She fiddles with the set of keys in her hand, contemplating whether she should continue with her intention. She breathed in a lung of air before sighing in a low huff. It feels like eternity when she finally inserted one of the key into the hole, it fits perfectly and she turned it almost too slowly. Faint sound of a click can be heard as she managed to unlock the huge wooden door. She grabbed the doorknob; still having the hesitation lingers around her mind. Biting her lower lips with closed eyes, she pushed the door open.

It’s empty, no one’s here; or at least in the living room. She shut the door behind her before staring into spaces; mainly to take in the environment she had just entered. It has been a very long time since last she let her foot to step in here. She shuffled her feet carefully as she does not want to make any noise. It’s already past midnight when she stole a glance at her mobile phone.

It may be deserted here in the living room, but she could sense someone breathing coming from a deeper place inside the apartment. She made her way to the location that she has already known by heart. Her eyes lost focus for a moment before she regains them back. She touched the white-colored door as if she’s trying to trace something that she had lost on it.

Her heart clenched, she’s tired, too worn out by now. She sighed for the umpteenth times. Why does she even need to sigh? She couldn’t afford to find an answer for another question; a question that came before she could even finalizes her deduction on the recent one. She bore at the thick door; mentally creating a hole passing through it. She tugged on her strands of dark-colored locks before reluctantly opened the temporary barrier in front of her.

There; the only cure that she needs at the moment. The one and only that could make her feel better; but worse at the same time. Why does her life need to be this complicated? Why? Another question, another sigh. She took her jacket off before hanging it onto the hanger placed at a corner of the space. She slid herself into the comforter on the bed; it feels familiar all over again. The bed, the softness, the scent, the warmth and that one breathing creature.

She struggled a bit on making her way to the center part of the queen-sized bed; resides by whom she called as a real-life queen. Finally, she reached her destination. She wrapped an arm around the slender waist before burying her face into the person’s glorious hair; though initially she intended to bury it into the back of her neck. She could feel the other stirred a bit at the sudden contact and she tried to turn around to peek at her. But she shooed the girl back onto the pillow; weird enough that she doesn’t let out her deafening shriek.

She snuggled closer to the half-sleeping figure, wrapping her in a tighter embrace. She could feel her muscles loosen, her head is lighter, her breathing is more even and her mind is almost at peace. The warmth radiated to her fast; too fast that she could feel her heart heated up in the process. The other doesn’t even try to retaliate nor did she stiffen. It’s a moment of silent; blanketed with comfort before the girl decided to break it.

“Taeyeon?” It was just an unforced whisper, but it sounds effortlessly beautiful to her ears. She loves the way her name rolled out of the girl’s tongue. She missed them a lot. Taeyeon only hummed as an answer.

“What are you doing here?” The girl slid her fingers in between Taeyeon’s, lightly brushing on them.

“I need my painkiller.” She mumbled into her hair. The girl shifted a bit before replacing her hair to her front; Taeyeon’s warm breath touched her skin almost immediately as there is no more strands of barrier. She unconsciously closed her eyes for a second at the long lost kind of contact.

“Painkiller? You left them here?” The girl tried to play dumb but failed miserably to Taeyeon.

“You know about it better, you pabo.” Taeyeon raised her voice a bit. The girl laughed silently.

“I know. Okay then.” She relaxed back.

“You still smell the same.” Taeyeon commented randomly.

“Your nose is already ruined, Taeyeon.” She doesn’t want to buy that.

“I know. I can tell it by myself.” Taeyeon blurted out again.

“And you still love to be this random.” The girl shifted a bit.

“Can you turn around?” Taeyeon requested her. The girl played with Taeyeon’s fingers a little longer before slowly giving her body a complete 360 degree rotation.

It’s dark, only dimly lit by the moonlight that escaped through the low-opacity curtains. But Taeyeon could figure out every inch of her delicate face. Her brown orbs, her small mouth, her porcelain cheeks, her cute nose and every single details own by the girl. Taeyeon momentarily lost in her never changing awe for the girl’s beauty.

“What’s wrong?” She could tell that the girl has already fully-awaken by now. She fidgeted a little under the girl’s stare.

“I’m stressed.” She avoided from making an eye contact with the girl. The girl caressed her pale cheek and dark black hair; heck, she couldn’t even say no to that.

“Two options; talk to me or go to bed and have some rest.” The girl offered. Taeyeon gathered herself before looking straight into her eyes.

“Talk to you plus...” She trailed off.

“Plus?” The girl’s forehead creased a bit.

“… cuddle up with you.” Taeyeon brought their interlocked hands to her face-level before gently brushing her lips onto the girl’s soft hand.

“Are you sure?” The girl raised her brow.

“If you let me too.” Taeyeon answered timidly and almost too sluggish.

“As you wish.” The girl turned her back to Taeyeon, giving her a light pull; signaling for Taeyeon to come closer to her. Taeyeon found herself back in the initial position.

The girl’s sweet scent, she needs them now. She’s by far too addicted to this girl. She’s like a caffeine or worse; a drug to Taeyeon. Taeyeon couldn’t ever get enough of her. Taeyeon couldn’t ever get over her. She doesn’t even know why and she doesn’t even know when to stop. It hurts too much. But she could only afford to do nothing.

“Take your time.” The girl let Taeyeon to get comfortable with her. She could feel Taeyeon’s warm breath at the crook of her neck, she could feel Taeyeon’s soft skin against her own and she could feel Taeyeon’s heart beatings amplifying hers.

“I… couldn’t concentrate on my work. It’s a mess for me now. I feel like- I’m suffocating so much.” She ended it with a blow through her nose which then tickled the girl. She giggled a bit.

“Is that funny? Why are you giggling?” Taeyeon lifted up her head to look at the latter.

“You tickled me.” She pushed Taeyeon back onto the pillow.

“Oh.” Taeyeon snuggled even closer.

“I know the reason.” She spoke up.

“To what?” Taeyeon mumbled yet again.

 “Your stress, Taeyeon.” The girl playfully pinch Taeyeon’s arm.

“Ouch, it hurts.” Taeyeon whined which caused the girl to burst into laugh.

“I swear to God, you’re still a kid.” The girl said.

“I’m not a kid. I’m already 25 years old. You know that.” Taeyeon pouted a bit that her lips barely touched the girl’s neck. She tensed up.

“Taeyeon.” The girl called her so endearingly.

“Hm?” Taeyeon only replied her with a hum.

“You stressed out because you didn’t do your work out of love. You did them because you treat them as your work, not your interest.”

“Why are you concluding that?” Taeyeon supported her head on her left arm.

“Because I know you. You will get stress on everything unless you love or like or favors them.” She stole a glance at Taeyeon. Their eyes met for a few seconds.

“But I do love drawing and painting.” Taeyeon reasoned out.

“Maybe you need a short break?” The girl suggested.

“Why do I even need a break from the things that I love?” Taeyeon raised an eyebrow.

“No matter how much you love something, you still need to have some breaks from them. You couldn’t say that you have never got fed up of them.” The girl has a long stare into spaces by now.

“I love them, I won’t ever get fed up by them.” Taeyeon said strictly.

“Taeyeon, sometimes you are being too hard-headed.” She sighed.

“I have something called skull in my head, sure it will be that hard.” Taeyeon let out a huff.

“That’s not funny, you silly.” She knocked Taeyeon’s head which produced a thud sound.

“Ouch, you are being too violent now. You little meanie.” Taeyeon rubbed the sore spot on her head.

“You know that I could get more violent than that.” She tried to joke.

“And you sure know me better.” Taeyeon buried her head back, prior to steal the girl’s sweet scent all over again.

They fell into silence. Taeyeon’s last word made the girl to fall into this silence. Taeyeon’s own misery made herself being drawn into this silence; the endless silence.

“Can I stay here tonight?” Taeyeon asked her.

“Sure. No one’s going to chase you out.” The girl brushed her thumb on the back of Taeyeon’s right palm.

“Not even…” Taeyeon’s voice trailed off once again.

“She’s not here, Taeyeon.” The girl cut her short.

Taeyeon exhaled an amount of air; polluted by the scent that she would die for. She closed her eyes, she tightened her embrace. She feels so vulnerable right now. She could only falter in front of this girl, only in front of her.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Taeyeon couldn’t ever understand her own self. Every time she looked at her reflection on the mirror, she will have this kind of question; why does He created her if she’s going to suffer from something that she doesn’t even want in the first place? She grew up in a well-educated family though they don’t have the concrete financials. She receives much love from her family members despite being the eldest among her siblings. She’s grateful for that; heck, she’s far beyond grateful.

Taeyeon was her father’s golden daughter when she was an infant; she basically attached to her father that she inherited his behavior. Her father expected for a son at first but obliged that he was gifted with a cute little daughter. Taeyeon loved to follow him around and did almost everything that her father taught her. But as she grew older, they drifted apart for some unknown reasons. She couldn’t get comfortable around his father like she used to be. Not that she hate her father nor they fought with each other. She just couldn’t figure it out.

Taeyeon is not much like any other girl in her age; acting all girly or smudging their faces with make-ups or even pretending to play dress up. She’s none of that. Taeyeon even dressed up with uni kind of dress up. She's a bit rough and her family told her to change her attitude a few times, but she couldn't change herself that fast.

When she was in her mid-10s, she realized that she likes to see cute and pretty girls. They excite her at certain levels. It scared her at first, but she started to enjoy it as the time passed. Although she realized that she’s abnormal in some ways, she decided to keep it by herself and act along with her circles as to not raise any weird suspicions on her.  She dreamt of a girl instead of a guy and sometimes she’s disgusted by herself but she couldn’t help it.

She always feels like she’s the most complicated human being that He ever created. And every time she did, she’d slump her shoulders and sighed in defeats.

[Flashback.]

“Oh my God. You are bleeding!” She almost bulge her eyes out.

“Huh? What?” The other looked dumbfounded.

“Taeyeon, your ear, it’s bleeding! No! Don’t touch them!” She swatted Taeyeon’s hand away.

“But I don’t feel anything.” Her face wore an expressionless mask.

“Just sit here. I’m going to call the warden.”

“But it’s-“ Taeyeon stares at her fading figure, “nothing.” She mumbled.

It doesn’t even take one minute and a half before she reappeared in front of Taeyeon.

“Here she is. Please take her to the hospital.” The girl pleaded.

“What did you do to your ear?” The warden asked her. She still couldn’t comprehend her own situation.

“I do nothing.” Taeyeon waved her hands defensively.

“Did you pick on your ear?” The warden is still questioning her.

“For God’s sake, just bring her to the hospital already.” The other widens her eyes at the warden.

“According to our policies-“

“Just bring her to the freaking hospital now!” The girl cut her off furiously.

“O- okay.” The warden runs back to grab her car’s key.

---

“Thank you for being such a responsible person.” She bowed slightly before waving the warden off. The warden literally scurried away as soon as she can.

The girl shut the door behind her before making her way to the bed where Taeyeon currently lies on. Letting her bottom to touch the cold floor prior to be at Taeyeon’s eye-level, she trails her hand down Taeyeon’s short hair while looking at her with a sad face.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Taeyeon still looked like a lost kitten.

“I’m so worried about you, Taeyeon.” She sighed.

“I’m just fine. Look, I still can talk to you. I’m not going to die from the bleeding.”

“I don’t care. It’s too sudden.” Her expression hardens.

“Do I still need to sleep here tonight?”

“Of course you do. You MUST.” She intentionally emphasized the last word.

“What are your roommates going to say?”

“They’ll be fine. Don’t mind them. Right, guys?” She asked them.

“Yeah, whatever.” They barely answered her. The girl rolled her eyes.

“I need to stay lying on this side for the whole night. I’m going to have a sore neck by tomorrow.” Taeyeon pouted. The doctor couldn’t give them the exact reason on why Taeyeon suffers from the sudden bleeding. So, she ordered her assistant to clean Taeyeon’s ear and have it patch up. She forbids Taeyeon from undoing it before tomorrow comes.

“And I’m going to be there for you, Taeyeon.” She smiled a small smile. Taeyeon blushed a bit.

“Wait, so are we sharing a bed tonight?” She whispered to the other girl.

“Yeah, basically I’m still damn worry about you. So, I don’t want to lose you from my sight.” She answered more than she should. Taeyeon only plays with the bed sheet. The girl stood up and left Taeyeon staring at her.

“I’m switching off the lights.” The girl shouted, loud enough to be heard throughout the room.

“Okay.” A few small voices came from her roommates answering her.

The girl struggles on her way to get back onto her bed; which has already pre-occupied by Taeyeon.

“You should sleep on the inner side, shoo.” She pushed Taeyeon lightly. Taeyeon abided to her instruction.

“Wake me up if you need anything. Good night, Taeyeon. I love you.” She kissed Taeyeon’s forehead.

“Good night. I love you too.” With that, butterflies escaped from the pit of Taeyeon’s stomach.

[End of flashback.]