Sehun had always liked going against the world, watching it crumble beneath him as he proved to everyone that he was more than just the odd one out. It had been years since he last set his foot on his motherland, South Korea, after he had concluded that living in a society filled with nothing but expectations of conventionality was a little too suffocating for him. He wouldn’t have come back, really, if not just for the obnoxiously bright royal blue envelope that somehow found its way in his mailbox back in his grandiose apartment in Tokyo. It looked painfully out of place against the paper white envelopes that had been a constant nuisance on top of his coffee table. The package would have been left untouched like the others if not the for the awfully familiar pencraft on blue paper, black ink curving into set of characters he never thought he would see again.

A smirked curved his lips as he tucked the envelope back in his backpack, inhaling the long forgotten scent of Korean breeze that he must admit he had somehow missed. Winter just ended and he could still almost feel the chill of the previous season seeping through his skin. It was still noon and the sun was still shining brightly up the blue sky, he still had hours to burn before it got dark and he concluded it was a beautiful day for a walk.

It wasn’t. Not when he was still in Korea. Not when his feet would constantly take him to the place he had least wanted to be. Everything around him was still almost the same, except for some reconstructions and new structures here and there yet the building overlooking the school grounds, the tallest one was still standing proudly in the midst of painful nostalgia clouding Sehun’s thoughts as the content of the mysterious royal blue envelope, familiar names beautifully embossed on fancy cardboard followed by words that made his head spin.
Invite you to the celebration of their marriage ..

It must have been nice, really, to live a conventional life – finish school, getting a good paying job, meeting a girl, getting married, starting a family, living happily ever after – yet Sehun had always been different, leading an endless vendetta against the world as he tried his hardest to fight the laws of nature. He was that boy that colored his apple green when the rest of the day care class used red. He was that one boy in fifth grade that wore a pink shirt when it was clearly discussed the previous days that boys were supposed to wear black. He was that one delinquent that spent four out of the five school days in detention just because he had grown fond of dying his hair different colors every week – his Fridays would usually spent in one of the food stands scattered around the high school as he huffed and puffed his favorite flavor of cigarette. He was also that one lone boy that spent his lunches on their school building’s rooftop as his eyes traced every curve of the most beautiful smile he had seen in his entire unconventional existence.

In the midst of the bright spring noon when dandelions bloomed beautiful shade of yellows against green grass sat another boy with coffee tinted hair that looked a little too beautiful against fair skin, round eyes that would sparkle as thin lips curled into a stunning smile that could make time stand still, pearly whites looking a little too bright in the midst of sunny afternoon.

“You’re staring again. Stop being creepy.” Said the text message sent to his phone. He just snorted, lazily lifting his hand to wave at the boy smiling up at him a few feet away.

His name was Park Chanyeol – the perfect epitome of conventional. Chanyeol was the class president of every class he had been in; always on top as if he had the world perfectly wrapped around his fingers. He had always had a bright smile plastered on thin lips as he took every step with precaution, always playing by the rules. He was that boy that defended his classmate, proving to the other kids in the day care that green apples actually do exist. He was that one boy in fifth grade that borrowed a pink shirt from his older sister just because he didn’t want his classmate to be lonely, being the only boy that wore pink in their school trip. He was that prefect that always stood up for the delinquent, explaining to the guidance counselor that there was nothing wrong with constantly changing hair colors and spent Friday afternoons checking each food stall around their school, seeking for the delinquent hoping that he would finally convince the other boy that smoking was bad for his health. He was also that not so lonely boy that spent his lunches on the school grounds, smiling brightly as other students flocked around him, constantly gazing up the school building’s rooftop before reaching for his phone, fingers resting on the buttons as he thought of the best thing to say.

“Don’t be too full of yourself.” He chuckled at the response and returned an equally lazy wave before the figure on the roof disappeared from his sight.

“Meet me after class?”

“Only if you buy me ice cream.”

“.”

“Please. You love me.”

Chanyeol snorted before shoving his phone back in his pocket. A reply was not exactly necessary for an extremely rhetorical statement that he had been trying his hardest to conceal from the rest of the world. It must have been nice, really, being able to live an unconventional life, void of any worries of failures and misconceptions. His life would usually go by too quickly, always riding on the fast lane, overlooking the colorful neon lights on the side streets of his monochrome life – dull and boring. Everything about him was planned, from the number of spoonfuls of rice he would have for breakfast to how many times he was going to recite in class, never anything spontaneous until he met a certain boy back in daycare that insisted that apples could also be green too.
Sehun and Chanyeol were never really close, at least not in the eyes of the world outside their pretty little secret. Chanyeol hung out with the scholars while being a total social butterfly that everybody wanted to be friends with whilst Sehun had always liked solace and spent most of his time alone, only opening his bubble to a certain boy that had saved him in way too many occasions when he never really wanted to be saved from.

“Hey.”

“Hi!”

Sehun chuckled at the overly enthusiastic greeting he got from Chanyeol, smirking a little when he noticed the tub of ice cream trapped in between the elder’s hands – chocolate malt like always. It was almost like an unspoken agreement that boys would spend Friday nights curled up in Sehun’s couch, watching indie movies the younger had spent the whole week finding as they shared a tub of ice cream and some subtle touches here and there, fingers interlaced under the blankets. They would usually bet who would fall asleep faster, heads and eyelids drooping as the sun started rising at six o’clock trying their hardest to stay awake.Sehunl would always win all the time just because he had always enjoyed watching Chanyeol sleep – not that he’s creepy or anything but the way Chanyeol’s light snore harmonized with the beat of his racing heart, and the way the elder’s fringes beautifully feathered the other’s forehead, and the way Chanyeol’s body felt real and reachable in his arms was a little too worth it than a couple of hours of sleep.

Except the sad part was that he knew everything was a tiny bit too good to be true.

It was yet another Friday night, in the middle of autumn when leaves were falling, meshing with muddy ground in a painful shade of brown as flowers withered their way into coldness. A tub of chocolate malt crunch ice cream resting on top of his coffee table, melting slowly as precipitation damaged the polished wood. The movie had reached its , a few minutes before some sick plot twist that could flip the whole story line as Sehun stared into nothingness, buzzing of the speakers and ticking of the clock sounding awfully loud yet completely ignored.

Sehun had just probably done the worst mistake in his life – he concluded when he watched Chanyeol walked out of his apartment without looking back or his usual bye I’ll see you later followed by hug. He could almost hear the shattering of his heart as he muted everything surrounding him, contemplating between letting his tears fall or put up the façade he had been trying his hardest to keep, the former won.

He should not have kissed Chanyeol.

They were best friends, nothing more, nothing less.

​

The school halls looked exactly the same as Sehun remembered, from the worn out desks to vandalized walls that looked a little too out of place in the darkened corridors. The way the locker’s awful shade of yellow stood out attached against the plain white walls made his eyes hurt yet not as much as the pain of nostalgia surging through his core. Memories flashed right before his eyes as he ran his fingers on yellow metal before turning to the stairwell leading to the place he had tried his hardest to stay away from. Each step felt excruciatingly painful as his fingers glided on the railing, keeping him from breaking down. His eyes aching to shed tears he had long practiced to never fall again yet the way his heart throbbed inside his chest had somehow crashed everything he had worked on. It had been years, long years yet the way his fingers curled around the doorknob felt too familiar it hurt.
Sehun was not sure if he should be thankful that his phone started ringing before he could even push the door open.
“Hello?” A familiar voice echoed from the other line, static buzzing from the background.
“Yeah?”
“We have not talked in a while and that’s what you’re gonna say to me? I’m hurt Sehun.”
I’m hurt too. I’m still hurting.
“The wedding starts in an hour. Where are you?”

​

Hydrangeas and peonies were visible everywhere, some tinted royal blue,  some remained white and Sehun thought it was quite amusing to watch how each blotch of azure blended with the blank canvass. It would remind him of the skies if his horizon hadn’t looked grayscale in his eyes in the past years. The way his white suit hugged his body felt a tiny bit suffocating as he fidgeted in his seat, wishing that he would somehow just vanish and never come back. His palms were sweating as his whole body shivered painfully as he tried his hardest to tune out the whole ceremony, ignoring the weird looks people had thrown him whenever he would huff in frustration. He would have walked out if he just had enough strength to stand up yet the way his knees wobbled was quite a hint that he was too weak to even move – just like that Friday afternoon.

He could have followed Chanyeol. He could have chased Chanyeol and explained to him what had happened. He could have stopped Chanyeol from leaving. He could have at least told Chanyeol how much he loved the elder before everything about them quickly fell apart.

 “Hey. Is everything okay?”
Sehun almost sobbed when an awfully familiar face appeared in front of him. He didn’t even notice that the ceremony had already ended and people had already started leaving the place. The way the new comer’s brown hair danced along the wind as worry filled crescent eyes was making Sehun’s heart shatter even more. It wasn’t right, really, for him to think about memories of a friendship that had faded a long time ago yet the more stared at the familiar face was forcing the pieces or his broken heart to tell him otherwise.

“I didn’t think you’d actually come. I mean we never really talked after you know-“

“Can we not talk about that? It’s in the past.” Sehun smiled yet his eyes spoke nothing but brokenness. “It’s your wedding day. We’re supposed to be celebrating, yes?”There was a hesitant nod, followed by a sad smile.

“I guess. I just thought I’d be happier if he was here.”

“Noona-“

“Yes. Yes, I know. Chanyeol’s gone.”

Sehun gaped at the elder. It still hurt to be reminded that the person he had treasured the most is gone, and the fact that Chanyeol’s sister shared almost the face exact face, just a little feminine and minus the beautiful smile that Sehun really wished could have made time stood still then he Chanyeol would have been with them. If time just stood still that night then Chanyeol wouldn’t have been caught in a robbery. If just stood still then Chanyeol wouldn’t have been shot trying to save an old lady in the middle of the night. If time just stood still then Chanyeol wouldn’t have died along with Sehun’s heart.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault.” Yura smiled before placing an old mobile phone, extremely familiar on Sehun’s hand. It was Chanyeol’s. “He loved you, you know? A lot.” With that, the bride left.

I really don’t know how to say this but I think I’m in love with you.

Says a text message saved in the phone’s drafts, addressed to Sehun’s old phone number.

​