she echoed carefully, and Baekhyun grinned, pointing at Chanyeol. She looked back up at him, and repeated, “Daddy.”

“That’s daddy,” Baekhyun confirmed, and Chanyeol raised any eyebrow at him.

“Who are you, then?”

“Appa,” Baekhyun answered, and Jieun’s eyes lit up again, returning to Baekhyun. “Who am I?” he asked her, smiling expectantly.

“Appa!”

Baekhyun felt a bit like crying. “That’s right,” he told her. “I’m your appa, and he’s your daddy.” Once more, her attention focused on Chanyeol, and she began patting his chest with her tiny hand, repeating ‘daddy’ over and over, which Chanyeol seemed to enjoy because he smiled brightly and kissed her forehead.

The three of the spent the rest of the day inside, Jieun tottering around the house and Baekhyun hovering after her while Chanyeol mostly stayed on the couch. Even though he didn’t follow her around, she went back to him frequently, always holding herself up against his legs and patting his knee until he picked her up and sat her in his lap. She would stay until she got bored, and then go off again. After a while of toddling around and touching everything she could get her hands on, she eventually went to Chanyeol once more, and didn’t leave him, leaning back on his chest, eyelids growing heavy. Within ten minutes, she was sleeping peacefully, breathing soft.

“How’s it feel to be a dad?” Baekhyun asked Chanyeol, watching the two amusedly. Chanyeol was brushing through her long wisps of hair. She had never had her hair cut, and it had grown to touch her shoulders now; Baekhyun didn’t want to cut it ever, if he didn’t have to (though, of course he would someday).

 “It feels easy right now,” Chanyeol said, and he was watching Jieun with adoration, but when he looked up at Baekhyun he seemed more worried. “But it’s only been a few hours.”

Baekhyun got up and sat beside Chanyeol carefully without stirring Jieun, resting his head on Chanyeol’s shoulder. “I’m sure you’ll only be dealing with her for a few hours a day anyway, since you have work and all. You’ll be okay.”

“What about you?” Chanyeol wondered as he shifted Jieun slightly to a more comfortable position.

“I’ll manage,” Baekhyun shrugged. “This is what I wanted, and I’ll have to deal with all the good and bad. Even if it is hard – which I know it is, just seeing her the past few months for a couple hours at a time – she’s my responsibility. She can’t take care of herself.”

Chanyeol kissed Baekhyun’s hair. “It’s gonna be at least seventeen years we have to take care of her, you know.” Again, Baekhyun shrugged. “And you have me to take care of, too.”

“I might have to kick you out, then,” Baekhyun teased. “Or you’ll have to learn to cook for yourself.”

“Heaven forbid,” Chanyeol replied, laughing softly. “But I mean it, this will be hard. And you’ll have to go back to work eventually.”

“’Yeol, it’s a bit late to have this conversation,” Baekhyun pointed out. As if they hadn’t already a million times. As if Baekhyun hadn’t talked Chanyeol down every time. As if it wasn’t also a bit late to be having cold feet. “You’re not gonna back out of this, are you? Become an absent father and all that? You can’t desert us.”

Chanyeol shook his head, looking back down at Jieun. “I couldn’t if I wanted to. I know you can’t do this on your own, and I wouldn’t want to leave you anyway. Or her. I mean, she’s not you, and me and her aren’t as close as you two are, but – I still feel like she’s mine, sort of. She’s yours, so I guess that makes her mine, right?” Baekhyun just rolled his eyes. It had always been that way with Chanyeol; he was convinced that they shared everything. Once one of them had something, it was both of theirs, end of story. (And Baekhyun always disagreed with him, but he secretly found it cute anyway.)

“She’s ours,” Baekhyun told him, and they both smiled. Baekhyun could get used to the sound of that.

A/n: Oh my gosh I'm finally updating, it's a miracle~ Seriously, I had this written for ages, but I was planning on adding more so I didn't post it. Anyway, I finally decided that I would give our dear Baekyeol 2 spin-offs so I could post the first part of their lives now and stop neglecting all of you. I'm sorry I always make their lives hard.

I hope you're not super disappointed that it's not Kaisoo, but they are going to have several spin-offs of their own, and I shall start on those soon. Next spin-off will be a Kaisoo one, I promise. <3 (I might alternate, like side-ship, Kaisoo, side-ship, Kaisoo, etc. I don't know, I haven't planned everything out yet.)