Author’s Note: I had a long speech about why this update was so late, full of jokes, and then I caught sight of the news of the ferry in South Korea. My heart is breaking for everyone involved, and my complaints about school work and being sick and stressing about college graduation in a few short weeks suddenly feel very small and insignificant. Keep those families in your prayers.

Sorry for the delay guys, and for the sad beginning to this update, and I apologize for any mistakes in my editting. I think I mentioned this would be a three shot, but I lied. There will be one more after this.

For those who have subscribed and commented, thank you! For those who have reached out to “friend” me, thank you as well! I have a lot of story ideas running around in my head at the moment, so keep an eye out for new stuff soon (including that taoris story I’ve been hinting at for a while).

Enjoy.

Joonmyun was waiting for him when he finally emerged from the locker room. He leaned against the wall a few feet away, far enough to give the illusion of distance while close enough to keep an eye out for Kyungsoo. Joonmyun’s head shot up at the sound of the door opening, and Kyungsoo watched as the man smiled as he approached, but the expression felt forced, and Kyungsoo was immediately reminded by Jongin’s words. Had he really hurt Joonmyun when he scurried to the back in an attempt to save face?

If the careful expression was any indication to go by, then yes, he had.

“Are you okay?” Joonmyun asked when he was close enough, throwing an arm around his shoulders and pulling him into his side. “Jongin went after you, but when he came back without you in tow, I was worried.”

Kyungsoo flushed at the mention of Jongin, but quickly extinguished the rising embarrassment. It was easy to do with the guilt he felt for worrying his friend. He had messed up big time if Joonmyun was concerned enough to pull himself away from the others to check on Kyungsoo himself.

With a sigh, Kyungsoo nodded. “I’m okay. Embarrassed. Disappointed. But I’m alright.”

“Kyungsoo-yah,” Joonmyun chided gently, turning them to start back towards the team area. “We all know what it is like to fall, and we don’t blame you for anything. Personally, I could care less about the score, as long as you are okay. I know the others feel the same way.”

“But I let you all down, hyung,” Kyungsoo insisted softly, lowering his eyes to the floor as they walked by some of the other skaters. He could feel their gazes, and even if he tried to act confident, he couldn’t meet their eyes knowing he had failed to live up to his potential. He could practically hear their comments to one another. He was supposed to be good. Is this all he has to offer?

Joonmyun noticed him hiding, and pulled him closer into his side. “You are too hard on yourself, Kyungsoo-yah. We are just thankful you are not hurt, though you are going to the trainer tonight to get checked out even if I have to drag you there myself,” Joonmyun stated firmly, and Kyungsoo felt a hint of a smile tugging at his lips. Leave it to Joonmyun to nag about his health.

“And don’t count your team out yet,” Joonmyun continued with a gentle squeeze to his shoulder. “Jieun did fantastic out there, and if the pairs do well we have a chance to place.”

“Still, I feel bad for disappearing like that,” Kyungsoo added, sighing softly. “I missed Jieun’s routine.”

“We all understand, so don’t worry about it. Everyone knew you needed little bit of time to collect yourself.”

“Everyone but Jongin,” Kyungsoo muttered under his breath despite his vow to not think of the man ever again. He groaned internally at how easily the name slipped from his lips, and the responding flutter in his gut. Joonmyun laughed lightly at the comment, nodding in agreement. His older friend looked around, smiling when he noticed there was no one else in the halls to hear their conversation, and started again, his voice lowering as he smirked at Kyungsoo.

“He certainly was adamant about looking for you when you didn’t come back to the team area after a few minutes. But is that really a bad thing? You’re little crush might prove to be fruitful,” Joonmyun teased, ruffling Kyungsoo’s hair affectionately and earning a scowl from the younger man.

“I don’t plan on capitalizing on it, thank you very much,” he snapped, straightening the strands of hair back out. “Don’t encourage him.”

Joonmyun shot him a disapproving look. “Don’t be like that. He obviously cares for you, and you are obviously attracted to him whether you admit it or not.” Joonmyun sighed dramatically, sounding every bit the hopeless romantic that he was. “What I would do to have someone pursue me like that.”

“You don’t know what you’re wishing for. It’s annoying.”

“It’s romantic,” Joonmyun countered, earning an eye roll in return. “He’s a good kid. A little intense maybe, but that intensity just shows how passionate he is. With all that passion, I bet he’d be one hell of a kisser.”

It was only a joke, meant to , and Kyungsoo didn’t mean to react to those words. He had thought he could keep his emotions in check. But the nonchalant statement brought to life the memory of tanned skin and plump lips pressed against his, and he couldn’t help the shiver than ran through him, his body still humming with desire. The reaction was hardly visible, but as he was tucked into Joonmyun’s side, the older skater felt it easily. When the other turned his gaze to look at him, confused by the response, he was met with a bright red Kyungsoo trying desperately to pull away. They were almost to the rink, where cameras were present and words became careful, and if he could just get to the public area he could avoid the storm that was about to hit him full force.

But Joonmyun was stronger than his slim build let on, and he gripped Kyungsoo tightly by the shoulders, placing himself in front to make sure he couldn’t get away.

“Hyung,” Kyungsoo warned, trying to slip out of the grasp and failing. All the while Joonmyun’s eyes searching his face, looking for a hidden answer that Kyungsoo was desperately trying to keep to himself. With horror, Kyungsoo watched as realization lit up his friend’s eyes. The blush that stained his cheeks only darkened further when Joonmyun’s mouth fell open in shock.

 “You and Jongin –” his friend’s voice was cut off as a reporter calling out to them. The girl held a mic in front of her, eyes hopeful as she smiled at Kyungsoo. A camera man stood behind her, ready to start recording any moment and watching him expectantly. He smiled softly back at the reporter, nodding before glancing at Joonmyun, unable to hide his relief at dodging the interrogation.

“You think you’re safe, but you’re not,” Joonmyun threatened with a pointing finger, huffing in frustration from being interrupted. “Details will be given later. Try to keep the interview short. The ice dancing segment is starting soon.”

Kyungsoo deflated at the knowledge that he wasn’t getting off the hook for long, but nodded. Joonmyun sent him a small smile when he knew he’d get the information he sought later, and he straightened Kyungsoo’s shirt before sending him off towards the reporter with a little push.

Kyungsoo turned towards the reporter and forced a smile. He always did his best to show a happier expression in interviews – since, according to Joonmyun, his neutral expression scares small children – but it felt even more difficult to lift the corners of his lips after a routine like tonight. He knew what the lady would want to know, and as the camera switched on, he tried his best to keep that smile in place through the dreaded questions.

How did you feel after such a rough fall? Did you sustain any injuries?

You weren’t present for Lee Jieun skate, but I’m sure you’ve heard the results. What are your thoughts on her performance?

Do you think your team can pull itself together and win a medal?

What are your plans as you prepare for the men’s singles competition later this week?

He answered each question as best as he could, each answer kept short and to the point. He knew his expression probably showed his disappointment despite the attempts to remain optimistic for the reporter. But he allowed himself a little slack, considering he had just fallen on international television. He was allowed to be disappointed.

Great, he thought sarcastically, now I’m starting to sound like Jongin.

He excused himself when the announcer called for the ice dance competitors to take the ice for warm ups, keeping his promise to himself to not miss any more of him teammates’ routines, and quickly took his place with the South Korean team. Joonmyun gave him a look that somehow communicated the words I know you know that I know, and you are so not getting away without telling me everything later tonight in a millisecond. Kyungsoo only sighed, turning to watch the skaters as they practiced and keeping his eyes dutifully off of Jongin, which was much harder to do when the man was stretching only a few feet away.

Patience. That was all he needed. If he could just get through the last routines for the night, he’d be alright, and all of this with Jongin could be over and done with.

X

Kyungsoo gripped the bathroom counter top, his knuckles turning white from the effort of holding himself upright. “,” he hissed, “That hurts, hyung!”

“Well it wouldn’t hurt as much if you would just relax,” Joonmyun countered, hands working quickly in their task. “I’m doing as best as I can.”

“Can’t you be a little more – – gentle?” Kyungsoo whined, his eyes squeezing shut as pain laced through his hip. He buried his face in the fabric of his thermal shirt, pushed up around his shoulders and leaving his midsection bared. Out of the way, Joonmyun had said. He wasn’t sure why Joonmyun had insisted on doing this for him, but Kyungsoo was starting to regret granting him permission to do so.

For what it was worth, Joonmyun’s response sounded slightly apologetic. “If I don’t do it tightly, then it’s not going to work. Just a few more seconds and I’ll be done.”

Kyungsoo breathed harshly through his nose, waiting for the other to finish. True to his word, it was only a moment later when his friend stepped back, admiring his handy work.

“See? All done,” he said with a smile as Kyungsoo cracked his eyes open and met his friend’s gaze in the mirror. Joonmyun set aside the plastic wrap the athletic trainer had loaned them, reaching with a gentle hand to tap the bag of ice that was now wrapped snuggly over the bruise on Kyungsoo’s hip. “Now the ice won’t move until you are ready to take it off.”

Kyungsoo nodded as he observed his reflection, turning this way and that to see his friend’s work. The ice pack covered nearly the entire bruise, only the faintest hint of purpled skin peeking out from beneath the wrap, contrasting drastically to the pale skin surrounding it. Wrapping the ice on was a good idea. It hurt like a getting it strapped to his side, but now that it was settled and the temperature was seeping into his sore muscles, it wasn’t so bad.

“Thanks,” Kyungsoo said with a small smile, Joonmyun only waving the gratitude off light-heartedly with a smile of his own.

He went to tug his shirt back on, slipping his arms through the sleeves and dragging the fabric down over his chest, but frowned when the shirt wouldn’t pull over the ice packet completely. It bunched above the pack and hung awkwardly on his uninjured side, but it was the best he could do. He’d rather have an ill-fitting shirt then walk around the room without one, even if Joonmyun was his only roommate. While his body was not out of shape by any means, composed of lean, compact muscles that he had worked hard on maintaining, he certainly had no intentions of putting it on display.

“I can’t believe the team came in third,” Joonmyun said as he leaned against the door frame, his words buzzing with excitement. “It feels good going into the other events with a medal already under our belts.”

It was by sheer determination that the South Korean team placed at all. The last routines of the night had been spectacular, Jongin and Jinri finished first for the ice dance competition while Joonmyun and Soojung had come in a respectable third in the pairs.

“No thanks to me,” Kyungsoo murmured softly, picking the nonexistent lint off of his shirt to avoid the look Joonmyun was undoubtedly giving him at the moment. Regardless of his friend’s assurance that he had contributed to the bronze medal, he couldn’t help but be upset with himself. The others had done phenomenal, and while bronze was better than not placing at all, they all deserved much better. It was his score that brought the total down, and he was so frustrated with himself for that.

He didn’t have to see Joonmyun’s face to hear the disappointed sigh. “Kyungsoo-yah, you know that’s not true. We did it as a team. All of our scores helped.”

“We could have had a higher score if I –”

“I didn’t have a perfect routine either,” Joonmyun cut him off. “It doesn’t matter who had the best score. We were all in this together, and we placed. It was all we could ask for coming into this competition, and you should be proud to be a member of this team.”

“I am proud,” Kyungsoo insisted. It was never a question of not being proud to represent South Korea and the team. It was just a question of whether or not they deserved his ty score.

“Then stop doubting yourself,” Joonmyun said gently. “You are a damn good skater. And you are a valuable member of the team whether you want to believe that or not.”

Kyungsoo wanted to counter that statement, but didn’t, knowing it would be useless. Joonmyun wasn’t going to let him take any kind of blame for a lower score, and arguing would get him nowhere. Instead, he nodded, appeasing the other man.

After a moment Joonmyun moved to the counter, jumping up to sit next to the sink. “So,” he started, swinging his legs lightly as he looked over at Kyungsoo with an expectant look.

“So,” Kyungsoo parroted, knowing what was coming but sticking with ignorance as his first defense. He even widened his eyes for effect, hoping it was believable.

 “You and Jongin. Spill,” Joonmyun ordered, sidestepping the innocent act with ease.

 “Hyung, I am seriously not in the mood,” Kyungsoo groaned, leaving the room and hitting the light switch on his way out, leaving Joonmyun sitting on the counter in the dark.

His friend was undeterred, quickly following him out into the bed room. Kyungsoo would blame the ice for slowing him down, but really, there was no place for him to go to escape this questioning.

“You need to talk about this,” Joonmyun called out as he caught up.

“No, I really don’t,” Kyungsoo countered, easing himself down to his bed. Lying on his side, he made sure the ice was secured before continuing. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Do Kyungsoo, if you think I am going to sit here and let you talk your way out of telling me, you have another thing coming.” Kyungsoo cringed at his full name being used. Joonmyun was serious about not letting this go. He watched as Joonmyun sat down on the mattress next to him, a concerned look on his face as he rested his chin on his hand and stared at him. “I’m just trying to figure out what happened,” he insisted.

“It’s not something I really want to remember,” Kyungsoo muttered, and he could see Joonmyun stiffen at the words, sitting up and pinning him with a surprised expression that quickly turned to anger.

“If he…” Joonmyun paused, his jaw clinching with the effort to keep his voice calm. “If he forced himself on you, Kyungsoo, I swear –”

Kyungsoo looked up with wide eyes, hands held up in front of him as he shook his head furiously. “No, it’s nothing like that, hyung. I mean, he initiated it but I kissed him back.” He took another breath, reaching out to touch his friend’s forearm in what he hoped was assurance. “And if he or someone else ever did I would tell you. You know I wouldn’t hide something like that.”

Joonmyun fixed him with a hard stare, looking for any sign of deception, before remembering this was Kyungsoo he was talking to, and he couldn’t lie for . He eventually relaxed back into a slouch, nodding as he let out a deep breath through his nose. It seemed he had decided to let Jongin live through the night. “Alright. But I still don’t understand. If it was mutual, why aren’t you excited about this?” He nudged his Kyungsoo with a small grin, his voice lighter than before in an attempt to break the ice. “Was he a bad kisser or something?”

“No,” Kyungsoo admitted with a chuckle, raking his hand down his face in embarrassment. “A little eager, maybe, but good. Really, really good actually.” It wasn’t like he’d had many kisses to compare it to, but the way his body had felt as if fire had ravaged his insides was unique only to Jongin’s kiss.

“Then what’s the problem?” Joonmyun asked, taking his friend’s hand away from his face and holding it in his. The warmth was comforting, and Kyungsoo could feel himself relaxing at the familiar touch. There was nothing ual in the gesture, nothing that spoke of unrequited desires – they had been curious at the potential of a relationship between them at one point, only to be reduced to giggles and mutual consensus that they were nothing but platonic – but the touch held the assurance that whatever Kyungsoo was going through, Joonmyun was willing to help in any way he could.

With a sigh, he relented his vow of silence. “We had a bit of a fight beforehand.”

Those words opened the floodgates, and Kyungsoo started to tell him everything. From the pressure he had put on himself and how falling had made him feel like a failure, to his unnecessary bitterness towards Jongin, to the argument that transpired from his sudden appearance, and eventually to their heated kiss and awkward parting with the promise to talk about it later, though Kyungsoo had no intentions to follow through with that. Joonmyun listened to the entire account without interruption, allowing Kyungsoo to speak at his own pace.

Only when Kyungsoo fell silent did Joonmyun speak up, his words slow and thought out. “I understand that you are nervous, because for as long as I’ve known you, I’ve known your reluctance to make yourself vulnerable to others. It is scary to open up to people, especially when you think said person is attractive. That being said, I don’t think avoiding Jongin will benefit anything.”

Kyungsoo went to protest, but Joonmyun stopped him with a raised hand. “No, hear me out for a second. Regardless of whether you want a relationship with him or not, you do need to talk to him about this.”

He paused for a moment, glancing at the clock before gesturing towards Kyungsoo’s hip. “You should probably take the ice off. It’s been long enough.”

Kyungsoo did as he was told, making quick work of the wrapping and putting the ice off to the side. Once it was settled on the bedside table, he spoke up again. “I still don’t see why I have to talk to him. We were caught up in the moment, nothing more.”

“You don’t just kiss your Olympic teammate and brush it off like nothing happened. There may be something there,” Joonmyun insisted, “He’s been on your mind for a while now.”

“That doesn’t mean I should date him.”

“I’m only saying you should talk to him about what happened tonight,” Joonmyun responded, “But you can’t just let this go without a conversation. I know you are scared of this, but you have to talk to him. It’s not like you have to marry the kid or anything. But he deserves to hear this from you.”

“He wouldn’t understand,” Kyungsoo groaned, shaking his head.

“Why not?”

“Because he’s so different from me.”

“How do you know unless you talk to him?” Joonmyun questioned.

Kyungsoo opened his mouth to protest, only to have his words die in his throat. Those words sounded far too similar to what Jongin had said to him earlier, and the comparison caught him off guard.

He settled for a glare. “Sometimes I don’t like you.”

Joonmyun beamed at the lack of a comeback, pinching the younger man’s cheek affectionately. He went to say something further, but was cut off by a knock at the door. The two shared a curious look. It was rather late already, pushing midnight as it was. Not many people came to visit this late, especially athletes with early schedules.

With a shrug, Joonmyun slid off the bed and padded across the floor. He pulled the door open, and a small noise of surprise left him.

“Oh, Jongin,” he said in a soft voice, and Kyungsoo nearly swallowed his tongue, staring wide-eyed at the back of Joonmyun’s head. The position of his bed meant Jongin could not see him, but he drew further into the wall regardless of that knowledge, trying to put even more space between himself and the younger man who barely left his thoughts, let alone his sight.

Joonmyun continued talking, his voice lowered. “What brings you here? Is everything alright?” It wouldn’t be the first time a younger skater came to Joonmyun for advice. He was one of the easiest people to talk to, and he always made an effort to make the younger members of the team feel comfortable. Of course he knew the real reason Jongin had stopped by, but he didn’t want to assume before Jongin had a chance to make it clear.

“Hey Joonmyun hyung,” Jongin’s voice filtered through the room, filling every inch of silence with the warm tone, and Kyungsoo couldn’t stop himself from shuddering. Memories of that voice pouring into his ear in the locker room, low and smooth in proximity, brought a blush to his face, and Kyungsoo cursed his body’s reaction for the nth time that night.

“I hate to come by so late,” Jongin continued, oblivious to the effect his voice had on Kyungsoo, “but I couldn’t sleep, and I was wondering if Kyungsoo hyung was here? I kind of need to talk to him.”

He was shaking now. He wasn’t ready. He didn’t want to see Jongin yet, not when he still didn’t know how he felt about anything that had happened. Not when the idea of this conversation happening scared him to death, because it meant he would have to be completely open to another person other than Joonmyun.

As if feeling Kyungsoo’s distress, Joonmyun hesitated, his shoulders stiffening a little bit before he stepped further out into the hall, pulling the door behind him to close the room off even more. Kyungsoo had to strain to hear the rest of the conversation, but he could just make it out over the sound of his heart pounding in his chest. “I’m sorry Jongin, but he’s asleep right now. He’s got an early practice tomorrow, so he crashed pretty soon after dinner. Is it something I can help you with?”

“Ah, thank you hyung, but no. It’s kind of important that it is Kyungsoo hyung, but I should have stopped by earlier,” Jongin said with a small laugh, and Kyungsoo could picture the younger man scratching the back of his neck nervously, probably with a small smile painted on his lips. “I’ll just come back another time. Sorry to bother you, hyung.”

“It’s no trouble, Jongin. If you need anything else, let me know. Have a good night.”

Kyungsoo didn’t breathe until Joonmyun had closed the door again, watching the older man with wide eyes as he walked back over to his bed.

“Hyung,” he croaked quietly, the word shattering the silence that had settled between them the minute the door closed.

“Before you say anything, I only did that to buy you some time,” Joonmyun responded, giving him a pointed look as he took the ice bag from the bedside table and walked towards the bathroom to dispose of it.  “It is late, and both of you have had a long and stressful day. Talking right now would be an injustice to the situation. You need to rest and get your thoughts in order before you talk to him, but you will talk to him, Kyungsoo. Soon.”

Kyungsoo whined, falling back onto his bed with a groan. “Hyung,” he complained, the word drawn out childishly.

“Do it, Kyungsoo, or the next time he comes knocking on our door I will talk to him for you.”

Kyungsoo pulled himself up to lean on his elbows, sending the older male a glare. “You wouldn’t dare.”

Joonmyun wiggled his eyebrows at Kyungsoo playfully. “Try me,” he challenged in a sing-song voice, laughing lightly as he dumped the ice. “Now go to bed. I didn’t lie to Jongin. You do have an early practice tomorrow, despite the fact that I think you and the trainer are pushing that hip a little too fast.”

“I’m fine, hyung,” Kyungsoo assured him, though he knew as long as this bruise was still there, Joonmyun would not be convinced.

Running hot water over what little ice remained in the sink, Joonmyun only sighed. “Regardless of my feelings, you’ve been cleared, and seeing as you are so insistent on getting back on the ice, I don’t want to hear any complaining when your alarm goes off in the morning.”

Kyungsoo fell back down with a plop, throwing his arm over his eyes. For a few minutes, he only listened to the sound of Joonmyun moving around the room, changing into his pajamas and cutting off the lights before crawling into the bed on the other side of the room, a “goodnight” voiced and readily returned. Only when Joonmyun’s small snores filled the air did Kyungsoo roll to his stomach, sighing as he tried to get comfortable. The skin of his hip was tender to the touch, and probably would be even more so in the morning. Every slight movement caused an ache, causing Kyungsoo to sigh in frustration. It looked like Jongin wasn’t the only one who would struggle to sleep tonight.

He hadn’t expected Jongin to show up at their room, thinking he was safe as long as he was with Joonmyun, but with that small knock Kyungsoo realized just how persistent the younger man would be. Jongin would corner Kyungsoo eventually, and then he’d have to talk to him, even if he was still holding out hope that he would wake up and this would all be a dream. But he was sure that when he opened his eyes in the morning, the bruise on his hip would still be there, purple skin against white, and Jongin would be waiting to talk.

He just didn’t think he was ready for it.

X

Kyungsoo finished his routine with his hand upstretched, chest heaving as he focused on stilling his movements into the ending pose. His hip throbbed dully from exertion, the pain creeping around to his lower back, and he had to fight to keep his positioning in the jumps and spins. But the harder he tried to control the aspects of his jump – his speed, his take off, his landing – the shakier it became.

Perhaps, Joonmyun had been right. Maybe it was too soon for him to be back on the ice just yet.

He hadn’t attempted the triple axel yet, going through the spot in the routine with a substituted jump instead. He’d love to blame his hip for it, and with how it was yelling at him right now he was sure it was part of his reasoning, but the other part had been nerves. He didn’t want to fall again, and when he was approaching the jump he panicked. It was safer to avoid it for now.

Slowly, he let his hand fall back down to his side, rolling his neck from side to side as he caught his breath. That was the third time he’d gone through the routine this morning, and it didn’t seem to be getting any better. He was completely fed up with everything, and it was only seven in the morning. His outlook on the rest of the day was starting to look pretty bleak.

He glided over to the stereo system, stopping his music as it switched over to the next track. With a sigh, he took a swig from the water bottle he had set to the side, letting the liquid rest in his mouth for a moment before swallowing it down. He still had the ice for another hour before it was booked for the Russian’s practice. He’d go another few times through his routine and then leave early. He was still tired from the night before, and he needed to get some more ice for his side, but he wanted to at least try the triple axel before calling it a day.

“You’re not doing the triple axel?”

The voice startled Kyungsoo more than it should have, his hand coming up to protect him. He had expected Jongin to show up during his practice, especially when Joonmyun had told the younger skater he would be practicing this morning, but his body never quite got used to the qualities of his voice. It was surprising that Kyungsoo hadn’t seen him first, considering how close he was sitting to the ice, but he chalked it up to being too focused on his routine to notice the boy.

He watched as the Jongin stood, making his way towards the wall that separated them. Automatically Kyungsoo’s eyes to rake over the boy’s attire, a loose fitted tank and track pants, hair barely combed as if he had just rolled out of bed. Given the time, that was quite possibly the case.

“How long have you been here?” he asked, his voice harsh from the lack of use this morning.

“You didn’t answer my question,” Jongin pointed out, leaning against the wall as he smiled at the other.

“You didn’t answer mine.”

“I asked first, hyung.”

“I was letting my hip rest, but it is still in the routine,” Kyungsoo said with as much patience as he could muster. “Now tell me how long you’ve been lurking in the shadows.”

“Long enough to watch your routine twice,” Jongin stated nonchalantly, before his eyes softened in concern. “But, hyung, if your hip is hurting, maybe you shouldn’t jump at all. Did you get the trainer to check it out?”

Kyungsoo sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Why are you here, Jongin? Other than to gage my medical clearance, that is.”

“Couldn’t sleep,” Jongin said with a chuckle, taking no offense to the annoyance laced in Kyungsoo’s words. “My mind was too busy, and it drove me out of bed. So I thought I’d come skate.” He held up his skates in one hand as he spoke, giving them a shake as he smiled.

Kyungsoo’s brow furrowed. “The Russian team will be here in an hour. You can have the ice when I’m done, but I can’t guarantee you’ll have enough time to even warm up properly, let alone go through a practice.”

Jongin’s grin widened, and it only took a moment for Kyungsoo’s stomach to drop with realization.

“No,” Kyungsoo said immediately, shaking his head.

“But hyung,” Jongin whined, slipping his skates on and lacing them up with practiced hands. “I came all this way, and we can easily split the ice. What makes this any different from a team practice?”

He had a point, but like hell was Kyungsoo going to let him know that.

“I do not share personal practice time,” Kyungsoo growled, sneered at the very thought of Jongin joining him. “The music is not the same, and neither are the routines, and we will constantly have to be aware of one another.”

Jongin didn’t seem to care for Kyungsoo’s reasoning, hopping over the wall and gliding towards the center with his arms outspread.

“You say that as if you weren’t already aware of me,” Jongin comments, shooting Kyungsoo a playful look.

Kyungsoo gaped at him, blushing profusely as he squawked in protest. “If you stay, I am leaving.” Good. Threats always worked.

To his surprise, Jongin agreed.

“You probably should,” the other said with all the seriousness in the world, extending one leg behind him in an arabesque. Kyungsoo’s eyes dragged the length of his body’s line unconsciously, gorgeously positioned even for the older skater’s standards. He performed a simple toe loop jump before continuing. “I’m sure that hip is aching by now, even though you keep pushing it. And for the record, I wouldn’t blame you for holding off on that triple axel. It’s hard to get over fear after falling like that.”

“I am not scared of the triple axel,” Kyungsoo snapped out before Jongin had finished his sentence. And he wasn’t. Not really. Okay, maybe he was a little nervous, but that didn’t mean Jongin needed to know that. The little already thought he knew everything without having Kyungsoo verify his assessment of the removal of the jump for a few runs.

Jongin skated to a halt in front of Kyungsoo, hands raised in defense. “Easy, hyung. I’m just saying you have every right to be hesitant about it.”

Kyungsoo’s upper lip curled into a grimace as he looked away, focusing his glare on anything that wasn’t Jongin. “Why must you continue to act like you know everything?”

“I don’t know everything,” Jongin corrected with a shrug. “And this isn’t about me being right or wrong.”

“Then what is it about?” Kyungsoo snapped, looking back at the younger boy. “Because right now it feels like everything you say is a critique of my ability to handle my health and my emotions.” He had reached the end of his patience, and part of him wanted Jongin to just spit it out and just ask about the kiss last night. That’s what he was here for, right? Why was he dancing around the topic?

Jongin was quiet for a second, staring somewhere past Kyungsoo’s left ear with a pensive look on his face. There he went hesitating again. Finally, it seemed Jongin had gained whatever mental courage he needed, and met Kyungsoo’s eyes.

“Do you think your hip can handle the triple axel right now?” Jongin asked softly. Kyungsoo stared at him with confusion, because hell, that wasn’t the question he was anticipating.

“What?”

“Do you think your hip can handle the triple axel right now?” Jongin repeated.

Kyungsoo wanted to lie. He wanted to immediately say “yes” and move on. Because saying he was afraid of the triple axel was admitting his shortcomings, and he would rather eat rocks than ever show his flaws. But as he opened his mouth, ready to shut down all of Jongin’s assumptions, he stopped. Jongin was watching him with such an open expression, worry written into the lines that framed his mouth, in the drawing together of his eyebrows. He wasn’t trying to prove a point, nor was he asking Kyungsoo in order to embarrass him. He was asking out of legitimate concern for Kyungsoo’s health.

Here Kyungsoo was, giving the man hell for every little word, and Jongin was still concerned for him. It shocked him. It scared him. But even with his mind telling him to just leave, to go back to the dorms and ignore Jongin, he couldn’t. Not when he was honestly concerned. Not when he was looking at him like that.

With a sigh, Kyungsoo ran a hand through his hair, his bottom lip pulled between his teeth. He didn’t understand why he was talking to Jongin about this, but the need to do so nagged him until the words flowed freely.

“I don’t know. It aches, but it’s not some horrible pain. Even if it jolts a little with the other jumps, it handles them okay. But all I know is that if I hesitate on a complicated jump like the triple axel, I’m going to fall again, and I can’t risk hurting it worse before the competition.”

“Do you want to do the jump today?” Jongin asked as a follow up, and Kyungsoo answered honestly.

“Yes.”

“Then what you need to do it relax,” Jongin said in a quiet tone, his voice low and soothing. “You need to listen to your body and just do it, instead of getting hung up on what could happen if you mess up. Your body knows better than you do what you can handle, knows the ins and outs of the jump, and if you just let it go, you’ll hit it without any trouble.”

Kyungsoo snorted at the words, shaking his head. “If I’m not focused, the technique will be off.”

“But if you are too focused, you’ll be stiff,” Jongin countered. “You can be focused without being in control of every detail.”

“You obviously don’t know me,” Kyungsoo muttered with a dry laugh.

“Not yet,” Jongin said with a smile. “But just trust me on this. You have to loosen up a little bit.”

“And how am I supposed to do that?” Kyungsoo questioned, ignoring the first part of Jongin’s reply. He did not have time to dwell on those two short words: Not yet. They held too much promise, too much hope, and Kyungsoo needed to focus on the jump, not the nuances of Jongin’s words.

“Close your eyes,” Jongin said after a moment.

Kyungsoo rose an eyebrow. “What?”

“Close your eyes,” Jongin repeated, nudging his shoulder gently. “Come on, hyung. Just trust me.”

The older skater bit back the smart remark that desperately wanted to be voiced and reluctantly did as Jongin said. As his eyes slid closed, throwing his world into the dark, Kyungsoo became acutely aware of everything around him. The slight throb in his side, present but tolerable. The chill that rose off of the ice, familiar and welcoming. The trickle of sweat that rolled down the back of his neck. And Jongin, close enough to hear the sounds of his breath.

He shifted awkwardly in his spot, uncomfortable with his vision gone. “Okay. I’ve closed my eyes. Now what?”

The sound of blades sliding over the ice reached his ears, and the next moment, Jongin’s voice came from behind him, much closer than before. “Just breathe for a second. Deep breaths in and out.”

Kyungsoo stiffened at the sudden movement, but did as he was instructed. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Repeat. He could feel the closeness of Jongin, the heat from his body coming off in waves. When a hand came to rest on his uninjured hip unexpectedly, Kyungsoo couldn’t help but jump, his eyes flying open as he moved away from the touch. “What the hell, Jongin?”

“Hyung, you aren’t relaxing,” Jongin chided with a laugh.

“You touching me all of sudden isn’t helping that,” Kyungsoo barked out, raking a hand through his hair.

“I should have warned you,” Jongin admitted, though the smile was still in place. “But I was only giving you something to ground yourself with.”

He crooked his fingers, beckoning Kyungsoo to return to his original spot. “Now come back. Just let me walk you through this.”

Kyungsoo whined low in his throat, but ultimately returned to stand in front of Jongin, his back to the younger man. “Warn me if you are going to touch me next time, or I will kill you,” he threatened half-heartedly. Jongin chuckled, but agreed.

Kyungsoo closed his eyes once more, focusing on slowing his breathing back down to a normal rate. After a minute or so Jongin spoke, lower and closer to his ear than before.

“I’m going to rest a hand on your hip, hyung. Just keep breathing.” As promised, Jongin’s hand closed over Kyungsoo’s hip bone, the older cursing his body as it still flinched under the touch. Breathe. Just breathe. To his surprise, the hand did ground him. The warmth was just enough for him to focus on, and with it being on the uninjured side, it took his mind away from the pain in his other hip, if only for a moment.

“Relax your shoulders some more,” Jongin order softly, and Kyungsoo forced his body to loosen up at the words, releasing the tension in his shoulders. “That’s good, hyung,” Jongin praised. His hand, still on Kyungsoo’s hip, squeezed the skin there as if to further encourage him.

“You need to let everything go, hyung. Every doubt about your hip, every hang-up about last night’s routine, just let it all out with each breath until there’s nothing else left to worry about.” Kyungsoo clung to Jongin’s voice, letting his body relax just a bit further with every breath.

“Now, I want you to visualize the triple axel. You’ve done it so many times, hyung. Think about digging your toe pick into the ice as you go up. Think about pulling your arms and legs in as you spin, your weight shifting to the right side of the body naturally. And think about how satisfying it will be when you land, untangling yourself until your right leg catches your weight, your left leg behind you and arms spread for balance. Can you picture it?”

Kyungsoo nodded silently, earning an appreciative hum from Jongin. “You’re routine is flawless, and if you can just nail this one move, there is no way you can lose. The judges will love you. And your team will be there to cheer you on. I will be there to cheer you on. You just have to relax and trust your body.”

Kyungsoo could see it all. He could see the scores, the medal, everything. It was not like he hadn’t visualized himself winning before. But he had only ever seen himself alone. Now, coaxed by Jongin’s words, he could also see the happy faces of Jongin and Joonmyun and the rest of the team. Suddenly, it didn’t feel so scary to go out there. He didn’t feel like the world was on his shoulders, pushing him down. Yes, he was sure he had always wanted to make them proud, but now the idea of disappointing them was no longer present.

“Do you think you can do it, hyung?” Jongin whispered softly, his breath ghosting over the shell of Kyungsoo’s ear. “Do you think you can make the jump?”

“Yes,” Kyungsoo said without hesitation.

“Then try,” Jongin encouraged, giving the older skater a slight push forward.

Kyungsoo opened his eyes, giving Jongin a curious look only to be met with a small smile. He sighed through his nose, nodding as he turned to look back at the ice. It was a little more real with his eyes open, a little scarier, but he clung to his new found sense of peace that had formed in his chest. He had done the triple axel a thousand times. His body was trained for this, knew the placement. Maybe Jongin was right. Maybe he was focusing too much on trying not to fail to see things clearly. If his mind was getting in the way, the only way to get around it was to stop listening to his doubts and start doing what his body knew how to do.

With a deep breath, he started skating, gaining speed as he neared the opposite end of the rink. His heart pounded as he prepared himself, his feet falling in to position easily enough as he led into the jump with his back. As he switches him momentum to face forward, he his left toe pick down, swinging his right leg up into the jump before pulling his left foot over his right, sending his body into a spin with his arms pulling in close over his chest. The shift happened, the feeling of unsteadiness there but not overwhelming. Kyungsoo uncrossed his legs as he descended, catching the ice with the back outside edge of his right foot perfectly. With an exhale, his arms extended with his left foot up behind him, and he glided out of the landing and came to a halt.

For a moment, he could only stare in awe at Jongin, who whooped loudly, a fist thrown up in excitement. It was only after watching the younger skater’s reaction that the realization sunk in. He had landed the triple axel like it was nothing.

Kyungsoo’s chest heaved as he dropped his head back, a wide smile spreading across his face. He had forgotten just how good it feels to land that jump.

Kyungsoo didn’t have long to relish his satisfaction as Jongin was suddenly beside him, arms wrapping tightly around his waist as he was pulled flush against the other. Kyungsoo felt himself being lifted and clutched Jongin’s shoulders as the younger skater spun him around, a gasp leaving his lips. Even with the unexpected action he couldn’t stop the laugh from leaving him, too happy with the results of the jump to really mind Jongin’s overenthusiastic response. Jongin soon joined in the laughter, the sound echoing in the otherwise quiet rink.

“I knew you could do it,” Jongin said happily, setting the other back down on his feet but keeping his hands on his waist. The happiness faded a little, however, replaced with some concern. “How’s the hip?”

“Fine,” Kyungsoo said with a small laugh of surprise. He hadn’t felt any of the lingering pain he had earlier when he landed, and though it ached now, it was not as distracting as before. Had his stiffness been effecting his landing earlier?

Kyungsoo wasn’t aware that he was smiling up at Jongin until the younger man’s hands slid to his lower back. Suddenly, the relief of nailing the jump was replaced by awkwardness, and Kyungsoo looked down quickly, stepping back a little to put distance between them once more. Jongin let him go without protest, but his hands hung a little longer than necessary in the air, as if clutching at the lingering sensation of Kyungsoo’s skin underneath his fingertips.

“Thank you, Jongin,” Kyungsoo said quietly, glancing up to meet the other’s gaze. Though he hadn’t really done anything wrong, his tone held an unspoken apology. “I really mean that.”

“I know,” Jongin stated softly, his smile back but not quite reaching his eyes. Kyungsoo knew he hurt him by pulling away, and he couldn’t deny that it had hurt him as well. The loss of warmth from Jongin’s hands felt much heavier than it should have, and he had to fight the urge to step closer once again to indulge in the heat.

“I think I better call it a day,” Kyungsoo added after a moment, rubbing his neck. The air between them had grown uncomfortable, and he wanted to leave now more than ever. “Even if my hip is handling things well, I shouldn’t push it any further today.” He was running, he knew, but it was what he was best at.

Jongin nodded, but remained silent, watching Kyungsoo carefully.

With a breath and a quick smile that surely came off as fake, Kyungsoo turned, fixing his eyes on the rink’s exit. He didn’t get far before Jongin called out.

“Hyung?”

Kyungsoo turned to look back at the other skater, slowing to a stop as he waited for Jongin to speak.

“Do you have time to talk tonight?”

There it was. The question Kyungsoo had been expecting all morning. But now that he was confronted with it, he didn’t know his answer. For most of last night he was adamantly against it, but something had changed.

“Jongin…” he started hesitantly, only to be cut off by Jongin.

“No, stop avoiding me,” Jongin said in frustration, startling Kyungsoo with the desperation in his voice. “I get it. I know you aren’t used to people wanting to know you, but what is so wrong about that? What’s so wrong about me wanting to know you, Kyungsoo-hyung?”

“I’m just not good at these things, Jongin,” Kyungsoo said softly. “I’ve never been good at this.”

Jongin was silent as he processed those words, looking away for a moment before returning his eyes back to Kyungsoo.

“Just…are we ever going to talk about last night?” he asked, a frown marring his features. The vulnerability in his voice hit Kyungsoo like a punch to the chest, the breath leaving his lungs in an audible rush of air. He nearly skated back to him, but stopped himself. He was still too confused about what he wanted, too scared by the idea of letting Jongin in completely, and skating back now would be unfair to Jongin if he was to shut him out again later. Distance was better for now.

Riding what little courage he had left, he spoke. “Yes, Jongin. We will talk about this.”

“When?” Jongin fired back. “Because I feel like the longer we wait, the easier it will be to forget. And honestly, hyung? I don’t want to forget.”

His breath caught in his throat at Jongin’s words, and he couldn’t stop the blush from staining his cheeks. He looked away, but gave a soft laugh when he realized, no, he didn’t want to forget it either. It had been on replay in his mind since it happened, and even when he pushed the thoughts away, he kept them in the back of his mind, in a folder marked with Jongin’s name for those rare moments he had to himself. He didn’t want to forget the moment completely, even if that fact scared him, because hell he had never gotten so attached to someone so quickly. But paired with that fear was the excitement of potential.

With a small smile, Kyungsoo looked back up. “After my solo skate. I can’t have you distracting me before then.” He made sure the teasing tone in his voice was clear, a small smirk playing on his lips as he watched the young man.

Jongin smiled at the words, laughing as his head fell back, neck stretching in the process. Kyungsoo couldn’t help but let his eyes devour the column of his neck, the tanned skin beautifully stretched over muscle and tissue. Jongin looked back at him after a moment, hope in his expression.

“You promise? We will talk that night?”

“That night,” Kyungsoo confirmed, the finality of his promise sinking in. He would have a few days to get it together, to prepare for his singles competition and to sort through his thoughts carefully, and then he would sit down like an adult and talk to Jongin about what, if anything, is going on between them. He owed him that.

“Okay,” Jongin said, his bright smile back in place. He nodded his head towards the exit after a moment, smirking lightly. “You better go get some ice for that hip, hyung. You need to be healthy for competition.”

Kyungsoo chuckled, muttering “cocky little ” under his breath before turning back towards the exit.

It wasn’t until later, sitting on his bed back in the dorm, that Kyungsoo realized no matter how hard he tried, he would never be able to avoid Jongin. And while the loss of control terrified him, the thought of Jongin no longer did