Kyungsoo has been feeling annoyed, but he's not letting his face show it.

He sits there with a wide smile; those kind of adorable, heart shaped smiles that always earn screams and giggles from all of their fans. He waves at them too; occasionally greeting the fans that waited in the lines for so long just to have a chance of meeting them and asking for little requests.

Fansign events are admittedly the most stressful and tiring activities during a promotion for them. Sometimes it can be more stressful than dance rehearsals or vocal practices, because it's their attitude and their looks that should be trained during times like these. They have to humor their fans at all costs without losing their patience or their image as an idol.

But it's not that they hate seeing their fans; sometimes they'd actually rather attend their fansign events than their showcases and performances on music shows. Although they sometimes get annoyed with crazy fans that asks too much requests or asks too much personal questions, meeting people who are the main reason behind their success is still an enjoyable activity for them.

But for today, Kyungsoo is in a bad mood; a terribly bad mood that tries his patience at extreme lengths. He isn't annoyed because of a fan, or because he's tired, or because of their manager that barks commands nonstop; he's annoyed because of Kim Jongin.

But thankfully for Kyungsoo, he already mastered the way of deception. He can smile and act happy the entire time that they're here without ever letting their fans know that he's currently mad. He used to be really transparent and nervous; everyone in their group has already learned that trick a long time ago, but Kyungsoo is a pure soul and he had a hard time mastering it at first. And luckily for him today, he's doing a good job of hiding his real mood as he interacts with their fans as happily as he could.

Jongin was sitting a little far from where he is, but Kyungsoo's eyes aren't big without a purpose; he perfectly sees the guy in his peripheral vision. He can see the way he acts, the way he talks, the way he smirks and the way he flirts...

And Kyungsoo's mood darkens every minute because of it. He knows that this person currently isn't Jongin. He knows that it isn't the childish and cute Jongin that he is roommates with. This person is Kai, the center and main symbol of their group. He knows that it's all just acts but he can't stop feeling annoyed with it, especially when he knows he's in no position to be annoyed anyway.

Kyungsoo tried his best to ignore Jongin (who was currently his lips in front of a giggling fan) and focused on the girl in front of him instead. He grabbed his pen and quickly signed the album for her fan while keeping a fake smile plastered on his face, casually nodding and chuckling at the compliments he receive from the girl. But when he was about to return the album and bid her a goodbye, the fan suddenly smiled giddily at him and asked her a question. "Oppa! Are you and Kai-oppa dating?!"

Kyungsoo almost lost his cool and his smile almost dropped down to a frown if not for his amazing skills to deceive. He hates questions about him and Jongin's closeness, but he can't really do anything about it if it's the fan's request (and if it's their entertainment's orders to make their fans giggle through fanservice). He then laughed loudly instead, pursed his lips a little and hummed to himself as if he's thinking of an answer, before returning a smile and saying, "No. But we're the closest in our group!"

And as expected, he received a satisfied shrilling scream from his fan (Kris shot their direction a weird stare after the girl screamed at the top of her lungs) and he actually gestured a hush to stop the girl from going ballistic. The fan then bowed deeply, thanked him from the bottom of her heart for making the butterflies in her stomach flutter and for getting a new scoop for her ship, before turning around and leaving the stage.

Kyungsoo sighed a little and grabbed the bottle of water beside him to drink in it. He then stared at the massive amount of people falling in lines to meet them and almost felt like he's about to scream out of exhaustion. He let his eyes wander around the entire place before the next fan approaches his station.

But he quickly regretted it after he tilted his head on Jongin's direction. A fan was leaning very close to Jongin, and she kept on leaning closer and closer as if asking for a kiss. Jongin smiled in a y way, pouted his lips, and planted a quick peck on the fan's forehead. The girl then giggled and covered to control a scream before handing a puppy stuff toy to Jongin, making the guy smile genuinely at the present he received from his fan.

Kyungsoo quickly averted his gaze after and inhaled deeply. He oriented himself a little before returning to his fake giddiness and flashing a smile to the new fan in front of him.

He knows he isn't in any position to be mad, or to be possessive of Jongin in any case. He knows he tried his best to resist, and God knows how he forces himself everyday to forget Jongin and the confusing feelings he was having for him. He knows how hard falling for him means, and he knows there's no other way out of it but to forget about it.

But Kyungsoo can't make his heart lie. He can lie with his actions, with his words, with his smiles; but definitely not with his heart.

He's jealous; incredibly jealous at a fan that received a kiss from a pair of lips he wishes every night to be his. It bums him out, but he can't do anything about it.

-----

"That was tiring," Jongin said as they all walk to their vans. The event just ended and they're currently making their way to the parking lot. "A lot of people came and it's seriously so exhausting."

"I know, Jongin, I was there," Kyungsoo replied irritably. "You don't have to tell me."

"W-Whoa," Jongin replied with a shocked expression, disbelieving the harsh words coming from his usually nice friend. "What's up with that?"

"I don't know," Kyungsoo replied with a sigh. "I'm just... really tired."

"Oh... Okay then, hyung," the other replied with a smile. "I guess I'll just talk with Sehun then. Laters, Kyungsoo-hyung!"

"W-Wha?! Wait-" the shorter boy tried to protest but Jongin was already gone, walking side by side with Sehun far in his front. Kyungsoo then rolled his eyes and sighed deeply. Jerk. Insensitive jerk...

Since their group is composed of twelve boys (kids), they always travel with two vans. And even though their group is also divided into two sub units, it doesn't necessarily mean that one of the vans is for EXO-K and the other one's for EXO-M. The members can ride whichever van they want.

And by whichever they want, it means Kyungsoo and Jongin being stuck together in one van. They don't necessarily care which van they're in or which members are riding with them; as long as they sit next to each other then they're fine, and it already became a common fact to each and every member of their group.

That's why when Kyungsoo suddenly entered the van where he previously isn't in, everyone literally raised their eyebrows and tried to ask him a question. But Kyungsoo already sat himself by the farthest seat inside the car and no one dared to question him why (because an angry Kyungsoo is a scary Kyungsoo; everyone knows that).

But of course, no one dared to question him except Jongin. "Hey, Kyungsoo hyung! That's not our van!" he exclaimed while peeking his head at the van's door to look at the shorter boy.

But Kyungsoo just grabbed his phone and plugged his earphones in and closed his eyes; he's not really in the mood to talk when he's mad. No matter how unreasonable or unfair it may be, he just don't like talking or being talked to when he's having a foul mood. He then crossed his arms in front of him while still having his eyes closed, completely ignoring Jongin and everyone and the entire world simply because he's not in the mood. Kyungsoo's such a brat sometimes.

Jongin, on the other hand, pouted a little with that though and scratched the back of his head awkwardly. He then faced the equally confused Baekhyun and asked him a question. "What's up with Kyungsoo hyung? Did something happen?"

"I don't know," Baekhyun replied with a little shrug. "Let's just let him be. He's probably just having his monthly period or something. I'll sit beside you in your van coz, well, Kyungsoo's already there in my van and in my spot so I have no choice."

"Okay," Jongin replied casually, and Baekhyun just sighed in disbelief.

-----

"I can't believe you're getting all of these affect you, Soo," Baekhyun said as the two of them sat above Kyungsoo's bed.

Jongin was out of their room to play with Sehun or something and Baekhyun decided to pay his sulking friend a visit. Kyungsoo wasn't exactly feeling good to talk yet but Baekhyun's nagging forced him to speak eventually. "I know. It's so dumb but I can't help it."

"I thought you said you'll forget him?" Baekhyun replied. "You know this isn't right, Soo."

"I know that! You don't have to remind me," Kyungsoo protested in an irritated tone. He then sighed deeply before continuing. "It's easy for you to say that coz you aren't in my place."

"Oh yeah? So you think you and Jongin are the only people here who has stories from our fans?" Baekhyun teased in a playful manner. "Kris hyung browsed the internet for these things called 'fanfictions' and mind you, Chanyeol and I have more stories than you and Jongin."

"Oh shut up," the doe eyed boy hissed in a dangerous manner. "Are you here to help me or to bum me out more?"

"I'm here to help you, of course!" the other replied in a mischievous manner. "So, basically, the problem here is that you're jealous?"

"Well... Yeah, but not just that," Kyungsoo started to confess, and Baekhyun suddenly shifted his face from a smiling one into a serious expression. "I'm more mad at myself than him, you know? I mean, he's not doing anything wrong anyway and yet here I am being mad at him for something he has no idea what."

"Yeah. Honestly I felt bad for him when you yelled at him a while ago in the kitchen. You brat."

"But I can't help it! I'm so mad at everything!"

"I know. It shows. Anyway, you've told me all of these things almost every freaking night, Kyungsoo. I don't mean to complain but you always come to the same resolution here which is to forget your feelings for Jongin, but even until now you still can't do it."

"I know..." Kyungsoo replied in a sad tone. "I'm running out of energy already to be honest. I wanna free myself from this unrequited feelings..."

"You know what? Why don't you try opening it to him tonight?" Baekhyun suddenly said and Kyungsoo's eyes almost popped out of his face. "I mean, I heard that that's one good way of moving on. Letting the person know that you're moving on from them. I don't know, but you should give it a try. Besides, I think Jongin deserves to know the reason why you keep on being harsh to him at times, you know?"

Kyungsoo tilted his head sideways while looking at the other with furrowed eyebrows, internally summing up in his mind whether his friend was being serious or not. "Are you... sure about that?"

"Yup," Baekhyun replied almost instantly. "Kyungsoo, I don't want to be a pessimistic bastard and break your heart but we're not living in a fairytale here. You and Jongin can never be together and you know that. Although our fans might actually like it, you know it's still impossible and it won't work out. There's no other way to solve that but to be out of that, you get it?"

"I know, I get it," Kyungsoo replied in a despondent tone. He sighed to himself and remained quiet for a while. "I should really start forgetting him now. I should start hating him so it'd be easier for me to forget. I can't keep this feelings going on and ruining me every time..."

"Exactly," Baekhyun replied in a friendly manner. "You can do it, Kyungsoo!"

"I'll try my best," Kyungsoo said with another sigh drawn out by despondency. "I'll probably tell him my feelings tonight to let go of it. After that, I'll try to hate him as much as I can. It sounds too selfish, yeah, but I have to do this before worse comes to worst."

"Okay," the other said while smiling in a sweet way. "But I'm always here for you, Kyungsoo. Always remember that."

"Always there to annoy me, yeah," the doe eyed boy said in a joking manner. "But thanks, Baekhyunnie. I owe you a lot."

"You sure do,"

-----

Although Kyungsoo decided to disclose his feelings for Jongin so he can finally let go of it and move on, he still actually doesn't know to start it.

It was almost midnight and Jongin was taking a shower, leaving Kyungsoo alone in their room again as he contemplates about things. He's been practicing of what to tell Jongin later ever since Baekhyun left after they had their talk, but even until now the shorter boy's thoughts are still scattered and he can't unify them yet. He doesn't even know where to start.

And then he remembered that moment when he barked at Jongin during dinner a while ago, and when he yelled at him for asking what he's gonna cook for dinner, and when he answered annoyingly when Jongin tried to ask him a question. Kyungsoo sighed to himself and reconfigured his practiced sentences and dialogue for later, deciding that he should probably start by apologizing to the poor, clueless guy first before anything else.

But when the door suddenly opened and Jongin entered their room with just his pants on, Kyungsoo's heartbeat started racing fast. He already planned out everything he's going to say but his tongue felt like it got glued inside his mouth, leaving him wordless and quiet all the while that Jongin shuffles in their room with his face creams and night moisturizers in hand.

He stayed still above his bed, Indian sitting above the cushion as he watches Jongin put on his beauty products for his face. He supposed he should try talking to him after the guy's done with his night rituals and did his best to remain calm and collected before Jongin finishes.

And when the tanned skin boy suddenly stood up and walked to the wall to turn their light off, Kyungsoo almost grabbed his arms to stop him and suddenly spoke in a loud and alarmed manner. "W-Wait!"

Jongin stopped from his tracks and faced the doe eyed boy, but Kyungsoo felt weird under Jongin's gaze. He noticed how Jongin's eyes looks swollen and red, as if he just finished crying or something. The taller guy doesn't look that surprised too when Kyungsoo halted him from turning the lights off, as if he's somehow expecting that the shorter boy would actually do that, as if Jongin has actual ideas of what was going to happen tonight.

Jongin continued to stare down on Kyungsoo though, and seeing his beautiful face that the doe eyed boy always loved made him feel weird things in his stomach and he's getting farther and farther away from what he's supposed to do tonight.

But Kyungsoo's determined to do it. He's determined to end everything tonight and forget about his feelings for Jongin. "I-I have to tell you something..."

But Jongin didn't reply. He just smiled a little painfully and nodded his head.

Kyungsoo felt even more confused with it and continued his words. "I... Uhmm..."

"Would you want me to turn off the lights, hyung? In case you feel awkward talking with me? At least we won't see each other's faces when it's dark..." Jongin said while chuckling a little, but even the master of deception can't hide something as obvious as that. Kyungsoo quirked his eyebrows at the way Jongin's chuckle sounded so bitter and forced.

"O-Okay, I think that's a good idea," the shorter boy replied, and Jongin smiled a little again before turning the lights off.

Complete darkness then engulfed them in their room. Kyungsoo can't see any flicker of light, and he felt amazed for a second when he closed his eyes and saw total darkness and see pure black again when he opens them, as if he was still having his eyes closed even though he's wide awake. He then figured out that this is certainly better than having the lights on and seeing Jongin's face looking at him as he tries to confess the love that he wants to forget.

"Okay, Kyungsoo hyung, I'm listening," a sudden voice spoke and Kyungsoo almost jumped out in surprise. "I'm sitting above my own bed, in case you're wondering where I am."

"O-Okay," Kyungsoo replied before inhaling deeply and finally starting to voice his thoughts out. "Jongin, I wanna apologize for my weird attitude a while ago... I didn't mean it..."

But no reply came after that, and Kyungsoo figured that Jongin was probably waiting for his next words so he continued on. "I... I was just... J-Jealous... And mad at myself..."

Still, no reply came from Jongin. Not even a single sound can be heard in their room aside from their constant breathing. Kyungsoo finds it weird but he then just brushed it off before continuing. "I... I'm mad at myself for... for falling... for falling in love with you..."

"Hyung..." Jongin's voice came after that, and Kyungsoo almost gasped in nervousness at what Jongin was going to say after. But when no more sound came after that, Kyungsoo assumed that he should probably continue his words to explain himself more.

"It wasn't my intention, Jongin. I never planned to feel like this... It just happened and all of a sudden I'm feeling weird things for you. All of a sudden I'm feeling mad when you get too close with Sehun, I feel jealous when you flirt with some of our fans, I feel weird when you stand too close beside me and when you put your hands above my shoulders. I don't understand it myself and I hate it... I never wanted these feelings, but it just happened out of my own control..." Kyungsoo said, using the advantages of the darkness as his key to finally unlocking the depths of his heart.

Jongin remained quiet though, and Kyungsoo has no idea of what he was thinking or feeling. The shorter boy then sighed again to continue his sentence. "Today, when I saw you kissing that fan on her forehead, I got really really mad..." Kyungsoo started to confess. "Actually, I've been in a pretty foul mood ever since that morning. That kiss just kinda became the final nail you know, coz if only you knew how much I wanted you to do that to me... Oh God, you must be laughing right now. I feel so pathetic..." Kyungsoo said while awkwardly chuckling a little.

And although Jongin remained quiet all throughout the time Kyungsoo was speaking, a little sniffing sound came from him and Kyungsoo raised his eyebrow a little. He then just brushed it off and continued to talk. "I guess what I'm really trying to say here is that I'm truly sorry for being mad at you because of selfish reasons like that. I wanted to apologize for all the time I got jealous when I don't have the right to be, for all the time I felt happy when you put your attention on me, and for all the time I've been hopelessly in love with you... I'm really sorry..." Kyungsoo said before wiping the tears slowly forming in the corners of his eyes.

Kyungsoo waited for a response from the other after that, but when he realized that Jongin wouldn't say anything in return, the shorter boy then inhaled deeply and cleared his throat a little. "And I'm telling everything to you now so I can get over it and move on. I'm telling you this not because I'm wishing you'd reciprocate it, I'm telling this to you so I can be free from it. I know there's no way you'll feel the same for me, and I'm tired of waiting and hoping for something that won't come no matter what I do. Besides, knowing our statuses in life, I probably won't be able to survive if I keep these feelings for you. I should forget about them. I should stop loving you..."

"Yeah. That's right, Kyungsoo hyung," Jongin suddenly replied in a low manner, making Kyungsoo surprised and startled at the sudden response from the other. "You should probably forget about that. It's not right, and I don't love you that way, so please get rid of that as soon as you can..."

Kyungsoo did his best to stop his tears from falling, but he couldn't. He just covered his face in his hands instead, felt his tears fall down uncontrollably, and let Jongin's words pierce through him like sharp knives cutting him from inside out. It's not that he wasn't expecting this kind of response, but he wasn't expecting this kind of pain. He wasn't expecting Jongin to be this cold and heartless, and he can't do anything about it but to listen to it.

"Stop crying, hyung," Jongin said after Kyungsoo accidentally let out a loud sob. Kyungsoo can't be more thankful for the darkness in their room that covers and hides him from Jongin's eyes. "Stop crying and be a man. Toughen up, Kyungsoo hyung. You can't love me. I don't love you..."

"Yes, I know," Kyungsoo replied in a cracking voice. "I just... didn't know it would hurt this much," he added before letting out a bitter chuckle.

"I'm sorry..." Jongin replied a little comforting than before, and Kyungsoo just chuckled at it bitterly again.

"Don't be. It's my fault for hurting like this... But thanks for your honesty, Jongin," he said before letting out yet another sob.

Kyungsoo heard Jongin's bed creak a little and he knows the other already lied down above his bed. The doe eyed boy then did the same as he wrapped his blanket all over his small body and facing the opposite side to avoid Jongin's direction, even though the other probably can't see him through the dark anyway.

Kyungsoo was feeling terribly bad; he's feeling terribly ashamed and mortified at how things turned out. He never planned to cry in front of Jongin, he never intended to look that weak in front of him, and behind all those darkness in their room he knows how Jongin must've looked like as he denies Kyungsoo's feelings. He never intended to look hurt in front of him.

But then he also never intended to fall in love with him, and Kyungsoo knew, from the very beginning, that he would always be the one left here crying. He hugged his pillow tightly and tried to control his sobs and whimpers as much as he could.

And Jongin, on the other hand, remained quiet and pretended to be asleep. He then changed sides to avoid feeling uncomfortable at how wet from tears his pillow is, because Jongin never cried so much in his life ever.

Jongin never felt more sorry in his entire life, ever.

 

-----

a/n: SO IT BECAME REAL DRAMATIC BY THE END OMG.