April 31st, 21:31:52

A tapping foot on a rain puddle. Honking cars in the distance. Droplets falling from the sky onto Rae's red umbrella.

She had stayed at work too late this time, Rae thought to herself as she walked sluggishly across the dead street. Sure, she needed the money, but two hours to midnight was the longest that she had ever stayed at the cafe. The tired girl yawned and blinked twice, staring at the white hand reflecting off of the traffic light. She willed it to move, to signal her muscles to move but it didn't budge. The unblinking light mocked her from afar and let time pass by even slower. Rae glowered at the awfully rude light and tugged the elastic from her hair, letting her short locks fly free and settle quietly onto her shoulders. It had seemed that the traffic light had enough taunting and a white, walking person flickered onto the screen below and - finally - Rae's stiff muscles moved, zaps of electricity following her every move.

Another lonely night in Seoul had just plastered yet another boring memory onto Rae's boring mind. Her black high-tops padded against the rain puddles as she crossed the street and veered left toward the apartment complex looming in the distance. Living alone sure made an impact on Park Song Rae's life. Her past has corrupted her being and sought out the only plausible solution - solitude. A small apartment for a small girl. It just seemed so fitting.

Rae's eyelids threatened to slump downwards making her movements sluggish, as if she was a movie constantly being paused and played, abruptly stopping and playing. No, Rae thought, it was the perfect metaphor for her life. The golden key slammed into the lock and the door to B601 opened and a trudging Rae followed the heavy slam of wood on wood. She didn't recognize her own movements as her high-tops fell on the now soaked carpet and her jacket fell from her body, leaving a petite girl in a too big sweater. No, Rae didn't mind one bit as she collapsed onto the ratty couch and her eyelids fluttered shut and the world faded to darkness as the red numbers on the clock changed to 10:31.

May 1st, 01:41:13

Dreams hung over Rae like a fog and each vivid image brought wave after wave of sleepiness, an intoxicating drug luring her deeper and deeper into the dangers of the mind. In her heart, she told herself that the pictures weren't real, they were just dreams, but her mind showed her otherwise. It hurt Rae, seeing her mother slumped on the floor, wounds cutting her flesh and a pool of blood surrounding her. It hurt Rae, seeing a shadowed figure loom over the slashed body with a gleaming knife held in a gloved hand.

It hurt Rae even more seeing her Taemin appear from the shadows, eyes wild, showing that it was he who killed her mother.

The memory made her head hurt as the event from three years ago seemed so fresh as if it happened not two minutes ago. She felt Taemin's hands shake her awake and Rae was screaming, clawing at the male's face, telling him to let go of her, you filthy bastard, as her pupils dilated and stared at her past lover as if he was a stranger. He pleaded her to not believe him, that Rae was just dreaming, I love you, don't do this, and a bloodcurdling scream shattered the air as Rae's eyes snapped open to meet another pair of brown eyes so familiar; too familiar. Though no face was illuminated in the darkness, a sickly sweet voice resounded through the black and said four measly words:

"I missed you, Rae."

And Rae screamed.

A figure pulled away from his cloak in the shadows and revealed Lee Taemin, the man she once loved. His attire was all black, but his brown eyes stood out. A gloved finger pressed against Rae's lips, quieting her distressed shrieks for help. With a firm grip, he lifted her up and out of the couch and three strides later, they were out the door. Ten strides later, they were in his car. Rae barely had time to throw on a pair of jeans and her high-tops and she nearly landed on her stomach trying to shove them on her feet. The door shut swiftly behind her and the lock made a soft click in the background. Soon, without one glance towards the struggling girl in the passenger seat, Taemin revved up the engine and sped off into the night.

Rae was shocked into silence as her mind processed what had just happened to her. She was in a car, driving away from her apartment, with a man she hadn't seen for three years in the middle of the night and the only thought that popped into her head was, I forgot to say hello.

A long stretch of silence followed the duo. Rae didn't have anything to do with Taemin, including either looking or even glancing towards him. She felt that if she said even one word, the ice might break in a jagged formation and it would turn out uglier than it already was. She gulped and fiddled with the silver band on her finger. Taemin didn't want to speak either, it seemed. A silent shield broke him apart from the rest of the world. Which was how it should always should be.

Rae couldn't take it any longer. Through gritted teeth, she spoke. "Why did you take me?" she asked, venom dripping off of her words.

Silence, silence, and more silence.

"I needed you," was the reply.

"Of all people, you need me?" Rae felt the spark ignite within her and she fought to control her anger.

Taemin reached out for her hand. "Rae, you don't understand - "

Rae pulled her hand away and sneered. "Don't you dare touch me." Angry tears were falling, and she wiped her tears with the back of her hand. "I don't understand. Because for you, it's just fine for you to just go on ahead and kill my mother and come back here and say that everything will be alright?" She shook her head and turned towards the window. "So, yeah, I don't - "

"Rae, look out!"

"Don't shut me up - "

The bullets that sailed by Rae's face definitely kept her quiet.

Without warning, the silence was shattered into a million pieces as the sound of gunshots filled the air and cracking the angry tension around the two people. In less than a second, Taemin had slammed down on the gas pedal, feverishly running away from the blue and red flashing lights illuminated on Rae's horrified face. Her knuckles had turned white from gripping her scratchy car seat in complete and utter fear. It wasn't the gradually growing speed of the car that frightened her, or the sudden change of expression in Taemin's face. What frightened her was the ongoing chorus of bullets flying in the air. The cracks that once shattered the silence now struck fear in Rae's heart. For once in three years, she never wanted to get out of a place with Taemin faster.

The car was swerving back and forth. Rae thought that this was supposed to be some maneuver to make it harder for the police to catch the pair, but when she glanced over, Taemin was clutching his shoulder with a bloody hand and was struggling to steer the car in the right direction. At that moment, no matter how much she hated the man, she grabbed the steering wheel and while the policemen were caught up in trying to catch the elusive boy, once they were cloaked in darkness she violently turned right into an alleyway and breathed a sigh of relief when the blaring sirens grew fainter in the distance.

Taemin kept grunting and scrunching up his face in pain. Rae was panicked. She had never gotten shot before, let alone pull a bullet out of a person, but her measly knowledge would have to do for now. Looking around, she picked up some materials that were haphazardly strewn around the car - a shard of glass, a bottle of whiskey, napkins, and tape. While she carefully held the glass in her hand, Taemin looked at her with curiosity and he managed to say, "Why did.. you help me..?"

Rae shook her head, still unable to meet his gaze. "I don't want to die either, you know."

The girl handed Taemin the alcohol and said, "Drink it. It'll numb the pain." The tone in her voice seemed to jerk Taemin into action and he drank the alcohol quickly and without no time to spare, the said boy was mumbling drunken words.

With Taemin feeling numb, Rae thought that he was good to go. Without hesitation, the shard of glass was already tearing away at his shirt, the seams ripping apart one by one. His wound was bleeding heavily and Rae was becoming woozy at the sight of the pooling blood. Carefully, she made a small incision into Taemin's skin. With a pair of tweezers she fortunately found while rummaging through the debris in the van, she cut a little deeper and muttering a "Sorry" she dug into the wound, wiggling around to find the bullet. She was glad there was that bottle of beer lying around. Without it, Rae would've been hearing bloodcurdling screams fill the air.

Rae found some needles and thread and sewed the wound shut, covering the still bleeding wound with folded up napkins and topped it off with a few strips of tape. The minute Taemin pulled through the static, Rae was already back to her original position huddled by the window and watched the stars fade into a collage of yellow and orange.

May 4th, 14:21:10

"Rae, you need to eat," Taemin said while begrudgingly handing Rae a wrapped up burger.

In response, Rae only turned her back to the man. A heavy sigh came from behind her, but she only ignored it.

It had been a few days since the pair had made their hasty escape. Rae refused to speak throughout the long time period and has spent her time staring out the window, refusing to eat and never sleeping. She wanted nothing more than to go back to her ratty apartment and go to work like every single day of her life. But, no, she couldn't do that now. It was too dangerous to go outside. It wasn't safe to turn on the radio. You can't go outside, and even if we need something important, you need to wear this hat and sunglasses. Taemin stripped her of the one thing that she feared most - normalcy.

The man sighed and gingerly shook her back. "Rae, please, look at me."

Silence. Another heavy sigh.

Rae turned the other way when she heard Taemin come into the driver's seat and closed her eyes as his fingers drummed on the steering wheel. She figured that if she went to sleep, maybe she would drift into the world of dreams and fantasy and turn into one of those wisps that Rae always liked to read about; to turn into a little blue twinkling star and weave its way through the wind.

Reality always hated fantasy.

Just as Rae was about to float away from this living nightmare, Taemin's voice shattered the silence. "I tried writing to you, you know."

The girl shook her head and buried her face in the sleeve of her sweater. "A man like you shouldn't even try contacting me."

He ignored the comment. The sound of tossed paper and crumpled receipts followed the quiet before a letter was tossed in Rae's lap. For once in three days, Rae looked up at Taemin, but his gaze was fixated on the blinking lights that read, "Bill's Diner". 

"Don't believe me?" he said in a monotone voice. "Read that."

Rae looked down at the folded paper in her lap. It was full of smeared eraser marks, crumpled from countless erasing and writing. There were a few coffee stains that made the paper yellow and a tiny piece of tape sealed the letter, preventing anyone from looking at the secrets written within. On the top fold, there was a big tear as if someone tore it off recklessly. With all of the damage done to the poor parchment, one name was purely visible, written in swirly font and Rae never felt such a big pang of pain hit her chest just from two measly words: To Rae.

Taemin's eyes were piercing through the base of Rae's skull, giving her the cue that it was time to open the letter. Carefully, she peeled back the tape and opened up the piece of paper. With delicate fingers and a beating heart, she read every word from the top to the bottom.

Dear Rae,

I know this is probably a bad time to give you this letter, what with you probably out for my throat and all, but since writing is the only eloquent form of communication that I know how to speak in without slitting anybody's throat, I guess it'll be the only way to tell you how I really feel.

Rae scoffed. "Feelings my ," she muttered under her breath.

Geez, who knew writing such a simple letter would be the most difficult thing in the world? Gosh, where do I start? Rae, do you remember that necklace that we had both seen in the boutique a few blocks away from your apartment?

She did remember. She had fallen in love with it the moment she set her eyes on it.

Just like she fell in love with Taemin.

It was one of our greatest days together. I loved the look on your face the minute you set your eyes on those huge diamonds. But, the moment I had opened my mouth to say that I would graciously agree to buy you that, you clicked your tongue and said that it was too expensive, too much. You always had problems with money. The necklace didn't cost a fortune, but even ten dollars was a big bargain for you. As we walked away with you under my arm, I started thinking. About you. I told you that you were so expensive, probably the best thing I could put money on. You said that was ridiculous. I asked why.

Rae's heart cracked into pieces.

You said, "The only way anyone is ever going to buy me is with love. You didn't even pay, you just stole my heart and took it away. I didn't even mind." I remember each word like it was yesterday.

I guess what I'm trying to say is.. I still think you're the most expensive thing in the world. I know an apology wouldn't do me any justice; I can't quite say sorry for getting rid of something you love so much. But, I just want you to know that this thief will always be here to steal your heart, and I'll still be here even if you run away with it.

I love you, Rae.

That was where the tear ended. But enough was written for Rae to bury her face in her hands, the paper crinkling at the sudden pressure. She couldn't brave the world now. So much was happening now, like a sudden seizure that came in the form of emotions. Taemin sensed her distress and took her hands, their first sense of contact after days. He lifted her chin and looked into her eyes, pressing his forehead against hers. Rae couldn't contain it anymore - tears started spilling out and without hesitation, Taemin was kissing away the teardrops. It reminded the distraught girl of so many other times when he had done this, so many memories of him cradling her to sleep after months of depression. He'd always whisper the same thing over and over again: "It's okay. I love you."

Taemin was doing the same thing now, pulling her into his arms and rocking their bodies back and forth. Burying his nose in Rae's long hair, he repeated that small mantra over and over, to reassure her. For one brief moment, Rae thought that her Taemin was back and she would wake up from this nightmare, be jettisoned back beside Taemin. He wouldn't have killed anybody and Rae would have never spent days and days in solitude without the man she loved. They would both laugh and say how silly that dream was and go right back to sleep, bathing in sunlight and entangled in each other's arms like nothing ever happened.

Sigh. Rae could always dream.

May 5th, 07:15:32

It was raining today. Taemin had hopped out of the van to get some food today and Rae was left alone on the passenger seat, exhaling onto the glass and drawing faces in the fog. She was happier than she had been in a while. Taemin and Rae were talking more, and when she was in a good mood, she'd even let Taemin be sneaky and hold her hand. Rae craned her neck towards the supermarket the said man had just disappeared in an hour ago. He said that he would be right back, don't worry, but the girl always worried, always cared for the man even if he did do something crazy and impossible. Being the caring woman she was, Rae took out her red umbrella and exited the van, the flimsy fabric popping up and protecting her from the water falling from the sky.

She looked around the premises, knowing that Taemin wouldn't go inside the supermarket. He had probably stolen some groceries from a mother who had turned her back too soon. But when she scoured the sea of cars settled in the parking lot, his black mop of hair was nowhere to be seen. Panic turned into bile rising in . What if he had disappeared again, left to fend for herself to drive around the highways in the vehicle of a murderer? She wouldn't let him disappear again. She had him back just a few minutes ago, she wouldn't let herself be so foolish again.

A magnet attracted Rae to the back of the supermarket, though the girl didn't know why. As Rae passed by the seemingly endless windows of the building, she noticed that there were a few TVs set up throughout the large store. From her crouched position - it was also dangerous to show your face to the crowds - Rae watched the screen closest to her. A few exhausted customers were crowded around the TV and were watching the afternoon news. Her breath hitched as she saw a grainy and pixilated picture of Rae next to a mugshot of Taemin. Right under the two pictures were the following headline: "Lee Taemin and hostage Park Song Rae still loose; whereabouts unknown."

Rae quickly left the window and continued her search for Taemin.

Through the fabric of the umbrella, she finally found Taemin. She breathed a sigh of relief and said, "Good, I found you. I thought you had wandered off without me - " She was about to say more before she noticed the gleaming weapon gripped in Taemin's hand - a knife. And it was coming closer to her.

Rae backed away slowly and dropped her umbrella as she put her hands in front of her. His eyes were darkened and the knife was coming closer to her neck. She shook her head. That wasn't the Taemin that pulled the crying Rae into her arms yesterday. This stranger was a far cry from that warm and loving man that rocked her to sleep and put his jacket over her shivering body. Those eyes were different - those were the eyes of a killer.

That was when it hit Rae - his disorder was taking control of him.

On the night of her mother's murder and while Rae had huddled against the kitchen sink, clawing out at the killer's eyes, she noticed the exact same thing that she did right at the very moment. His eyes had flickered back and forth between dark and lethal and hurt and sorry. It was a clear sign of his bipolar disorder and his moods were swinging ever so dangerously. The thin veil between reality and fantasy was ripping at the very last seam, so invisible that even Rae didn't notice which was which. But, that night, Rae was so filled with hatred and spat words of venom towards the man that was like dynamite. Just one press of a button and within seconds, he would explode.

Rae snapped out of her reverie and was shocked to find herself on the ground, Taemin's one hand pinning her to the ground and the other with a knife dangerously close to . His eyes were vacant, as if he was staring right through her. And soon, she was screaming, "Taemin! Taemin, it's me! I'm right here, don't do this!"

They were the words she should've said right before he slit her mother's throat.

She kept screaming, hollering, telling him that it was her, Rae, that girl who needed love to buy her, that he was the only thief careful enough not to pay and to steal her heart. It wasn't enough and she shut her eyes, still screaming, and she knew her blood would be splattered against the asphalt and be the color of her red umbrella. The last thing she would say before her untimely death would be, "I love you!"

That was when Taemin's eyes flickered back to pain.

It was also when the police were taking Taemin away.

Now, Rae was on the ground, running towards her love before two more policemen were holding her back and her arm was outstretched, reaching for something she knew she could never have. No longer was she screaming to let go. Now she was screaming to come back. Taemin was screaming as well, but his sorrows were being drowned out by the blue and red sirens blaring in the distance. Everything was blurry as if the girl was dreaming underwater. She came back to the surface, though, as she saw the car her lover was being strapped in turn into a white speck in the distance. Now, as Rae was being dragged back to another police car, her thin veil of reality and fantasy was finally becoming distant like the romance she never had.

May 5th, 23:58:04

This is such an uncomfortable chair.

It was a very inappropriate thought that came to Rae's mind as the police were asking her questions, but Rae was too numb to even mind. She was answering their questions in short responses - "Yeah" or "Sure" or "I guess". The ache in her heart became a gleaming knife like the one Taemin held that kept twisting and twisting until she was bleeding eternally, emotions threatening to spill out. For the first time in three years, she never wanted anything more than she wanted Taemin. Heck, she'd kill to have Taemin back in her life.

A light bulb switched on in Rae's mind. That's it!

"I killed my mother," Rae blurted out. 

It took her all of her might to not laugh at the expressions on the policemen's faces.

"I was just dreaming," she continued, ignoring the baffled look on Officer Jung's face. "I thought that - that he was wrestling me, but then I woke up and saw my mother at my feet. There was blood everywhere, and I had to blame it on him. I couldn't take up the responsibility."

Shaking their heads, the other officer, Officer Koh, forcefully grabbed her wrist and jerked her up, slamming handcuffs down on her wrists. He repeated her rights to her, saying that she had to remain silent, innocent until pleaded guilty, as they made their way down the long corridor towards the third cell on her left. Forcing down a smile, Rae was thrown into the cell and into the arms of a stranger. A shriek nearly escaped from her lips, but when she felt those oh so familiar hands tighten around her, she nearly sobbed. Her lip quivered as she looked into those oh so familiar chocolate brown eyes. A tear fell down Rae's cheek as she said one word, a whisper that would change her forever:

"Taemin.."

No longer enduring the hardships, Rae snapped and started to sob, burying her face into Taemin's hair as he held her close, embracing her with all of the strength he could muster. Her words came out in stutters and her body was convulsing and shaking wildly. Yet, at that moment, she had never been so in love before.

The future was distant; both Rae and Taemin knew that. But she knew that although she would potentially be locked in a dingy cell for the rest of her life, she knew that her eternity in a dingy cell would be brightened every day with a beam of light sitting next to her, her own ray of sunshine called Lee Taemin.

That veil of reality and fantasy was finally coming together.