or we could run (and never look back)

What happens when you fall in love with someone who can control fire at his own will? To a sane person it was code red – it spelled out RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN in bold capital letters. But sane was a foreign word for a certain Byun Baekhyun. He didn’t think he even knew the real meaning of that word – he’s not even sure if anyone has had a clear grasp of it. But then again, isn’t the forbidden fruit always the most tempting?

---

To a stranger, Park Chanyeol is the epitome of happiness - bright smiles and all. Baekhyun may not be a mind reader - not saying that he has any hidden abilities - but if there was something he was sure of, it was the fact that it takes a whole load of in your life to smile as genuinely as that. Because maybe at some point in his life Chanyeol grew sick and tired of frowning so much that he decided if he were to turn it all around, he had to do it himself. But who was Baekhyun to psychoanalyze? The guy was so open that he doubts if it’s really all out there. It was these thoughts that kept him awake at night and he doesn’t even know why.

"You’re intrigued," Yixing pointed out one day while his eyes were subconsciously trailing a certain tall figure.

It wasn’t a question - more of a statement. It made him think. Made the noise of the school’s cafeteria drown and become static. And he liked how it sounds. Because Yixing didn’t use the usual “You like him” or “You’re crushing on him” most people - read: Kim Jongdae - might’ve used instead. Because he didn’t know Chanyeol enough to decide whether he likes him or not.

"Yes. Yes I am. He’s… intriguing."

He couldn’t personally say he knew Park Chanyeol. But he knew Park Chanyeol, just not enough to tell his story. All he knew is what everyone else in the neighbourhood knows. And when you live a small town – everybody knows everything. The Park Chanyeol that everyone knows today was neither the Park Chanyeol he knew back in kindergarten nor was he the one he knew back in grade school. That Park Chanyeol was a quiet kid who kept to himself and sits alone in the playground in an unmoving swing. Not that he didn’t try to reach out but Park Chanyeol was weird and none of his friends wanted to let him play along and he didn’t want to be alone either.

But five year old Byun Baekhyun knows that Park Chanyeol is a nice kid. He gave Baekhyun a pack of Pepero when none of them got any for Pepero day at kindergarten. They ended up sharing that one pack and ate together quietly. It was a nice kind of quiet thought it made five year old Byun Baekhyun a little bit uneasy. After that the only interaction they ever had were small smiles of acknowledgement which faded away as time passed by and suddenly it stopped altogether. It was as if they became strangers again. That’s what miscommunication does to people. It breaks relationships.

The gossipy lady who lived next door said that Park Chanyeol’s parents were mean to him. That they always scolded him and hit him. Seven year old Byun Baekhyun knew it wasn’t true because he didn’t see any marks on Park Chanyeol that indicated he was always hit. And he told that to his mother at dinner that night and she scolded him for listening in to adults’ conversations. He didn’t dare speak of Park Chanyeol again after that. Park Chanyeol lived a couple of houses away from him. He would’ve asked him to play with him and ride his new bike but Park Chanyeol was never outside and after five tries he gave up. Maybe Park Chanyeol just doesn’t like to play after all.

It was a hot night in mid-August when ten year old Byun Baekhyun heard the loud siren of a fire truck for the first time in his life. And in the decade that he has lived it was the first time he has ever seen a house burn down to ashes right in front of his eyes. Nothing was recovered but Park Chanyeol has made it out alive – if not a little bit out of breath. The gossipy lady who lived next door said that Park Chanyeol lit up their house because he couldn’t take his parents’ beating anymore. He chose not to believe it and angrily shouted at the lady that Park Chanyeol wasn’t a meanie like she was. He refused to apologise and he was grounded for two weeks with no TV and no video games. Not that he ever regretted it.

One day he didn’t see Park Chanyeol in class anymore and his friends said that he had moved with his aunt and uncle in the city. Ten year old Byun Baekhyun wondered what it was like to live in the city. He guessed that there were a lot of fun things there and much more video games to choose from and that will make Park Chanyeol feel less alone if he didn’t make any new friends. And he wonders if he’ll ever see Park Chanyeol again. Maybe they can be friends again in the future. Maybe they’ll share a pack of Pepero again, who knows?

---

“And that is how mitosis occurs in animal cells. Mister Byun is there something that you would like to add?” Yixing’s nudge snapped him out of his reverie and his mouth opened and closed like a fish and he squeaked out a small “No sir” as he lowered his head in shame. He’s been out of it these days and he blames it on the cold weather. The truth is that he can’t shake off a certain Park Chanyeol out of his thoughts and he doesn’t have any concrete explanation for that. And it didn’t help when Mr. Lee appointed him and Chanyeol as lab partners in chemistry for the rest of the semester. He tried to change partners and have Yixing instead but it fell on deaf ears.

So that was how he ended up sitting with his back straight in Chanyeol’s living room couch. He lived with his aunt and uncle and their Persian cat, Cleo, which Baekhyun swears looked at him with such hatred that he was afraid the cat would jump at him and tear his entire being apart. Chanyeol laughed at him and said that he was being paranoid. Well maybe he would be less paranoid if they didn’t choose to move back at Chanyeol’s old house that burned down years ago. Sure they built a new house but still, he found it creepy. He picked up the courage to ask Park Chanyeol himself after a few weeks, when Beakhyun was considerably more relaxed around him.

“I don’t mean to offend you or anything. You know, just out of curiosity. Why’d you choose to move back here?”

“I don’t really know. I guess it just reminds me of all the good times I had here.”

Baekhyun wasn’t really sure which part of being a loner served as ‘good times’ for Chanyeol but he knew better than to open his mouth. He’s gotten in enough trouble for that over the years and he didn’t really want to chase Park Chanyeol away. Have you ever had this feeling where you sense some kind of danger radiating off of a person like a rainstorm you know is about to come yet you choose to stay around anyway even though you don’t have an umbrella or a raincoat on? And have you ever read a poem and wonder just what the author was trying to convey – if ‘a half empty cup of tea’ in the second verse actually meant something deeper or just stating the obvious: a half empty cup of tea – knowing that you won’t get the answer when the author died a couple of hundred years ago yet you still ponder? That’s what Park Chanyeol is to Byun Baekhyun, a human puzzle, and he was determined to figure him out.

---

It’s an unexpected story of sorts. One that was written in the stars for all anybody cares. Park Chanyeol and Byun Baekhyun weren’t exactly strangers to begin with but weren’t close enough that meeting each other once again was like getting to know a complete stranger. It was the thrill of the unknown that drew them further that they were now teetering closer to the brink and neither knows where the fall is going to lead them.

---

Insomnia isn’t really something Baekhyun has dealt with. But the thoughts that keep him awake at night have become constant these past few weeks and he was sure it was caused by a certain Park Chanyeol. He tried – again – to close his eyes in attempt to sleep when he heard a light tapping. He froze in his spot on the bed when came two more tapping from his window. His clock blinked 02:12 and he willed a glance at his window. The branches of the tree outside cast an eerie shadow on the walls of his bedroom. Why hasn’t he closed the blinds again? A minute passed and the tapping came again followed by what sounds like a whisper of his name.

Byun Baekhyun wasn’t a coward but he wasn’t a daredevil either. But something told him to it up and go see what the commotion was about. He took careful steps towards his window and picked up a baseball bat along the way, just in case, and cautiously opened the window latch. He was ready to see nothing and get back to bed pretending it was just his mind playing tricks on him and forget about it the next day. The bright smile of Park Chanyeol that seemed to light up the whole neighbourhood was the last thing he had in mind.

Seven year old Park Chanyeol never got out of the house unless it was with his parents. Seven year old Park Chanyeol likes to sit on his own in the playground during recess. Seven year old Byun Baekhyun wouldn’t ever think that eighteen year old Park Chanyeol will throw pebbles on people’s windows at two in the morning just because he couldn’t sleep and he was bored. So that was how he ended up lying on his back in his front lawn next to Chanyeol. The sky was lit with stars, albeit just a small amount it was still beautiful. A few years back his dad will wake them up in the middle of the night and randomly take them somewhere it was dark enough to stargaze and watch the sunrise. Those were the good times. For a long while they didn’t say anything until Chanyeol broke the silence.

“This is one of the reasons why I chose to come back here. You can’t see a single star in the city,” Chanyeol said, his voice just above a whisper, scratchy and deep.

Baekhyun didn’t answer him because he didn’t know what to say. Stargazing became sort of a thing for them and after a while they moved to the old neighbourhood playground. They would lie on the grass and sometimes play on the swings and slide. Sometimes they would just enjoy the silence, sometimes they would laugh at a funny incident at school and sometimes they would reminisce old memories. The last one never fails to stab guilt in Baekhyun’s chest because he knew that he wasn’t much of a friend to Chanyeol yet the latter talked about their childhood as if he was as much a part of it as Baekhyun was. As if he was never the quiet kid who sat alone and had no real friends – not even a fake one, for all he knows.

---

The vacant lot behind their school was Baekhyun’s secret shortcut home but that particular winter afternoon he regretted ever finding that path. Not five meters away in front of him was Park Chanyeol clad in thick winter jacket however that was not what made him stop in his tracks. Park Chanyeol’s gloved hands were on fire. No. The fire danced around his fingers in a way so elegant it looked beautiful, as if he was controlling it. Was that even possible? Doesn’t this kind of thing only exist in fantasy novels and action movies? Has he finally gone cuckoo in the head that he was now seeing things?

For a moment he just stood there, eyes unblinking and mouth agape. When Chanyeol’s eyes met his, he felt as though an invisible vice had enclosed his throat forbidding any oxygen to get in. His heart had probably stopped working too. This was not the usual comfortable silence that enveloped them, this silence was denser and it hung heavily between them. Chanyeol’s voice tore through it like a sharp blade, raw and emotionless.

“Go. I understand.”

He only saw that look in Chanyeol’s eyes once in his life, back when he was ten years old and he heard the loud siren of a fire truck for the first time in his life. When he saw Chanyeol’s house burn down to ashes right in front of his eyes.

---

They didn’t see each other for a whole week after that. Chanyeol barely lifts his eyes if they passed each other in the halls or the cafeteria. And he only speaks if a discussion was needed in class. It was as if Park Chanyeol was avoiding him. By the second week Baekhyun grew impatient. He sent a text message to Chanyeol asking to meet him at the lot behind their school after classes were over. He sort of expected to be stood up but by 3pm Chanyeol stood in front of him though his eyes looked everywhere besides Baekhyun’s. He looked uneasy with his hands shoved deep in his pockets but didn’t voice anything about rushing home.

“Why are you avoiding me? If I did something wrong then I think I deserve to know what.”

“It’s not you.”

“Well aren’t you gonna tell me?”

“Why would you even want to be around a freak like me? For all I know you might be thinking that I was the one responsible for the fire eight years ago. Bad news, I didn’t,” Chanyeol’s deep voice sounded dangerous. He was angry, that was evident. But it didn’t make sense.

“And that gives you reason to avoid me?” Baekhyun was beyond incredulous by then.

“YES! I’m not normal and that gives you all the reason to avoid me! Why do you even still stick around? You should’ve gone away and leave me like everyone else does and-” his words were cut off by a pair of lips so warm he wonders if Baekhyun has a fever.

Were first kisses supposed to be this awkward? They were a tangle of limbs exploring unchartered waters. The kiss was sloppy and unforgiving – a clash of teeth and a war of tongues battling for dominance that takes their breaths away but neither willing to let go first. The pressure building up in their lungs forced them to pull away. Their breaths mingled in the space between their lips and fogged their eyesight.

“You’re not a freak, Chanyeol. And for the record I never blamed you for that accident. Just because you have a special ability doesn’t mean you get to exile me whenever you want and conclude that I think badly of you,” said Baekhyun. His eyes were closed and his arms hung loosely around Chanyeol’s waist, enjoying the close proximity of their bodies.

“You’re burning up,” Chanyeol said, his lips pressed against his forehead.

“WHAT?” his shocked face made Chanyeol giggle.

“You have a fever, blockhead. Come on, let’s get you home.”

---

Baekhyun ended up bed bound for three days after that and Chanyeol came over every day to ‘pass his homework’. Of course homework turns into empty conversations and jokes which turn into a makeout session that Baekhyun usually stops first because he didn’t want them getting caught. They were much closer now but love was something they didn’t dare utter just yet.

It turned out that Chanyeol had his ability for as long as he could remember. His parents warned him not to tell anybody but he was stubborn and told all his friends. They didn’t believe him, called him a liar and left before he could even show them. He ended up being closed up and he kept to himself because he was led to believe that everyone thought he was weird and nobody wanted to play with him. But he remembered Baekhyun and their little Pepero moment – which made Baekhyun blush for who knows how long.

And then one day Chanyeol woke up and decided he wasn’t treating himself fair enough. There certainly was no use being miserable all his life so he made it a point to be happy. That was how the Park Chanyeol today came to be. And Baekhyun was right. It takes a load of for someone to be as happy as Chanyeol is. Deep down – the selfish part of him – is secretly glad that terrible past made him the way he is today. He’d rather not deal with a mopey Park Chanyeol.

“I really wanted to be friends with you but I guess I was afraid,” he said one night when they were stargazing in Chanyeol’s backyard. His aunt and uncle were out for the night and they had the house to themselves till evening of the next day.

“I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be. It was mostly my fault. I don’t blame you,” Chanyeol answered as he saw Baekhyun get up from his spot to straddle him and sit on his abdomen, hands on his chest, a soft blush apparent on his pale cheeks.

“Can we stop talking about that already? It’s all in the past.”

“What do you suppose we talk about then?”

“I don’t know. We can talk about right now.”

Baekhyun doesn’t know if they even managed to start talking about ‘right now’. Because all he can register at that moment was how soft Chanyeol’s lips were against his, how his skin tingled with every touch of his fingers, how this was both all he ever wanted and all he ever needed. They were testing the waters in a mess of whispers and touches and burning passion. They could literally be on fire but Baekhyun couldn’t care less, eyes too hazy with love or lust – he couldn’t decide – maybe both.

---

Baekhyun’s eyes flutter open as he felt Chanyeol’s chest pressing on his back and his arms enclosed tighter around him. He rolls over and was greeted with his lover’s sleeping face. He smiles as his eyes trace every contour of Chanyeol’s face, trying to imprint the image in his memory. After a while he saw the corners of Chanyeol’s lips twitch and his eyelids move the slightest bit.

“I know you’re awake, Yeol,” he said and he was rewarded with a toothy grin from said person. His laughter was music.

“Good morning,” he finally said voice heavy with sleep.

It was that moment that made eighteen year old Byun Baekhyun believe he wanted to wake up to this image every day of his life. The thought made his stomach flutter and made him smile bigger.

---

"The only thing in this changing world that I still believe is your strength.”

One sentence. Just one sentence can have the power to spark a lifetime’s worth of a story. And to a pyrokinetic like Park Chanyeol, it was something that could ignite the long extinguished feeling deep in the corners of his heart. Now what was it called again; that four letter word that seems to be misused abundantly nowadays? Love. Right. Love. How do you express it without using the three most common words that more or less has no significant meaning anymore?

“Hey, Baekhyun. Promise me something.”

“What?”

“Stay. Even if this doesn’t work out, don’t leave me.”

“I won’t. I promise I won’t.”

Five year old Byun Baekhyun and five year old Park Chanyeol would’ve never thought that eighteen year old Byun Baekhyun and eighteen year old Park Chanyeol would still share a pack of Pepero on Pepero day in high school. Maybe their story was written in the stars after all but that was not something for them to figure out. There was still a very long way to go and perhaps the thrill of the unknown will always lead them on.

fin.