I decided to make this a compilation of the worst nightmares between you and your bias because I been having nightmares recently and I want to share this with you~ Please imagine.
So the imagery and the creepiness was super creepy. Like a stranger's finger's tickling your back creepy. /shudders/
But I couldn't help but feel like the story didn't really have suspense or the horror feeling to it. It was more that the actual events, not the writing that made it creepy. I would encourage you to use varying sentence structure to help elicit more feeling from the writing. :)
Also the use of "you" was overused. Like in some instances "you" could have been replaced. This can also occur if you add more variations of sentences.
In general, I had to read some sentences twice because the grammar did interrupt my understanding of the text. Its ok when the grammar is lacking, but not bad enough to understand what is written. But once it becomes difficult to understand the actual writing, like yours is, improving grammar is really recommended.
The biases seemed oddly specific...? For an imagine story, that is... I wasn't really able to relate to a lot of them. I think I could only find one I could name, so improving on making it intriguing without making it specific is a must.
Because the imagery from the story was from a real nightmare, It's no surprise that it could have made a person squirm by its creepiness.
So I'll applaud you on being able to describe the nightmare as thoroughly as you did, if anything.
In conclusion, I feel if you improved on your grammar and use of varying sentences you would see a lot of improvement. In addition, future imagine stories should be less specified, so a more broad audience can relate to it! :)
I hope this helps! :)
Thanks for the comment~ ^^ I really had that dream... but it included my friends and my crush replaced my ultimate bias~~ >< I woke up sweating that day~
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