A pair of petrified eyes stared back at him. Kikwang’s mouth opened, but no words came out. The gun fell out of his shaking hands,“What have I done?”

What have I done?

Kikwang woke up panting. He wiped the sweat off his face and got out of bed, furiously throwing the sheets aside.

It was too early for anyone to be up, but Kikwang couldn’t go back to sleep after waking up to that memory. He took a cold shower to wake him up and even went for a walk to keep himself distracted, but it was no use. When he came back to his Uncle’s house, the nightmare was still fresh in his head.

Dongwoon should be waking up soon, but Kikwang didn’t feel like being around anyone at the moment. He quickly changed into his uniform and left a note for Dongwoon before stepping outside. He looked at his car in the driveway. Normally he would catch a ride with Dongwoon in his car, but since he didn’t want company he got into his car, that had belonged to his mother, and drove to school.

When Kikwang arrived at school he went straight to his locker, but let out a frustrated sigh when he saw Min, Junhyung and Doojoon standing in front of it. When he said he wanted to be alone, he meant it. He was about to turn around, but noticed that Min looked furious, Junhyung annoyed and Doojoon was awkwardly standing in the middle of them.

“…. should’ve told me!” Kikwang heard Min say with fury evident in her voice. “Sorry, it didn’t cross my mind. I had a lot of things going on recently I didn’t have time to let you know” “So what, you were just going to leave like that? I was going to wake up, go to your house and freak out that you weren’t there?” Doojoon shifted to Min’s side, “She’s right, bro. You should’ve told her before hand”

Junhyung let out a frustrated sigh, “Okay fine I know I should’ve of, but you’re overreacting. It’s just 4 days, Min. Relax” Min closed her eyes and shook her head, “Relax? You’re leaving tonight right? Do even have everything packed? Oh, did you also forget that today you’re suppose to refill your prescription?” Junhyung glanced at Doojoon to help him out, but even Doojoon looked at him, irritated. “You forgot didn’t you?” Doojoon asked, rubbing his eyes. Min laughed in disbelief, “and you still have the decency to tell me not to worry?”

“You don’t have to take care me all the time, Min” Junhyung said, “It was bearable at first, but now you’re driving me crazy” “I’m driving you crazy? I can’t sleep because of you!” Kikwang’s heart ached when she heard her voice crack. “No one asked you to do this!” Junhyung yelled back, Doojoon grabbed his arm, “Don’t yell at her” “If I stop caring, you’ll stop caring and I can’t see you like that anymore!” Min took a deep breath and rubbed her eyes. “Min, why don’t you go outside and get some fresh air. I’ll watch over him, I promise” Doojoon said softly. Min hesitated, but after looking up at Junhyung, who had turned away from her, she turned around herself and walked away.

Min didn’t see Kikwang standing there and walked right by him. Kikwang clenched his teeth when he saw tears rolling down her cheeks. He turned to look back at Junhyung who was also watching her walk away with pained eyes. Kikwang caught Junhyung’s eye and shook his head then quickly turned around to follow Min.  

“Min!” Kikwang yelled, trying to get her to stop, but she continued to walk. Kikwang ran and stopped in front of her. “Hey, you okay?” Min shook her head and he frowned at her balled up fist. Kikwang had never seen Min so vulnerable. He was used to seeing the confident and sociable girl everyone knew and loved. Looking at her now, she seemed so small.

“I-I” Kikwang waited for her to finish her sentence, he knew she was thinking of something to say to reassure him, but he blinked in surprise when he felt two arms snake around his waist. His heart broken when he heard her let out a sob and immediately he wrapped his arms around her, pressing her closer to his chest.

For the first time he felt thankful for the nightmares. If he hadn’t woken up early, Min would’ve probably been left crying alone.

-

“Ow” Min put her hands over her head and squeezed, trying to ease the pain on her brain. Kikwang sighed and put a spoonful of ice cream in his mouth. “Stop eating so fast” Min huffed and continued to eat her ice cream, a bit calmer this time.

Kikwang watched her as her hand tighten tight around the spoon. Her eyes were glaring daggers at the green ice cream in front of her. Kikwang sighed and stirred his vanilla ice cream in the bowl. “You know, it’s not very President like to skip school”, He said trying to ease her frustration. “If it’s worrying you so much then go back”, She mumbled.

Skipping school was the least of her worries.

Kikwang cleared his throat and set his spoon down, “Junhyung doesn’t meet with Dr. Young because of his parent’s divorce does he?” “No” Min answered, but didn’t say anything else. Kikwang glanced over at Min’s phone that was on the table next to her arm. “Your phone is ringing” Min shrugged, “It’s probably Junhyung” Kikwang said softly. “I don’t care,” She said, flipping the phone over.

“Do you want to talk about what happened back there?” Min sighed, “It was just an argument with Junhyung, don’t worry about it” Kikwang raised an eyebrow, “Don’t worry about it? How can I not when you literally ran away with tears in your eyes.  When someone makes my friend cry like that, I can’t help but worry”

Min bit her bottom lip and stared down at her bowl. She couldn’t think of anything to say after that. Kikwang sighed quietly and placed a spoonful of his now melted ice cream in his mouth. “Thank you” Kikwang looked up at Min. Min was now staring right at him with a small smile on her face. “For worrying and being there” Kikwang swallowed and nodded. “Sure. Any time” Min smiled again and continued eating her ice cream, this time though with a lot more cheer.

-

“Thank you for the ride my good sir” Min said, jumping out of the car. “No problem. You need me to walk you in or can you make it without crying?” Min rolled her eyes, “Ha ha ha, you’re hilarious” Kikwang chuckled and right when he was about to say something Junhyung appeared behind her.

Min raised an eyebrow at Kikwang’s frown; “You’re back” Min blinked in surprise and turned around to find Junhyung standing with a sheepish smile on his face. “Aren’t you supposed to be with Doojoon?” “He’s inside” Min nodded and turned to look at Kikwang. “Thank you again”, She said with a smile on her face. Kikwang nodded and glanced at Junhyung, “No problem. I’ll see you later” “Thank you for bringing her home” Junhyung said, Kikwang nodded again and took off. He glanced up at the rearview mirror and tightened his grip on the steering wheel when he saw Junhyung wrap his arms around the petite girl.

“Idiot” He mumbled and made a left turn. It hurt to see them together.

-

Min pulled away from Junhyung. Any other time she would have welcomed his warm embrace, but they didn’t feel so reassuring anymore. “You got your medicine?” Min asked, Junhyung nodded and shoved his hands in his pockets.  “I’m sorry for yelling at you”, He said, Min walked past him. “That’s not why I’m mad” She mumbled, going up the porch stairs. “What do you want me to say? I’m sorry for being so reckless?” Min her heel and stalked over to him. “That’s exactly what I want you to say! I swear Junhyung, I sometimes wonder if you want to get better” Junhyung glared at her, “This has nothing to do with that” He barked, Min rolled her eyes. “Why else would I be freaking worried!? You’re depressed and you need to stop pretending that it’ll go away if we stop talking about it!” Junhyung gritted his teeth, “That’s the whole reason why I want to go to this senior trip! To get away from you and your senseless nagging!” “Fine. Get away from me then. Have a nice trip” Min said spitefully, then turned away and went inside her house. She headed straight to her room and slammed the door shut, then lay down on her bed.

A few minutes later, she heard a knock on her door. She didn’t move, not even when she heard the door open. She felt someone climb on the bed and soon Junhyung’s face was next to hers. Min faced him. “I’m sorry”, He said softly, her cheek. Min snuggled closed to him and closed her eyes when he wrapped his arms around her. It still wasn’t a reassuring hug. For the first time, Min felt no butterflies in her stomach when he hugged her tight. All she could think about is being in Kikwang’s arms instead.

-

Kikwang hummed along to the song playing on his phone. Before he entered he school building, he raised an eyebrow when he saw Min lying on the grass area at the front of the school. He walked over and looked down at her. She had her eyes closed, her ears covered with large headphones and he wondered if she was asleep. Instead of waking her or nudging her, he lay down next to her.

Min felt someone next to her and opened her eyes. She turned her head and saw Kikwang staring at the blue sky. He turned to look at her. They stared at each other, none of them saying a word. “It’s cold” Min said, Kikwang nodded in agreement. Although it has been autumn for about a month, it was finally starting to feel like it. Min couldn’t help think about yesterday, the way Junghyun wrapped his arms around her. She wasn’t thinking about him because she missed him, but because part of her wished Kikwang would do the same right now.

“What are you doing?” He asked quietly. Min removed her headphones and looked back at the sky. “Listening to music” “Me too” Min smiled, but didn’t look away from the sky. “Did Junghyun go on his trip?” “He did” “Are you okay?” Min furrowed her eyebrows and turned to look at him. “Why wouldn’t I be?” Kikwang shrugged. Min stared at him for a bit, then looked back up. “He’s depressed isn’t he?” Kikwang asked in a whisper. “Mhm” Min answered, closing her eyes. “You heard our conversations yesterday?” Kikwang nodded, “Yes, but I realized it a lot sooner” Min opened her eyes and sat up, pulling her knees to her chest. “How?” “There were clues everywhere”, Kikwang said, sitting up as well. He put his arms behind him and leaned on his palms. “He visits Dr. Young, there are days when he doesn’t want to get out bed, you’re always worried about him, especially if he doesn’t take his medicine and you watch him like he’s going to suddenly give up and decided that it’s time to end it. After I heard your conversation yesterday, my speculations were proven” They were quiet for a while. Kikwang was about ot offer something from his past, but Min spoke first. “He already tried to end it” She said softly. Kikwang faced her, a bit surprised. “Did he?” Min nodded, “Yeah. I found him in bed and called 911. He promised he wouldn’t do it again, but-“ “You’re scared he will do it again?” Min swallowed and nodded. “Yeah. I don’t know if I will be able to save him this time” “Even if you can’t, it’s not your fault. You know that right?”

Min shook her head, “Yes it is. I have to take care of him. He needs me” “He’s breaking you, Min” Kikwang said, making Min flinch. “Your relationship isn’t healthy” Min clenched her jaw, “Then what do you expect me to do? Leave him? I can’t leave him. I won’t leave him. He didn’t leave me when I needed him and I won’t leave him when he needs me” Min stood up and wiped away some of her stray tears. “Min” “Don’t. I’m not going to talk to you about this. I’m not leaving Junghyun. I can’t” Kikwang watched her leave with a heavy heart. He looked down at his hands. Depression indirectly killed by parents, Min. I don’t want you to fall into that darkness. Not you.

Hooray! An update! This chapter pulled on my heartstrings! 

Tell me what you think about this chapter! <3