Love me, but Let me go..

(A Child's Love)

As Cho Kyuhyun, what more could I ask for? 

Nothing more.  I thought few years back.

Finding a perfect partner in life- Sungmin, having a cute and sweet son- Sandeul. Being called as the hottest and youngest billionaire of my generation and being a successful businessman. What really more could I ask for? My colleagues would always say.. "You are Cho Kyuhyun, what more could you ask for? You have a very loving and I must admit very pretty Sungmin and cute Son. Your employees and business partner bows before you- blah.. blah.. blah.." They would always remind me that I already have everything a normal person could ask for, that they could only stare in Envy.. but they are wrong.. because there's one thing that I wish I have.

Time..

Time to be with my loving son and to Sungmin whom I missed most for a year now.

Time.. How I wish I could just buy it with all my money in the store, so I could travel back to the time when we were still complete. When I can still hear Sandeul's giggles and whines. Back when Sungmin's home was here in my arms.. How I wish.. I could turn back the time.

I am Cho Kyuhyun, and here is my own misery.. that nobody knows, but me..

**

It's been a year since Sandeul's Death. It's been a year too since the last time I held his hands. The last time I had caught a glimpse of my other half that close.

I let out a sigh. I had lost his trail when he moved to Japan. He just vanished.. Without giving me any Idea where to find him, I let him be for a while hoping that he will be back.

When did it start again? oh. When Sungmin and Sandeul were rushed in the hospital at the same day.

I was in my office that day when I received a call from the school clinic saying that Sandeul is having a seizure- for the first time in a long while. The adrenaline rush that I felt that day still lingers in me, who wouldn't be when I know very well that seizure means something triggered his brain again?

When I reached the school, the school nurse was on her feet running with unconcious Sandeul in her arms. Her eyes speaks of worries and fear but didn't say a word and just shove my son into my arms. Pushing me back to my car. My phone kept on ringing that time but I ignored it and positioned Sandeul in the backseat with his seatbelt on.

I didn't even bother to put mine on. I just drove with a high speed, praying that nothing serious is happening on my Son but just a mere seizure.

I was driving fast as I could when I saw a familiar car passed by. It was Mr. Liu- the one whom I will be meeting later in regards to a new big project. I then pushed 6 on my phone, a speed dial to my secretary's phone and asked him if he could postpone the meeting until atleast 3 in the afternoon. He said Yes, and that I had to call my wife's secretary for she have been reaching my phone since the past hour.

While the traffic light is still red, I decided to check my phone, I saw 5 voicemails. I dialed my voice mailbox and entered my password. After seconds of waiting, the operator started to talk..

"First answered message.. Kyu.." it was Sungmin's voice. I realized I haven't called him about Sandeul. I know he has the very right to know about it, but maybe I will just wait 'til later after his meeting. Since I know he's gonna leave everything including that meeting just to be with our only son. "Babe, I Miss You.. See you later okay?" he said and the message has ended. I suddenly feel guilty keeping this from him.

"Second Answered message.. Sir this is Amber Mr. Cho-Lee's secretary. I just wanted to inform you that he moved your lunch date from 1pm to 12 noon since he still have to attend the production meeting.. Please call me for confirmation. Thank You."

"Third answered message.. Sir, Mr. Cho-Lee's secretary called awhile ago.. she wants you to call her as soon as you get this message." it was Jonghyun my secretary. I was tempted to end the voicemail and call Sungmin to check on her but I thought. There's only two more left then I can call him.

"Fourth Answered message.. Sir.." It was again Amber. Her voice were full of worries and is shaking. "Mr. Cho-Lee.. can you take him home? he's being hard headed.." she just said and was cut off and a sudden flashing of my phone occured. It was Amber.

"Amber?"

"Sir.. Sir.. Wake Up!!" The moment I heard her saying that.. My heart thumped faster than ever. "- Key what are you doing?? Call the Paramedics!! Minho call the company Nurse!!! -- tss.. Mr. Cho isn't answering his Phone.." she murmured, I thought she didn't noticed that I answered it already, so I turned off my phone and called her instead.

I remembered my hands were shaking. My Knees were trembling that I thought I couldn't even reach the pedals, but I tried to dial her number with blurred view. Tears were streaming down my face. I was biting my lips so I couldn't shout. What's happening? I thought.

"SIR!!!!" Amber greeted me with a relieved tone. "Thank God!!"

"What's happening?"

"WE WERE IN THE MIDDLE OF MEETING WHEN MR. LEE COMPLAINED ABOUT STOMACH CRAMPS. HE TOLD ME TO TELL YOU, BUT YOU DIDN'T ANSWER SO HE THOUGHT HE CAN MAKE IT.. BUT IT KEEPS ON BOTHERING HIM, AND BECAME SO PALE.. AND JUST MINUTES AGO HE PASSED OUT. BUT DON'T WORRY SIR I CALLED THE COMPANY NURSE AND PARAMEDICS TO CHECK HIM AND BRING HIM TO THE HOSPITAL--" I lost my state of mind. I looked at the nearest building on my right. SML-C Entertainment. If I could run for a minute to his office, I can make it bring the two of them to the hospital. But with the lane where I'm at and because of the routes I know it will take long. I thought about driving to the building when I saw a glimpse of Sandeul on my mirror.. "Whatever happens to me.. Or whatever will happen in the future.. Kyu, we have to make sure Sandeul is safe.." Those words Sugmin said years ago rang into my ears.

"Promise me Cho.. Sandeul First.."

"Promise.."

I let out a loud frustrated grunt. I was torn between the two person that's important to me- My love and My Life. But when I remembered how Sungmin trusts me when I promised him that time.. I knew.. There was really no choices.

With a hope that Sungmin will be fine, I stepped on my gas pedal and drove straight to the nearest hospital.. Not knowing what will come.

KyuMinDeul

After hearing the doctor's Diagnosis about my Son, I feel like my soul have wandered else where. Although I already knew it in the past, I didn't have the will to believe it. They just cured them didn't they? He should be healthy like every other kids his age around. He should be running playing catch, or sitting on the couch telling me who his crush is.

I already knew this is gonna happen when the Doctor told me about Sandeul's situation 2 years ago. I nevet told Min, because I didn't expect to be back so soon. 

I have known and expected it, but why does it hurt still? Why do I feel like I am stabbed over and over again? I though I am prepared.. I am wrong.

I have my car with me. I am not drunk nor in Bad condition. But I choose to walk back home. 

In a very gloomy wearther.

Maybe he's consoling me.

Looking at the sky. I started to question the existence of the one living up there. I began asking..  Why my Son? Wht it must be my Famiy? Why it must be Sungmin? I stared to question his purpose. I began to lose my faith.

My son. Isn't he too young to experience all these s in life? He have dreams for Heavens sake! He wanted to find someone who he could take care of like what I always do to them. He planned a beautiful wedding on his own. He wants to build a home for his Kids. He dreamed to hold someone's hand as he take the lead. I remember the day he told me he wants to be a Pilot and work his way to top from the bottom as he works in my company. My son have a lot of plans in life. What am I going to do about it now?

I have expected this to happen, but having 2 complicated situations with the 2 important people in my life.. It's too much.

I stopped in the middle of the road. I look around & saw Kids holding their parents' hands on their uniform. I won't have a chance to bring Sandul in his school again. Then I remembered Minnie and how mess he was. I wanted to comfort him, but how? He was sobbing helplessly in front of me awhile ago and all I did was stare at him wiping my controlled tears.

Now I realized, what He put on my shoulders were heavy, that I even fell on the ground. I don't care if I'm in the middle of the crowd or where I am. All I know is I can't take it anymore. 

I fell on my knees sobbing harder than in the hospital. I kneltdown looking up in the sky..

"WHY IT MUST BE MY SON!?! I DID EVERYTHING TO BE A GOOD SON TO YOU!! I DEDICATED MY WHOLE LIFE TO YOU!! I ASKED FOR A SIGN IF I COULD LOVE SOMEONE SAME AS ME, AND ASKED YOU FOR A SIGN IN WHICH YOU GAVE RIGHT AWAY!!! BUT WHY.. WHY DO IT FEELS LIKE YOU'RE PUNISHING ME!?! DID I DISAPPOINT YOU?? TELL ME!! SO I CAN CORRECT IT!! JUST BRING MY SON'S HEALTH BACK!!!!!" I slightly threw myself in the air, tapping my chest. Tears were streaming down my cheek. People were looking at me weirdly. I didn't care if I look fool in their eyes. "TAKE ME INSTEAD!!!" with that a little rain fell on my face.

I could only bow down and sob harder as the rain poured on the ground, wetting me. That moment I told myself to stop blaming him, because when the first rain drop on my face.. I knew.. He's hurt for me too. That He's crying with me. That eversince from the very start.. He was there with me.

KyuMinDeul

By the time Sandeul became really ill. I did my best to be strong for him and for Sungmin. I thought I am the only one they can depend on and turn to. I must not breakdown or atleast not in front of them. But at the end of the day.. When I am alone at home. I always end up asking myself. What about me? Whom I can lean on? Whom can I depend to? Whom can I talk to? I tried to console myself that I am the head of the family. That I have to be strong for them.. That I still have Him.... But everytime I woke up in the middle of the night trying to find Sungmin's warmth, and find a pillow instead.. I realize.. 

I have no one...

KyuMinDeul

When my mind couldn't take the stress anymore.I asked my sister- Ahra to temporarily take over the company which was a big fuss in the business industry. A lot of issues came up here and there that only adds to my stress. For s sake! My personal issues are too much to bear already! with me Finding a Kidney donor for Minnie during the days and stay with them at Nights.

Just by hearing it.. Running he