Perfume

(feat. 2PM's Hwang Chansung & Miss A's Wang Feifei)

"The memories with you dig through my heart, it hurts"

I spend another night looking at the moonlight alone from my bedroom window. The withering branches and chill breeze are my companions during a night like this. Along with the first snow fall, my prayers for you to come back fall mercilessly to the ground without an answer. The pieces of our memories are scattered like the white blanket casted outside my window still. Cold and forgotten. 

Holding your picture close to my heart reminds me of how your heartbeat used to feel against mine. Trails of salt water descend my cheeks without permission and I'm once again reminded of how cruel the world is. I can detect your lingering scent that fills up the empty bedroom. A composition of warmth and softness, lavender is cherished for its relaxing scent that is both tranquilizing and smooth but ironically I am stripped from any level of sleepiness each night by my own sweat and guilt. Your scent that was once inviting is now haunting me.

∞

"Hurry up slow poke!" you exclaimed with a mixture of impatience and excitement.

"Fei, the snow is going to be here all winter. It's not going to magically disappear if I take my time putting on my shoes." I replied exasperatedly.

"It's the first snow fall! How can you not be excited? Look at how beautiful the colorful city of Seoul has become!"

It was our second winter together, but you still couldn't hide your excitement when the first snowfall came. I don't blame you. The white covered city was beautfiul and different from the usual colorful, busy streets of Seoul. But more importantly, it was your smile that warmed up my cold heart.

Despite the icy wind and constantly dropping temperature, you were smiling ear from ear the moment our feet planted into the snow-filled ground. Dropping in an instant, you immediately swung your arms and legs back and forth in a motion to create a snow angel that remarkably execute your outer and inner beauty. 

It was the most beautiful sight that I ever saw, your smiling face. People always envy my title as a conglomerate's son and position as CEO at a firm, however, they did not know how empty I felt. I buried my loneliness by working nonstop until I met you. You taught me how to enjoy life as a human being. Disregarding my title as a billionaire's son, I was able to vanish from the public's eye and blend in with society. I was able to enjoy to life because you were by my side.

The season that I used to detest has come to be my favorite time of year because of you. The season I started to look forward to has now become a reminder of our unfortunate love story.

∞

"Why can't you be more understanding?" ehcoed your scream throughout the condo.

"Then why can't you just listen to me? Is it that hard?" came my illogic reasoning.

"Try walking in my shoes! I wasn't born into a silver spoon in my mouth so I was always looked down on all my life! You know how much I cherish my younger brother, he's the only family I have left ever since my mother passed away! I worked my way out of poverty to be able to send my brother to college and afford this condo which I can call home. I don't want you to pity me nor carelessly offer me money. Our social status will always hinder our relationship. I'm holding on to you now but I don't know how much longer I can. I'm also a human being, Chan. I have feelings and a sense of pride. I know where the boundary is and why I shouldn't cross it. I'm exhausted can't you see? I know you are too so is it really worth it to keep holding onto this love where we know the outcome is just like the winter snow? From afar, the snowed covered trees are beautiful in nature and serves as an attractive addition to the Christmas holiday but in reality the trees are groaning from the weight of slow and people without shelter are left on the empty streets to seek warmth before darkness drawns upon them. A love once addicting is now the source of my pain."  

I should of prevented you from walking out of that door. I should of held your hands and ensure my love for you. I should of engulp you into a hug to drown out our misunderstandings and issues. I should of prevented you from walking out of my life.

I regretted not being able to tell you "I love you" one last time. I regretted for thinking money was the sole solution to every problem. I regretted not being able to let you leave with a smile on your face. I regretted for initiating an argument that very night. 

Your words were a slap to my face during that late December evening. I thought I knew you best because lawyers are never wrong. As a lawyer I was wrong in my judgement and as your boyfriend I was wrong for not recognizing your pains earlier. 

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First of all I would like to thank you for the love you all have been showing me! I would also like to take this chance to apologize for my late update. I've been busy with school and my writer's block isn't helping either. I'm not satisified with this story and I acknowledge that there are many flaws in the plot but I couldn't think of a better way to end it so I'll just leave it like this for now. Once again I am sorry to disappoint you all with this boring update but please anticipate my next story.