Watching him coo at the baby, with the woman standing right beside him, ripped her heart apart.

It's time to let go isn't it? She should let go so that the baby can have a complete family. She should let go so that he would be happy. She should let go so that the woman can finally get what she always wanted.

Yes she should.

Slowly, she walked back upstairs to her room. 

Living with your boyfriend and his mistress would probably the most difficult thing a woman can do. 

But she made him do that. Because he had already gotten that woman pregnant and there was no way she was going to make that woman abort the baby because the baby is innocent. The people who should be punished should be the baby's parents, not the baby. 

And why didn't she break up with him? 

Because she couldn't. When someone like her loves, they never stop. Because that person they love has become their soulmate, the only person they would be with, the only person they would love.

But she's had enough. Having her heart broken and mended again isn't fun nor is it a joke. It hurts so much the pain was inhuman. 

Imagine seeing your own boyfriend cooing over his mistress's baby.

The pain would be unbearable. The sight of it would cut through your heart, pierce through it, slice through it. Blood would ooz out of it. Blood would cake your entire being. Pain would embrace you as tightly as a vicious cobra. And in the end, you would be left with nothing but unbearable pain and layers and layers of sadness.

And this happened to her every too often. 

Because she lives with that woman, her baby, and luhan, she would have to witness him taking care of the baby, cooing over the baby, having fun with the baby. And worse, with that woman he claimed he doesn't love. He said it was all a mistake. He had gotten himself so drunk he didn't even remember anything that happened. 

But she knew those were lies.

She had gotten drunk before and saying you couldn't remember anything is definitely a lie. Because alcohol isn't some kind of poison that would clear and erase your memory in just one night. If alcohol is, she bet she would have drunk a dozen of them just too erase ever being with luhan.

For many times, she had tried to leave but luhan wouldn't let her. He would sweet talk, he would talk about how much he loves her and how much he knows she loves him that it eventually cajoled her to not leave.

But then, not leaving means even more self harm for herself.

Well, from the point where she made luhan live with that woman is already self harming. But it got worse and she took to using razors. Because it all hurts too much, simply too much. And only razors can distract her or maybe make her feel physical pain so that the emotional pain wouldn't be so heavy. It all worked for the first few months but she started noticing she didn't feel anything after those months. She had started getting used to the pain and was numbed. That scared at her greatly. Because if cutting doesn't even help, what can? Love from luhan? That already hurt too much.

And it pained her that luhan didn't notice how her sleeves were getting longer and how she was hiding so much from him. He just seems to let everything pass. He wasn't the luhan she knew. The luhan she knew would get things out of her no matter what but now? She figured he no longer cared. All he cares about is his baby and the baby's mother. She was no longer in his heart. She might be for the first few months, but maybe he had grew to liking that woman and the thought of having a family more that he no longer loves her.

Every moment living in that house was sure hell. But somehow,she can't help but to worry about the baby. It was as though the baby was hers. Sometimes at night, she would jump out of her bed when the baby was crying. Most of the time, she would bring the baby back into bed with her because she didn't sleep with luhan. Luhan slept with that woman. The baby gave her comfort and the baby prevented her from drawing on her arms.

And it seems as though the baby had grown to like her too. Because every time the baby caught sight of her, the baby would squeal in delight, much more than when the baby sees her mother. And it seems as though the baby was the only one that saw how she had fallen apart. There was this one time at night when the baby cried with her. The baby even touched her sunken face. It brought comfort to her no one has ever given her. Not even luhan. 

But this time round, she knew she needed to leave, soon. Her depression was getting worse and worse and she couldn't afford staying in this house anymore. She might just go insane and jump off the two storey high house. 

Turning the knob, she shuffled into the room, eyes downcast. No one noticed how depressed she was. No one noticed her sunken eyes. No one noticed she had lost weight. No one. Only the baby. But the baby wasn't hers after all. She had no rights at all to keep her. She slowly gathered her things together. Opening up her suitcase, she stuffed whatever that was hers into the suitcase. She didn't take luhan and her photo with her because she figured she wouldn't need it anyway. The only thing she took with her that wasn't hers was the beanie of that baby. The baby had pulled it off her head one night and gave it to her, grinning. That memory was still etched so deeply in her heart that tears slithered down.

How she had grown so close to the baby, she didn't know. Maybe because she was the only one who woke up to take care of the baby. She just felt a certain bond with the baby. She had to thank the baby for saving her from quite a number of cuts. 

Looking around the room, she realized she hadn't had any good memories in here. All she felt was utter pain and depression here. There was a certain kind of coldness that made her feel so cold that her soul seems to be cold too. She turned towards the door.

Knowing that once she has left this room, she would never ever return here. Even if she was threatened to be killed, she would never ever step into this room ever again. Boldly, she took a step forward and twisted the door knob. But as she opened it, she saw luhan, standing there. He was stunned to see her pulling a suitcase behind her.

"W-what are you doing, jagiya?" Luhan stuttered, fearing the answer that was going to be given to him.

"I'm leaving, luhan. Have a good life with her and I hope I never see you again," she said coldly, attempting to leave.

"No! Why?! Was it because I've been neglecting you? I'm sorry! I-I'll make it up to you! Don't go! I can't live without you!" Luhan pleaded as he dropped down on his knees.

"Luhan-ah, you didn't only neglect me. You abandoned me. You abandoned me to darkness, to sadness, to loneliness. You never really talk nor care about me anymore. Ask yourself, when was the last time we went out on a date? You've completely forgotten that you have a girlfriend. I'm tired of this. Let me go. I might really suicide if I continue staying here,"

"S-suicide?"

"Oh yes, you didn't notice how my sleeves are getting longer, how I've been losing  weight, how sunken my eyes are. It doesn't matter anymore anyway,"

Luhan looked at her, eyes widened, not knowing what to say. He could only stare at her.

She shook her head before dragging the suitcase along with her and started walking down the stairs. Luhan knelt frozen on the ground.

He never knew how much he had neglected and hurt her. All he knew was that she was always there with him. She never left him no matter what he did. Maybe that's why he had taken her love for granted. And it pained him to know that she was self harming. It was something he never thought would happen to her. She was always the cheerful girl with all smiles. But maybe because of him, she had changed into a completely different person. She was no longer the girl she used to be.  Guilt washed over him. 

He looked up quickly to find that she was already gone. His eyes widened and he ran down the stairs, yelling for her. He ran at his best with tears blinding his vision.

He never want to lose her. Never. She was the one he loves. And she will always be. He just loved the baby so much he forgot how much he actually love her too. 

"Are you really going to go after her?" The woman asked.

Luhan looked at her in the eyes and the woman noticed that he never looked at her like the way he looked at his girlfriend. The way he looked at his girlfriend was filled with with love and affection. But when he looked at her, there was only a pair of cold empty eyes.

She sighed. She understood. No matter what she do, she would never be able to get his heart like his girlfriend did.

As luhan ran, all of the memories rushed back to him.

He remembers the time where he heard her sobbing her room but he didn't go in to comfort her because it was almost the baby's sleeping time. He remembers the time when she saw her bandaged wrist but he didn't ask anything because he thought she was only not careful. He didn't know she was self harming. He didn't know he hurt her so much that she resorted to cutting just so she could have a distraction. 

He regrets everything. If only he hadn't fought with her,if only he didn't go out to drink, nothing like this would have happened.

He stopped when he saw her getting into a cab. He shouted for her but she didn't look back. But he saw how she wiped away her tears hastily. He dashed towards the cab, trying to stop it from leaving. But to no avail because the cab was already gone. 

As he walk back to his house, each step pierced through his heart. This was the route he always walked with her. But he might never get that chance anymore. Why? Because he screwed everything up.