Chapter 2

The black haired young man dialed his phone's voice mail when he got a notification. Actually, he knew where the voice mail came from. it must be the same message again, he thought. it was a voice mail from Yongguk. Himchan knew it well the content of the voice mail.

"Sorry, I didn't come home last night. I'm staying out tonight as well. I'll be back tomorrow evening. And don't go to bed without eating just because you weren't hungry"

The voice mail ended. It was always been the same message over and over again. Either it was a text message, phone call or even voice mail like this. Yongguk was never talked to him, at least not like other couples did. The only conversation they had were Yongguk planned not came home, their daily schedule, Yongguk asked Himchan to picked him up after a date, Yongguk asked him to cook, Yongguk asked him to bought monthly needs and other 'Yongguk asked him' things to do. Himchan could only let a small sigh then closed his eyes.

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Himchan struggled to kept all his shopping bags not to fell down. He sighed when he saw the shopping bags, seemed he bought too much. As he kept struggled with it, someone called him and waved.

"Himchan hyung!" the person smiled happily when Himchan noticed him.
"Jongup?"

"Long time no see Hyung! I guess it's been a while since we had get-together at other night (chapter 1)" With Jongup mentioned the get-together, Himchan suddenly remembered the kiss that Yongguk forced on him in front of people, it made him blushed.

"Yeah, about that night... I'm sorry..." Himchan blushed hard.

"Ahahaha.. that's ok hyung! Are you coming back from the store? You're carrying a lot of stuffs there. Let me carry half for you" Jongup offered a hand when he saw Himchan tried hard not to losed his grip on the shopping bags.

"Nah, I'll be fine. I'm almost reach my place and I'm sure you have better things to be doing, Jongup-ah"

"Not at all hyung! I have some free time right now. Your place is this way right? Lets go!"

"Thank you Jongup-ah, you are a huge help" Himchan grinned. Jongup felt his cheeks hot, he panicked to calm himself down.

Jongup knew Himchan since the older one sometimes came to the place where he and Yongguk's work place. The first impression that Jongup had on Himchan was a plain personality person. Himchan didn't seem like to talk alot and mingle around, yet it were the things that made Jongup kept pay attention to Himchan everytime he came to the store. At first Jongup also didn't know Himchan was Yongguk's boyfriend, both of them were not fan of PDA, Public Displays of Affection. He was also like their other friends, pretty confused why Himchan could stand a person like Yongguk. If it was Jongup, he pretty sure would treasure Himchan. But, it would be a reality if he met Himchan first. Jongup shaked his head, shaked the thought of him as Himchan's boyfriend off. What he was thinking? Jongup looked at Himchan who became the usual quiet type of person. He smiled on how cute Himchan was and tried to broke the ice of the silence.

"Thank you once again Jongup-ah" Himchan's words was kind off suprised him. It was a rare for him to saw Himchan talked to him first, because usually it was Jongup who began the conversation.

"A-ah thats ok Hyung, but you bought so many things here hehe, I guess it would be this much since you live together with Yongguk Hyung" Jongup noticed the emptiness in Himchan's gaze and smile.

"Together, huh? We're really just sharing a lease. Yongguk wanted to leave home after he graduated from university. And I wanted to stay close to school since I'm continuing my graduate studies. Plus, it makes things easier in terms of rents" Himchan remebered the day Yongguk offered him to live together. Yongguk said he was a pretty great chef. it made a tiny curve of smile at the corner of Himchan's lips.

"I see, so where is Yongguk Hyung now? Why he didn't help you with the shopping? today is his day off"

"Hmm.. well, he hasn't been back since yesterday. Today too... I guess he won't be back..." Jongup was surprised by the fact Yongguk never been home for almost two days. His grip was getting hard.

"Hyung...What is it about Yongguk Hyung that you love?" the upset look on Jongup's face was obvious to saw. "Sure, he is good looking, and nice. But... but his infidelity is absolutely despicable! I know that he took off with some pretty woman who came into the store yesterday. It's disgraceful! I would never do that to you! If I were him, I..." Jongup stopped his words andd looked down in very upset state.

"Jongup?" Himchan called his name.

"It..." He sighed, "Our meeting wasn't by chance earlier. I was coming to see you, Hyung... I.. I... Hyung, I..."

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I...Hyung, I...I love you! I would never cheat on you, I would never do anything to hurt the one I love. If he really loved you, he wouldn't be able to do those things!, Jongup's words kept ringing in Himchan's mind. It didn't want to leave his mind. It rang like unstoppable alarm's ringtone. Himchan kept thinking, thinking and thinking until the sound of unlocking door disturbed him.

"I'm home. What are you doing? Studying?"

"Ah Yongguk... I thought you said you weren't coming back today.."

"Hm? I changed my mind" Yongguk ruffled Himchan's hair. Himchan missed this little touch. "Why? Would you have preffered I didn't coming back?"

"It's just..."

"Have you had dinner? Ah, you haven't, have you? The sink's still empty" Yongguk cut his words off.

"...I don't get hungry when I'm by myself"

"You're always like that. How will your brain fuction if you don't eat? How about I fix something up for you? I just learned a new recipe for risotto at the..." Yongguk felt a pair of arms hugged his waist. "Himchan? What is it? I can't prepare anything like this", but he felt Himchan didn't have intention to let the backhug go. "Himchan?"

"I don't need food" a short reply.

"Ah, I see. In that case...what about going to bed first?" Yongguk turned around, wrapped his arms around Himchan's waist then kissed the lips of his lover softly.

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The night was getting darker, the dawn was near, yet Himchan and Yongguk still up after their hot time. No matter how many times he had with women, nothing comparable with his time with Himchan. Our bodies are compatible with each other, that was what he said whenever his friends asked him why he still kept Himchan.

"Well, well, you've done it again"

"Hm?"

"I'm gonna get internal bleeding from these kissmarks. I won't be able to take my clothes off in front of anyone for a while" Yongguk's body was full of kissmarks that Himchan made. Yet Himchan lightly kissed all the kissmarks as Yongguk got a cigarette and lighted it on.

"I'm fine with you not taking clothes off in front of people..." Himchan made another kissmark on Yongguk's body.

"Don't be ridiculous, tsk, it hurts Himchan" Himchan kissed the last kissmark he just made and rolled to laid on his stomach beside Yongguk.

"...Today, I ran into Jongup on my way back from shopping. He helped me carry everything back here then..."

"He confessed that he liked you?"

"How..?"

"So I was right... Well, the kid's got guts, ah well, that's fine... Do as you please. I'm not in position to tell you anything. Jongup will certainly be able to give himself to yoou wholeheartedly" Yongguk smoked his cigarette once again. Heard the statement that Yongguk threw out of his mouth, Himchan couldn't last longer.

"...Jongup asked me today, how did I fall for a man like you, I...couldn't give him an answer. Even I wonder how I fell for such a cruel man. There must be something wrong with me! But... I can't help it, I love you..." Himchan changed his position back to on Yongguk's lap, he cupped Yongguk's face with his hands. He could hear Yongguk muttered his name as the eyes of his lover looked to another way. Himchan gritted his teeth.

"Yongguk-ah, be mine alone, I'm begging you, I'll do anything you want, I'll satisfy your needs. So tell me, I'm alone is enough for you, Guk-ah!" Yongguk could see the clear view of Himchan's tears eventho it was dark. He touched the cheek of his crying lover as he tried to feel the falling tears on the soft cheek

.
"Kim Himchan, do you... love me that much?" At that time, Himchan felt little by little, like snow fell on the ground, it built up, and maybe that was when the strain first started to show.

"...Really...Why do I have to be in love with someone like you? Why can't I hate you?!"

Love wasn't an option where you could choose who you wanted to be fall in love with. Some ended up well, some could only bring pain.

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After the desperation that Himchan poured on Yongguk, they both were pretty busy with each other's activities and schedules. As for Himchan, he pulled all nighter because exam week he needed to maintain his grades to be able to kept the scholarship. when he thought he could get some sleep and tried no think about Yongguk, the reality wasn't like what he hoped for. He could hear a woman's voice in his apartment, also Yongguk's voice. He sighed, he used to this. Again.

"I'm home..." He stepped into the living room.

"Yo Himchan, welcome back" He could hear the woman asked Yongguk who he was, guessed if he was Yongguk's roommate. But all Himchan could do was stay quite. "Sorry Chan-ah, but can you lend her some clothes? Mine are too big"

"why?"

"She dirtied hers, Oy, a t-shirt will work right?" He eyed the woman played her phone and asked him if he had any cute ones. But again, Himchan could only stay in silence. He showed his t-shirts to the woman.

"Ew, Gukkie, I can't wear any of these! None of these show any style!"

"You're going to wearing a coat anyway, just pick one, hurry up woman!" Himchan really tried hard not to be drawn in his emotion, but it was too painful to see someone else in his place, in his and Yongguk's place, in a place where he thought it was only for him, a place where Yongguk could return to him. Now it was being tainted by some cheap . He hoped for the woman out of his place quick, but then he could hear the woman picked a t-shirt.

"I will take this! This one is pretty cute! I will wear this!" Himchan's eyes got bigger. No!

"Tha.. you can't have that one! Pick a different one!"

"What's the big deal? Just let her have it Chan, what's wrong with you, let her borrow it. They're all the same anyway" Himchan surprised again by Yongguk's word, he only could look down. "I'm gonna walk her to the train station really quick. Just go to sleep, I know you just pulled an all-nighter right?" Yongguk left with a woman who wore that shirt, he thought.

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Yongguk just back from the train station, he walked to Himchan's room to checked the latter one's condition.

"Himchan? Are you asleep? Get under the blanket, you're gonna catch a cold" But there wasn't an answer. "Himchan?" Still there wasn't an answer from his lover. He walked nearer to Himchan as he tried to caressed Himchan's hair, "Are you angry? That girl just now, she was-" Smack! His lover smacked his hand that tried to caress the black hair.

"-What the hell...Fine, I'm sorry. I didn't expect you to be back so early"

"Why would I even bothere getting upset over something like that now?!"

"Then, what the heck are you sulking about?" Himchan took a moment of silence and sighed.

"That t-shirt was important to me..."

"T-shirt? you mean the one she picked out? Wasn't it just a regular t-shirt?"

"No it wasn't! that was...that was the t-shirt that you gave me, Guk-ah. That's why I didn't wanna part with it...!" He could hear Yongguk's chuckle and hugged him.

"Ah, is that all that got you upset? I'll buy you another one, so cheer up ok?" Himchan pushed Yongguk away softly.

"I'm not like you Yongguk, always being able to settle for a replacement. All I ask for is to keep the one thing I like...You don't understand anything. I-"

"What the , that's the kind of thing a woman would say. I don't get any of that emotional stuff. Can you tell it to someone else instead?"

"...If you find me so tiresome, then why don't you just ditch me?!"

"That's exactly the kind of talk that gets on my nerves! Don't be looking at me, expecting some kind of sappy romance!" They both drawn in silence, thought some words to attack each other to felt guilty. But, Yongguk was the first one who broke the silence.

"Alright. If you wanna break up, I'll break up whenever you want. Then you'll be free to search for a man who will love you wholeheartedly"

"Guk-ah...Yongguk..."

"Shut up! Do what you want!!!" Yongguk stepped out from the place as he slammed the door, left the crying Himchan all alone. Splitting up with him, staying in love with him, no matter which I choose... It will be too painful..., he dropped himself on the floor and cried out loud, let out all the pain he stacked up inside his heart and mind.

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P.S: Chapter 2 is up! so, how is it so far? hahaha sorry I haven't reply the comments, I will do reply it soon. and again, comments and critics are welcome! I made my own poster hahahahahaha lame I know