- Baby … Hyukie-ah~ .. 

- Hmmm .. ? – He hummed without taking his sight away from the window.

-  What are you thinking of … ? – She asked him ,following her question with a back hug as she planted tender kisses on his shoulder through the fabric of his sleeveless shirt.

- Nothing specific …

He lied ,because on his mind ,there was one … and only one thing ..  or someone ..

Her kisses on his shoulders were only getting fiercer ,as she was running her one hand  slowly under the hem of his shirt ,while the other hand was wrapped around him ,caressing his chest tenderly ..

He sighed as he closed his eyes ,and just when he did … nothing but his 'best friend' 's face came to his mind.

Without full control on himself ,he got on his feet immediately ,leaving the bed .

- What's wrong ? ! – His fiancé asked shocked … and it wasn't like he could blame her ..

- N-nothing … I'm just … I … - He stuttered ,not knowing what to say.

What was he supposed to say ? !

-HyukJae  … are you Okay baby ?! You want me to get you some water ? – She asked again with a worried tune ,only this time she got on her feet.

He took a look at her getting closer ,and without knowing … he was already taking a step back.

- I … I'm fine … you should go to sleep now … I'll just take a walk to clear my head a little bit ..

- Now ?!! Baby it's too late ,let's just sleep together …

- Please … I need this … I wanna be alone a little bit ,arasso ? – He said tenderly ,before giving her a tender kiss on her forehead …

She relented without any second thoughts.

All she could think of as a reason for his suspicious behavior was that she thought that he's stressed out about their wedding thing ,and she was too … so ,she just let him do as he wish..

He put on his sweater ,and left the apartment. Walking in the quite neighborhood streets alone …

He had no idea where he was going …  just kept walking with lost directions ..

It was more like he was guided by the gentle wind that was in the air , and the more the time passed .. the more that the gentleness of the wind seemed to be fading ..

Suddenly , a slightly harsh wind blew in his face .. and he stopped walking …

The sudden blew of wind ,was more like an awakening call … to his mind … and emotions ..

And before he knew it … tears were streaming down his cheeks uncontrollably..

With his teary eyes ,he looked at the moonlit sky …

The sight of the moon ,brought nothing but further pain to his heart … along with Donghae's face image that he could never erase from his mind ..and that was only getting clearer ..

Few seconds passed ,and the silent tears that he was crying gradually turned into audible ones … as broken sobs were leaving his heavy heart ..

He looked at the moon with his blurry eyes … and for no reason ,he felt like his heart suddenly broke to million pieces , even more … !

I wish that you knew …

I wish that you knew that I proposed to her just to kill my feelings for you …

I wish that you know how horrible I feel when I'm supposed to be kissing my fiancé ,but when I do ,all I do is imagining that it's you .. !

I wish if you knew how much it kills me to see you hug your girlfriend … and kiss her ,while I'm just sitting & watch you being the 'good friend' to me as you've always been …

I wish that you know … Donghae-ah … ~

I love you … more than a friend … more than a lover … more than anyone I've ever loved … and more than any one I can ever fall for !

And it's killing me !

It's killing me that I have t be the good friend ,and never tell you about my feelings ,because

I'm afraid of losing you …. I can't lose YOU …

He inhaled deeply ,trying to hold back that explosive rush of emotions that went through his heart & soul ,and trying to hold back the tears that kept flowing out endlessly .

He knew he had to stop crying ,because going back to his apartment & waking up with swollen eyes would lead to nothing but a big quarrel between him & his gir- .. fiancé ..

Fiancé ?!!

That's right ! I proposed !

I proposed to her !!

He suddenly started to panic …

The feelings of sadness he was feeling few seconds ago started to change , forming a new feeling in his heart ,and this time … instead of making him feel sad or miserable ,the feeling scared him more than anything.

His shallow breaths that were caused by the amount of tears he was crying were now the kinda breathing that you would go through in the state of panic attacks.

What have I done … what have done ?!

The images of his fiancé's face looking at him , smiling at him ,and kissing him were like daggers that were stabbed deep in his heart.

And now ,there was another feeling in his heart.

A feeling of despise … towards himself.

She doesn't deserve that … what have I done to her … ?

What did she do other than loving me … and THIS is how I pay her back ??

I propose to her with someone else in my heart & head ?!!

WHAT THE ARE YOU LEE HYUKJAE ?!!!

The sounds in his head kept saying that to him.

His knees felt so weak ,and the pain in his heart made him break down once more.

He felt so helpless. In a battle of what's right ,and what he was feeling.

Between what he had to do , and what he wanted to do … he felt like dying …

Time went by ,and hours passed ,and before he knew it … it was already so ate at night.

He calmed down a little bit as he stood on his feet again … slowly … and tiredly.

 Feeling like a whole mountain  has been placed on his back.

He looked up at the moon again , gently & shakily wiping away the traces of tears that were still streaming down his cheeks.

I love you so much Donghae … that I decided to propose just to forget you !

And now … I'm hurting three people … you … her … and me ….

stupid … aren't I ?

With heavy steps ,he walked into his apartment expecting to see his fiancé sleeping ,and he would just sleep off his feelings without feeling the need of talking , or explaining.

Unfortunately for him … his expectations were wrong … because when he walked in the room … she was sitting on the chair beside the window ,obviously waiting for him.

He inhaled deeply ,closing his eyes ,the sight of her made him feel nothing but further pain.

He walked closer to her ,and as he did … he realized that she was asleep ,but the sound of his footsteps woke her up.

- You're back ? where were you ? I got so worried !! – She said getting on her feet immediately ,ignoring her half-asleep state. And she hugged him.

He flinched when their bodies made contact as she wrapped her arms around his neck hugging him tight. However , this time he didn't back out …. Instead ,he hugged her so tight as if his life depended on it.

The only question going in his mind was "How could I possibly made a selfish act with someone that loves me so much ?!"

- Were you crying ? You're eyes are red – She asked ,interrupting his thoughts … as she softly caressed his cheeks.

- I'm fine … I'm just tired …. Let's go to sleep … - He whispered  ,and she nodded simply.

He lied on their bed ,with her hugging him by his waist.

Few minutes passed , and she was asleep ,but he wished he could do the same ….

Each time he closed his eyes … Donghae's face appeared as clear as day … And so ,it was a sleepless night …

- At the same time in Donghae's apartment –

His girlfriend was still deeply asleep ,but he was wide awake .

Lying next to her ,with her arm resting on his bare chest … he inhaled deeply as his swollen ,red eyes were still pinned to the window … looking at the moon that he knew wouldn't be up for much longer since it was already minutes away from dawn.

I wish I can tell you how much I love you …

They both whispered … in the same moment … and with the same sad tune …

But unfortunately , both of them didn't know what the other was feeling .

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'

Drama music *CUE !!!

I know that this is way too dramatic ,but I warned you guys :p !

So , there's only one chapter left ,and I said before that this fic has no happy ending ..

The next chapter (which is the final one) will be a conclusion to this drama ..

Please stay tuned

If you like this please leave a comment & up vote & I'll appreciate it sooooo much <3