“Lets meet again coolly.”

Was the last promise they made before venturing off to become adults. They were always children together. She was loud and noisy, he down to earth yet protective; polar opposites, but condemned to be together. Once in love, but again friends.

“Lets not talk about love again.”

“Yea…lets not do it again. I like us as friends best.”

And they became friends again after 5 months of discomfort. They were and would always be friends who’d journeyed there and back.

It was summer and she guessed they were experiencing a bit of a drought. The sun heated the heart of Korea from day till dawn rarely setting down for night. Hot, humid, and suffocating was what it was like almost as if they could see air waves vividly in mid-air.

“Are you sure about this?” Chen questioned. “I mean, it’s between you and your friends.”

Pausing in her steps ahead she turned around to reach back for his hand, “No. I want to introduce you to them. You’re going to have to get into my circle if we’re going to get married. It’s important to me.”

Pressing his lips together he gripped her hand, “Ok.”

After waiting for the last friend in her high school circle to get her bachelor’s, they were finally getting back together again. Years had gone by without hearing from them and Namjoo was excited. How much they’d each changed and what they were planning to do with the rest of their lives and everything else was what Namjoo wanted to know. She planned to talk with them the entire night; catch up on everything she’d missed.

A boxed window appeared in sight and peeking inside she saw the glow of yellow lights over a long wooden table; her friends loudly chatting inside.

“They’re all here!” Namjoo whispered anxiously and pulled the door open.

They’d always wanted to come into this bar during their adolescent years, but they’d been too young then. Now, everyone was finally of age; true adults.

When Namjoo ran in it felt like the world suddenly stopped spinning. Cheers and welcoming screams echoed in front of her before she ran toward them to hug them. Exclamations about how skinny everyone had gotten was made she quickly turned around to look for her boyfriend, the love of her life. She’d waited for this moment to introduce him to everyone.

“Guys, guys, guys,” Namjoo called out for attention and reached back for Chen. Pulling him closer she broadly and proudly introduced, “This is my fiancé, Chen.”

A wild roar burst throughout the room and Namjoo felt happy tingles tickle her skin. Her heart fluttered as she tightly held onto Chen’s arm, showing off the engagement ring. Everything was just right in place in her world. Namjoo hadn’t felt so happy in so long and she knew she was going to be even happier; however, the loud slam of a door from somewhere put everything to a silent pause.

Confused, everyone turned to look for where the noise had come from.

“Xiumin! Hurry over here!” Someone waved his arm out to gesture for him to hurry along. “You were in the bathroom so long I thought something was wrong.”

As her eyes landed on him she smiled broadly. Xiumin would be the happiest for her, she believed. He always shared her emotions with her. He was her twin soul, her best friend, her childhood mate.

“Guess what?” The friend whispered to him with a nudge. “I was right about her coming back with someone. You owe me fifty bucks.”

However long she smiled Xiumin didn’t return it.

“Chen, this is my best friend, Xiumin,” Namjoo happily introduced. “I grew up with him.”

Xiumin’s face remained smug, but still politely extended his hand to shake Chen’s without word. Namjoo wanted to talk to him as the old pals they were, but he turned away without greeting her.

It was awkward and Namjoo didn’t know how to react. Xiumin never shook her off before. He listened, always.

“Just leave him,” one of her girlfriends whispered to her in comfort. “His grandmother passed away not long ago.”

Perhaps he was angry that she hadn’t made it back for the funeral. They were always supportive of each other. Throughout the whole evening he didn’t turn her way or try to talk with her at all. Xiumin felt cold.

After that Xiumin never initiated talk with her nor did he try to call her up. Namjoo almost found herself waiting daily for it. She wanted fun filled days with Xiumin, take trips back down memory lane, and enjoy the small talks that went for hours on end.

The friend she once knew was what she wanted.

Finally drawn to her end by boredom she grabbed Xiumin’s phone number from a friend and even asked for his address. Not to her surprise, he was living alone now.

His apartment suite was in a very large building, which all but meant that he must have a highly paid job. Just what exactly was his job? She never had the chance to ask.

Five years had gone by without speaking to him and she missed his presence. Was it wrong to want to see him so much; to just be with him? He was her best friend after all. Going to see him without notifying him like this…wouldn’t anger him, would it?

Why she felt worried, she didn’t know. Namjoo was confident Xiumin would welcome her no matter what. He always housed her when she ran from home. There was no chance he’d turn her away.

She knew his heart, she did and she always would.

Ringing his doorbell she waited and heard her heart pick up its pace when the door unlocked. His cool eyes met with hers, but there was no expression in them. His brows didn’t twist up with an eager smile, but he merely stared at her as if she shouldn’t be there. And suddenly Namjoo’s determination felt overpowered by the vibe he was giving her.

“Hi,” Namjoo tried with a smile. “Can I come in?”

Xiumin turned away leaving the door open for her. Unsure of what to do Namjoo looked around before inviting herself in.

Unlike her expectation, his apartment was empty and kind of blank. There were a few homey decorations around, but the blankness of the interiors seemed to make them look bland with the background. Xiumin was always a creative person. The apartment was so different, it didn’t match with him.  

“Your place is kind of empty,” Namjoo commented. “Do your parents come by at all?”

She heard the TV go off and turned away from the nicely supplied kitchen to see Xiumin picking up a light jacket.

“I’m about to leave,” he walked to the door and held it open.

Namjoo turned to look at him, her insides being eaten by his crude behavior.

“Sorry, I should’ve called first huh?” She asked trying to keep her hopes up and walked out.

Xiumin followed her out and closed the door, but when she turned to wait for him so that they could walk out together he wasn’t there anymore. Already three steps away from her he pushed the emergency exit door open and disappeared behind it.

His sudden exit left her feeling empty, amiss, and lost. She felt like an outcast to his world. It wasn’t right. She shouldn’t feel that way. He was her friend and she, his.

“Is he mad at me?” Namjoo asked when she finally got with Chen that week. “It sounds like that, doesn’t it?”

“I’m sure it’s not that,” Chen patted her shoulder. “Maybe he needs time getting used to it again. It’s been a more than just a year, hasn’t it?”

“Is it like that?” Namjoo wondered. “But I’ve known him all my life.”

“Don’t worry about it. Things always turn out well in the end, doesn’t it? Besides, things change; you can’t be what you used to be.”

Namjoo tried to process his words into her head before smiling, “I guess you’re right.”

Being children again was so much different from being adults. That was right. They weren’t young anymore. Going back down memory lane didn’t mean she could replace now with what used to exist.

Five years…was quite some time even if it didn’t sound like much. Having been too busy she hadn’t had the chance to connect with Xiumin at all. Things that may have happened to him were things she wouldn’t be able to understand or know. She was still confident about one thing and that was that they still saw each other as dearest best friends.

After dinner with Chen she tried calling Xiumin, but he didn’t pick up. Instead of heading straight home she stopped by the store to get something before heading over. This time, she thought, she’d need an excuse. Food, Xiumin could never back down in the front of food.

He still opened the door for her when she rang his doorbell.

“Did you eat?” Namjoo asked. “I brought some food.”

Like before, his dim eyes met with hers before he turned to walk away leaving the door open. Trailing in in an upbeat manner she headed into the kitchen, but Xiumin was in the other room. Taking a seat he placed his feet onto the coffee table, leaned back into the couch, and glued his eyes to the TV.

Namjoo stared at him, her earlier hopes a little down. And she wondered why the littlest things he did affected her so much.

“You don’t want to eat?” Namjoo asked.

There was no reply.

Stumped, Namjoo continued to stand where she was.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. They were supposed to be joyously talking, catching up with each other’s day, wanting to hear news of each other. Like they were rooms apart it also felt like they were worlds apart. Xiumin was somewhere she couldn’t see; his heart painted in ice and his job was to ignore her. He was like the cold summer wasn’t supposed to have; she, the sun that rarely showed through winter’s gray clouds; their friendship the rain that wouldn’t cool down summer’s heat.

His ignorance toward her made her feel small and it hurt. As her best friend, shouldn’t he at least be better to her even if he was upset?

“Did you have a bad day?” Namjoo started, trying to uplift herself. “There were a few prank calls from some high schoolers, but I think I dealt with them well. Oh, I never asked; where do you work? You have a really nice place.”

He never replied, but turned the TV off after a minute and got up to slip into his shoes.

“I’m heading out to meet some friends from work for a drink,” he said all this without looking at her and pulled the door open. “Go home.”

He was so eager…to get rid of her. Namjoo’s heart sunk.

Why was he doing this to her?

Xiumin nonetheless stood by the door to wait for her to leave. Giving in, Namjoo started toward him and listened to him close the door behind them. Before he could turn away she quickly grabbed his arm, a little determination pressing for her to ask why he was so cold.

“Are you angry with me?” Namjoo asked. “That I couldn’t come to your grandma’s funeral?”

She watched his head turn, but he never fully glanced back at her.

“Don’t think you’re the center of everything,” was what she heard from him as he pried her hand off his arm and started for the stairs.

The center of…what?

Stunned, she felt the hallway spin around her as if to mock her while his words sunk deeper and deeper into her like fangs into her skin. The deeper it went, the more pain she experienced.

The only time Xiumin had thrown her off was when she ran into the street after him without looking for cars. It hurt then, how his fiery eyes zeroed into hers. All the seething anger about her stupidity punched her in the chest when he screamed at her. After that incident, he was her friend, her play mate, her ears, her sounding board.

It didn’t matter that things didn’t have to go back to the way they were. She just wanted to have her friend back. She wanted Xiumin to talk to, to laugh with, to share her joy with. Was that so hard? To be friends again; to pick up from where they left off? She wasn’t asking for anything from him, but a friendship.

With a life of their own her feet rushed forward and she bounded out the door down the stairs after him. Namjoo caught up to Xiumin in no less than ten seconds, blocking his way.

“Do you hate me or something?” Namjoo questioned. “You suddenly have plans every time I want to see you? Do you really need an excuse to leave every time? Why are you like this to me?! I just miss talking to you, don’t you miss seeing me at all?!”

His very expression didn’t change at all and Namjoo didn’t know if she was more injured or amazed at all. How could he be so mean?

Xiumin’s cold gaze and his straight face ran over her before stepping to the side to continue the rest of the way down. As his footsteps slowly thudded away Namjoo remained standing there stupefied by everything.

Namjoo did the unspeakable that night. The moment she got home she cried like a child on her bed for having been ignored by her friend as if she’d never experienced anything more painful than being ignored.

Early the next morning still tucked in bed Namjoo refused to wake. The ongoing ring of her phone forced her up minutes later and to her surprise she saw Xiumin’s name flashing across the screen.

Sitting up wondering if he was going to apologize for being such an to her she answered.

“Are you doing anything today?”

“I…I’m meeting Chen later, but I have a lot of time before that.” Namjoo rushed her words anxiously.

There was a slight pause before he said, “Don’t go see him. I’ll wait for you at our usual.”

Namjoo opened to talk, but he hung up before giving her the chance.

Why…had he told her not to meet up with her fiancé?

If he wanted to talk, she’d go no matter what. Xiumin would apologize for acting the way he did toward her. They’d be best friends again and she’d feel foolish for crying yesterday, but what mattered was they would be friends.

Their usual was just a park where they’d often gone to play or sleep. Now that it was summer and the heat was beating down on them the park was over populated by small children and adults and bikers. She felt like the cold wouldn’t threaten her to be felt.

Namjoo walked around setting her gaze enviously on the joyful and spotted Xiumin standing under the shade. Smiling, glad that he was really there, she headed his way.

“I thought you might have been lying,” Namjoo said when she saw him, but Xiumin’s expression was pretty much blank and serious.

She almost felt the cold vibes coming from him, but they weren’t as strong.

“What?” She asked.

Uncertainty ate her up. Xiumin didn’t look like he was going to apologize for his behavior. Namjoo thought she knew his heart, but he wasn’t the same anymore. Maybe she really didn’t know him at all, but she couldn’t accept that.

They grew up together…she just had to know him. She still knew him…really well. There hadn’t been any change…no…none at all.

They’d grown up and they were just a little different.

That was all.

“We said we’d meet again on cool terms, didn’t we?” He reminded.

Shortly smiling, she nodded, “Yes, we did.”

“I don’t think I can keep my words.” Xiumin said it straightforwardly in a manner that he knew he would hurt her, but even if he knew he’d do it anyway. There was no mercy.  

Her insides didn’t quite freeze up from his honest words. Instead she felt something else splash inside her heart.

Maybe she was crying already, just in another form.

“Why?” Namjoo didn’t want to feel her insides tear up at his merciless words, but the internal pain was soaring throughout her at an uncontrollable speed.

“Lets just leave it at this.”

Xiumin walked around her, but Namjoo quickened her steps to block his path.

“Did I do something?” Namjoo questioned in a panicked manner. “It was me, right? I’m sorry. I’ll apologize.”

Looking somewhat uncomfortable and flustered he turned away from her pleading gaze.

“What’s wrong?” Namjoo pressed on. “Talk to me. Please.”

A moment of inescapable silence dampened the mood. Suddenly everything in her life was on the line.

“I don’t think you want to hear it.”

“No,” she quickly spoke without thinking about the many possibilities of what the problem might be. “I’ll listen, I promise.”

Namjoo waited, her heart sternly paying attention to the way his eyes might linger over her or to the way his expression might change.

Xiumin’s expression turned soft and mellow almost looking like he was in a strong daze, lost in thought. His eyes settled on the grass like they were the prettiest roses he ever saw, and the more he looked at them the more mesmerized he became. The way his jaw set into a straight line protruded into the air a charisma of intelligence and sincerity.

Namjoo saw before her the little boy she’d grown up with; the down to earth boy who once held her hand with security. But she didn’t understand that he was still that person, just in a different form; a stronger armor and mask on.

That protecting himself was an even greater need than protecting another.   

“I…” he started then paused, all the while without looking at her, “waited for you.”

Namjoo felt her lips slowly set themselves apart.

Another beloved moment of silence eased between them again.

“But you came back with someone else.”

This time she blanked, her mind becoming an empty canvas.

His words were far beyond her expectation and Namjoo didn’t know how to react, just like how he’d ignored her at the reunion. Namjoo thought she knew what was coming. She thought she knew it all; that she knew Xiumin inside and out. She thought she’d be able to react to his every emotion, but she was stupid alright.

She didn’t know anything at all.

Trying to pull on a failed smile she said, “We can still be friends. If you get to know Chen you’ll like him too…”

But the confidence she meant to exude wasn’t there to be felt. Her voice came high, but slowly dropped into a fading tune, like a dying flute.

Finally turning to her he asked, “Do you…want to try to love again?”  

***Have you ever been ignored by your friend before, like they just didn't talk to you for no particular reason at all? I cried in high school cause my friend gave me the cold shoulder and just didn't talk to me for days on end. I got confused and lost and felt unwanted by her and cried to my sister about it otl But I know better now. I know who my real friends are. 

***Anyway, should I end the story here?