(note: okay so this part 2 is going to be jongin's pov. i forgot to tell everyone on the first chapter's author's note that the first part was kyungsoo pov and the next was jongin pov OTL. anyway i'm telling you guys now so it wouldn't be that confusing. ja!)

"This is getting too much for me to handle, Sehun-ah!" Jongin almost shouted while sitting on the floor of his friend's room, a confused and worried expression present in his usually cheery face. "Hey, are you listening to me?!"

Sehun was comfortably lying down above his own bed as he leaves his sulking friend on the cold floor alone, snorting and sighing with each annoying remarks Jongin makes about his love problems.

Jongin continued to speak though despite the uninterested and seemingly annoyed expression on Sehun's straight face. "Kyungsoo hyung seems to be angry at me, but I don't know what I did!"

"But Kyungsoo always gets angry without any apparent reason, Jongin. You, of all people, should know that he just gets mad out of nothing at all sometimes," Sehun said while scratching the back of his head a little. It's almost midnight and the younger boy really wanted to sleep, but Jongin suddenly came barging into his room sulking like a little kid and he knows it's one of those 'Kyungsoo hyung problems' again. It's not that he hates hearing Jongin's problems and worries, he's just really tired and he badly wants to sleep as soon as he can. "How is he now, though?"

"I left him alone in our room. I saw Baekhyun going in after I left so I guess they're talking right now," Jongin said with a  deep sigh. "If this keeps going on I might think twice about confessing tonight..."

"Whatever. Do what you want," Sehun replied flatly, controlling himself from getting annoyed at the repetitive complaints of the other. "I heard the same things countless times and I just don't know what to do with you anymore."

"But I'm just scared, Sehun-ah! What if he doesn't reciprocate it? What if he thinks it isn't good for me to have these kind of feelings for him? What if he hates me for it?"

"What if he doesn't?" the pale skinned guy replied with a little smile forming on his lips. "Look, Jongin, you really won't achieve anything unless you come up to him and confess to him straight in the face. You'll forever be left wondering what he's feeling or thinking about you if you won't even let him know what's going on with you. I told you this a thousand times already and please don't make me repeat them again for the next set of weeks coz I'm honestly about to lose my patience on you."

Jongin furrowed his eyebrows with that and tried to contemplate the proper actions to do, weighing in his mind whether he'll continue to do his plan of confessing to Kyungsoo tonight or not.

The thing with Jongin is that he hates rejection; if he's ever going to confess to Kyungsoo then he wants it to be mutual. He can't accept a no for an answer. He won't be able to take it if he actually do confess and then get turned down after. Jongin is just that type of guy.

So it was really hard for him to finally open everything to his Kyungsoo hyung. He wants him to reciprocate the same feelings he was having for him, despite all the complications and hardships being an idol brings.

"Just confess," Sehun suddenly said when the quietness in their room reached that level of awkwardness that has to be broken immediately, so the pale skinned guy knows he has to be the one to break the ice. "And try to accept whatever his reaction is. If it turns out that he loves you too, then good. If not, then just be strong and accept it, because no matter how much you wanted to, you know the situation all depends on whatever decision Kyungsoo will arrive at. You don't have the situation in your hands here, Jongin. Kyungsoo does. All you can do is confess and wait for what he'll do after."

Jongin suddenly brought his head up and faced the usually bratty kid in front of him with a shocked expression in his eyes. "...Sehun-ah."

"What?" the other hissed in a seemingly embarrassed manner.

Jongin smiled genuinely at him before letting out a relieved sigh. "Yeah. You're right. It'll all depend on Kyungsoo hyung's decision. All I can do is follow what he wants, or what he thinks is right."

"Finally!" the other almost yelled in relief. "Now can you please stand up and leave my room and get all of these done?!"

"I know I know!" Jongin said while standing up and hitting his friend playfully in the arm. Sehun shot him a betrayed look in return. "But thanks, man. I owe you a lot."

Sehun then smiled playfully with that before crossing his arms in front of him. Jongin quirked an eyebrow at the seemingly mischievous act his friend just did. "Yeah. You sure do."

-----

One thing about Jongin is that he's really unstable and paranoid with his own actions. One moment he's being sure about what to do and then the next he's scratching his head in bewilderment again, doubting his own self whether he should do he's planned actions or not.

He was in this position when he reached their room and noticed a tiny gap of space in the doorframe; Baekhyun must've left a bit of the door open when be entered his and Kyungsoo's room. Curious, Jongin decided to not enter the room yet and try to eavesdrop at what the two were talking about

He knows eavesdropping isn't really a good thing to do, but he can't help it knowing how paranoid he is at the time.

Jongin lowered his head a little and tried to connect his left ear on the space by the doorway, doing his best to hear things from outside as clearly as he could. He wasn't even sure if Baekhyun was still inside, but he still tried to spy to the two nevertheless.

Low and quiet sounds started emanating from the room, slowly getting louder and clearer as Jongin concentrates more. And before he knew it, he was already listening to a very private and serious talk the two boys were having.

"You know what? Why don't you try opening it to him tonight?" Baekhyun's voice said from inside the room and Jongin literally almost clenched his chest at the sudden mixture of nervousness and anticipation that attacked him. "I mean, I heard that that's one good way of moving on. Letting the person know that you're moving on from them. I don't know, but you should give it a try. Besides, I think Jongin deserves to know the reason why you keep on being harsh to him at times, you know?"

Jongin's heart felt like it was about to burst due to the excitement. At first he was utterly clueless at what the two boys were talking about, but after hearing his name and some other keywords about what Baekhyun was trying to say, he came to the conclusion that his Kyungsoo hyung does like him too

And that Baekhyun was suggesting Kyungsoo to open to him tonight, to finally let go and move on. Jongin's smile suddenly turned into a frown after realizing what Baekhyun's words truly meant.

"Are you... sure about that?" Kyungsoo's voice suddenly said, snapping Jongin from his little trance and resuming on keeping his ear placed on the tiny open space. The doe eyed boy's voice sounded so confused and unsure, different from the kind of voice he was using on Jongin a while ago.

"Yup," Baekhyun replied to Kyungsoo almost instantly. Jongin almost bumped himself on the door at an attempt to listen more to what the other was about to say. "Kyungsoo, I don't want to be a pessimistic bastard and break your heart but we're not living in a fairytale here. You and Jongin can never be together and you know that. Although our fans might actually like it, you know it's still impossible and it won't work out. There's no other way to solve that but to be out of that, you get it?"

If Jongin's heart was about to burst because of excitement just a while ago, now it felt like it was being crushed. Baekhyun's words hit the unstable and confused Jongin like a huge slap on his face. Who was he trying to fool? What was he thinking when he thought that Kyungsoo might reciprocate his feelings despite the complications in their lives as idols? What made him think that a relationship as complicated as that can still actually work out? It might be true that Kyungsoo does love him too, but does it guarantee that he will reciprocate Jongin's feelings and became lovers with him?

Jongin knew, all along, that the situation is in Kyungsoo's hands. If Kyungsoo wants to be with him then they can be together. If Kyungsoo doesn't, then he has no other choice but to accept it. Even though the feelings between them were mutual, it is definitely not enough to make them lovers in an instant, because decisions are a very difficult and critical part of life if you're living in a world of spotlights and glamour and judging eyes.

"I know, I get it," Kyungsoo's voice suddenly said in a sad tone, and Jongin literally placed his hand over his chest to calm his palpitating heart a little. "I should really start forgetting him now. I should start hating him so it'd be easier for me to forget. I can't keep this feelings going on and ruining me every time..."

Those words were definitely the last straw for Jongin before he closed his eyes in an attempt to stop the tears from flowing out. Kyungsoo wants to forget his feelings for him. He wants to be out of it; wants to remove it like some sort of a poison ruining his body and eating him from inside. Kyungsoo thinks of his feelings as a burden that should be gotten rid of.

Kyungsoo thinks of it as a kind of suffering, while Jongin hopes wholeheartedly like a fool. And no matter how painful it was, Jongin has no other option but to accept it and comply to what the other wants. Kyungsoo wants to forget him, to move on from him, to hate him; all for the purpose of finally being free from the complications of loving your own group member brings.

Jongin wants to end Kyungsoo's suffering, even if it means providing himself his own demise. He's willing to sacrifice if that is what his Kyungsoo hyung wants, because Jongin lost all hope for them too and started to realize that a relationship as complicated as that can never work out. Jongin started to believe too that there's no other way to solve it but to be out of it, like what Baekhyun said.

"I'll probably tell him my feelings tonight to let go of it. After that, I'll try to hate him as much as I can. It sounds too selfish, yeah, but I have to do this before worse comes to worst." Kyungsoo said with a somewhat renewed determination in his voice, and Jongin decided to leave after that. He decided he had heard enough, and turned around to leave the door slowly.

-----

Jongin returned to their room after taking a quick shower, crying his eyes out in the bathroom so when Kyungsoo finally opens up to him later and tell him how he wanted to forget his feelings for him, he would no longer have the tears to cry.

He entered their room with reddish eyes and hoped with all his heart that the other wouldn't notice it. Kyungsoo wanted to hate him so it'll be easier for him to forget, and Jongin knows he have to act tough and collected when they finally talk.

He noticed how the shorter boy fidgets while sitting above his bed, aware of the curious glances Kyungsoo sends him as he shuffles across their room. He quickly applied his beauty products on his face before reaching out for the switch to turn off the lights.

And when Kyungsoo suddenly halted him from doing it and told him he has to tell something important to Jongin, the tanned skin boy literally controlled himself from crying.

"Would you want me to turn off the lights, hyung? In case you feel awkward talking with me? At least we won't see each other's faces when it's dark..." he said as calmly as he could, pulling his lips in a slight smile to hide the hesitation and sadness currently filling him from inside.

And when Kyungsoo agreed, Jongin turned the light off and sat exactly opposite to Kyungsoo's bed. Although he can't be entirely sure where the other was due to the pitch black darkness, he knows the other was just sitting in front of him, probably waiting for him to speak first.

"Okay, Kyungsoo hyung, I'm listening," Jongin said in a controlled voice, and the other started voicing his thoughts out.

When Kyungsoo said that he was sorry for the attitude he showed to him a while ago, he remained quiet and didn't speak at all. When Kyungsoo told him that he was just being jealous, Jongin had to bite his lower lip to control himself from speaking and from admitting to Kyungsoo that he loves him too, because he believes that the other already made his decision and letting him know about Jongin's feelings will just confuse him more.

And when Kyungsoo finally said that he loves him, Jongin wasn't able to control himself and he replied painfully. "Hyung..."

Kyungsoo just confessed to him and admitted that he loves him. This was all what Jongin was dreaming about when he realized he loves the other in a romantic way, but the way it was conveyed and spoken wasn't what Jongin dreamed of. He doesn't want Kyungsoo to hate himself for loving him, and he doesn't want to deny his own feelings for him. But what else can he do if this is what Kyungsoo wants?

He wanted to tell him he loves him too. He wanted to stand up and cross their room and hug the crying boy in front of him and tell him how much he loves him too, but he can't. Kyungsoo already made his decision; he wanted to forget his feelings for Jongin, he wanted to be free from it, he wanted to hate Jongin.

Kyungsoo believes that his love for him won't go anywhere and would forever remain a burden if it won't be gotten rid of, so Jongin decided that he should at least help Kyungsoo out despite having the same feelings for him, because what else can he really do when Kyungsoo thinks that this is what's right for them?

He's willing to push the boy he loves so much away if that's what will make him happy.

Or rather, if that's what Jongin thinks will make Kyungsoo happy.

"And I'm telling everything to you now so I can get over it and move on. I'm telling you this not because I'm wishing you'd reciprocate it, I'm telling this to you so I can be free from it. I know there's no way you'll feel the same for me, and I'm tired of waiting and hoping for something that won't come no matter what I do. Besides, knowing our statuses in life, I probably won't be able to survive if I keep these feelings for you. I should forget about them. I should stop loving you..." Kyungsoo said in between sobs, and Jongin clasped his hand over his mouth to stop a whimper from coming out.

He accidentally sniffed a little too loudly before forcing himself to speak in a straight and confident tone again. Kyungsoo should hate him. He should help Kyungsoo forget his feelings for him to end his suffering. He already made it this far, and Jongin made sure to finish it despite all of his pain and doubts.

There's no turning back for Jongin anymore. "Yeah. That's right, Kyungsoo hyung. You should probably forget about that. It's not right, and I don't love you that way, so please get rid of that as soon as you can..."

Each word that escaped his lips felt like a sharp knife piercing his heart, bringing with it a stinging and burning kind of pain that pricks Jongin's eyes and makes him cry. But the pain he was currently feeling was nothing compared to the pain Kyungsoo must be feeling. The way Kyungsoo suddenly whimpered and sobbed hard at Jongin's words echoed in the tanned boy's ears that almost made him want to cover his ears to repel the sounds of cries from the boy he loves.

And knowing that it was him who caused that was even worse for Jongin. He wondered if things can get even more painful than it already were.

He just denied the love that he carried inside him for so long, and pushed away the boy he wishes everyday to be his. Each sob from Kyungsoo makes him want to stand up and cup his face in his hands and tell him his sorry and kiss him passionately until his tears would fade away. But everything was done now and he already hurt the both of them, believing that this was the only right way to deal with their feelings.

Jongin then lied down above his bed after and continued to heard Kyungsoo cry out in despair. He then literally clutched his chest and cried silently to himself.

If only I can tell you how much I love you... If only I can... Jongin thought while burying his face in his pillows to silence his cries and whimpers, relieving in his mind the way he cruelly denied and the way he lied. I love you, hyung... I love you so ing much...

-----

To say that the next set of days were awkward for the two boys would be the biggest understatement of the year.

Even their entire group were literally feeling confused at the way the two boys completely ignores each other. Kyungsoo even demanded to exchange rooms with Chanyeol for the time being to stay in his and Baekhyun's room instead, doing his best to avoid Joonmyun's and Kris' questions about why he wants to exchange rooms.

Jongin, on the other hand, couldn't take the guilt as well whenever he'll see Kyungsoo walking around their dorm looking totally disoriented and messed up. The way his doe eyes look so red and tired from all the crying he must be doing every night hits Jongin like a bulldozer destroying his outer walls.

The younger boy thought that that was what Kyungsoo wants, he thought that if he denied the other's feelings everything would be alright and return to normal. After all, he heard it straight from the guy that he wanted to hate Jongin and forget him, but why aren't things still not alright?

Jongin is a painfully bewildered kid who makes unstable decisions, doing reckless actions without fully contemplating the situation. After a week of being away and detached from his hyung, Jongin was already starting to doubt the action he did that night. He was already starting to regret the way he lied and hid his feelings for Kyungsoo. But even so, he's still unsure.

He's starting to think that perhaps he should've just confessed that night too, that perhaps he should've just told him how much he loves Kyungsoo as well all. But then what would they get from that, when Kyungsoo already believes that it is impossible to work a romantic relationship between them? Jongin thought that it'd just add up to Kyungsoo's burdens and not make things better at all.

And yet, everything became worse when he denied his feelings for him. Jongin can't be more confused and depressed with everything that's going on.

All of these things cloud Jongin's mind and he literally couldn't sleep every night. He's even more confused than ever.

-----

A whole week passed after the incident and Jongin was starting to realize that he shouldn't really have lied to Kyungsoo that one night. He's been doing his best to corner the boy ever since that morning to talk with him again, but he can't be successful on asking the guy to talk privately with him.

He knows the other must still be intensely mad and angry at him, and he actually feels scared to approach him and everything. But Jongin already made a lot of mistakes and he messed up big time, so he really wanted to clear everything and perhaps ask for forgiveness as well.

And this time, Jongin would do things not for the result that it will bring. He's gonna do it because he wants to clear himself to Kyungsoo and be true to his own self as well, whether Kyungsoo hates him for it or not.

Jongin still hates rejection and he has to admit that he always look forward to the result of what his actions will bring, but he also realized that that was what always clouds his mind and makes him think of unclear decisions. He started to realize that the way he expects for results was what ruins everything, so he decided once and for all to just follow whatever his heart says and disregard whatever results come after, whether it be good or bad.

And when Kyungsoo returned to their room that night to get some things he left in their room, Jongin knew that this was his only chance. Kyungsoo reluctantly walked across the room to go to his wardrobe where he left some of his clothes or something, shuffling through his things with a certain panic in him and hurrying and doing his business as quickly as he could to avoid Jongin as much as he can.

When the lights suddenly went out and the entire room became completely dark, Kyungsoo literally screamed in surprise and heard the door of their room close. Jongin turned the lights off.

"Y-Yah!" Kyungsoo yelled while sticking out his arms to grab on to something while walking aimlessly inside their room, trying to find the door in the middle of the dark. "Jongin! Turn on the lights!"

"Hyung," Jongin said in a low and sad tone while still standing near the doorframe. "I-I have to tell you something, I--"

"No Jongin, I-I don't want to listen to anything you'll say. Turn on the lights and let me leave."

"But hyung... Please..." Jongin pleaded. "I listened to you when you told me you have to tell me something. Please try to listen to me too, please?"

There was a brief silence in their room before Kyungsoo sighed in a mixture of annoyance and defeat. "What, you're gonna tell me again how much you 'don't love me', huh?"

"N-No..." Jongin replied in a stuttering voice, feeling the guilt hitting him again like crashing waves. "I... Please, Kyungsoo hyung, let me explain..."

Kyungsoo sighed in the darkness again and cautiously walked himself from his spot towards his old bed, still sticking his hands out in case he accidentally bump to something. When his feet reach the familiar cushions of a bed, he settled his hands on it and carefully sat himself down. "What is it, Jongin?"

The taller boy inhaled deeply before walking cautiously to his own bed as well and sitting himself atop it, facing the opposite direction again and assuming that Kyungsoo was sitting right in front of him. "Sorry for suddenly turning the lights off. I just thought it--"

"Just please get on with it, Jongin," Kyungsoo said in a seemingly exhausted and annoyed tone. Jongin can't help but notice how Kyungsoo must really hate him now.

"I-I'm sorry..." Jongin said before breathing deeply again. "I... I know I am in no position to ask for your forgiveness hyung, and I'm not actually expecting you'd forgive me too. But I just wanted to tell you the truth..."

Kyungsoo remained quiet the entire time Jongin was talking in front of him through the darkness, and Jongin started realizing how difficult it was to speak without knowing or seeing the reaction of the one you're talking too. "I... I lied, hyung. I... Lied to you, and to myself..."

"What do you mean?" Kyungsoo replied quickly with curiosity present in his flat tone.

"I... I really don't know where to start but Kyungsoo hyung..." Jongin trailed off before wiping the slight sweat forming on his forehead. "I... I don't know if you'll still believe me but..  I love you."

"Oh please, Jongin," Kyungsoo said in a skeptic manner. Jongin knew the other just got angrier even without actually seeing Kyungsoo's face in the dark. "What, you feel so bad for me for having my feelings unrequited that you're telling me you love me now?! Do you feel so sorry for me that you're lying your way out of your actions?!"

"N-No hyung," Jongin said in a panicky tone. "I... I'm not asking you to believe me coz I know I don't have any right to demand for you to believe me after what I did. But just please listen, hyung... That's what I'm only asking for..."

"If what you just said was true, then why did you deny it, Jongin? Why did you deny me?" Kyungsoo suddenly said in a low and controlled tone, doing his best to stop himself from crying while talking to the other.

"Because I thought it was right to do so..." Jongin replied in an equally low and despondent manner. "I thought that's what you wanted..."

"What do you mean?" the shorter boy asked.

"I... I didn't mean to hear you and Baekhyun talking together hyung, but I did... And I heard how you told him you wanted to forget your feelings for me... I heard how you said you wanted to hate me so it'd be easier for you to move on... I heard how you said your feelings for me ruin you and everything... I mean, I just instantly felt like it was the most obvious thing to do after that. You said it's making you suffer and that you wanted to get rid of it, so I thought I should help you out with that and make you hate me on purpose, especially since we both know that there's no way for a relationship to take place between us knowing our positions in life..." Jongin started to voice his thoughts out. "But I'm not putting the blame on you hyung, I'm saying I just thought that's what you wanted. You said that it isn't right for you to love me coz it's complicated, so what else can I do except hide it? I'll only confuse you more..."

"Then why are you telling this to me now?" the anger in Kyungsoo's voice didn't subside as he replies to Jongin. "If you really think that's what I wanted and that was what's best, then why are you talking with me now?"

"I-I don't know..." Jongin said in a frustrated manner. "I... I just... I'm just so sorry for everything that happened, hyung... I felt so bad after I lied to you. I felt bad for you and for myself. I regret the fact that I lied and ruined my chance of confessing to you. I'm so sorry..."

Silence remained in their atmosphere after that, both boys feeling confused and blank with what to say next. Jongin was still trying to find Kyungsoo in the darkness and see how he currently looks like, but it was too dark in their room that he literally can't see anything at all.

"...You must really hate me now, don't you?"

"Do you really still have to ask that?" Kyungsoo surprisingly replied in a much calmer tone, making Jongin a little shocked at the sudden change in his tone. "I hate you. So much."

"I'm sorry..."

"But I realized hating you didn't really help me move on, you know."

Jongin's eyes widened with that and his voice almost squeaked in shock. "H-Hyung?!"

"You realized that lying to me didn't do you any good. I realized that hating you wouldn't do me any good, either." Kyungsoo confessed and Jongin was literally straining his eyes in an attempt to see Kyungsoo's face across the darkness in their room. "I still hate you for lying and for making me cry every night, but that didn't help me forget about you at all. It only actually made things worse..."

"Yeah. Lying to you made things worse as well, hyung..." Jongin said cautiously while trying to analyze Kyungsoo's current mood. "I'm sorry... I messed up a lot and I'm really sorry..."

"I guess what's important is that we finally opened each other's feelings now..." Kyungsoo replied as calmly as he could. "I mean... We can think of what to do with it later. For now, what's important is that we both know each other's feelings... We don't need to be lovers to be able to express our love, yet we couldn't stay as pure friends too knowing that we do love each other. I think we don't need to label anything at all. We're friends and we know we're special for each other and that's enough for now..."

Jongin literally smiled after that and almost felt the urge to stand up and cross their room to hug Kyungsoo before remembering that the other didn't fully forgive him yet. "So... Uhh... Are you forgiving me now, hyung?"

"I guess?" Kyungsoo said with a little chuckle. "I mean, I still love you nevertheless so..."

"Okay..." Jongin replied with a cheeky smile on his face, feeling glad and happy that things still worked out after all. "I... I love you too, hyung."

"Just try to be smarter the next time," Kyungsoo replied with a little chuckle. Jongin let out a little laugh of his own after that.

"Can you turn the lights on now, Jongin?" Kyungsoo asked in his normal and casual tone. "I have to repack my things and return here."

"S-Sure," Jongin said with a smile as he stands up to press their light switch on.

Although the two of them didn't specifically become lovers per se, Jongin still couldn't be any happier. He confessed his feelings for Kyungsoo properly, asked for his forgiveness, and found out that Kyungsoo still loves him too.

They don't need to complicate things between them anymore, because what's important is how they love each other without expecting anything in return.



 

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a/n: OKAY ING FINALLY UPDATED. IT WAS SOOOO HARD FOR ME TO WRITE THIS LAST PART IN JONGIN'S POV SO SORRY IF IT TOOK ME OVER A WEEK TO UPDATE. i hope i didn't confuse everyone that much but yes, the first three uhh 'cuts' in this chapter were exactly the ones that happened on the first part, i only wrote it in jongin's pov this time.
anyway ARE YOU ALL EXCITED FOR EXO'S COMEBACK AS MUCH AS I AM. i just hope their song will be as good as growl, or perhaps better than growl. idk.
anyway omg i hope you guys liked this. xoxo!)