January, 2014. (A month ago)

                It was January 1^st, 2014 on 09:00 PM. I just arrived at our school dormitory and go straight to Myungsoo oppa’s room. We just got back from our nth date. He started to look at me with eyes full of worry. He hugged me tight and kisses my cheek. The way he looks at me, somehow being sadder and sadder each minutes.

                “Suzy, are you getting bored of me?”

                “Why should I? I am not, oppa. Don’t ever ask me such a thing anymore, okay?”

                “Let’s just end this.”

                “Do you love me?”

It was silence until Myungsoo oppa confessed me something.

                “Can I just be honest?”

                “Why asking? It’s a must!” I chuckled. He just smiled while caressed my cheek.

                “Are you sure you won’t get mad at me?” He asked me, unsure.

                “What happened?” I sounded so serious.

                “You should promise me that you won’t be mad at me… promise?”

I held his pinky promise so that he would start to tell me what happened.

                “I’m dating with Naeun.”

And it hits me. I started to look on my feet.

                “Since when?” I asked him, trying to sound like I’m perfectly fine.

                “December 10^th.”

It was almost a month ago and he just told me about this a moment ago. How should I react? Tears started to stream down on my face. I was sobbing silently.

                “Wow.” I wiped my tears and clapped my hands happily in front of him. “Congratulations, Myungsoo oppa. You finally found someone who is much better than me. I’m sure that you’ll be happy with her. I mean, happier.” I faked my smile and hug him tight since I knew that I can’t hug him this tight ever again later.

                “You’re not mad at me? At all?”

                “I can’t mad at you. Even if I wanted to.”

                “Scold me, Suzy. Hit me. Do whatever you want.” He slapped his own cheek with my hands.

                “If I scold you, will you go back to me? If I hit you, will you go back to me? What’s the use? Besides, if you don’t want to be with me, I shouldn’t bother. I don’t want to have you as my boyfriend if you didn’t love me.” I started to crack my voice.

                “Do you hate me?”

                “I should be the one who asked you that! Do you hate me that much? It is the 6^th time you have cheated on me and I can’t mad at you. I can’t ever mad at you even if I wanted to! Now, let me ask you something. Do you ever think of me when you cheated on me? Have you ever think about my feelings? Have you ever think about us? You’re just too selfish.”

                “To sum it up, do you hate me now? I was so bad to you. I do think about you when I cheated on you. I felt guilty at first, but then again there’s always a moment where you’re just pure boring and I hated you for it. That’s why I was trying to find another. About your feelings, I do think about it as well because I felt so guilty; as I mentioned before.”

                “I was just pure boring? Wow, I’m not even a slight surprised. But then again, why did you keep me as your girlfriend if you’re trying to find another?”

                “I love you, Suzy. I love you so much.”

I scoffed.

                “Just go with your lovely Naeun. I won’t bother you anymore, do not worry. Thanks a lot for these 17 months we spent together, thanks for acting like you were always care. Be happy with Naeun, do not ever cheat on her, try to understand her if she have any hard times. You should really take care of her or I’ll be really mad at you. You’re always a good person as I believed, remember that. Oh, and I love you too. Too much, it hurts.” I patted his shoulder and grabbed my hand bag on his bed. I gave my last 90 degree bow and walked out of his room.

                I felt my legs weakened when I was walking in our school dormitory’s corridor. I leaned my back on the wall. I hit my chest several times. It hurts so much inside, I wonder why. I started to laugh when I was remembering our 17 months together. “I’m stronger than this.” I said to myself and tried to stand up.

When I was trying to walk to my room, I felt a pair of hands on my waist. He’s back-hugging me so tight.

                “Suzy, I love you. Don’t hate me. I was wrong.”

                “I don’t hate you. Go back to your room; it is 01:30 AM.” I tried to keep walking but his hug was way just too strong. He released me as I held his hands. I cupped his face and said “I will always be there for you, do not worry. Call me if you want to tell me anything about Naeun, okay? Take care, Myungsoo oppa. Good night.” With that, I tiptoed and kissed his forehead.

               I was about to open my room’s door when all of sudden, he held my hands from the back. I didn’t dare to look back. I keep my sight to the door.

                “Do not ever forget to take your lunch like you were always done. I’ll try to be a good listener if you want to tell me anything about your family. Be a good girl as always. You’re a strong girl. Don’t cry in the middle of the night ever again. It’s going to be super long if I’m telling you about all of your bad habits. Take care, Suzy.” He messed my hair. “Go inside and rest well. Thank you so much, until we meet again.” He patted my shoulder and I just stormed in to my room, crying like there’s no tomorrow when no one is listening. Not even my roommate who’s currently in her deep slumber.