First off, I'd like to apologize for taking so an eternity. Even I realize this was a ridiculously long wait. I've actually had this done for a few days now but I didn't have access to a computer for a bit and I wasn't able to post it. Again, I'm sorry.

Also, I want to remind everyone that everything we say here or in any review shop is meant as positive feedback to help you improve, we aren't being rude or bashing your story.

Having said that, let's move on to the actual review:

Title: Goodnight Hug

Author: Milkiibunnii

Description: Your Best Friend Chanyeol said he would come over to house to celebrate your birthday. He appears in front of your door but something's wrong with him.... The minute he comes in your house something surprising will happen... what will happen tonight?

Foreword:

You look at the clock, it’s 11:00 in the night; you wonder where Chanyeol is. Then, all of a sudden you hear the door ring,Ding Dong Ding Dong, you wonder who was ringing the door bell at this hour. You ran to the door because you thought it was Chanyeol, but when you opened the door it was the neighbour asking for some sugar. The door bell rang again.                                       

“OMG I told you I don’t have sugar.” When you were screaming, you noticed it wasn't the neighbour but Chanyeol with a bouquet of red roses with a note attached on them. Chanyeol has a strong smell of alcohol to him and the moment he walks in he falls to the floor.                                                                                                                                                            

 “Chanyeol 괜찮아!(are you okay!)” You said worriedly                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

“네(yes)” He responded in a tired voice. You fragilely put him on the sofa then you ran to your bedroom to get your most oversized jumper and a plain pair of sweat pants, gave him the clothes; dragged him to the bathroom to make him shower to get rid of that alcohol smell. (10 minutes later) After, you heard the water stopped running Chanyeol called you to get a towel for him.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         

“ollybear25

“알았어(okay) I’ll be right back” You said in a cheerful voice. You came back and gave him the towel.                                                                                                                                           

"Chanyeol here’s your towel.” You closed your eyes trying not to look. When Chanyeol reached out to get the towel, he grabbed you by the waist instead. In the bathroom you already saw a towel there and you knew what was going on.                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

“Chanyeol you tricked me didn’t you!” You said in an angry but playful voice.                                                                                                                                                                                    

"Yea I did because I wanted to hold you in my arms for a little while so I said I need a towel.” He said that in that drunk voice.                                                                                        

Chanyeol you get everything you want don’t you. Chanyeol your still drunk right? Lets go to sleep.”                                                                                                                                                  

“Okay.” He said in a calm and quiet voice.You brought him to your room and tossed him gentile on your bed. As soon as you were going to leave to sleep on the sofa, he grabbed your arm and pulled you into an embrace.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              

“ Don’t go.I need you with me.” He said in his deep melting voice.                                                                                                                                                                                                         

“ Okay I won’t.” You stayed because you knew it was the alcohol talking, so you waited a few minutes until Chanyeol would fall asleep but the next thing you know you were the one drifting off. While you were sleeping, Chanyeol was still awake. He knew you were asleep because you were sleep talking a little.                                                                                                

“ Chanyeol, why are you such a 바보(idiot).” Chanyeol smirked while you said that. He was whispering in your ear with a cheeky voice                                                                                                 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 “I’m the babo? I’m the one who pretend to be drunk to get your attention.” He then embraced you while both of you guys were sleeping. While he was about to drift off to sleep he was think about the note attached to the flowers and the note said “사랑해(i love you) . I want to be with you forever. - Chanyeol"          

Alright, well your title isn't particularly unique or anything, but simple isn't bad either. The most important thing to consider when choosing a title is whether or not it fits and I'd say it does.                                                                

Since your story is a one-shot, I understand why your description is so straightforward, but I think that you can definitely tweak it a bit to make it more interesting or perhaps more subtle as to what's gonna happen. Mysteries are attractive after all.                             

Now, your writing itself isn't bad, but I do believe it can be better, even if it is a short and lighthearted story. To answer your question, I'd personally advice you to keep it as a one-shot because unless you're incredibly good with plot twists, it will most likely drag out and become a clichéd one.

Also, be careful about using Korean text or words if your story is written in English because it really bothers some people. I can personally tolerant it because I know basic Korean words and I can read hangeul, but the majority don't. You don't want to lose readers over small things like this. And at least you wrote the English translation next to the words, some authors write pages of Korean and expect you to keep up and understand everything.

Overall I'd say your story was mediocre at best, which isn't necessarily a bad thing because trust me, there are authors whose writing will just confuse the hell out of you and hurt your eyes. There's lots of room for improvement and practice makes perfect right? ^^

Another reason your story didn't particularly strike me might be that it's rather anticlimactic. Nothing too big happened. The ending was, in a way, original and sweet, but the rest was somewhat dull. Fret not though, because we all start from somewhere and work our way up. Next time you write a one shot like this, either make it much more descriptive and eventful, or consider putting events together into a larger story.

I don't want you to be discouraged by my opinion, I'm actually hoping any of what I've said will help you in the future. :) If you have any questions or if any part of this review confuses you, don't hesitate to comment or pm me, I'll gladly clear anything up.

cheers to your future success :3

Reviewed by ollybear25

 Link:

http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/710697