These days, floating is his favourite pastime. Mun-Eo rests on his stomach as he drifts facing the sky, and kisses him with her suction cups. From this deep, he can't see the way the sunlight ripples on the surface of the ocean. He misses that feeling; the sunlight caressing his skin. The only light down here is produced by Sooyoun's magic, and while that is beautiful in it's own way, gentle and soft, it doesn't hold a candle to the rays of the sun. 

He used to bask in the sun, floating on the surface. Joonmyeon would rent a boat for the day every so often, and then they would sail out to sea a little way, for Jongdae to transform and swim in relative peace. The human would bring a book to read in between taking a dip with the merman, unable to swim quite as well as the amphibious creature. Now, he doesn't dare breach the waves for fear of his emotions overwhelming him.

Their day trips became more difficult as time went on, as Joonmyeon found it harder and harder to move, but they managed. Somehow.

The bracelet that Joonmyeon made for him broke long ago, but he still keeps the beads and shells close in a pouch around his neck. It's not the same, but it's one of his best memories of the man he loved. During their time together, he bought him other things too, like rings to mark their marriage, and a watch with an inscription that has faded now, and he keeps them nearby too. But the bracelet was the first, and holds the most meaning to him still.

When Joonmyeon turned thirty they got married, after they had spent almost six years together. It had been a wonderful occaision, and both of them had dressed up to sign the book that recorded married couples. After that, there was the party, which Jongdae still doesn't remember much of, beyond dancing with Joonmyeon and eating good food. Too many people and too much drink to recall every thing that happened, but he does remember feeling like he was flying that day. One of the happiest days of his life, beside returning to Joonmyeon's arms on the beach.

Only a few years after that, Jongdae couldn't hide how young he looked compared to Joonmyeon. To hide it from his family, the two of them went travelling around the world. Sometimes people mistook them for father and son, especially at airports and restaurants. It was hard, and sometimes Jongdae regretted it. But with Joonmyeon by his side, they managed. Together. That was what mattered. 

Then, when Joonmyeon was nearing eighty years old, he died.

Jongdae was devastated.

The funeral arrangements were simple. He wanted to be cremated and have his ashes buried beneath the sea. Jongdae's home, he called it, as if the entire ocean belonged to him. It used to make him smile, when he said that. Merfolk only inhabit the tiniest space, in the darkest crevasses of the ocean floor, but Joonmyeon would hear none of it.  

"Jongdae?" Sooyoun's voice startles him out of his nostalgia. Mun-Eo squirms on his stomach, and rolls off, heading for her surrogate mother.

"Hm?" He looks to her as if waking from a dream. Sooyoun watches him, expression tender and knowing. He sometimes forgets that she had to feel all this without any help, that she was all alone with a broken heart.

"Would you like something to eat?" She asks, holding out a plate of something that looks dull and bland. The food on the surface is another thing he misses.

"No thank you," he mumbles, drifting closer. Truthfully, he hasn't wanted to eat much since he arrived here, bearing the bad news. Sooyoun was kind enough to take him in, understanding instantly the pain he was going through. 

"Jongdae, please, eat something. It worries me to see you like this." Something inside him snaps.

"I don't know what to do." He confesses, mouth pulling down at the corners. "I have so many more years to spend without him, I don't know how I will live!" She wraps her arms around him, and holds him tight. If he were human right now, the tears would already be flowing.

"You will," She promises, hushed and sad. 

"I don't want to!" He cries, voice cracking. What's the point? Joonmyeon was everything to him. "I still love him." 

"That's good. Don't you ever stop loving, understand? Never. Always hold him in your heart. He will watch over you yet, child." 

"What?" 

"I know it won't be the same. But some humans believe that once they die, their souls remain in the sky, like stars." 

"Like stars? That's so far away." 

"But always there. Guiding you. That's what my Soonja used to say." One hand up and down his back, around his dorsal fin, a silent reassurance. Mun-Eo crawls between them, concerned and trying to help. He feels like a child, a child from one of the programs on tv Joonmyeon used to watch. Like he's being cared for by his mother. The hurt inside him is still there, but somehow, he knows he will manage. He has to.

"Do you miss her?"

"Of course. Every day. Even after so long. It doesn't hurt as much anymore, and I will always wish she was here with me. But I must carry on. You had a good life with Joonmyeon, didn't you?"

"Yes." He agrees. He wouldn't change the time he spent with his husband for anything. 

"Then be glad for the time you did have," she insists, "would he have wanted you to waste away like this?"

"No..." He concedes. She's right: for Joonmyeon's sake, he has to carry on. She holds out the plate again, inviting him to eat some. With reluctance, he takes a bite. Things will be ok, eventually.

Maybe soon he will go to the surface again, and look at the stars. It might be a while yet before he can bear to lie in the sun, but with the stars glinting down at him, and the promise of Joonmyeon being somewhere out there still, he might feel less alone.

im sorry please dont hate me he had a good life but all things must come to an end

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