“You cannot lose a loved one;

Those absent from the earth plane are nearer than ever.”

[-Supreme Personality, Dr Eugene Croft.]

Preface

“That’ll be the last one.”

“We’d like to know your thoughts on many qualified journalists having expressed interest to write on Zhang Yixing’s life and career, but more importantly, we wish to know what he was personally like, being you’re the only person who can fill us in accurately.” The reporter spoke in a boring professional tone.

Upon the moments of silence little conversations started amongst the men. “Lu Han, you have to give them something.” Jun, the manager pressed under his breath. “They have wanted this for weeks; they won’t leave your back unless you silenced them.” He added.

Lu Han stared at the managerfor a few seconds and then back at the reporters. He was frozen with this topic at hand. And he was not sorry that he hated talking about it. He had been in a long hour session before, tired from travelling and attending meetings. He wanted to crash on to his bed instead of a hotel room. But he was far from home.

Lu Han, would you stop, it’s been four years already. His subconscious scolded.

Taking a deep breath, he urged himself to keep calm and ignore the narrowing of his throat or the tightening of his chest.

“It’s easy to question, for what your job demands, but none of you have any idea how delicate this is for me to just talk about, that’s if you’d ever been asked about someone that meant the world, never spent a day in my shoes.” He cleared his throat because sentiments and continued, “And this is insensitive, an extensive proportion of people on this planet knew what he was, who he was, how he was. The idea of writing a book on him is really honouring, I think they should go ahead, although it will be disappointing if it’s nothing other than a money making strategy. And I refuse to say anything more about my best friend. That’ll be soon released in a documentary; which will soon broadcast.” Lu Han finished.

“That is enough questions for today, thank you.” The manger announced dismissing the press conference. As soon as Lu Han got out of his seat, his straightened his suit and walked out; the body guards followed him, including reporters.

The first time it was the endless press interviews and media coverage, bombarded with a series of events, questions, after it broke out to all news channels, spreading on the internet that, apparently, Yixing was killed by an act of deliberation. That was soon proven not to be true and once it died down, people wanted to write on him. It was kind of trivial, but it made the headlines pretty quickly, because this is the Yixing who was a millionaire within a short span of time, more due to his independent efforts. At that time Yixing was not signed to any company, the songs he wrote in his own time made his existence known by the greatest idols of all time.

*

There were circumstances always finding some way of bringing it up, less of moving on. Lu Han wanted to escape it all. To find place on this earth he can live. But this twenty nine year old rich and famous Lu Han, who has a music company in China, could not leave. It was founded by Yixing which is why the business was named after Yixing, a gift to his wonderful soul. Lu Han’s current dream or motive in life was allowing Yixing’s dream to progress and flourish.

That night of horror and eighty degree turning point, sixth of November 2011, was when Yixing had too much blood loss after the car accident. Lu Han was there, he saw it. Like it was yesterday, he feels it when Lu Han was shouting after the paramedics, telling them to hurry up, crying, anxious and he still hears Yixing’s voice weak, eyes open, and body limp in his arms, which seemed like it was gradually disappearing to dust. “It will be okay, it is okay, and you’ll be fine.” Lu Han repeated the words in his head but panicking and shaking as seeing Yixing’s blood plastered to his own skin.

Yixing coughed up a little, uncomfortable but fighting in spite of knowing he is about to lose his life. “Do you remember when I t-told you, Lu Han.” Yixing said a light smile on his face, while he was being rushed to the emergency room in a stretcher. Lu Han motioned him to shut up. His warm hands slipped from Yixing’s. The whole time the younger did not look like he was in pain, but more like relieved. “I can see them, they are coming for me.” Yixing muttered in awe.

At midnight, one forty five am his best friend was pronounced dead. It was life halting, and for Lu Han a moment of paralysis.

Forty days prior to the accident, Yixing had told him that he is supposed to die young. Lu Han spent days trying to figure that out. And plus Yixing did not predict that, nor could he see the future,

Yixing, he just knew, a gentle, beautiful voice had told him; the sand in the hourglass is nearly over, and Yixing you will be coming with us soon.   

Lu Han did not believe him, did not want to of course, however he had a bad feeling ever since.

It took up a few months before it was ‘wake up’ time for Lu Han. The moment of realisation happened a lot later; initially his heart sank and stopped for a few seconds. Lu Han was slipping in deep sorrow and battling the shock he received with medication; but not in denial, just not speaking and eating too less which he couldn’t find himself out of.

That was until Yixing had no choice but arrive in one of Lu Han’s dream, saying that he was very happy where he was.

Yet, the four year old event has scarred his existence for life. Only he knows how desperate and tempted he was to go with Yixing. Unfortunately for him life is not avoidable; he had to keep going through hell on earth, after losing a friend dearer than life. His best friend would be pained to see him like this. So he did it for him.

*

My friend was timeless material, he was the owner of the best smile I’d ever seen, and the adornment of his face was a tiny hollow on one of his cheek. It was amazing how one little detail brightens the whole face up, his trademark; a dimple. He had a distinctive laughter which potentially, easy to be fond and had the qualities to eradicate anything that was worse, evil, or destructive. He was the easiest to make conversation with, the first and last and middle.

Figuratively speaking, Yixing brought life in everything he touched. In what were lonely, quiet paths; he lit them up without any light, and caused clamour without a single sound. He wasn’t exactly religious but to me, at least his company was religious. It was peace. It was a miracle to have someone who recognises what was the next thing on my mind, reminding me of our closeness. I tried to never speak about my problems because he treats them like they belong to him. It was frustrating for me, naïve for him, but that’s why my unwavering respect for Yixing was born.

It like his very name was written after every passage or poem that was about love. This is why Yixing was for me, one of the faces of love. Though he was the flame that burns, he was still the candle that held the flame. He was selfless to that extent. Yixing knew what real artilleries are to win hearts, kindness, gratitude and optimism. He will take an arrow to the heart for who he loves. But he will even shoot an arrow to the heart without hurting anyone at all.

He learnt that love has wisdom and knowledge. It was a power itself to change everything. Yixing knew only to speak the language of gentleness, since even people with less than five human senses understand that it is universal. Then music follows, the sincere partner of life, music that never betrays and doesn’t question. In fact, music kept him from mistakes; it made him the most passionate person I ever came to know, he was adored both personality wise and career. Yixing, who has bonded with music, knew that it has a healing factor.

Yixing wasn’t perfect. But he had one go at life, so he wanted to do it right the first time.

When he was young, he followed his heart and that led him to a stage. He became a performer, an entertainer, an artist, and a star, whatever you want to call it. Titles were never important to him. The only thing that carries significance was what he did, followed his dream and the response he got.

Because it was not some job, and not some reaction, it was extraordinary because it runs in his blood, because it activates every cell in his body. When he was singing it was like him floating, Yixing was singing, even when everyone got up and left. Yixing is never lost, dazed or confused, he was always reliving every moment that he treasured. He was the selfless one retracing steps, letting others lead and take front. But that was for Yixing, normal. He was: ordinary.

Yixing was anything but average he was a fireball, and his dancing was like commanding everything inanimate to see, to hear the rhythm of his footsteps working on the dance floor. He was full of courage, enthusiasm that made him who he was, and hard work. Yixing willed to teach what he knows. I know if he was still here, he would be a choreographer or a director. Yixing was always inspired to try nearly everything.  He wanted that less for himself but bearing the struggle for his parents. It wasn’t hard to see, it was willpower frozen in his eyes.

If everything about him compelled people to think he was perfect, they couldn’t be more wrong. He’d not be Yixing if he never—sometimes deliberately—left room for improvement.

My best friend, Zhang Yixing was achievement in human form; excellent friend, a beloved son, a polite student, a great person. He was all that. But will never become the past tense, when Lu Han has his own child, he already decided to name him Yixing if it’s a boy.

*

I know you are always here, still, watching over me. I love you.

A/N: no crying and don't hate me :c Yixing in the past tense. This idea always floats around in my head. It’s annoying so I wrote it down. pft I just need some excuse to write about Yixing lol. /runs/