The Third Quarter of The First Day of The First Month of My First Time in Korea

They have been practicing for an ungodly amount of hours. I brought my iPod, so it’s nice that, although I love MBLAQ and their music, I don’t have to hear “Throw Away” a million times over.

We drove in a car for a few minutes, and it was horribly awkward. I sat in the back, beside Mir. I would just like to say, he moves around a lot. That spasticness is no act in any aspect.

Joon sat in the row ahead, with earbuds in his ear, staring absently out the window. Mir just sort of talked, and though he appeared to have no specific audience, G.O or Seungho would reply. Cheondung continued playing the game on his phone.

That was six hours ago. In the boys’ defense, they have improved tons in the past few hours. When we got here, they threw their stuff down and did stretches. I imagine I would’ve been laughing with them as they joked, if only I understood the language. But, I hear the easiest way to learn a language is to surround yourself in it. That’s how we learn as kids, right? Anyway.

They didn’t know the choreography when we got here. I watched them learn it step by step from their choreographer, who gave me a nod of acknowledgement. Joon seemed to pick it up the fastest, and Mir the slowest. Both of which was expected. At this point I’ve actually learned a good portion of the dance now. They’re preparing for touring, Cheondung had explained during a break. A tour they’re not going on for another year. That’s how long these people train. It’s insanity. I digress.

I’m ashamed to admit that I’m about to fall asleep. But they have speakers, large onexs, that have fuzzy covers, lined up on the floor. In the beginning I was sitting on one, I swear. Then my back started to hurt, so I laid on my stomach on the speakers, but it started to tickle, so I laid on my back. And then I used Cheondung’s jacket as a pillow so I could watch the practice. And now between the vibrating from the speakers and the now familiar sound of their sneakers, my exhaustion is getting to me…

“Yah!” I hear, suddenly, jerking me out of my slumber. I bolt up, gape at Joon, who makes a motion towards the door. “Hyung is here.”

I don't know how long I've been asleep, but as I see the boys numbly walk towards the door, I can see the exhaustion in their hair. Nevertheless, Cheondung, who, it appears, was about to wake me, smiles at me and says, “We’ve got to greet him.”

I nod and stand up, continue walking even though the room is spinning because I got up too fast. And as we stand in a line as Rain enters, there is a split second where I feel like we are friends. Like it is us, the young ones, against him, the teacher. And then we all bow, and I realize those feelings are stupid. Because no way in hell will they ever feel like Iam a part of their family.

I straightened out as they do and make my way back to the speakers as Sunbae sits in a chair at the front with his back to the mirror. He seems to be interrogating them, and they all seem terrified as Sunbae evaluates them. Well, that isn’t an act either.

After a few moments of Seungho talking, Sunbae makes a notion towards the choreographer, who plays "Throw Away." And, again, their dancing begins. Though, it seems the fire that I thought had burned out in their dancing has become reignited, and is brighter than ever before.

Their dancing is enthralling now. When they started, they were awkward and unsure of themselves. When I fell asleep they knew the dance, but were still making small mistakes and just seemed to hate dancing. I don’t know how long I’ve been asleep, but now they feel the song. The words translate in their dancing and every move is perfectly on spot.

Not to mention, Joon’ i sweating in a tank top. And it’s horribly y. Actually, they’re all really y. Even Mir, who is a year my junior.

The song ends, and their poses are perfectly still until Sunbae speaks. And then I realize he’s speaking English. To me.

“What did you say, I’m sorry, I wasn’t listening.” I bow my head slightly in apology. I know I'm supposed to respect this guy, maybe even more than the others because of how much he's helped me, and I know he doesn't have a god complex, that it's just the way the culture is, but that doesn't mean I'm any less weirded out by having to, quite literally, bow to this guy. Doesn't mean I don't hate feeling belittled. Maybe I'm too independent to work in this country...

You're also too stubborn to run away when things get weird, my subconscoius reminds me. Damn, I hate when it's right.

He repeats himself, “What do you think of their dancing?”

“I think their improvement from starting practice is amazing,” I confess. “And I think they’ve perfected the dance.” That's not true. They feel the song, the moves are perfect, but there's something missing. Something MBLAQ-ish. A certain spark, I guess. Though I imagine it'll come back when they've had food, water, and sleep.

He gives me a strange look, before telling the boys something. All of them send me somewhat sympathetic looks, and I wonder if I said something wrong. It’s not like I lied…much, at least.

“Can you do it?” Sunbae asks, stretching out as though it’ll be a long night. Jerk.

“Some of it,” I admit. “But probably not with the music.”

He spreads out an arm, offering me the floor. Fine. I stand stretch as I walk to the center, receiving sympathetic nudges or looks from all the members as they walk to the speakers and spread out among them. Damn, even when exhausted they’re y.

I look at myself in the mirror, think of how different I look in it compared to these boys. I’m a few inches shorter than Mir, and I’m several kg more than G.O, who is the heaviest. For a second I send myself a disgusted look: where does Sunbae think he’s going to get with this thing?

Oh whatever. “Throw Away” begins playing, and I begin the moves. I mess up a few times, but I’ve got most of it, and I keep on beat as much as I can. When I finish, my face is more flushed from embarrassment than anything. I hate that I just butchered this song in front of everyone. Why is Sunbae making me do this?

When I finish, I jerk around and glare at him, screwing custom in this country. I've never sent such a mean look to anything or anyone in my life, and I automatically realize my mistake. Immediately, I drop my eyes, and bite my lip. . He gives me a condescending look that lets me know he knows exactly what’s going on in my head.

Sunbae stands, making a notion for the others to do so as well. I don't think they saw what happened between us. Cheondung sends me a curious look through the mirror, while when I look at Joon, he sends me a thumbs up and a small (adorable) smile, and I know it's for good luck. Double . Sunabe points to the door, telling them to leave, and I can see Mir is a bit hesitant. But Rain makes his way for the door too, along with the choreographer.

“You need to learn how things are around here,” Sunbae says pointedly. And, as my punishment for being disrespectful, I know, he says, “Learn the dance perfectly. Don’t go to sleep until you’ve mastered the song better than Joon, or Cheondung.”

Of course, I have to be better than the best. Story of my life.