9 things I regret, 1 thing I don't regret: Sulli's Edition

Flower. (Drabble/One-shot Collection)
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Here is your a shot from your horrible author.

Short note: This story will be in Sulli's POV just like the past shot where it was in Minho's POV. However, this will be totally different and not match to what Minho regretted, this is just a seperate shot with 9 things Sulli regrets.

Enjoy!

Mom always told me I am a girl who should enjoy life to it's fullest, and I have. However, I have fell into the dark hole of regret where I am now.

I love my life, I don't regret living. But I do regret nine dreadful things in my life, and I hate myself for that.

Being popular.

To this day, even after unfortunately, abandoning my Kpop group: F(x), I still am popular around the korean music industry, modeling industry, and acting industry. I am well known from elder sunbaes who see as a "sweet beauty"to younger rookies who see myself as their role-model. I am Choi Jinri or Choi Sulli, yet whatever I am, everyone knows me. Not every single idol, actress, or model knew me personally, but majority does have a clear picture of me. I attracted males with my "cream-like" skin and delicate features, and fascinated girls with my "perfect s-figure" and peach-like appearance. It is a great feeling, don't misundertand it. I reached the peak I never believe I would reach, to become such a well-known idol in success. Being popular gained me more success, more friends, more people wanting to get to know me, I was flooded into a life of sudden socialism. I met so many new people, I experienced new adventures, and even gained so many memories. I became so immersed into my burst of popularity, that I went into it, not noticing how I was leaving you behind, the one who was with me at the beginning. 

Your smile was there, as well as your soft and warm hand patting my head affectionately. Anyhow, I never took the time to reach deep into those big and brown eyes like I used too when we first met. Those big eyes of the size of beautiful shining stars are always your weakness, I can read your emotions in them. I was careless, so careless. I never took the time to read the slight tint of sadness and bitterness within those brown eyes. You noticed my changing ways, how I was turning into a popular brat, but you only wanted the best for me. You knew it was always my wish to become well-known, but I turned popular with a bratty attitude. You never told me anything, and you let me be. In order to make me happy, you kept everything inside, supporting me all the time. I was hurting you and abandoning you, the one who was with me since the start of my popularity. You were there since the beginning, when we both got casted as the main roles for the romantic drama. I left you behind in ignorance due to my obsession of being popular, and I hate that so much now. 

I regret being popular.

My Ungratefulness.

I was a former kpop idol under a higly-popular girl group. However, my group was not blessed to have as many priviliges that many girls groups did despite our hard work. We did not have a fandom name or color, a solo concert, or even as many comebacks that many other female and male groups owned. My members were and still are sisters to me, we went through hardships together, I can not ask for a better group to be placed in when they are family to me now. From my precious little Krystal, to my second mother Victoria, I love them all equally. Yet still, I became ungrateful in other aspects. I was ungrateful of my group at the moment, I didn't appreciated our little moments, all I saw was the unfairness we gained within our company. I didn't appreciate the career I had as a singer, all I saw was the chance to get a role as an actress since it has always been my dream to become. I never took advantage of my decent singing skills and tried to grow out of that. I became ungrateful of everything. I wasn't grateful of the people I had around me, the wonderful career I had in the palm of my hand, and the chances given to me. Nonetheless, the most important of all, I didn't appreciate you.

You were always there. When I called you crying, yelling, or screaming in a ridiculous tantrum, you would soothe me with calming words and advice whereas I would plainly yell at you in annoyance and hang up with me thinking how much you didn't understand me. Then, I was found with your prescence in my door the following ten minutes with a tissue box and ice cream, At those moments I would break down and cry into your arms, but once it all ended, I pushed you away and told you it was time for you to leave the dorm before getting caught by someone and cause me more problems than I already had. I was being selfish and greedy, only thinking about myself. I didn't appreciate the real special things in my life and only thought about the materialistic in my life. You were always supporting me, always cheering on me, always the lending hand and shoulder in my life since young. You were always that dreamy Oppa every girl wants to have like in Kdramas. You were always that boy every girl wishes to have, and I never took notice of you. I never noticed you and appreciated you. I was not grateful of having you, and you didn't deserve that. You didn't deserve to have such a bratty girl who didn't treat you right as to how you treated me. I became a monster. A monster that didn't appreciate what she owned.

I regret being so ungrateful of having you in my life.

My Selfishness.

It's normal to be selfish at times, I understand that. It is part of the human being. But there is a limit as to how selfish the individual should. In my case, I became selfish to the point of getting scowled at by my parents. It's not that I noticed, it was something I was acting out of intentionally. I loved clothes, for example. However, because of that love for clothes I didn't notice how selfish I had become and only thought about gaining more and more money for more clothes for myself, or how I had become so obsessed in getting myself into sponsoring line to model some great pieces of outfits where I was sure I would keep afterwards as a way of promoting. Or like my other passion for vacationing. I didn't notice how arrogant and egotistical I seemed, but all I did was go out vacationing when I was supposed to be in a "hiatus" resting and getting better to come back with much more energy. Travelling is one of the things in my bucket list since young, and now that I have the opportunity to do so, I didn't take notice of how wrong I had organized that thought. I didn't notice how fans began to sadden at my selfish needs, how my friends and members were slowly doubting me, and how you were slowly drifting away from me.

You were getting farther from me, but I hadn't observed that. Of course, how could I have noticed when all that ran into my stupid mind was: Me, Jinri, and Sulli. My head had everything except you, it had makeup palettes, clothes, friends, unnecessary people, but never a single thought of you, the person who was always guided me to the good side of me. You have always been the person who opens the real side of Jinri, the sweet and innocent Jinri. You make me see the world beautifully in such simple ways, yet my selfish ways were covering that. All I wanted was to get more money and buy all the things I wanted in my life, not giving a single thought of how you were feeling, what were you doing, and what were your plans. If only I knew that in reality, you were in pain and sadness to see me in such way, I would have stopped. I would have dropped all those dumb green sheets of papered money, and beg on my knees for you to believe me, give me another chance, a chance to redeem myself and show that the real Jinri wasn't the one of today. The one who wasn't thinking about herself, but the one who was thinking about you.

God, I regret being so selfish.

My beauty.

Everyone, from SM Entertainment, to Yg, and to JYP, idols in all types of numbers, would rank me as their number one visual or most beautiful girl they had seen. Many admired me for my beauty, and many desired to just have a glance at me in person. It's not that I'm bragging, but many people can't even open their mouth when they see me. It is as if I cast a spell of beauty on them, which leaves them frozen in the spot. I enjoyed the recognition I was gaining for my beauty, I had even been nominated to be represented as Korea's beauty by my fair skin yet natural features. Modeling agencies began calling me, set appointments, beg for me to participate as their line's model. It was to the point of my manager having to grow her first white hairs out of stress in placing a booked appointment within my already, crowded schedule. Once reaching my age of 21, my last stage of puberty hit me harder than what I expected. Throughout my land, I was Korea's sweetheart with my tall height, pale skin, but chubby-cheeked baby face that the nation adored. However, once I turned 21, I didn't see it myself, but family members, friends, and even strangers began greeting me with many, "wow, you have certainly bloomed", "you are a young woman now", "Sulli, is that you? You have developed beautifully!" It is not that I am bragging, but I did notice that I had gained beauty in some aspects, and I took advantage of it.

There I go again. I talked about my beauty, yes. But did I ever talk about you? Of course not, I get too into my beauty and own aspects that I forget all there is to you in my life. I began to see you uglier, as if you weren't someone who didn't match with my looks. I had a phase, a horrible one. I started to compare our skin tones, how your tanned skin did not mix in well with my pale one. How your big eyes were not in well proportion to my own small ones. How your large and strongly hands were not matchable with my small and soft ones. How your strong frame did not go along with my fragile and slim frame... I was so stupid. So dumb. I want to slap myself. I got away from you as if you were a cockroach that did not belong within me. How stupid. I only thought of my type of beauty, thinking that my beauty was the only beauty in this world. How wrong was I. You are beautiful, gorgeous, y, your everything. Your tanned skin is perfect for you, every skin tone is beautiful, your tanned texture matches your manly and frames a exotic vibe to you, as if you were an exotic foreigner. Your eyes are a pair of large and wide eyes that many desire so much to own, they show your emotions, they shine like the stars in the sky, and display the darkest of brown into your soul. The large and rough hands of yours are so manly and seductive with the strength in them and with the popping veins many men want to have. Your frame is your specialty, it shows your passion to sports, the strength in you, the real you, it matches perfectly with anybody. You are the most beautiful creature I have every layed eyes own and I can't believe I saw you as someone disgusting before. I am so...

I hate myself.

I hate my beauty.

I regret having this beauty for making me treat you like an alien.

Forgetting about you.

You were always my partner in crime, you were my clyde to my bonnie, my sugar to my coffee. But I became a monster. A total monster. I left my group and got so much hate for it instead of getting support. I had support from my loyal fans, and I love them for that, they gave me strength in my hardships. However, I wasn't strong, I was weak. I disappeared. I left Seoul after leaving f(x) and headed straight to Busan where I locked myself up in my house for months. I visited some childhood friends, had quality time with my family, and overall got the rest I needed. The energy in my life had been drained and regained within those two months in my pr

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Bidisha19
#1
Chapter 12: nice one
samsomnear
#2
Chapter 13: Why does he ever throw himself at worse for someone else if he love her? This is confusing and heartbreaking. Hope to read part 2 soon authornim. Thank you so much.
vyrmag
#3
Chapter 13: I don't get why he is that way. Seriously, she loves him.
mataharidina
#4
Chapter 2: Dear,
I really love your story. Don't know how to desctibe it but I got myself lost in these fanfics... emotionally.
it's wonderful, so real... keep for writing this couple's story dear...
love you !!
Minsul-4ever
#5
Chapter 12: OH...it feels so real to the point that i find myself crying hard in the middle of it
I still belief in them and will not lose my hope
thank u for this wonderful ONE...you are the best^^
alisson #6
Chapter 12: Wooaaa this is so beautiful. You can write a story really well. I'm still a minsul shipper no more what. Sometimes ppl need to separate from each other to feel the importance of their partners. Your writing feel so real to me. Thank you authornim. You're the best. Have a good day ♥ Hopefully, till the next update (^^)
samsomnear
#7
Chapter 12: Omg, I love this shot. It feels so real and how I wish it was true. It hurts to continue shipping them, Sulli brings me lot of bitterness but honestly I still can't give up on them completely *sigh*.... Thank you so much authornim. I've been missing you alot and so happy to see you updated today. I do enjoy this shot. Thank you for your amazing work. Take care authornim.
vyrmag
#8
Chapter 12: OMG!!I would like what you wrote was true ,I do think they are an amazing couple even if they aren't together now and who knows wha will happen in the future. Please, don't give up and keep writing about minsul.
Pandara_21
#9
Chapter 12: Hi, I was a MinSul shipper but I'm still subscribed to you. Even though they're not my OTP anymore, you still wrote about them beautifully and I'm glad I didn't unsubscribe from you ^^ good job on this update authornim
nana4ever #10
Chapter 12: Wow...really amazing. I will always be a fan of MinSul.

Thank you my dear