1 year later...

"Ailee can you bring me that cd with the updated mix we made yesterday, please. " Jay says as he looks over his shoulder from the corner of the room. 

"Get it yourself I need to figure out the timing on this step pattern you forced on me yesterday."

He grins at me and jumps up to get the cd himself. I turn back to the mirror and continue to work through the steps of the dance we have been working on for 2 weeks. His eyes watch me as I move in time with the rythm in my head. My body sways and I step to the beat letting my body take over my mind. Dancing has been my new salvation. It gives me an outlet for everything I've burried inside. I step back into the wave and feel a body slide into rhythm with mine. My eyes open and I see Jay watching me in the mirror the look in his eyes something I've never seen on his face. He slides his hands to my hips and we move with the routine we have been working on for weeks. I lift my arm and slowly slide my hand down the side of his jaw, our eyes never leaving each other through the mirror. I feel my body heat and my breathing start to speed as we move as one. He leans into my cheek, I can feel his breath on my heated skin and panic.

" I think I have finally mastered that evil creation you came up with." I try to joke as I move out of his reach and try to calm my heart beat. I avert my eyes and move over to the bench at the back of the room. Picking up my water bottle I take a deep drink and dig in my bag for my towel. I need something to do with my hands to keep them from shaking.

He moves over to the system and turns the music down not looking at me. " Yeah, you picked up the steps quickly. I knew you would. It was just a matter of putting your mind and body into the moves." I can tell in his voice that he's not his usual self.

We started working with each other about 2 weeks ago. My manager came to me with a proposal for the end of the year awards show to do a couple dance with the world renowned Jay Park. At first I was not sure I was up to dancing with a man again. After the last one I wasn't sure I could put my heart into it and without the emotion you can't dance to do the performance justice. I decided to do the meet and greet to test the waters, to see if I could get myself together enough to do the show. I can still remember how I felt the first time I saw Jay. He was like a breath of fresh air. His smile seemed a little shy but the look in his eyes showed a man with power under his boyish looks. We talked for a couple of hours about the type of show we would like to put on and he showed me some of the song mixes he had come up with. He had mixed two of our songs, joah and U&I. The mix was amazing and I felt myself moving to the music. His eyes never left me as I listend to the mix. When the song ended he asked if we could do this and I didn't even hesitate in saying yes. I wanted to move to the song he had created out of our separate works. His smile was dazzling as he moved a copy of the song over to me and said he'd see me next week to start our choreography.

Over the next week we worked together every evening to perfect our steps. I had never seen anyone move like he does. His musels under his skin moved on there own like water. I felt myself being shaped into what I needed to be for the performance. He was gentle and calm as he taught me the moves he had come up with and never made me feel less than him when it took me more time to learn the steps. It was comfortable to be around him. He was easy to laugh and joke to keep the mood light and I grew to enjoy our time together more and more.

How had I not seen the underlying tention between us sooner? I guess I had hid the signs inside myself for so long that real feelings for someone where an unrecognizable thing to me. After days of moving with him as one person I finally looked at him with the eyes of a woman. His body was amazing, but it was his heart that made me smile. He was kind and sweet and he never made me feel belittled when I would put in my two cents on moves. He crept into my heart when I didnt think I still had one to feel with. Seeing him sitting over by the sound system shoulders hunched and head down made my heart squeeze in pain and I had the urge to comfort him .... so I did....

"Jay." I barely whispered as I moved towards him slowly.

He never moved from the position he was in as he replied. " Yeah?"

"Please don't be upset." I placed my hand on his shoulder and felt him tense. His head hung lower and he drew in a long deep breath.

" I can't pretend anymore Ailee. I can't come in here everyday and not tell you how much I want you. I know you don't feel for me what I feel for you and thats all right, but I can't pretend not to be upset when you push me away."

My breath caught at his sudden confession. I felt light headed and breathless with so many emotions. Elations that someone felt something for me. Fear that if i went down this road again it would end in the destruction of what was left of my heart. How do you tell someone how you feel when there are so many feelings?

I slide my hand from his shoulder and turned to walk back to put some distance between us. "I'm not asking you to pretend Jay. I'm not sure if this is a good idea. I've been there and done that with someone and it doesn't end well. It's just the emotions of the music that make you feel this way. It's not really me..."

Suddenly my body was spun around and he pulled me into his chest. His eyes ablaze with anger. "I am NOT whoever you are talking about, and I know how i feel." He slide his hands slowly up my back pulling me in closer my head tilting back naturally. " And I know your body reacts to me. I can feel your heart pounding against my chest and your eyes dialate with need at my touch." The anger in his eyes only moment ago soothes into something else. They soften, but loose none of their heat. I feel a bead of sweat roll down my back. His eyes travel down from my eyes to my lips.

My body trembles in his arms. I don't know where I start and he begins. His words seep into my mind and I know he's right. I watch in wonder and his lips slowly move towards mine. "Stop.." I sigh out. Barely audible. He halts in mid-motions his eyes drifting back up to mine. Questions running though them. My body finally comes back into my control and I lay my hand on his chest, our eyes still locked. " I can't do this again Jay."

He moves in slightly, taking away some of the distance I had fought for, our breaths mingle and I shiver again. " You will want this. I will show you how different I am from the others, and when the time comes you will ask for what I can give you."

I gasp in air at his words, and can't resist asking, " What can you give me?"

The Jay I know feels his eyes again with soft laughter and gentleness, " Everything." Releasing me he grabs his bag and walks out the door not looking back.

The breath I didn't know I had been holding rushed out and I sunk to the studio floor. I felt dizzy and light headed. How was I going to get through the next 2 weeks of practice and then do a live performance with him. My mind raced with the words he left me with. Everything. Did I want everything? What exactly is everything? What .... Did he mean it?

I slowly got to my feet and grabed my things to leave the studio. Millions of questions running through my mind. I stepped out of the studio we had been using for practices and walked into the hall not really seeing my surroundings. I walked on autopilot not once hearing my friends voice.

"AILEE!!" Hyolyn yelled into my ear when she caught up with me. " Anyone in there?" She waved her hand back and forth in front of my eyes, bringing back to reality.

"What? Did you need something?" I asked in a daze still not really seeing her.

" Are you ok girl? You look like your about to pass out in the hall way. Come in here with the girls. I'll get you some water." She said as she pulled me into her practice room with the other members of her group.

"Unni!!"  Dasom squealed as I walked into the room.

"Yah!  Where have you been, girl? " Bora said as she came up to meet me at the door.

"Hey take it easy girls I think something is wrong with her. "Ailee Unni, here take a sip of this and sit down for a minute." Hyolyn said as she gently pushed me into the chair by the door. I could feel my self beginning to calm down as I slowly sipped the water and took deep breaths.

"Thank you, I think I might have passed out if you hadn't helped me out back there." I said as I finally started to focus on the people around me. I moved my body to loosen the tension I had been holding. "I'm sorry guys, I'm ok now. How's the new album coming alone." I tried to put on a normal smile as I looked at each of the girls in turn.

Hyolyn shook her head and crossed her arms, " Oh I don't think so. What just happend to you? You came out of that room like you had just seen a ghost or something. Is the dance with Jay going bad. Did you guys fight?" her questions flying out one after the other in her anxiety to find out what was going on.

"It's nothing Hyo. Everything is fine with the routine and we didn't fight... exactly..." I sigh and groan as I run my hands through my hair in defeat.

The girls giggle and move to sit around me on the floor. " Explain why it wasn't a fight exactly." Bora said as she leaned back against her arms looking at me with a look mixed with humor and worry.

"I mean we didn't throw punches at each other or anything so it wasn't a fight, fight."

Soyou through her head back and laughed, " Unni, Jay would never hit you or any other woman for that matter. We all know this, so spit it out already, what's going on?"

I grimace in annoyance and stick my tongue out at the younger girl. " I think Jay wants to move our relationship to more than just dance partners." I close my eyes not able to look at the shock on all their faces. I slide off the chair to the floor between Hyo and Soyou and sigh. " He pretty much showed me how much he wants to change it. What am I suppose to do? How do I let him down and still keep the emotions for the performance?" I reach down and mess with my socks to give my figity hands something to do.

"Wait a minute. So, you don't like him at all? " Soyou asked from my right pulling on my arm to get me to look at her.

"It has nothing to do with liking him or not, Soyou." I said in frustration. " I'm not going to fall into the same hole I fell into last time. I refuse to loose myself to someone like that again. I gave everything I had to Kevin and I will not be that weak again." Standing up I moved away from the group to work of some of my agitation at the mention of his name.

I hated how I still react when he is brought up in conversation. It had taken me this long to school my features enough to have him talked about by others. It all came flooding back, all the emotion I had been burying for the past few months. We had met in almost the same way that Jay and I had. Dancing for a show as newbies together to gain our place in the ranks of other K-pop artist out there. We hit it off instantly. I loved everything about him. He made me feel beautiful. Our relationship moved quickly. We had to keep everything on the downlow. He was just to new and young to be in an open relationship and I thought I understood what that ment. Secret looks at recordings, notes passed by our stylist, and secret meetings at my place. He was my first in every way possible and I thought he ment it when he said we would be together forever.

One morning I got a text from him saying he would meet me at the coffee shop down from my apartment. I agreed to meet him and said I would make dinner at my place for us. I remember the smile on my face as I walked into that shop and saw him sitting waiting for me, except something was different about him. His eyes looked cold. When I took the seat in front of him he cleared his throat and took a sip of his coffee, avoiding my eyes.

"Hey you." I said trying to change the mood. " Why don't we get out of here and head to my place it looks like rain." 

"Listen Ailee I can't do this anymore. We are just not in the same place. I need to be free to live as I want to without someone constricting me. I hope we can be friends, but I dont want to be with you anymore. " He shifted in his seat uncomfortable with the converstion and uncomfortable with me for the first time.

"Stop joking Kevin. This is not funny." I remember thinking this was some kind of bad joke.

Kevin sighed in exaperation, "This isn't a joke Ailee. I'm done with this relationship and I'm done with you. I tried to say it nicely, but it doesn't seem like that will work."

My breath caught and my heart constricted. "Why?" I choked out from suddenly dry lips.

"I just don't love you like you love me. You want more than I can give you." Standing he moved to side of our table and looked down at me. "I can't be what you want me to be." And with that he walked out of the cafe.

I shook my head to bring myself back to the present and stopped pacing and looked over at the girls. "I won't open myself up to that kind of pain again. Jay will be no different than Kevin. Once the emotions from the dance have worn off so will the feelings and I'm not the same girl I was back then."

Hyolyn stood up and walked over to put her arms around me in a tight hug and used her fingers to wipe away the tears, I didn't know I was crying, off my face. " Breath Unni, you don't have to do anything more than this performance with Jay if you don't want to, but you need to think about what you truely want. If you really have no feelings for him then fine, but if you do you need to know that Jay is not Kevin. If you close your heart to all men because of one failure you will never find the love you deserve. As they say it is better to have love and lost than to have never loved at all."

I leaned my head on her shoulder and sighed. " I don't know what I want Hyo. I would be lieing if I said he didn't affect me at all, but I just don't know if I can trust again. I know he is not Kevin, but I fear what he makes me feel."

The other girls jumped up and came over to us and wrapped me in the center of a big group hug. "Just take it one day at a time, girl, Jay would never push you into anything you didn't want. If you tell him you have no interest in him he will never bring it up again." Bora said from somewhere in the cling of arms.

"Yeah, Unni, Just follow your heart and let it heal you." Soyou said as everyone released me.

I walked over and grabbed the gym bag I had dropped when i came in the room and looked back at the girls. " Thanks for everything today girls, but I don't think I'll be letting my heart lead anything for a long time. It gets me into to much trouble. I'll see you guys tomorrow." I walked out the door before they could say anymore and made my way to the parking lot to head home. Never again .... Never.....