Dear Diary,

Do you remember how I told you this story has a happy ending? Well it all laid within that surprise visit. Christmas eve to be exact. I opened the door finding a young nervous looking couple peering back at me. Snow fell covering them as they stood outside. The male remaining close to the small framed pretty girl attempting to give her warmth as she shivered against the bitter wind. Cautiously I watched them unsure of there visit. 

"Can I help you?"

"Oh my goodness it's her! She still looks like she did in the photo." The woman squealed in delight.

"Honey that photo was from a long time ago. Why don't we ask her first before you jump to conclusions."

The young girl looked a bit crestfallen, not that it seemed to stop her. "Are you Mrs. Chaerin Lee?" she asked.

"Yes?"

"Do you know a Kwon Ji Yong?"

That sparked my curiosity. Sixty years passed between us and to be honest I never thought I would hear that name ever again, yet here they stood mentioning Jiyong's name. To me out of all people.

"Yes. Why?"

"Thank goodness," the girl giggled gasping her fear diminishing replaced with relief "I was going to give up hope soon. I've been searching for you now for years. I was beginning to think that maybe you were no longer alive and these letters would never find there way home. I have something for you. May we come in?"

At first I was still a little leary about letting them in, only because the man had hair resembling a blonde rooster, he looked rough with his tattoos but his smile and warm eyes expressed nothing but pure gentleness. It was kind of funny how his gentleness seemed to contrast against his rough and tough exterior. Let this be a lesson, never judge a person by his looks, or a book by it's cover, for inside those tattered pages may lie an even greater treasure waiting to be discovered. Besides judging a person does not define who they are....it defines who you are and if I didn't give this man standing at my door a chance, I never would of had my happy ending if I judged him based on his looks. I offered them cups of warm tea to warm them up.

The young girls hands seemed fidgety as she rummaged through her rather large bag drawing more interest. What exactly was her reason to find me? For the life of me I just couldn't fathom any reasonable explanation for their arrival. Finally a wide smile appeared as she seemed to find what she was looking for pulling out a stack of old looking letters.

"I should explain myself  first." she giggled. "My name is Sandara Park but you can call me Dara for short and this is my husband Taeyang."

Taeyang gave a polite bow showing off his eye smile as he was introduced.

"We bought this house after we got married and had our first child." she continued pulling out a photo from her pocket, handing it over.

I instantly recognized the house she bought being there so many times myself. It was Seunghyun and Bom's home. The home they remained in so main years filling it with their love and laughter. The home they remained in until their sad demise and their children had put it up for sale about ten years ago. It thrilled me to see such a happy couple take over and by the looks of it give it the same warm happy vibe of the previous owners. You could tell by the way they looked at each other that they truly loved one another.

"I know it very well."

The girl once again seemed thrilled looking at me like I was some lost treasure she just dug up.

"We know," she grinned putting the stack of envelopes down in her lap sipping on the warm tea.

I slightly grew impatient waiting for the young girl to explain but still patiently awaited watching the heat from the cup warm her redden fingers and watched the color come back to her complexion as she warmed up.

"You see about six years ago we began remodeling the attic turning it into a rec room for our growing children to play and grow in and I started cleaning out all of the possessions left behind." Dara started.

"Even though we had been there a while for some reason she refused to let me go through it and throw it away." Taeyang shrugged.

I watched the girl shrug back at him as she snickered at her husband's remark.

"For some odd reason I just couldn't let him. I don't know why? It had nothing to do with me, they weren't my memories but I still felt the need to keep it. Anyways a few years passed and I finally had a chance to get up there. I started with the smaller boxes finding old children's clothes, books, dolls, that sort of thing and being one not to waste, I kept all of the the things I could salvage. I can promise you my daughter enjoys all of the old dolls that were left behind. She has tea parties with them all the time and she simply adores the old record player we found." Dara smiled.

"She especially likes the one single we found of someone named Park Bom? I can't think of the title right at the moment" Taeyang interrupted biting his lips.

"You and I." I answered for them floored that they even knew who she was.

"Yeah that's it. I've heard it so much you figured I would have it memorized by now." he laughed.

I almost cried when Dara started singing the lyrics. To be honest I haven't heard Bom sing that in decades and I knew Bom would of been happy to know generations later someone still enjoyed the sound of her unique and wonderful voice.

"She was my best friend. Her husband Seunghyun paid for her to record the song she wrote for him."

"Awww that's so sweet." Dara gushed.

Her warm sweet smiled brightened my day and her eager interest seemed to spark her inquiring mind asking question after question in which I was happy to oblige in answering. Thrilled that new blood wanted to hear about my life, my friends, all in all with the thought of what was true reasoning in being here. What in the world did Bom and Seunghyun have to do with Jiyong? I just couldn't fathom what the connection was between the three? As far as I recall Jiyong had lost contact with everyone he knew. I had heard rumors later that he had left the country and gotten married but I no longer cared enough to find out the truth. He left me, never to return end of story or so I believed.

In a sense I guess at the moment it didn't matter, I know I would soon find out.   

"Omo! I wonder if it's the same Seunghyun as in the last letter?" I watched as she spoke outloud to herself.

"What letters are you talking about exactly and how do you know me?"

Once again Dara couldn't hold her excitement in any longer as she handed over another photo. I gasped in awe looking at the lost moment time had made me forget. The antique photo I held had me shaking as I looked into eyes that I never was able to forget. The eyes I had to be reminded of everyday as I looked into my daughter's and see the smile that used to make me melt. Jiyong held a younger version of me in it as we stood next to Bom and Seunghyun looking just as lovey dovey as we did. I wore the white laced dress in it. The back was dated February 1939 and had a description on the back.

"Happy Birthday Chaerin. Here's to a night to always remember. A night filled with endless wishes and making new friends hoping they'll last a lifetime."

The photo was taken the day I met Jiyong.

"These letters are the whole reason I needed to search for you. I started my search with the address that was labeled and took it from there."

Dara held the stack of envelopes tied neatly together with string up for me to take. At least a hundred letters were tied together just waiting for me, all these years. Finally taking a good look at them for the first time I felt a tear escape seeing Jiyong's handwriting. The letters were all addressed to me, all return to sender. My mind had gone blank as I felt befuddled, not knowing what to think as I stared at my new discovery. Completely unsure what laid in them. Did I want to know? I hated to admit but I was scared. I was scared as much as I was intrigued. I was scared that they would say exactly what my mind had thought all of these years, that he never really wanted me.

"I'm sorry they're open. I opened one up to see what they were and next thing I knew I couldn't stop reading them. I'm sorry for invading your privacy like that but to be honest reading them was like an addiction. I couldn't help but keep reading them. I needed to find you, I knew something was amiss reading these and I knew I would regret it if I didn't. I felt like I wouldn't be doing Jiyong or you justice if I didn't."

I traced the outline of the ink, shaking as I traced his handwriting with my finger, tracing every little loop, every little dot letting the strange overwhelming feeling of him develop inside of him. I swear at that very moment I smelled his scent and felt the odd sensation like someone was touching my hand but it didn't last very long. Even to this day I still strongly believe he was there with me. I honestly believe he was there to let me know he was still with me after all these long forgotten years.    

Dear Chaerin,

You don't know how much I miss you or how much I miss seeing your smile right now but alas I did what you told me to do.You told me to go look for happiness and bring some back when I found it. But you can't bank happiness. I can't bring happiness to someone else, it's something we as individual need to learn for ourselves. I can't make you happy only you can make you happy. You can't keep it for when you need it and you can't give to someone else simply by having it yourself. To took a lot of thinking for me to come to this conclusion. I always thought I would be content to watch the river flow past and drift away. Or watch days become nights and nights gently give way to days, believing I was shedding my cares when really I was storing regrets deep within myself. I'm sorry if I ever made you feel less then what your worth. To me you have been nothing more then my world. My ray of light in the dark,

As much as I love you, you were right. It's time for me to grow up and become a man. As you and I know Seunghyun was leaving us to protect our country. Whether it be the alcohol speaking that night we fought or the fact that Seunghyun said that protecting our country will make me a man, yes I admit I wasn't all that sober when I came up with this solution. But by golly I'm sticking to it. I've joined him. Please wait for me. I promise I'll be home soon.

Forever with love,

Jiyong

Dear Chaerin,

It's been awhile since I've been able to write to you. I passed my exams and was shipped immediately out with hyung. I just started training this week and I can truly say it's exhausting. Believe it or not I made it in the same troop as Seunghyun. I didn't think we would be able to be on the same troop. I know lucky right? Ha! Yeah right! He keeps making fun of me because I can't keep up with him. Don't worry it won't be long before I can out run him and then we will see who's laughing. Sweet dreams Chaerin. Remember I love you.

Forever with love,

Jiyong.

Dear Chaerin,

I can't stop thinking of you and as silly as it sounds I keep wishing on the brightest star I see, hoping and thinking that somewhere you're thinking of me too. I know I'm just wishfully dreaming but when I wake I find that all I have left is thoughts of you. My sweet dreams of love, my dream of us once again holding each other tight, me whispering the sweet essence of our love in your ear, hearing your cute little giggle as you blush. I miss all of that and dreaming of coming home to you gives me hope. Keep faith, I promise I'll soon return to you my butterfly.

Forever with love,

Jiyong

Dear Chaerin,

I found a poem that made me think of you and couldn't help send it too you.

I miss you so much it hurts, my love
I miss you with every fiber of my being
I miss you like there is no tomorrow, my butterfly
I miss you fervently, it's all my loving.
I miss you with my entire heart
I wish we were no longer apart.

My heart beats only for you, faster and faster
My legs are shaking just thinking about you
My eyes are watery, tears flowing larger and larger
My whole being is trembling for you.
My arms are craving to hold you once more
My soul is withering away deep from its core.

I miss you desperately, with everything I got
I miss you darling, I miss you every single day
I miss you sweetheart, my loving ache so hot
I miss you my dear love, I miss you all the way.
I miss you and I can take it no longer
Come back to me and our love will be stronger.

You're always on my mind, day and night
When I think of you, all feels so right
Need to have you, need to hold you
And tell you that I love you.
My butterfly, I don't want to see us apart
This separation just tears away my heart
I miss you, I really miss you
I need you more and more each day
I know I cannot live without you
I miss you, more than words can say.

I couldn't summon my feeling any better then that. Do you miss me as much as I miss you? Stay strong my butterfly. I'll be home before you know it.

Forever with love,

Jiyong

Dear Chaerin,

Hello again. I know it's been awhile since I last wrote to you and as soon as I can I promise to send all of these out. Yes I already know I'm a dork like that but it's not that easy to get to the post office. Were not aloud to leave the base yet. I just wanted to let you know that I kept my promise. I trained really hard and can finally outrun Seunghyun. Now who's laughing.....haha......me! My graduation is soon hopefully you can make it. If not I understand.

Forever with love,

Jiyong

Dear Chaerin,

I finally sent the letters but I fear that won't reach you in time. Can you believe eight months have all ready passed since I've last seen you. Training has been rough and exhausting to say the least. I feel like I've been dead for an eternity without you by my side, but it hasn't been as long as I thought. I just wanted to tell you I love you and I miss you. With all of my heart, with every inch of my soul, with every breath I take. I promise to love you forever. With this thought I leave you now.

Forever with love,

Jiyong

Dear Chaerin,

Graduation day came. I searched the stands for you only to find you not there. I hoped my letters would of reached you in time but as I feared they did not. If I knew Bom was going to be here I would of bugged Seunghyun to have you come with her. Sadly I admit I didn't think of that. You should of saw her face the moment she saw me, you think she saw a ghost or something. She seemed so uncomfortable around me. I bugged her with at least a million questions about you in which she only answered after she hauled off and punched me. So as I laid on my backside in the canteen covered in my own blood she told me the news.  I'm so overjoyed that I can't even begin to describe the elated high I'm feeling. I'm going to be a father. I wonder if it's a boy or girl?

I hope your safe. I hope the baby is safe. I want to come and see you as soon as I can. Bom insisted I sneak off and visit you but you're so far away that I would be caught if I did. So as soon as I can I'll come and visit.

Forever with love,

Jiyong

​Dear Chaerin, 

I'm not sure if I'll be able to receive your letters. I feel nervous for some reason since you haven't answered me back. I hope your okay. I'm sorry again I couldn't come and see you. I really wanted to but I was shipped out sooner then I thought. Bom sent me a letter with your picture in it. You're still as breathtaking as always. I cried seeing your photo. Seunghyun threatened to tell you I was a wuss for crying over you as he sits next to me crying over a picture of Lilly. Bom wrote the baby is thriving in you. I asked her to send me photos as soon as she can.

Forever with love,

Jiyong

​Dear Chaerin,

It's the evening before Christmas and it's quite hard to realize this. I can't believe I've been gone a year already. I received another letter from Bom again. It's a beautiful thing hearing my name at roll call. I keep hoping it's from you but it's okay. I know your busy with our baby. Just out of curiosity are you getting any of my letters? You still haven't answered me back. I admit I'm terrified that somehow you're ignoring me. I know I couldn't spend Christmas with you and Jiyoon but I promise to celebrate twice as hard next year. I just found out she was born the day after my birthday and couldn't be more thrilled. My birthday no longer exist's only my baby's. I now only live to celebrate hers. I have her photo in my wallet and show it off whenever I can. Seunghyun threatened to punch me if I cry showing him another photo. I think he's just jealous that Jiyoon is so pretty. After all she does look like me. Not saying Lilly is ugly (thank the heavens she looks like her mother. Poor thing would be ugly if she looked like Seunghyun) just saying my Jiyoon is prettier of the two. 

Our troop stayed in a fine building last night and may again tonight. It's funny how much a building can mean. This is the first one we've been in since our arrival on the continent. Most of the people here seem to be quite glad to see us. They throw fruit to us I don't think they're throwing it at us. Most people seem to be quite glad to see us. I hope you have a happy holiday and don't worry to much about me. I'm really quite all right.

Forever with love,

Jiyong

​Dear Chaerin,

Nothing much new and also it is quite late so as usual a short shorty to say hello and to let you know how much I love you.
At present I am listening to Bob Hope guess I forgot to tell you that we now have a radio. It belonged to one of the locals who fought with us. Lucky bastard is going home so we took it off his hands. Spent a very busy day. Can’t remember doing a thing but I guess I did manage to stay on my feet. I believe that a tan is developing, not sure as yet but the red seems to be changing color. At present I am quite a two tone job, imagine I will remain that way too because I don’t dare chance getting my rear sunburned (spend too much time on that thing) Hope you don’t get frightened when you see this two toned job advancing toward you in your boudoirs. Certainly hope that time isn’t far off. Well sweetheart I must say goodnight for now with a million kisses being sent to you. Write often please, please with sugar on top sweet I love so much to get your letters. I love you darling with all my heart, body and soul.

Forever with love,

Jiyong

​Dear Chaerin,

I still haven't heard from you? Is everything okay? Please I'm begging you for at least a hello.  Even though you’re busy please take time out to write for unless we write we won’t know one another and I’m damn afraid of that. Dear I love you and want to come back to you, please always remember that. I haven't yet seen one gal in all of my travels who compares at all with you. Our chief nurse says that you're sincerely one of the most beautiful women she has ever seen. I was pleased and proud to hear this. Seunghyun said I was gay for crying again though he cried with me. I can't help it I miss you and can't wait to come home to be a family. I just hope it's not to late.  

I visited Germany the other day. Also covered all of Luxembourg, all along the Moselle River. The river bank was lined for miles with fox holes, zig zag trenches and gun emplacements. The debris of battle was all around. Went over one newly built bridge (built of nothing on nothing) and all the G.I.s came out to watch to see if we’d make it. Pillboxes dominated every hill top, barb wire was all around. The sky was full from horizon to horizon with planes. The German villages nestled down in the valley, long high buildings typical Rhine country architecture. Visited Trier, Germany the first hospital train to go there. The place was a wreck, a city larger than Worcester and hardly anyone home. Thousand of houses full of furniture and everything except what the people could carry with them. 

The guys and I wanted some wine so we took 3 five gallon jugs and a hose and went over to the local pub, went down stairs and then through a hole in the wall just large enough to admit me. I dropped into a subterranean cellar. It was so damn dark and spooky in there that all I could think about was Dracula. Took our pick of the barrels and by applying suction, each one taking turns, to the hose, we drew out the wine.

How I would have loved to have you there for the adventure of the thing.  Everybody has on steel helmets and guns, the tanks are rumbling by, the town is in ruins and there we are down in the cellar siphoning wine. Saw 8,000 Germans just captured. All in one field. We were at the front! The anti aircraft guns were going off and the war was being fought. Had to be careful of mines and y traps. What a thrill to be right in Germany right at the front. Seunghyun was injured but he'll be okay.

I kiss your photo for luck. Just thinking of coming home and holding you and seeing my baby girl for the first time has kept me going. I really want to see her smile for me.

To show you the shortage of various things over here it seems whenever I smoke a cigar some Frenchman offers me a dollar for it. Seunghyun and I felt like millionaire's.

Forever with love,

Jiyong

Dear Chaerin,

I admit I'm cheerless and dejected knowing that for some reason you don't want to write back. Still I won't give up hope that we'll be together again some day. I miss you. Most times I want to touch you, even though I know I can't. I constantly think of you and all of our precious moments we shared together. It makes me feel like your still next to me even when your all these miles away. I missed you this morning. I missed you yesterday. I know I'll miss you tomorrow. This is all I wanted to say.

Forever with love,

Jiyong

Dear Chaerin,

I told you I wasn't giving up. I wasn't lying when I told you I wasn't giving up. Bom sent me more photos of Jiyoon and you. I'm happy you look so happy even if it's without me. Our little girl is getting so big. It's hard to believe she's going to be a year old. I've missed so much all ready. Paper is scarce around her but I've been bugging Seunghyun to encourage her to have you please write to me. Please I'm starting to go insane just thinking of it.

From a heartsick fool who missing you forever with love,

Jiyong.

Dear Chaerin,

I'm not sure how to say this so I'm just going to come out and say it. I want you to know just how much I loved you and just how much I still do. I wish I could give you one last hug, even one last kiss before I say good-bye. I was lucky to be in love with a woman as lovely as you and blessed to have a daughter whom I have fallen head over heels with. I just wish I could of met her once but then again if I did I never would of found the courage to never let her go and I vowed to protect our country. I know I promised I would be back but I have a feeling my time here is short. Please forgive me for all of my childish wrong doing's and live a wonderful life. Please find someone brave enough to never let go. To always hold your hand and always tell you how much you mean to them. I'm heading into battle soon and just have this grim feeling in my gut. But if it means keeping the two of you safe at night then I'll gladly give my life away.

When I leave and you get lonely close your eyes and think of me. When tomorrow starts without me, please don't think we are apart, for every time you think of me, I'm right there in your heart. I'll just be the wind that tickles your skin. I'll be the warmth of the sun on a cold day. I'll always be near although you can't see me. I love you. Time will never change that. Listen to your heart and you'll hear mine.Your in my heart, in my life, in my thoughts as you always have been. Time and distance don't mean anything to me when I know we will embrace and hold each other once again. Until then I'll be waiting for you to come home.

Forever with love,

Jiyong

These we're only some of the letters written by him for me. I couldn't help but cry as I read them over and over feeling guilty. My whole life I pegged him as a loser who wanted nothing to do with me. However these letters told me a different story. If only I had waited just a little bit longer. I thought he hated me with every breath he took. Or found out he was going to be a father and hated it. Just to find out I was dead wrong. Not a day went by that he seemed to forget about me yet I moved on like it was nothing. I hated myself at that very moment. The one thing I couldn't understand was why? Why did I never receive them. Why was this the first time ever seeing them?

After being comforted by Dara her grim face told me she knew the answer to what I was thinking. I watched her pull another envelope out of her pocket barely smiling as she gave it to me.

"Remember Mrs. Lee forgiveness doesn't excuse their behavior. Forgiveness their behavior from destroying your heart."

Taking the unsealed letter I shook pulling it out. My eyes still blurry from the tears that kept falling. I just couldn't do it. I couldn't read it. I ended up handing the letter over for Dara to read.

Dear Chaerin,

If you're reading this then all I have to say is I'm sorry. Please let me say that I never ever meant to hurt you in anyway. I loved you like a sister and I thought I was doing everything in my power to protect you. To be honest I never knew you were with Seungri until long after I left and just like Jiyong I always wondered why you never wrote back. Despite my heartbreaking watching him cry over you and yes I told him he was gay for crying like a woman and no I did not cry with him like he wrote. Okay I did but that's besides the point!

I regret doing what I felt was necessary. I had no idea you never even seen the letters until after I made it back home by then Jiyong was gone. To be fair Bom even his that fact from me. I think she was too embarrassed to tell us how she pushed Seungri and you together.

It was funny for weeks he kept dreaming of his death and I kept calling him a moron but because I was scared that it was going to come true. I never wanted to believe him. I had faith he would find his way home and back to where he belonged, where he was most at peace and that's with you. I won't give you details but just know he died a hero. I have his purple heart in the box with the letters to give to you.

As you know the day I came home it was your wedding day after being wounded. I know, I know out of all the days to finally come home, but life is full of such sweet irony.

You had looked beautiful that day. I'm sure Jiyong would of agreed with me since I had his ashes with me that day. I know you know what vase it was too, since you said it was hideous and told you I had stole it from Germany to bring home as a trophy. I didn't want to be a downer on all day's, that's why I lied to you. I couldn't fathom the idea of making you cry though I was surprised myself that it was even happening to begin with.

Later that night in a drunken state Seungri approached me worried. He confessed that he was the one who interfered with the letters. Do you know how much control it took me not to beat him down with my cane? He was worried that you would get hurt again if you knew. I know his intentions were for the good so please forgive his lack of judgment. Deep down he was scared, not because you would leave him but because you couldn't sit back and watch you cry. 

Considering I know Jiyong would of wanted you to remain happy I did what I thought was right. I took the letters and hid them from you. Again I know I was wrong but at the time I felt like it was the right choice. I'm sorry the three of us deceived you. As I said it was never our intention to hurt you.

Sincerely,

Seunghyun

​I held the purple heart in my hand and aloud myself to cry long after the couple left. Though I was deceived all these years I knew they meant well. I forgave them and found my old engagement ring twirling it until I fell asleep. I may not have had a perfect ending but at least I know understand that he always loved me.

Would life have been different if I waited just a little longer? Absolutely! On the other hand though I would never had given up the life that I chose. I loved my husband despite his flaws, I love my children, my grandchildren, my great grandchildren and I would never have traded them for the world.

As I said before though I know my time has come to a complete circle. I can feel it in my bones. I know this adventure has finally come to an end but I also know a new journey awaits for me and I'm eager to once again reunite with Jiyong and start a new chapter in my story. I take that back I'm ready to start a new chapter in our story.

If two people are meant to be together then eventually they'll find a way to come back to each other. I hope this is true. This is my last and final entry. I hoped you enjoyed reading my sad little tale but I know I can rest now and enjoy my real happy ending.