March 18th, 2014

I really wish I had never told Junmyeon what I was planning. That way he wouldn't have said he would do it with me. I don't want him to die, he's so bubbly and sweet and deserves to live a long and happy life. But I had to tell him.

Maybe I told him because I'm selfish. A part of me knew he would want to join me. That's what I wanted too: I wanted to die with the one I love.

I'm such a selfish bastard, aren't I, Journal...

He cried when I told him, and it broke my heart a little because no angel should ever cry. But, he's always crying. He cried when he accidentally stepped on a stray cats tail while we walked to school one morning.

His crying is one thing I love. It shows that he has feelings for whatever he's hurt, and since he cried for me, I know he has some type of love for me. I hope.

A boy can dream.

Appa yelled at me again when I got home, saying I had no business hanging around with Junmyeon because he was a "dirty street rat with no future". I don't understand why they can't accept him as my friend and someone I love more than anyone. I'm sure if he were a pretty girl they would say those things.

But Hyung is pretty. It's only because he's a he.

When Appa yelled, I didn't say anything. Nothing about my love for Junmyeon, nothing about how much I hate him and this hell hole of a home, and nothing about my plans for death. My eyes are still a little red from crying.

I'll just tell Junmyeon the redness is from lack of sleep like last time. And that the nicely forming bruises on my arms and legs were from me falling on something. He doesn't need to worry about my struggles. He has enough of his own.

This'll probably be the last entry I ever put in you, Journal. I know you won't miss me though. No one will.

So, let me get some thing's off my chest.

1) I love my Hyung. I'll always love him.

2) I don't want him to die with me, but I know he'll do it anyways. He was always a stubborn little thing.

3) I hate my Appa. He's violent and horrible and I can't stand him anymore.

4) I also hate Umma. She knew I was hurting, yet she did nothing about it.

I'm honestly tired. I have nothing else to write, so goodbye for the last time.

-Oh Sehun

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And the reasons are out! Yay not yay~
Thanks to those who commented on wanting to see what the paper said! I really wasn't sure if I was going to post this too so thanks for wanting it up :D

Also, to those who have requested, I'll get on writing them soon, so please wait a little, kay?~