It’s bad. I don’t want to go. I don’t want to.

“Can’t we just do it another day?” Please say yes!

“No Taeyeon. We can’t do that.” I guess my feelings...No! I will go! I will!

Right now being alone with Tiffany and waiting for her to be ready to go is so painful. I don’t remember when was the last time I felt like that. That fear in me, that someone else will know is so strong. It’s all I can feel right now.

“Okay! I am ready let’s go~!” I missed your eye smile and I know you are doing it for me to not be nervous but all I can feel is fear.

Just fear.

***

That ride is so silent and the more I am getting closer, the more I don’t want to be there.

“There is nothing to be worried about. You will just have to tell him about it.”

You don’t know how this feels and I think you don’t get that I don’t want to talk about something like that to a stranger.

***

We are finally here. Sitting. Waiting. So painful, so scary. The time seems to have slow down. I can’t bear this waiting. I want it to be finally over.

“Tae it’s our turn. Come on.” Still, your eye smile doesn’t help me. I am so nervous.

And so it begins.

“Name?” My lips are sealed doctor.

“Kim Taeyeon” Don’t glare at me like that. I have no power over that.

“So what’s the problem?” My person.

Those two look at me with expectation in their eyes but like I said my lips are sealed.

***

After a really long (for me) conversation (without me) the doctor said something I didn’t expect in my whole life to hear.

“From what I hear, you Ms. Kim have social anxiety disorder, also known as social phobia.”

What? Really?

“For now we will have you to take some antidepressants. Take them once a day when you wake up. Okay?” Like I would answer you.

“So that’s it?” asked Tiffany, because I am unable to do so.

“Yes, for now. But we will see each other next month.” GREAT! Feel the sarcasm.

“Okay. It was nice meeting you. Goodbye.” Well it wasn’t that nice for me so...I am not saying anything.

***

“Do you want to go to buy some food or something?”

“No. I just want to go home”

“Okay!” And so we go.

***

Finally home. Now I will just...

“Hi! How was your visit?” go to my room like a ghost, or not so it seems.

“Well she has social phobia and got antidepressants. We will see him again next month!”

Okay just a little and YES! I’m in my safe zone  again. I missed you room.

So...now I will have to take those meds. Great. Can’t wait.