“You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.”― Park Chanyeol.  

❦Readability: Grammar/ syntax / spellings (15.5/20)

This is going to be harsh, and I'm so sorry cause I became so in love with your story  ><'

So for the syntax, you made the writing descriptive and was able to make an image in the readers mind so you get a good score for that. Sadly your Grammar/ Spellings should be improved. Even though English is not your first language you could still remember to put on your  apostrophes. And most of your capitlal letters are missing.

So remember to put    '    in Im  so it becomes I'm -  and '  in Dont so it becomes Don't.  Also your Capital   I's  instead of  i . (this has to be remembered in all languages).  So you lost a few scores here, but it could be improved! 

For the spellings, it is hard to find but I did spotted a few. Like when Chanyeol had introduced himself -

"My name is Park Chanyeol," he said as he scooted away from me and breathe in and breathe out while forming white puffs due to the cold air. 

Breathe in and Breathe out, could be  breathed in and breathed out. With the 'd' in the end- Or better you could put this instead.  "as he breathed in and out" to make it more simple cause I had a toungue twister as I read it hehe.

He chuckled and continued, " You even gave me a cute pet name." he said continuing to make me blush. "I also thought we can hit it off, but hearing that you dont like me, I dont think we can," he stuck out his bottom lip and threw in a fake pout, whiling folding his arms and sulked on into the bench.

I highlighted the mistake, maybe you were in a rush or tired but it should be 'while' . But you did not lose score for this since it was just a simple mistake :) There were other spelling mistakes though but that could be fixed :) so no score is lost here, cause everyone does this. 

The main reason you lost a few score was the grammar, some did not make sense. maybe I could fix it for you.

Original : Let me introduce myself. My name is Byun Baekhyun and Im 17 years old , who has never gone out of my hell-ish-like mansion... Really, it was like I had been trapped in it and locked away from the outside world in that damn rottening place... Until I met this one annoying, cute and dorky kid, Park Chanyeol. 

Fixed :  Let me introduce myself. My name is Byun Baekhyun and I'm 17 years old, who have never gone out my hell-like mansion. Really, it's like I've been trapped in there, locked away from the outside world stuck in that rotting damn place- not until I met this one annoying, cute and dorky kid...Park Chanyeol.                     By the way Rottening is not a word ><   

Original : It all started on a rainy day and my dad was out on his way to work, thinking that it was late, he assumed that i would be asleep by now.. but no, it's barely 9 o'clock pm, who the hell sleeps at this hour?! Soon after he left, I made my prayers and thanked God for being kind enough to send him away... I got up from my bed and decided to watch television and came across this ad for tickets at an upcoming rap concert. I wanted to go because it looked intresting, so i went online and bought a ticket.  

Since Im use to being alone and couped up in my room, I dont really have any friends or siblings to come with me, so I went alone...​

Fixed :  It all started on one rainy day and my dad was out on his way to work, thinking that it was late, he assumed that I would be asleep by now... But no, it's barely 9pm- who the hell sleeps at this hour?! Soon after he left, I gave my prayers, thanking God for being kind enough to send him away. I got up from bed and decided to watch some television and came across this ad for tickets for and upcoming rap concert. I wanted to go because it looked interesting. So I went online and bought a ticket. 

Since I'm use to being alone and couped up in my room, I don't really have any friends or siblings to come with. So I went alone..

Original : He just chuckled and grabbed my hands out of my face forcefully and grabbed my chin, picking it up so my eyes could meet his. "I didnt think we would hit it off that fast~" he squealed while showing the excitment in his eyes. He leaned in, and without knowing it, he attached his lips on to mine without hesitation. He dis-attached it quickly and then i saw a blush form on his face. Cute... I thought.​

Fixed : He just chuckled and forced my hands off of my face- then tilted my chin up so my eyes could meet his. "I didn't think we would hit it off that fast~" He squealed showing the excitement in his eyes. He leaned in and attached his lips onto mine without hesitation. Quickly, he broke the kiss realizing what he just did. I watched as a pink shade form on his face. Cute... I thought.

Original : I will never forget you Chanyeol... I thought as i opened the door to my house thinking it will be our last meeting, and seeing my father in his chair, making his legs shake in fear and fingers tapping the wooden arm rester of the chair. He looked at me with the sigh of relief, as i closed the door. 

Fixed : I will never forget you Chanyeol, I thought as I opened the door to my house thinking it will be our last meeting. I turned around to see the sight of my father in his chair, shaking his legs in fear and fingers tapping the wooden arm rest of his chair. He looked at me with a sigh of relief, as I closed the door.

There was a lot more of these mistakes but I didn't put all since there was a lot. Remember when and where to put your comma's, also don't put too much ands in one sentence and lastly don't forget your capital letters and apostrophes.  

❦ Vocabulary (13/15)

Your vocabulary was okay but some words/sentences were repeated quiet a lot.  Like 'Grabbed my hands'  or  'the crook of his neck'   maybe in the new chapters you could change them to 'he took my hands in his/ he snatched my hands/ pulled me by the wrist   and  'smiled beneath his neck / against his warm neck'. I'm not telling you not to use them again, but don't over use them!  So the score is not low, since english is not your first language! But I will give you this link to search for other words like instead of smile there is 'smirk' . Here is the link.  (you could find similar words so it wouldn't have to be repeated).  http://www.wordhippo.com/​ 

❦ Plot: Originality & Entertainment (13.5/15)

There are many plots like this, of how a two people falls in love and something is blocking there way like a father. But I gave you a high score cause I fell in LOVE with this story and it was so fluffy at some parts that I thought Chanyeol was saying them to me and I even started to blush!!! My sister even started to record me cause I had a stupid reaction!  There maybe a lot of plots like this but if someone starts to read this, it's different. So sorry for under-estimating your story.

❦ Believability ( 13 / 15)

Like I said , I even thought that Chanyeol was saying them to me! So high score. Even if this kind of story lines happen mostly in movies It made me believe! and even if Baekhyun was a rich kid who fell for a poor kid (it hardely happens) but It was possible because he was trapped inside his house all the time that he doesn't see cute boys a lot.

❦ Characters (15/15)

How Chanyeols person ality makes Baekhyun fall for him straight away ( I mean I even fell for him after reading). I like how Chanyeol was just straight-forward and was really good with words. Baekhyuns character was good, he wasn't a cocky rich kid, he wasn't because his dad made him like that. And Suho as a father maybe a little suprising for some people but he had a good role in the story.

❦ Flow (3/3)

I read your recent review and they said you were going to fast and rushing but actually it wasn't true. It was just that Baekhyun and Chanyeols relationship went really quickly (cause Chanyeol was so flirty) that it made an effect on the writing making it seem rushed. But, it was not. 

❦ Neatness (3/3)

The paragraphs were neat .. that's all. perfect score.

❦ Total Score ( 86 / 100 )

Reviewers note :  Okay I don't know if I gave you a perfect score because I fell incredebly in love with your story but I was honest through the review!  It was just the writing and grammar, so don't forget about that .

I also realized you have been using a lot of  '.....'  , don't over use them - maybe you should use them in intresting parts (example : It seems as if someone is about to die at this moment.....but who? ) and try to keep the fonts the same size, it's your decision.  Great Job really, you have a new reader here ^.< . 

-Grizzly_Bear