Note: Listen to Lana Del Rey, This is what makes us girls

School reunions were always bad.

Class xoxo senior trip 2011. Go wolves!

That was four years ago. Sehun stands in front of the coach, 2015 written in messy handwriting on the side of the banner.

She picks at the lint on the insides of her pockets and puts her weight down on one foot. Her fingers are itching for the box of cigarettes that rest at the bottom of her pocket, hiding away from adults.

The coach ride is long. She hasn't seen these faces in four years. The last time she saw them they were all bright eyed and full of life. Four years later, some of them have tired eyes and poor skin, others have new noses and a nasty glint in their eyes. 

Well, who is she to judge? Dead eyes, tired skin, fried scalp, skinny limbs, broken heart.

Her eyes skim over old friends. Zi Tao, she has red hair now. Pretty.
Baek Hyun, well her nose isn't as big as it used to be. Jun Myeon, she doesn't looks as nice as she used to look. Yi Fan, he still looks handsome as ever. Chan Yeol, his eyes looks grey and his lips are chapped, something very bad must have happened. Yi Xing, depressed. His whole body shows it. Min Seok, well he lost weight, isn't the piggy they used to make fun of. Jong Dae, Sehun laughs out loud. He looks like the only one who's happy. Kyung Soo, red nose, twitchy fingers, look who's living on artificial happiness. Lu Han, there eyes meet and he smirks, then looks away.

Jongin. Jongin, Jongin, Jongin, old friend. How are you? Am I still pretty? Like how you used to tell me? Remember when I saw you last month and you ignored me? He was more than an old friend. Sehun laughs at herself for thinking he would actually look her way. The boy's sleeping, silly girl.

Sehun has to share a room with Baekhyun, Junmyeon, and Zitao. Surprisingly, her and Baekhyun's friendship is still their, like it carried on from where they left of(except they both know that it will die again, once this trip is over). Zitao always wears long sleeves and she doesn't talk much now a days, fear washes over her eyes every time Yifan passes. Junmyeon isn't nice as she used to be and Zitao's crying in the bathroom. Well, it's not her problem. It's not like four years ago. Oh how things have changed.

Sehun steps out of their room and leans on the wooden fence, hands digging in her pockets, her fingers brush against a lighter, turns sour and her fingers twitch.

Twitch twitch.

Luhan's looking at her again.

Sehun turns away and pulls out a liquorice stick instead of her medicine.

Someone slides next to her and it's Jongin.

If minds could smile, then Sehun's is. Jongin, Jongin, Jongin-ah.

"Hey," That voice brings so much happiness to her.

"Hey, to yourself. Long time no see."

Jongin looks at her long and hard.
Sehun looks back at him.

"Liquorice?" Sehun waves the colourful stick and Jongin laughs.

What's so funny kkamjong?

Sehun-ah, grass is still on your hair.

Sehun snaps out of her--nightmares--dreams--memories.

"Liquorice?" Sehun waves the colourful stick and Jongin laughs.

"No thanks, but I would like some of that." Jongin points to the box of cigarettes that peek out of Sehun's pocket.

There shoulders bump and Jongin follows Sehun behind the cabins, near a broken truck and a polluted pond.

Sehun should thank Jongin, really she needed this. Well it's only been 6 hours since her last one, bad she knows but it helps.

"Why'd you suddenly start smoking?" Jongin remembers the little girl who would draw on rubbers during math class and throw paper at the music teachers back.

"Problems."

"What kind?"

"The ones in my mind. Post statetal depression, anxiety, vertigo, paranoia,"

"I didn't expect you to answer.
Tell me your problems either."

"Why? It's not like you're a stranger."

"Hmm."

"It might be all teenage angst," Sehun shrugs.

Jongin lowers his head and shakes it.

"No, no. Look at us all. Lost generation."

"Did you just quote rizzle kicks?"
Sehun laughs.

"Maybe." Jongin stands and brushes off the soil on his trousers. Sehun copies. They don't see each other for a while.

Two days later, they see each the again, they're at some goodbye party.

"Sehun-ah." Luhan crooks a finger towards Sehun. Sehun smiles and walks over.

"Hello oppa."

"Have a seat." He says, patting his lap. Sehun sighs and takes the seat she had been offered. Luhan places two hands on the side of her waist gently.

"How about we get out of here." Is what he says, hands digging into Sehun's waist harsher, voice more forcible, eyes more dark.

"Hmm," Sehun makes herself comfortable and leans in and whispers.

"You push me against a wall. Any wall. And then your hands trace around my underwear. Rubbing me through the thin material. I moan and reach down to pull of your boxers, taking you in my hand. You groan and I slowly and painfully," Luhan groans and Sehun feels the boy through her skirt, "You can't take it anymore and you growl and push me down onto the bed, hang around one ankle, face flushed and skirt pulled up. You me hard into the mattress and I come with a scream while you come with a mantra of my name." Luhan is panting, "Sehun."

Sehun laughs, "I don't see you for a whole week, because, well why should I?"

"But then, one Sunday there's a knock on the door and you have to pause the game you're playing with Yifan. It's me and I've missed my period for a whole two weeks, you tell me to stop fooling around but then realise I'm serious. Eventually both out parents kick us out and we have to fend for ourselves. By the time we're eighteen we have a one year old kid and we live in a beat up apartment down town where the es and drug dealers hang out, I might even end up working with them. You don't get to become a footballer and I kill myself at the age of 21. You take an overdose at the age of 25 and our son, daughter what so ever starts out a very bad life."

Sehun doesn't give Luhan anytime to reply when she slides off him and makes her way to Baekhyun and Jongin.

"What was that all about?" Baekhyun grins, "Luhan wanted to me," her eyes slide over to Jongin momentarily, "but there's never a bad time for story time." Baekhyun shrugs and sashays over to Luhan instead of staying.

"Did you traumatise him with your teenage angst?" Jongin smirks,

"Oh you know, just the joys of teen pregnancy," Sehun's mouth smiles but it doesn't reach her eyes.

"Well, what about us?"

"Hmm?"

"What if right now, I took you out of here and pushed you onto my bed and had you right there and then." Jongin's eyes aren't filled with lust, they're curious.

"Well," Sehun leans closer but not close enough, "It's hard and rough." She pauses, "and meaningless."

Jongin leans back, "Why would it be meaningless?"

"Because. All this is meaningless. A a class reunion four years later? I don't think so."

Jongin looks at her again, long and hard. Just like he did two days ago.

"What about us?"

Sehun sighs, "What about us?"

"Sehun--" Jongin reaches out for her arm but it doesn't go all the way for him to touch it like he used to.

"Jongin." Sehun stops him. "Everything was left unresolved, friends, relationships, I don't know what went wrong. None of us talk to each other? Have you noticed? Even though we still go to the same high school. Look at all the other kids, they're all best friends and rainbows and . There's no point trying."

"We can try. Remember you and me?" Sehun smiles but it goes away quickly, "Just because everyone else is lost and broken. We can still fix us." Jongin is drawing small circles in the palm of Sehun's hand. It feels like home.

Sehun pulls away, "Look Jongin, I'm sorry your happy ending plan didn't work out. You're girlfriend's probably waiting for your call. Goodbye Jongin," 

"How did you-" Jongin looks at his phone, 3 missed calls from Soojung. He sighs and looks up with an apologetic smile but there is no one in front of him.

Sehun sighs, as she pulls down her hood, leaning back into the buses seat. She knows Jongin is staring at her. She knows Luhan is as well.

School reunions were always bad.