| Review for Angel110 || Story: All That I Have (Oneshot; Completed) || By: Brindianajones |

Title: 3/5

From the first glance, it seemed to come off as a bit cliché and sounded like a line from a typical romantic movie but at the same time it was intriguing and it caught my attention, so good job on that ! The title does indeed give you the feeling of angst or anxiety which is great because that somewhat gives an insight to the theme of the story and personally it made me want to read on to find out what it was that "he" had.           

Overall Appearance: 8/10

The poster and background were really great, I liked the fact that the poster had the dark angst theme with the dark grey and black colours being used, it related well to the one-shot. The paragraphing however bothered me a bit, the spacing between paragraphs were not very consistent, sometimes there would be a line between one to two paragraphs and sometimes there wouldn’t. It isn’t a big problem but in my opinion would help the one shot look more organized and lastly the layout of the paragraphs were slightly overwhelming. They looked burdensome to read and I understand why they were lengthy since it is a one shot but other than that I really liked the overall appearance!

Description and foreword: 8/10

The foreword was great I could feel the sincerity and effort that was put into writing the story. I have to say making people subscribe in order to read is a good way of getting subscribers *chuckles*.The description was short and sweet which was a good thing but there was a grammar error and for me personally felt that the description did not really do much for me, the first short stanza about them being high school sweethearts was cute but boring. I would have liked a bit more of a description of what would happen in the story instead but then again the suspense really made me want to read on so good job there!

Plot: 17/20

Despite the storyline being a cliché one you somehow made it work and made it interesting to read. You were really serious and did not stray from the theme of angst by including humour or comedy which I admire. The characters with a sad background did seem cliché but the description of the character and the rest of the storyline made up for it in my opinion. I did like the plot twist you had in the story because honestly I wasn’t expecting Kyuhyun to turn out to be an ex drug addict with an equally sad background as Sungmin.

Language: 17/20

Overall, the vocabulary used was great and the consistent font size was good as it made the overall one-shot organized and appealing .The sentences were a bit too long at times and the paragraphs were slightly too lengthy for my liking. There were some grammatical errors or repetitive sentences/phrases.

E.g 1

“In despair, I tore open the last cabinet door,which was the only one I had not opened yet.”

I felt the last part stating that it was the only one that had not been opened was unessecary because in the sentence when you mention ‘I tore open the last cabinet’ it is implied that it is the last cabinet and you had not opened it prior. Instead you could have written:

“In despair, I tore open the last cabinet door “

E.g 2

“My muscles were stiff,I wanted to move my fee,but nothing moved,Not even a millimeter.’

 I felt like the word millimetre did not suit the sentence it sounded slightly off as it is a measure word and does not exactly work for me used as a noun and also the word feet was not spelled correctly here. Instead you could have written:

“My muscles were stiff, I wanted to move my feet, but it just wouldn’t move.”

E.g 3

“I immediately understood what he was doing and put the towel aside to let Kyuhyun patiently tie the bandage around my arm”

Must be the Grammar Nazi in me but I feel like the appropriate word would have been wrap instead of tie. Instead you could have written:

“I immediately understood what he was doing and put the towel aside to let Kyuhyun patiently wrap the bandage around my arm”

Characterisation: 14/15

Both characters were well developed and both have polar opposite personalities, Sungmin is more introverted whereas Kyuhyun is the more extroverted one. I liked the way you made them so perfect for each other it was adorable! Although the characters were really well developed there was still this mysterious side to them which the readers would slowly uncover paragraph by paragraph, it was great! Oh and last but not least I wanted to comment on Leeteuk’s character in this story, although in the end the interaction between the three of them was fine, I felt that Leeteuk’s character was not really necessary as he only appeared towards the end of the story, I would like to give a word of advice if you wanted to include Leeteuk in the story perhaps a detailed description of his interaction with the two characters would have been better.

Flow: 9/10

I don’t really have anything bad to say about the flow in fact I really liked it, the little flashbacks to Sungmin’s past were a good touch, I enjoyed them it did not follow the mainstream flow of a story which made it more interesting.

Overall enjoyment: 9/10

I thoroughly enjoyed the story and I felt that it was a fresh take on a cliché love story. I liked the plot twist it really changed the ending of the story for me it made me appreciate their love for each other and how much honesty they have in their relationship. I also liked how Sungmin was ready to try and stop the self-harm for Kyuhyun’s sake, it was so sweet!

Grand Total: 85/100

Well in my books 85/100 is a pretty good score and you’re on the right track to being an amazing writer! I don’t usually read cliché sounding stories since it’s not exactly my cup of tea in terms of genre as I tend to like mysterious, interesting stories that make me want to read further and you did that and the cute sweet gestures in the story made it even better to read! I am not a writer myself but I do know how hard it is to take a break from our busy lives to write, let alone coming up with a good storyline, and I can say that your efforts have not been wasted and keep up the work you guys! Oh and sorry for the extremely late review I am a busy bee hehe, hope the review was alright!

Brinda

Don't forget to comment and credit!