[Deccmber 15 2010]

I've been really tired these few days, because of all the pain. Miyoung brought me to see a doctor after realizing i suffered from occasional stomach pains which i said she need not pay attention to. After all, the doctor could find nothing wrong with me and said that i was very healthy. Miyoung frowned and argued a little with the doctor to treat me and give me medicene for whatever sickness i was suffering from. I had to drag her out of the clinic before she killed that doctor.

There was really nothing wrong with my health, in human concepts of course. I knew this had to be warnings from the other world that i was not human and yes, my time was definitely almost up. It was painful seeing Miyoung stree over my health and bring me to several doctors but not one of them could find the cause of my stomach pains. I wish there was a cure for me too Miyoung, i really wish.

After curling up in pain because of my stomach for the third time that day, Miyoung rushed into my room and helped me to sit up.

"What's wrong with you recently? Did you not tell me about any sickness that you had in the past? In that home? Matbe you could have contracted some disease... Oh no, mom and dad can't do anything either. What do we do now?" Miyoung continued to fret over a problem that didn't concern her and it made me sad to see her care so much about me.

"Junghan, you have a letter in the mail for you today. Strange, there's no return address," mom popped her head into my room and passed me a small letter that Miyoung used to receive all the time from who knows which guy. They stoppped coming after she started to eat lunch with me.

"Well, open it," Miyoung stared at me. "Or do you want to read it in private?" she started to stand up and leave but i grabbed her arm.

"Stay, my stomach still hurts," I said and she nodded. Sitting at the edge of my bed, she tore open the letter for me while i searched the drawers for painkillers that a particular doctor had given to me.

"Um Junghan? Maybe you might want to read this yourself, I'll go get the painkillers for you," Miyoung stood up and passed the letter to me. Inside was a small note written in black ink.

10 is all you have left

"Miyoung? Forget about the painkillers, the pain will be gone soon, really."

"You sure about that Junghan?"

"I'm sure."

10 days to end this pain.

But it's also 10 days to end this life with Miyoung.

[20 December 2010]

It's useless keeping track of daily events in this tiny notebook right now. I don't need to pen down these memories, i know i will remember them for life. not only this life, but the other one too. 

Everyone has been getting ready for this holiday. It's called christmas. funny, i think i've heard of it somewhere before, I'm just not sure where. Miyoung's been dragging me along to go shopping with her for "decorations" she says, but ends up going into every clothes shop to buy boots, coats and earmuffs. We got matching pair of earmuffs the other day too. 

[December 23 2010]

Snow started to fall this morning. Miyoung woke me up excitedly at 6am in the morning screaming,"It's smowing! It's really snowing!" Following her out the door, our frontyard was now covered in a sheet of clean white. It was so pretty, it reminded me of someplace i had been before. Oh yeah.

Home.

A freezing cold ice ball suddenly came at me and hit me directly in the face. I wiped off the ice and looked around for the culprit.

"That's for caking me the other day!" Miyoung shouted and hid behind a tree.

"That was weeks ago!" I shouted back while secretly bending down and making my own snowball to get her back.

"The timeframe doesn't matter. What's happened has happened!" she retorted and another of her snowballs hit me on the cheek again.

"It's war right now!"

[December 24 2010] 

Merry Christmas Eve dear diary. You know what day it is right? I woke up today with another massive pain both in my head and stomach, as if reminding me that this was my last day. There was a note scribbled on my present near the foot of my bead.

alas it's your last, merry christmas, your present is your home

Ripping the note apart, I went downstairs for breakfast as per usual. 

"Merry Christmas Eve!" Miyoung suddenly hugged me from behind. I froze for a few seconds before calming my thumping heart down. Junghan, its your last day, don't make it more painful than it will be.

"Uh, yeah" i removed her hands from around my waist and patted her on the back. Immediately frowning, Miyoung left and went to wake Daewon and the kids up.

The day was spent as i would want any of my previous days to be spent. Miyoung would tease me, i would joke with her too. I would play "house" with all the kids. Most of the time, I was the dad, Miyoung was the mom, the kids were well... the kids. Daewon would proclaim himself as the "attractive uncle" because he said he was way too awkward to be the dad.

Christmas Eve dinner was fun too. Mom cooked my favouite pasta with bacon and scissor salad, thanks mom, I'll miss it forever. Everyone said their well wishes for the new year. All in all, it was warm. I felt warmth. I felt so happy with my family, i contemplated going against all the warnings and not returning home.

After watching 2 christmas movies with everyone, i headed to bed, knowing that Miyoung was behind me. As i opened my bedroom door, I sneaked my last peak at Miyoung. It might be my last glimpse at her. Tomorrow morning, it will like be i didn't exist, like i was never here. Suddenly, Miyoung turned around to fcae me.

"See you tomorrow, Junghan," Miyoung said and with a tiny whisper, she confessed, "I love you."

I pushed my bedroom door open, still frustrated after knowing about Miyoung's feelings. Why now? When my time was up in an hour? As i walked towards my study table, i found the last note.

Goodbye.

The pain attacked me like no other. I fell to the ground and screamed. No sound came out. I reached for my bed to help me stand up. Staggering to my study table, I felt like giving up. I wanted to just lie down and wait for the other side to take me away. No, I needed to do something before leaving. Clenching my teeth, i picked up my pencil and started to write.