It’s Monday; the first day of a new week, a new day for opportunities…but for me it’s just another reminder of how little of a time I have left. People always say that time waits for no one; I guess I’m just starting to understand exactly what that means.

Every daily thing that I used to do has now just become impossibly hard for me…walking around, talking to my parents, going to school, pretending to be happy…even breathing; they all drain my energy. My daily routine has now turned into: waking up, lying to my parents, dragging my lifeless body to school, endless pretend smiles, a little bit more lying and finally falling into bed feeling completely exhausted, anticipating what the next day will bring; wondering if it will be the last one.

At moments I just want to give up; I want everything to stop so these endless days of pain will just be over…but most of the time I’m thankful; thankful that I’m still here, that I’m still breathing, that I’m still living and scared of when this gift will be taken away from me…

“Miss Lee, would you care to answer my question?” Mr. Lin, my math teacher suddenly asks out of the blue. Oh God, I can’t believe I spaced out of class again…

“Ummm…” I mumble trying with no avail to think of what this whole class has been about. But obviously it’s no use; I simply don’t pay any attention to my classes anymore, like knowing what the square root of an equation is, is going to be of any use to me now.

“Miss Lee; I expect my students to actually pay attention when they are in my class. This type of behavior is unacceptable for me.” I bend my head down a little; if I had been the old me, I would have been embarrassed to be called out by the teacher like this…but honestly the new me is numbed to all feelings besides pain and fear. “Please come to see me in my office after school.” A few of the kids snicker as I just nod my head.

The bell rings and my classmates jump up from their seats, practically flying out the room so they can get to the cafeteria faster. I wait for everyone to leave and then slowly pick up my bag and notebook before heading towards the school grounds. I can’t even eat anything, so why should I face the big crowd of hungry kids to get a lunch I won’t even be able to swallow? I’d rather stay outside and enjoy the beautiful weather. As soon as I’m sitting under the shadow of a big tree I notice that I’m not the only one who’s decided that it simply is too beautiful a day to be cooped up inside the school building; more than half of the student body are sitting on the grass in their normal groups of friends and laughing among themselves, enjoying the beautiful day.

They’re here too, EXO, now back to their original 11 members along with Krystal, Kai’s new girlfriend. The next day after Sehun dumped Krystal, she and Kai started to officially date. EXO didn’t even blink an eye and accepted the new couple with open arms, I guess that shows just how much they cared about Sehun. As for said ice prince? Well I’ve seen him a few times after the rooftop incident but we’re back to ignoring each other again. I don’t acknowledge him, he doesn’t acknowledge me; that’s the way things should be.

I put my bag on the ground beside me as I bend my legs under my skirt and look up to the sky as I feel the warm sun on my skin. It’s probably the first time I’ve felt warm after I heard about my illness…and it’s comforting; comforting to know that I can still feel warmth and happiness. If only I knew how precious little things like these were before. If only I hadn’t taken everything for granted, but I guess the old saying is right; you never know how much something means to you until you lose it.

Sure, everyone knows that they will die someday, that they should enjoy life to the fullest because you never know when it will end…but in reality humans always see death as a faraway thing; a thing that only happens to other people; it’s only when you’re looking death in the eyes that you come to realize that you’re human too…that you will die too, that you should’ve enjoyed life more because it’s a huge gift, a gift that no one wants to give back when they’re faced with the choice. I now understand how beautiful this gift is, I want to keep it, I want to clasp it with both my hands and refuse to let it go; but I know, I know that I can’t do this. Everyone’s time will come one day…mine is just a little bit earlier than others. The bell rings again indicating that we should be going back to class. I silently wipe away the tears that have fallen, and for the first time I’m thankful that no one pays attention to me, that I can have moments like this; moments when I just sit by myself and release my feelings without a fear that someone might see me, without the pressure of keeping up a facade for the sake of others…

The rest of the school day passes quickly. I don’t pay attention to any of my other classes but I’ve learnt my lesson with math, so I at least pretend that I am listening. When the final bell rings I grab my stuff and fight my way against the sea of exited students who are happy that they can finally go home after a long day. Finally, I reach Mr. Lin’s office. I wonder what he will say. Will he put me in detention? I’ve never gotten detention before; I guess this is just one more thing I can experience before I leave this world for good.

 I slowly knock on the door and enter the office. My math teacher is sitting behind his desk reading a book. He looks up to see me, and points for me to sit in the chair facing him as he puts his book away. I swallow under his heavy gaze as I slump into the chair. Mr. Lin has been my teacher for two years now; but I still find him as scary and intimidating as he was when he was standing in front of the 17 year old me for the very first time. I’m no math genius but I’ve always done pretty well in his class and this is the first time I’ve visited his office as a troublemaker; and I’d be lying if I say that I’m not a little bit scared.

Mr. Lin takes a paper out of his desk drawer and places it in front of me. “Miss Lee, I’m sure you know what this is?” He asks.

It’s my most recent test paper. We had a test the day after I got my biopsy results from the hospital and I think it’s needless to say that I failed the exam miserably. “I…I” I stutter.

“Miss Lee I must say I’m disappointed,” I throw my head down, how can I possibly explain to him why I didn’t get a good grade on his paper? “I always saw you as a good student, but now? If you are planning on getting into a decent university I must say that these kind of grades will not be good enough.”

University? I might not even live long enough to see next week but you’re talking about next year to me?! But of course I don’t say anything, I just bite my lips and stay quiet.

“If any other student had suddenly dropped so much in my class and stopped caring about their studies, I wouldn’t care…but honestly I think you deserve more. I can’t let you wreak your future like this. So I have arranged for you to have tutoring classes with one of my best students, I’m sure he’ll be able o help you get back on track.”

I nod my head. Great, just great. How can I make this man understand that my schoolwork is of no importance anymore?! That I will never get to study in a top university?! That I will never have a decent job? That I will never even graduate from this high school?! But obviously, once again, I can’t say my thoughts out loud. My teacher thinks that he is doing me a great favor by giving me a second chance…little does he know that life isn’t as forgiving as he is…that I have no more chances left.

“Your tutor is waiting for you in the library, you can start your lessons today.” I bow slightly as I get up and start to walk out. “Miss Lee I expect you to do much better…don’t let me down.”

The school library is located on the second floor; it takes me a good 15 minutes to just get there. On the way I call my mum and tell her I will be late because I have to stay in school to study with one of my class mates; it’s probably the first true thing I’ve told her in a long time.

I look around the rows of books trying to find my new tutor. I was so desperate to leave Mr. Lin’s office that I didn’t even bother to ask him the name of the person I should be looking for. I look around again searching for a familiar face from my math class…that’s when I see him…he is sitting next to the window with his head bent over a book. It can’t be? He couldn’t, he isn’t, he can’t be...

Just then he slowly lifts his head and I’m staring into his eyes, the same eyes that were filled with anger the last time I looked into them.  He points at me to join him at his table, what should I do? Should I accept? Is he playing with me? Is this all just a big joke? Because seriously this is not funny anymore…I walk over to the table with shaking legs and drop into the furthest chair from him. He doesn’t mind and actually looks quit relieved as if he too feels uneasy by our closeness.

“I…” he starts, his voice shaking slightly “you…” Seeing him stuttering and nervous reminds me of the old days, of the old him…back when he used to be the awkward boy and not the cold prince. “As you know Mr. Lin asked me to tutor you for the upcoming math test, he said this would count as part of my final grade and I couldn’t say no to him…but if you…if you feel uncomfortable you can…um…ask him to change your tutor or something…I, I don’t mind” His head is bent down so I can’t be sure, but is that a blush I see? Is the famous Oh Sehun blushing?! Well this sure is something I never thought I would see again. And here I was thinking that Sehun had turned into a robot and lost all his feelings. Anyhow it doesn’t matter how awkward things are going to be between us, I refuse to set foot into Mr. Lin’s office again. So if Sehun has no problem with this arrangement then neither do I. I take my math notebook out of my bag and place it on the table, he also opens his book to start…he can still understand what I want with my slightest actions…for a moment it almost feels like nothing has changed, that were still those young teenagers staying late at school to help each other with our homework. But then the moment fades, I know that things have changed. That we’re no longer friends, that we aren’t sitting here by our own choice to merely be in each other’s’ presence, that we’re only doing this because a teacher forced us to…Sehun-ah why did we become like this? Why are we like strangers? Am I supposed to pretend that you are just my classmate who is helping me and that we don’t have any history together? That all my feelings for you have miraculously vanished? Because they haven’t…they’re still here…they still hurt…yet, I’m not willing to let go of them…

We stay at school for a full two hours. Things might have been awkward, but I have to hand it to him…He sure is a good tutor. He always was a genius in math and he was always an amazing teacher. He used to help me when we were still friends; it was the only time he would be all serious…when he would forget that we were friends and would act professional; it was the same today, he forgot that he hates me and only focused on tutoring me. And I have to admit that I enjoyed it, I enjoyed having a conversation with him that didn’t result to shouting and fighting…even if said conversation was only about math…

We leave the library at the same time, but not together. He walks swiftly in the front and I slowly follow him. We’re both heading towards the same bus stop but I’m thankful that he doesn’t expect us to walk together, that would just be too weird. At the bus stop I take out a book and pretend that I’m absorbed in reading it while he has his headphones on and is nodding his head along with the beat of whatever song he’s listing to…not that I’m paying any attention or anything.

In the bus I sit at the front while he sits at the far back, once again putting as much distance between us as possible. Before I now it the bus has stopped in front of our neighborhood and once again we walk the same route as two strangers who don’t acknowledge each other, he’s still listening to his music and I’m just focused on getting my weak body home in one piece. Our houses are across the street from each other and we both walk to our respective driveways without even turning our heads once to say goodbye to one another. I let myself into my house and briefly greet my parents. I then say that I’m tired and I want to rest, which is not a lie but also not the main reason I want to get away from them. I stump up the stairs and walk to my bedroom. I dump my bag on the floor and immediately fall onto my bed. This day has been exhausting…both physically and emotionally…how am I going to be able to do it all over again tomorrow?! Mr. Lin I could honestly kill you right now...

The same routine has been going on for the last four days. Sehun and I meet after school, he teaches me a different part of our math book each day, then we spend an hour or so revising the last session and finally we walk home, whilst trying our best to ignore each other throughout the whole time. Today was set to be the same but the note staring at me from the library’s door indicates otherwise.

“It’s closed.” I say, stating the obvious. Sehun gives me a look that’s saying duh, you think I’m blind or something?

“Well the library is closed, the classrooms are locked, the school ground is being used by the football team…so I guess there’s no place we can study today, let’s just go home.” I say quickly as I’m turning around to walk away.

“Not so fast,” He says making me stop midway to the stairs “there’s still one place we can go.”

I follow him quietly and ten minutes later we’re standing on the rooftop…yes, you heard me right; the rooftop, the very same place where we had our second biggest fight on just less than a week ago. I look around dumbfounded as Sehun sits on the ground and takes out our studying material. When he notices that I’m still standing in the same place, he looks up at me and asks: “What? Do you have a problem?”

Do I have a problem? Do I have a problem?! Well let me think…um…yes! It’s all fine when we’re pretending that there’s nothing weird going on between us when we’re sitting in the library as just two classmates…but coming here…to our place and pretending that a we never existed between us is just too hard for me. I can’t do it…not in this place, in the place that used to be like a sacred ground for us.

“I…I…” I stutter.

“Look, I don’t like being here anymore than you do.” He says with an icy stare. “But this upcoming math test is going affect both my grades and yours, so let’s just forget about everything else and just focus on studying, ok?”

Well how can I reply to that? How about…oh, yeah I’m going to be dead in less than a month so quite frankly I don’t give a damn about the stupid math test and I’m only coming to these revision sessions so I can have an excuse to spend a little time with you before I lose the chance forever?! But like I would ever have the courage to say those things…like he would even care if I did tell him…like he would even be sorry to hear that I’m dying.

I take my bag off my shoulder and sit on the ground facing Sehun and listen as he goes into full serious mode again unaware, as always, about what is really going on in my heart.

About an hour after, we’re solving some problems when I hear footsteps behind me…Oh drat! We’re not supposed to be here, if someone catches us it will mean detention for both of him and me. I see fear in Sehun’s eyes as we both come to the realization that there’s no place for us to hide and that whoever is coming up to the rooftop will be sure to find us.

I look around to see who the footsteps belong to, and come face to face with someone quit familiar, our biology teacher with a look of surprise on her face.

“I…she…we…the library…Mr. Lin…” Sehun tries to explain, but before he can say anything else our biology teacher holds up her hand and smiles.

“Long time no see huh?” She says. “Where have you two been? I was quit disappointed when you stopped coming up here…it’s such a pity to have a beautiful place that no one appreciates I think my plants started to feel extremely lonely and sad when you two decided to stop visiting them.”

Both Sehun and I are left speechless. I never thought that our bio teacher noticed our daily visits or that she was actually happy about them…or that she was worried her plants may feel “lonely” without us.

“It’s nice to see that you two are back again, this place just wouldn’t be the same with you. Well, I don’t want to bother you kids so I’ll just leave you alone with my babies. Just don’t stay up here to late I heard it’s going to rain tonight.” And with that she turns around and walks away leaving us to with her little “babies”.

I turn around to look at Sehun. He raises his left eyebrow and I suddenly start laughing. He seems stunned for a few seconds but then he starts to laugh along with me.

“Did..she…really…call…the…plants…her…babies?” I ask in-between burst of laughter Sehun just shakes his head and continues to laugh. I look at him and suddenly we make eye contact. My giggles leave me just as quickly as they came and I’m left feeling awkward. What just happened? It was like we were transported back in time for a few seconds, to the time when we used to always fall into a fit of laughter at the smallest of things. I’m wondering what I should do now when Sehun suddenly says: “I’m sorry.”

“W-w-what?” I ask surprised.

“Jinny-ah I’m sorry.” He says again slowly looking down. “I’m sorry for all the things that I’ve done…”

I stare at him wide eyed. Are my ears deceiving me or did the famous arrogant Oh Sehun really just apologize to me?! Judging by his frightened and fragile expression I guess that I really did hear correctly.

 “I’m sorry too.” I mumble before I can stop myself, he slowly looks at me again. “For saying those things to you. I shouldn’t have…”

“No!” He interrupts me “You were right all along. I was just too blinded by my pride to see the truth.”

“Sehun-ah,” I say “I wish that I hadn’t been right.”

“I know.”

“I’ll…I’ll always be here for you if you need anything…I won’t hurt you like them…”

“I know.”

All it takes is one apology…one apology to make everything bad disappear. To make things go back to how they should have been. To make us forget all the bad memories and remember the good ones…for us to forget that we had a fight that turned us into strangers and instead to remember that we’ve been best friends ever since we were born. After that we didn’t start our friendship over again; we just simply went back to where we left off, like no gap had ever happened, like we never stopped being friends.

That’s all it takes, one apology, one smile, one action from the person who holds you hurt, from the person who is your soul mate, to make you feel complete again.