"You're not my son anymore"

It was the same every night, tossing around in bed with those words echoing in his head. Did his father really meant that? Why his mom didn’t said anything when he told them, she always protected him and embraced him no matter what but not this time. Didn't they loved him anymore just because he was...gay?

Gay. He learned to hate that word that labeled him into a rejected category.

He wasn't different from others, he liked music and movies, danced in clubs and played some sport from time to time, but he didn't liked s... and that what made the different.

Taemin knew he won't get any sleep tonight as well so he got up from bed and went out of his room.

It was night time but he could see a lot of students around the campus, it's seems like in college there is no such a thing as night time.

He has been in college for two month now and couldn't find his place in that freaking chaos. He didn't really had close friends, only the people in his classes and he didn’t felt that friendly with them. During the weekends he stayed at the dorms because his parents made it clear that they don’t want him around, the only one he kept in touched with was his older brother, but he wasn’t around when he needed him now, he was at the USA living his own life.   

Thanks god for scholarships, he didn’t have to work so hard trying to pay his tuition, the part time job at the coffee shop down the road was enough for now.

Walking down the corridors toward the snacks machine he pulled some coins from his pocket, His night eating habit was getting out of control but he was comfort by that so he didn’t cared anymore.

Some colorful note on the billboard next to the machine draw his attention, he put the coins in and pressed the button as he looked at it curiously, part of the note was hiding under other papers that was attached to the board, he opened the chocolate bar he bought and put it in his mouth, using his two hands to rip the papers, finding the colorful note.

"The Gay Youth Club calling you to volunteer" he read quietly and pulled the paper from the board, his mouth chewed slowly as he read the details. Folding it he put in his back pocket and walked to the big yard.

He didn’t know there is a club for… maybe he should go there and see what it is all about. But then everyone else will know he's gay, not only his parents, and if they didn’t get him like he was, how can he be so sure other people around would?

Sighing, he throw his chocolate, he didn’t want it anymore. Sitting at the bench at the yard he looked at some random people, a lot of couples were walking around hand in hand, look so in love.

It was nice. He did try it once, holding hands with a girl, he even kissed one and more than that, it was the normal thing to do when you are in a relationship.

He had that beautiful girlfriend in high school, they were perfect for each other, that’s what everyone said. she loved him and trusted him and let him make love to her, he did but didn’t knew why he couldn’t find that satisfied, he thought that maybe because it was his first time as well and he wasn’t all that experienced it wasn’t all that exciting.

When they broke up he wasn’t sad, maybe he just wasn’t in love with her and that's why he couldn’t shed a tear but after he dated several girls he started to think that maybe he was the problem, he couldn’t find those girls attracting as the men around him. 

Exploring himself he couldn’t accept the fact that he liked men, for god sake it wasn’t natural, that's what he always heard…right?

So he went to a gay club once just to… try and ran a way from there as fast as he could when the first guy put a greedy hands on his body. he didn’t wanted it to be like that, he wanted it to be…loving and caring and… he was so pathetic sometimes even to himself. 

Guys don’t make love to other guys, they ! That's what he saw in . Yes he watched , he might look innocent but he wasn’t an angel – ok?

He watched it, he wanted to see if that turned him on and it did, he was so hard at the first time he watched . It was pure . Only . 

He felt pain in his chest, he hated that pain, he knew that pain too well, it was that feeling he had every time he wanted to cry but boys don’t cry- only the weak one- that's what his father said. But his father also said that he is weak, that he's gay and gays aren’t real men, so can he cry?

Taemin didn’t noticed he was sitting at yard for so long lost in his thoughts, the sun made her way slowly in the sky, painting them in a beautiful color.

He wiped the tears that escaped from his eyes and got up from the bench, he's gotta get ready for class. 

TBC